by Dave Thomas

Well, “Revenge of the Sith” is finally coming out. And if that’s the most we have to look forward to this month, it’s going to be a sad, sad time.
We’re highly skeptical, but Variety gave the new Star Wars flicker a glowing review. Hollywood Reporter reviews it here. One more from Coming Soon. Here’s the rest of this month’s films below:
MAY 6
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ridley Scott film about the Crusades. Great timing, huh?
WILL IT SUCK?
Main thing to keep in mind here is Ridley Scott, who turned even “Gladiator” into better-than-expected but not quite Best Picture worthy fare. I mean come on people “Traffic” was released that year. The screenwriter has been tapped to do three upcoming huge releases, including “Jurassic Park IV” (yes, there’s going to be a ‘IV’), Scorcese’s “Infernal Affairs” remake, and “Tripoli.” So Hollywood, at least, has confidence in him.
Casting is interesting. In keeping with the law that says that Orlando Bloom must not appear in a modern setting, he has the lead. Jeremy Irons and Liam Neeson should be fun to watch (although I can happily wait to see Liam in “Batman Begins,” instead). And Ed Norton appears in a mask.
Actually, I don’t think this is going to be very good. But it’s going to look great.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The R is going to hurt a bit, but “House of Wax” is R, too, so….
Other problems include the second frame of “Hitchiker’s” this week and the one-two comedy punch of “Monster-in-Law” and “Kicking and Screaming” the following week. It’s gonna be hard to sell the Crusades with those options. Still, it’s a Ridley Scott epic, and even “Black Hawk Down” made over $100mil, and that was in the winter. $104mil.
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HOUSE OF WAX
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Paris Hilton gets whacked. What more do you need to know?
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably. This is from Dark Castle, the Joel Silver/Robert Zemeckis shingle that brought you “Gothika,” “Thirteen Ghosts,” and “Ghost Ship.” Almost all remakes, and not very good ones at that. Also, they bring the mad gore. Now, Elisha Cuthbert’s in this, but, then again, I must remind you of the gore, the suckiness, and the Paris Hilton who, even if she does get waxed (and not in a good way) will still be alive for part of the film. On the other hand, “Gilmore Girls” fans rejoice (or lament if you care about their cred) for Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki’s presence in this mess.
This comes from the twin brother writing team that brought you “Baywatch: Nights,” which is strangely appropriate.
I will say this, however…this is the first Dark Castle trailer that actually looks scary.
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