April 2005 Movie Preview

by Dave Thomas

After three months of some of the worst major releases Hollywood has ever had to offer (only four major releases have received a “fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes so far this year), we finally have something to rejoice about. The month begins and ends with two of the most widely anticipated adaptations in recent memory. And there’s some good stuff in between, too (though most of that’s coming from the indies).
April 1
SIN CITY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It’s “Sin City.” Either you know, or you don’t. But in an effort to be an equal opportunity geek, I’ll tell you that this is an anthology based on the popular, gritty Frank Miller comic.
Now, just wait until “Sim City” comes out next month. That’s gonna be a motherfucker!
WILL IT SUCK?
How can I put this delicately? This is the fan-boy spooge-fest of the year. And not just because of Jessica Alba in a stripper/cowgirl outfit. Though that helps. No, the geeks have been waiting for this for years and to have Frank Miller not only sign off on it but co-direct it (in a move which cost co-director Robert Rodriguez his DGA membership) is the ultimate endorsement.

Plus you have the amazing visuals, exhibited in one of the most addictive trailers in recent memory. Rodriguez isn’t fucking around. He’s clearly committed to the look of the graphic novel and the story arcs as well. Not so much with the happy endings here.
Frank Miller writing makes me a little nervous. He did pen the “Robocop” sequels, after all. But here he’s working from his own material and Rodriguez has the screenplay credit (although I’m more impressed with Rodriguez as a director than a screenwriter), so there’s hope.
Bottom line, if all goes well I think this could redefine the comic book movie once and for all. The early reviews, mostly from geeks, seem to bear me out.
Oh, and I haven’t even started with the cast or Tarantino’s guest directing slot. But to name a few…
Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Michael Clarke Duncan, Carla Gugino, Michael Madsen, Clive Fucking Owen, Mickey Rourke, Nick Stahl, Rutger Hauer
Damn.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Virtually no direct competition. “Beauty Shop” has a head start, but will be playing to a completely different crowd. The only thing playing against this is the R-rating and the decidedly downbeat endings. That just means a hundred mil instead of two hundred. $110mil.
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LOOK AT ME
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Daughter has famous Dad who hardly pays attention to her. Body issues ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hardly. This won the screenplay award at Cannes. Gotten a lot of other accolades as well. Trailer is funny as hell, which is impressive seeing as the one-liners are being delivered in another language. Critcs are taken.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s got some higher profile indies to contend with from the week before, including “Ballad of Jack and Rose” and “D.E.B.S.” This week shouldn’t be too much trouble. But the following week “Kung Fu Hustle” opens and dominates the indie scene. $4mil.
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DUST TO GLORY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Documentary about a race. Think “Hidalgo” but with dune buggies and dirt bikes instead of horses.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are positive. Trailer looks thrilling as hell. 1000 miles across the Baja desert with Mario Andretti, Steve McQueen’s son, and others. In a rocket-powered, monkey-navigated…okay, it’s not that exciting, but it’s pretty cool. Also, this is from the director behind “Step Into Liquid,” so you know he knows his extreme sports.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As before, the week prior and the week after could be an issue, but this is the only home-grown indie entertainment this week. Like “Step Into Liquid” before it, this will probably do better on DVD. $4mil.
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CONTROL (or by it’s cooler Hungarian spelling) KONTROLL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Did you know that Budapest has a huge subway system? Wouldn’t it be cool to set a movie there? You should get on that. Oh, too late.
WILL IT SUCK?
Huge accolades so far. Critics love it. Audiences love it. Film festivals really love it. Apparently a little bit of comedy, a little bit of horror (a serial killer’s m.o. involves pushing at, um, inopportune moments), and a whole lotta atmosphere.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The problem is buzz. This is the sort of film that could generate a crapload, given the right marketing. But “Oldboy” the week before and “Hustle” the week after already have far more buzz than this. That could hurt when it counts. $400,000.
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April 8
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SAHARA
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Matthew McConaughey and Steve Zahn search for buried treasure in the Sahara. And by buried treasure, I mean toxins that are wiping out the ecosystem. Based on the novel by Clive Cussler.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. That’s not surprising given the pedigree. Clive is apparently none too happy with the adaptation. One wonders if he’s a little gunshy given that this is the first adaptation of one of his novels in 25 years. (The first was “Raise the Titanic” in ’80). McConaughey doesn’t guarantee suck, but he doesn’t deliver a surefire hit, either. And Zahn, God bless him, has graced many films that squandered his talent. Ditto Delroy Lindo and William H. Macy, who also make appearances.
