This video is the perfect blend of Jack Smith and my new desktop photo.

Here’s a portion of a casting call looking for extras in a new show called I Just Want My Pants Bank. Well done, MTV.

If you are not sure if you can portray a hipster, answer these questions:

Do you own skinny jeans, old school chucks, cabbie hat, the 70′s vest, an ironic t shirt or hat, a fitted sweater, flannel shirt, or chunky lens-less glasses? Do you drink PBR, have an ironic mustache, have a blog that allows you to post pictures you took with your digital camera? Been called a hipster? Deny being a hipster, but own various wardrobe and sport an asymetrical hair style that is considered Non-Mainstream? Smoke Parliaments? Got any cool tattoos? Perhaps one of a star, maybe on your wrist or elbow? Own a vintage dress or have an awesome beard?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could be starring in the pilot which shoots next week. Again, the name of that show is I Just Want My Pants Back. Really!?

We’ve been enjoying their new video, “Foxy Moxy,” and now you can check them out tomorrow at Mercury Lounge.

7:30 :: THE NAKED HEROES
8:30 :: HACIENDA

MERCURY LOUNGE
SATURDAY AUGUST 21
7:30 :: $10
217 East Houston Street, NYC

When you think of the Flatiron District, its wholesale shopping, its long surpassed skyscrapers still reaching heavenward, rarely would you have had occasion to consider the morality of homosexual dolphins, the predatory instincts of bears, or to ponder the reproductive imperative of ants. But thanks to the Museum of Sex‘s latest exhibit “Sex Life of Animals” you may find yourself doing just that.

It begins innocently enough: slightly flirtatious manner, revealing clothing, subtle innuendo. In 15 minutes though we are in an orgy in Death Valley, fondling naked Realdolls, watching Looners erotically busting balloons, Gainers suggestively eat cake, engrossed in Robot reproduction, we are watching Pam and Tommy do, what we imagine Pam and Tommy do, in just another 5 minutes we are lost, like foreign tourists, asking directions on our own sexual road-map.

Our minds think back to simpler times. I was 16, she was 18, it was a cool summer’s night, we were in love. Flickering candlelight cast long foreboding shadows against the back wall as we undressed. Cruelly, ridiculously, she played Madonna’s greatest hits as we lay together, forever coupling my first time with “Like a Virgin.”

Such innocence has no place here, not the Museum of Sex, not in modern New York, when the Puritans set sail from Plymouth covered head-to-toe in frilly knickers, wide-brimmed hats and God’s honest truth, one imagines that this compendium of kink is exactly what they were fleeing.

Laid out across three floors, the MOS covers everything we wanted to know about sex but never knew to ask, Jungle Quest anyone? Film, photography, art, politics, disease, contraception, it flicks between erotic ‘how-to’s’ to parental ‘don’t-do’s’.

Ever wanted to be wrapped like a thanksgiving Turkey, apple in mouth, legs bound to your body, then stuffed in a mock oven? Maybe Cannibal play is for you. Ever wanted to dress up like a frontier pioneer and ride your mate like a Blackpool pony? Ponyplay, I’m just saying. Ever wanted to dress head-to-toe in latex like a living doll? Ok now that’s just strange. Ever wanted to dress up in leather gimp gear and have mock-doctors inject an obscene, leg-crossing quantity of fluid directly into your scrotum? Medical play is just a google away.

[Some images after the jump are mildly NSFW]

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Last night Phosphorescent stopped by Coco66 in Greenpoint, Brooklyn to play a benefit for http://826nyc.org. It was a much more intimate affair than their last New York City outing at Pier 54 a few weeks ago. Being 2 band members short, Team Houck launched into an hour+ long set of improvised versions consisting of classics, covers and newer material alike. Improvised or not, the show portrayed the same artistic excellence that marks this band’s every step. Below is footage of the opening song “You can make me feel bad” and “Little pt.1”, which according to Matthew Houck, he hadn’t played in about 8 years.

Have a good night, e’rybody:

I’ve been on a slowed down tip lately. First this, then the Biebz, and now the Games introduction show at Glasslands tonight.

For the first time on stage, Games will be dishing out, well, we’re not sure what– but if the Heaven Can Wait mixtapes are any indication it’ll be smooth, sultry lo-fi at it’s best.

Celebrate the 7″ release of Everything Is Working, with Games, Gatekeeper, D’eon, and Blissed Out tonight starting at 8:30pm. $8 at the door.

Oh and, DJ Keyshia Cole (aka Fat Keyshia) is actually McGregor of Chocolate Bobka fame “spinning nonsense between sets.”

Until now, we’ve tried our best to avoid this little 12-year-old lesbian. Ever since we were ambushed by that “Baby, Baby, Baby, Uhhh” song one night at The Woods and it wouldn’t leave our heads for well, about 6 months, that was the end of our tolerance.

But since Twitter just won’t shut up about him ever these last two days, and with the announcement of Kanye working with every teen mom’s dreamboat and adding Raekwon in the mix (really!?), we finally surrendered to the absolute serenity that is Justin Bieber’s “U Smile” slowed down 800%– it’s worth mentioning that the simple fact Y-O-U isn’t spelled out gives us enough ammunition to hate.

So without further ado, here’s the soundtrack to your next 35 minute nap.

J. BIEBZ – U SMILE 800% SLOWER by Shamantis

Recently Christian Lorentzen, a writer for The Observer, sat down for dinner with Tao Lin and decided to write a profile on him, using Lin’s annoying unique writing style. Tao Lin ordered the scallops.

The Observer was sitting at his desk. It was Friday at 1:03 p.m. His Gmail was open, and the inbox showed a new message from Tao Lin. The subject of the message was “just confirming, 630pm five leaves.”

The Observer replied, “Yes, and the assignment is fully confirmed. The profile of you will run in the Observer issue of August 18.”

Tao Lin replied, “Sweet. Thank you.”

A few minutes later, The Observer decided to write his profile of Tao Lin in Tao Lin’s style. An editor came up to The Observer‘s desk to check on his work. The Observer told him there was no problem with his work. The editor seemed relieved.

Read the rest here.

c/o Alexandra Valenti

The September 7th show is so secret, we don’t even know where it is yet. But here’s what we do know:

1. The Black Angels are awesome and announced a tour with Black Mountain in the fall which you can pre order tickets for until Saturday with the code “black”.

2. The band also just launched an official pre-order of Phosphene Dream on their website, which includes a Deluxe Edition that comes with a signed lithograph poster and a Black Angels hoodie, the instant download of “Bad Vibrations” and “Telephone”, and to be delivered on streetdate, the full digital album in high quality, the CD and 180 gram double vinyl.

3. The secret show will be somewhere downtown, but not at a venue. There will be free drinks, and a full set from the band. Which means we’ll be there, and we’ll be drunk, doing our best impression of a Beatles fan.

4. Obviously, we have a pair of tickets for one lucky reader– just comment below about where you think the show may be and why you deserve to be there and those tickets might be yours, along with a nifty Black Angels poster.