I just wrote a snarky little listicle for Vice:

To be released by Criterion is the benchmark of excellence. Their 25-year-old catalog includes indispensable work from masters including Cocteau, Renoir, Maysles, Kubrick, Cronenberg, Godard, Kurosawa, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Hitchcock, Sturges, and, of course, Fellini.
It’s an impressive list of talent, which is why you can imagine my surprise when I arrived at the director responsible for film #40 in their catalog. Michael Bay. That’s right, Michael Bay, the dung beetle of cinematic vapidity, best known for his unparalleled skill at rolling oversized balls of shit into our nation’s cineplexes. If you’re not familiar with his work–is this possible?–Bay is responsible for Bad Boys I & II, Pearl Harbor, and Transformers, not to mention the career of Megan Fox. (She hates him too). Currently, Bay is remaking The Birds, which I’m assuming will be re-imagined to include a bikini-clad Maxim covergirl who blows away blood-sucking zombie pigeons with a grenade launcher.

Check out the list here.

Brooklyn Bowl continues its mating dance with my heart by slowly turning its steel exterior warm with its great shows and now, free bowling. For the month of November, y’all can bowl for free every weekday but Friday from 6-7pm. Free shoes too!
Das Racist is playing tonight with The Tony Castles, also free, which is awesome but leads me to believe that this place is operating entirely on revenue gained from those $13 shakes.

Time Warner Cable’s “high speed” internet is maxed to the apple core in my part of Williamsburg. They tell me this is a node problem, meaning too many of you are up in TWC’s grills downloading jams. If you’re having a problem, and have been for some time, email me and lets figure something out.
Update: I’ve heard from a few readers and it appears the problem seems to be centered off the Lorimer stop, running along Metropolitan. If you’re nearby, and have similar problems, please reach out. Power in numbers, my friends.

Old Made, our favorite little vintage store on Metropolitan Ave., is hosting two great events tonight and tomorrow.
Details here for TONGIHT
And here for the Dance Party TOMORROW
Coupons and mix tapes!

The first night of CMJ, enjoying happy hour drinks at Music Hall of Wburg, I wondered why I was there so early. Spending an entire day bouncing around the Lower East Side, namely at The Music Slut & Sneak Attack Media’s Pianos showcase, I needed a break from first day insanity (read: free Hornitos frozen margaritas). So in the quiet cavern below the stage, I waited for my (lack of a better word) date, and fellow music writer. After realizing I had caught Fanfarlo earlier that day, and have seen The Antlers a number of times, we ditched the Brooklyn Vegan party before anybody even got there (with semi-false intentions of returning) and mosied down to MonkeyTown for the unofficial Chocolate Bobka and Underwater Peoples showcase.
It stands to be my favorite show of CMJ– and if you were following our twitter last week, you know we saw a lot of them. Fluffy Lumbers killing a solo set, Julian Lynch via video chat, the NYC premiere of seriously experimental and enchanting Africa Germany Germany…, and lovely ladies of Mountain Man, who filled in for Ducktails, closing out with a serenade of hauntingly raw echoes. Thank goodness Ray Concepcion was there to catch the magic, and major thanks for not including footage of me scarfing down a burger– bc I know he has it:

We’re pretty excited about this party. A great line-up and all the proceeds will benefit a good cause:

Flavorpill’s Halloween party is this week!
The theme this year is “Gods and Heroes,” and all proceeds benefit charity: water. We’ll have The Very Best headlining and our sponsors, Stoli, Dos Equis, and HobNob Wines, will provide an open bar all night.
The Very Best
Bajah
The Dry Eye Crew
DJ Stretch Armstrong
Subswara
It’s at a secret Brooklyn location (accessible by many trains) and we’ll e-mail you the night of to reveal it.
Don’t miss out – tickets are $35 and selling fast.
Check it out at: flavorpill.com/halloween.

“With one hand, they pour your drinks. With the other, they carry a bat.” So begins this thrilling piece at the Brooklyn Paper that looks at what weapons Brooklyn bartenders keep behind the bar.
We learn 4th Avenue Pub in Park Slope stocks a wooden bat, the East River Bar by the foot of the W’burg bridge keeps pepper spray at arm’s length, and Duff’s just relies on their patrons to get their back with the weaponry on the walls.

‚”There are tons of weapons all over the place,” she said, a mace, a sword and other objets de guerre within reach. ‚”They are more for show, but they’re accessible to us. Big swords and stuff like that.”

Bartenders: look into the gun theme and hang a few shotguns on the walls. Y’know, “for show.”
[photo c/o The Brooklyn Paper / Ben Muessig]

Yes, The xx are all the rage right now. Yes, the album is awesome. Yes, they kinda make you wanna take a nap while you’re watching them on stage- don’t we all wish their live sets evoked the kind of dancing shown in the video for Florence and the Machine’s (covered/remixed by The xx) “You’ve Got the Love”?
via GvB:

If you read this site, you remember this guy. Now, he’s got a sidekick, Blizzard the Bunny, who gives butterfly kisses instead of lap dances. From our mailbag

Club Animals will be debuting a new animal character and performance tonight
on the Union Square L subway platform from 9p-10p.
Meet Blizzard the Bunny. She gives Bunny Butterfly Kisses.
More info and pictures here:
http://clubanimalsnyc.blogspot.com/2009/10/butterfly.html
*Details:*
Wednesday, October 28th
On the Union Square L subway Platform
Free Bouncy Rides from 8p-9p
Bunny Butterfly Kisses from 9p-10p
I’ll keep you posted on her progress and other characters that will be coming soon from Club Animals.

No word if she gives lap dances or delivers crack.

I’m in a great new anthology called Cassette from My Ex that hit the shelves on Tuesday. Here’s the scoop:

Cassette from My Ex: Stories and Soundtracks of Lost Loves shares sixty hilarious, nostalgic and heartbreaking stories stories all about crushes and mixtapes. CFME compiles stories from some amazing writers and musicians: author Rick Moody, The Magnetic Fields’ Claudia Gonson, This American LIfe’s Starlee Kine, The New Yorker’s Ben Greenman, Blender Magazine’s Joe Levy, Improv Everywhere’s Charlie Todd, Mortified’s David Nadelberg—even a new story from the godfather of the genre, Rob Sheffied. We put a ton of love into the design, too, with 224 full-color pages designed by noted cassetteophile Lissi Erwin, with cover illustrations by the excellent Hope Gangloff.

You can order Cassette from My Ex here.
There will be a release party at Housing Works in NY tonight, so come on out if you can. (Much more interesting than yelling at a TV screen while men hit balls with bats). Here’s the info:
Cassette From My Ex Book Launch and Mixtape Variety Show
Celebrating the release of Cassette From My Ex: Stories and Soundtracks of Lost Loves, editor Jason Bitner presents along with contributors Claudia Gonson (The Magnetic Fields), Joe Levy (Maxim Magazine), and Michael Hearst (One Ring Zero).  Our expert panel will shed light on the power of mixtapes and share their own tales of tapes given and received, crushes turned to heartaches.  And special bonus!  Illustrator Arthur Jones presents his hilarious loss-of-virginity tale as a Post-It Note Story.