The director is son of the beloved Disney CEO-for-a-few-more-months Michael Eisner, Breck. So everyone wants him to fail. He does this with the same writing team for whom he helmed the straight-to-cable “Thoughtcrimes,” which wasn’t exactly good, but was kind of neat anyway. There are two other writers attached, and one wonders just how many writers it takes to adapt a Cussler novel, and why one of them is the guy who did “Lara Croft: Cradle of Life,” and then we get back to why Clive might be pissed.
By the way, did you know that the name of the main character, Dirk Pitt, on whom a potential franchise from this film might be based, is a registered trademark? I’d put in the little “r” but I don’t know where to find it on my computer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has got issues. Second-week buzz from “Sin City” will come into play. Next to that, this film will look like a pussy. Plus, if you put a weak actioner against a strong romantic comedy, the romantic comedy will win. Even the second frame of “Hitch” was able to put down “Constantine,” which is arguably stronger than “Sahara.” And the romantic comedy in question, “Fever Pitch,” even rhymes with “Hitch.” Not good times. $14mil.
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FEVER PITCH
WHAT’S THE SECOND HALF OF THE TITLE?
Girl (Drew Barrymore) falls for guy (Jimmy Fallon) who has a thing for the Red Sox. And yes, they did change the ending of this last fall.
WILL IT SUCK?
Don’t let anyone fool you. The Brothers Farrelly are good filmmakers. Here, though, they take a time out from screenwriting and let the near-vaudevillian schtick of Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandell (recently redeemed by “Robots”) take the lead. But the real star here is Nick Hornby, who hasn’t had a bad adaptation yet (“High Fidelity,” “About a Boy,” the original “Fever Pitch”).
In spite of “Taxi,” I kind of like Jimmy Fallon. And Barrymore is romcom gold, so, this should work.
Oh, and keep an eye out for Ione Skye. Remember her?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s actually very well positioned. They can kick “Sahara’s” ass. “Amityville” won’t be a scream the following week, even with vaguely similar demographics. “Beauty Shop” might be a little bit of a pinch, but Barrymore is more of a proven b.o. draw than Latifah, who will already be in her second frame. The least amount of money a Barrymore romcom (unless you count “Poison Ivy,” which I thought was fucking hilarious) has ever pulled in is $55mil, and that was for “Never Been Kissed,” for crying out loud. $119mil.
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EROS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It’s porn, but it’s classy so you can watch it. An anthology of erotic tales from Soderbergh, Wong Kar Wai, and Michaelangelo Antonioni (and just a touch of Almodovar).
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is kind of lukewarm, which is surprising given the raw talent involved. But if you wanna see Robert Downey, Jr. and Gong Li get it on (not with each other), hellzapoppin’!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
“Kung Fu Hustle” is gonna hand it it’s ass. But the Soderbergh faithful will show up, as will the smaller number of Wong Kar Wai fanatics. I’m not sure anyone remembers who Antonioni is anymore. Which is kind of the point. The film is said to be Kar Wai and Soderbergh’s homage to him. $3mil.
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WINTER SOLSTICE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Family drama with Anthony LaPaglia as a dad who knows exactly where his kids are. On the lawn, where he left them when he kicked them out of the house.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, though scant, is good. Strong cast. LaPaglia, Allison Janney, Ron Livingston. And the boys playing the sons couldn’t look more alike – Aaron Stanford and Mark Webber.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There’s nothing here that really jumps out and says “see me!” It has, arguably, a better known cast than any other indie this week, but no strong selling points, unless the raves really start rolling in. $5mil.
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KUNG FU HUSTLE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Hard to explain. Suffice it to say, period pic with some really cool, over-the-top, kung fu and musical numbers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. It was nominated for (but didn’t win) virtually every Hong Kong Film award known to man. It has huge critical and audience support. It’s from Stephen Chow, acclaimed director of “Shaolin Soccer,” and is considered (on the IMDB anyway) to be his best effort yet.
A kung-fu filmmaker I know sent out an e-mail to his mailing list for the sole reason of endorsing this picture.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nothing as big this week. Next week comes Todd Solondz’ latest effort, but it shouldn’t be too much competition. Here’s hoping Sony Pictures Classics can handle this better than Miramax did Chow’s previous effort. This is the second director they’ve poached from the Weinsteins. Zhang Yimou jumped ship after “Hero” was delayed for two years and released “House of Flying Daggers” with Sony Pictures Classics instead. $8mil.
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SMILE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Girl goes to a new country to help out other kids with cleft palates. Learns more about herself, yadda, yadda, yadda…
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Little is known about the writer/director. The premise, and trailer, seem kinda cheesy, but could be good. The presence of Sean Astin as a mentor is more curious than alluring.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s really not going to be able to handle the competition. $2mil.
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BOMB THE SYSTEM
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
More Mark Webber! (Yeah, I’m not entirely sure who that is, either). This one’s about a graffiti artist who declares war on the NYPD.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. Good reviews. Neat premise, minus the slight “Gleaming the Cube” w/ graffiti vibe.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Needs a bigger marketing push than it’s currently getting from Palm pictures, who have yet to really push last month’s “Gunner Palace,” which should be one of the biggest indie stories right now, but isn’t. That doesn’t bode well for this, which could otherwise make a killing given the dearth of films about, well, graffiti. $250,000.
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April 15
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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remake of that movie about that house that makes people go cuckoo.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, if it’s as good as the last one, then, yes, it will suck. Quite horribly. The original story (and by story, I mean purported hoax) is actually very creepy. And if they stick to that, it could make for an unsettling film. On the other hand, this is from the same screenwriter who rewrote “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” two years ago. Did you like that?
One bright note. This could be a career jumpstart for Ryan Reynolds, who gets to show if he has acting chops playing the guy who something something. Goes crazy? Don’t mind if he does!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has the advantage of no genre competition in sight (and no other wide releases when it opens). And a little bit of a following for Reynolds. But I don’t think this quite has the cache of “Massacre” (or the hot teen cast) so it might have trouble finding the same audience. We’re still talking fairly mad bones here. $53mil.
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HOUSE OF D
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
David Duchovny writes, directs, and stars in this flick in which his character flashes back to his past, including Tea Leoni playing his mom (weeeird) and Robin Williams as his mentally handicapped friend.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it’s not getting the “auspicious debut” treatment from critics or audiences, but it’s not overly reviled either. Duchovny has a good track record writing and directing a couple of decent “X-Files” episodes, but the trailer leaves plenty of room for cheese. But, hey, Erykah Badu has a major role – that’s kinda neat, huh?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I wouldn’t want to open against Todd Solondz, but other than that, the indie coast is clear. $3mil.
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ROCK SCHOOL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Documentary about a guy who runs a rock school. Not to be confused with “School of Rock,” except that it’s kind of the inspiration for it.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, though watching the trailer it’s a little creepy to see a real life version of Black actually yelling at little kids.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Newmarket can play up the “School of Rock” connection (and good reviews) quite well. $2mil.
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STATE PROPERTY II
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Philly crime drama. Continues the saga begun in “State Property,” which no one’s ever heard of yet still made $2mil at the box office.
WILL IT SUCK?
Interesting note. One of the main characters is named “Beans” and he’s an imprisoned crime lord being played by Beanie Sigel an actual imprisoned Philly criminal/rapper who shot his scenes before going to jail (he’s dropping a new album while in the joint, btw). But the even more sensational aspect is that this is the final (and only) film appearance of ODB.
The first “State Property,” got a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I’m not holding out much hope for this one.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Lion’s Gate scored an out-of-nowhere hit with “Diary of a Mad Black Woman,” earlier this year and may do the same again here. The first one made a bundle completely under the radar. This one’s getting MTV ink. $10mil.
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PALINDROMES
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Abortion and the same character played by multiple actors. More gentle comedy from Todd Solondz.
WILL IT SUCK?
It’s Solondz. So it’s going to be different than anything you’ve ever seen before. Also, pretty harsh. He’s like a suburban Neil LaBute (well, pre-”Nurse Betty,” anyway). Early buzz is mixed to not-so-good. Actually, audiences seem to like it better than critics, which is rare for a Solondz film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In the indie world, this will be the 400lb gorilla. Better reviews would help, however. Should do at least as well as his debut, to date his most successful film. $5mil.
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THE YEAR OF THE YAO
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Doc about Yao Ming. Voiced by his interpreter, but how cool would it be if it were voiced by Robert Evans? “Am I tall?” “Yes” “Am I Chinese?” “Almost definitely!” “Did I come to America?” “Sure” “Did I love her?” “Maybe.” “Would I do it again?” “In a heartbeat.” “Do I like chili?” “Who knows?” “What’s the capital of Albania?” “I’m not sure, but I’m going to find out for you.”
WILL IT SUCK?
How could it? It stars Shaq. After “Kazaam,” “Steel,” and “Blue Chips,” how could he go wrong? Early buzz is along the lines of “entertaining but not terribly deep.” So if you like the Yao, queue up.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It faces some stiff competition and this is the sort of thing that sports fans tend to just rent on DVD or watch on ESPN. $300,000.
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April 22
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A LOT LIKE LOVE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“When Ashton met Amanda”
WILL IT SUCK?
It’s an Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy. I bet you thought you’d have to go a month without one, but you were wrong. The one ray of hope here is the director, Nigel Cole, who helmed the outstanding “Calendar Girls.” Of course, this isn’t written by the same bloke, so…
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There’s not much romcompetition, but the Ashton set may be sated with surprise hit “Guess Who,” (and how much of that was Ashton and how much of that was Bernie is still up for debate). If it wasn’t Ashton, I’m thinking Amanda Peet doesn’t have the draw of Mac. $16mil.
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THE INTERPRETER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Nicole Kidman’s an interpreter at the UN who overhears an assassination plot. The rest of the movie is given away in the trailer.
WILL IT TRADE FOOD FOR OIL (Y’KNOW, UNSCRUPULOUSLY)?
Well, it’s got some talent. Sydney Pollack directs, though his political intrigue lately has been less “Three Days of the Condor” and more “The Firm.” Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn are very talented, but, um…actually, that’s all, they’re a plus here. The real hope is Scott Frank and Steve Zaillian, two extremely strong screenwriters, coming together to battle the less extremely good three other writers on the project. The trailer does not suggest that anyone this talented is working on the project.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The timing is a little off. So is the rating. I’m not saying that a political thriller has to be an R, but it feels a little weird for it to be a PG-13. Though Hitchcock would have made them all PG, so what do I know? This also feels like more of a fall release, as opposed to the week before summer. Again, that might work to its advantage. Most of these factors will just end up canceling each other out, producing a middling performance, given the budget. $75mil.
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KING’S RANSOM
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Ruthless Black People”
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, Anthony Anderson, who plays the lead, is very funny, but has an annoying habit of showing up in some very unfunny movies. Ditto supporting actor Jay Mohr. Donald Faison has a better track record, but he’s only really been in “Clueless.” Regina King’s fun, too. What’s less inspiring is that this seems like a rehash of “Ruthless People,” with the husband as the fake kidnapee. So everyone in the trailer seems like they’re trying to do a version of the schtick their counterparts in the previous, better film, pulled off flawlessly.
Even more depressing is the thought that there was once a project called “King’s Ransom,” which was to be the first American collaboration between John Woo and Chow Yun Fat, but never got off the ground. I don’t know if this is what it morphed into, but the reminder stings.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The quality of an Anthony Anderson undertaking has never had anything to do with its box office. That doesn’t change the fact that two films will pretty much wipe everything off the map the following weekend. Not much time to rake in the moolah. $19mil.
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THE GAME OF THEIR LIVES
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Miracle,” but about soccer so no one really gives a crap.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but it would be interesting for US soccer fans (all five of us) to see how the Americans trounced the British in the 1950 world cup. Especially since this is from the writer/director team behind “Rudy” and “Hoosiers.” Doesn’t hurt that Wes Bentley leads and Patrick Stewart narrates.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’s not saturated in competition, but “Enron’s” gonna be a bigger deal this week, and on any week there’s just not that much of a crowd for soccer or Wes Bentley (at least not until DVD). $4mil.
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MADISON
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Jesus and his son Darth Vader try to save their town by entering a speedboat race. Okay, it’s Jim Caveizel and Jake Lloyd, but man, it’s going to take a while to outrun those roles.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not good. This is one of many pre-”Passion” projects Caviezel has done to suddenly find post-”Passion” release.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Caviezel’s name was unable to make “Bobby Jones” work, and that actually had some good reviews. $300,000.
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ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Pretty much what you’d expect. The story of the unraveling of one of the biggest white collar criminal conspiracies of our time. Based on the bestseller by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. Trailer looks fascinating. Director did “Trials of Henry Kissinger,” so you know he’s not afraid to go after sacred cows (not that Enron every really had that). Actual corporate audio and video are a plus.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This’ll be the last really big indie release of the month. Just saying “Enron” will get most art house goers into seats. $7mil.
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TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Legendary cinematographer Haskell Wexler’s son turns the camera on his dad. Art-as-therapy ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good to mediocre. But it might be worth it just to see the guest list. Everyone from George Lucas to Sidney Poitier weighs in.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If ThinkFilm pushes this with the film lover’s crowd, and I mean name-drops shamelessly, they could draw a crowd. Don’t see that happening, though. $250,000.
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April 29
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THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Dude, if you haven’t heard of this, I don’t know what to tell you.
WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, most mercifully no. It looks like they actually handled this right, even if it took 20 years to do so. The original screenplay comes from an adaptation by Adams himself, and any tinkering was done by “Chicken Run” scribe Karey Kirkpatrick, so a similar sense of humor should prevail. Jay Roach, who was signed on to direct for a long time (and is a decent comedy director – just a different kind of comedy) shifted to producer and handed over the reigns to a more obscure British comedy director, so here’s hoping that helps.
The real masterstroke here, however, is the casting. Could there be a more perfect Arthur Dent than Martin Freeman (of “The Office” fame)? And Mos Def as Ford Prefect is inspired outside-the-box casting. And how about Sam Rockwell as Zaphod Beeblebrox? Zooey Deschanel as Trillian? Warwick Davis as the body and Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin? Right down to supporting characters like Slartibartfast (Bill Nighy), they seem to have nailed it.
I love it when a plan comes together.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
“Hitchhiker’s” is easily one of the most popular sci-fi series in history. Those fans are pretty much a lock. I don’t know how easily the rest of the world can be charmed, though if they get hooked by the brilliant meta-trailer, displaying the Guide’s entry on “trailers,” then a shared sense of humor will be more important than not really recognizing any of the stars. $147mil.
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XXX: STATE OF THE UNION
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It’s like “Seven Days in May,” but suckier. Ice Cube replaces Vin Diesel (who was too busy doing “The Pacifier”) as the Bond for a new generation (sigh) in this sequel to “30,” which for some reason is not called “31,” defending the US from a military coup.
WILL IT SUCK?
Let’s get this out of the way right now. It’s a Revolution Studios film; of course it’s going to suck. But beyond that, let’s look at the other reasons it might suck.
Actually, that’s the main one. Director Lee Tamahori is a halfway decent action helmer (I actually liked “Die Another Day.” And if they really want the Bond aesthetic, there ya go.) Ice Cube is a decent actor, though he has a weird penchant for picking stronger comedies (“Barbershop,” “Friday,”) than action films (“Torque,” “Ghosts of Mars,”). Though “Three Kings,” is a notable exception.
This will not be “Three Kings.”
Sam Jackson is a national treasure, and as wonderful as it was to hear him utter the line “It’s a small price to pay to put foot to ass for my country” in the first one, that won’t help save this. (In fact, will we ever get a line as rich as “Bitches, come!” again from this franchise?) Willem Dafoe should make a nice villain, but he played the bad guy in “Speed 2,” too. Actually, the only cast member to really get excited about is Xzibit. I can’t wait for the scene where he pimps Ice Cube’s ride. Actually, that would make a much better movie.
The one reason I want to hold out hope for this picture is that the screenwriter is responsible for more of this summer (“Fantastic Four,” “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,”) and some of the next (“X Men 3″). To quote that maitre d’ in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” – “I weep for the future.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
You couldn’t ask for less of a crossover between these two films. No one is going to be torn between “Hitchhiker’s” and “XXX2.” They’ll each kill in their respective demographics. I think “Hitchhiker’s” will kill for a little bit longer, however. $127mil.
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3-IRON
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
House-squatter meets young woman whose life is in need of a change. They may or may not play golf.
WILL IT SUCK?
Good reviews so far. Won four awards at Venice. From the guy who did the acclaimed “Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter…and Spring.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, if they can market the whole “From the writer/director of…” thang, they should be in good shape. At least until the following week when “Crash” becomes the big indie story. $3mil.
Next month, the film with the most potential to suck or be great is one in the same. And no, I’m not talking about “The Longest Yard” remake, though that comes close. No, I’m talking about a movie that I would have called “Sith Happens.”
by Dave Thomas

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