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Live in Williamsburg? Wanna Get Laid?
Now you can! Follow this simple guide and you'll be up to your ears in play!


Place: Galapagos
Crowd: Mix of local hipsters, Manhattan trendoids and film geeks
Chances of getting laid: Fair. Because of the setup, which doesn't allow much room to wiggle or flirt (especially when it's crowded, which is often), attracting the attention of a member of the opposite sex can be difficult. Off-hours are best.
Appropriate pick-up line: Up until now I've been a strict Darwinian, but I think I've been wrong. You were obviously created by God.


Place: Yabby
Crowd: Well-dressed locals and lounge lizards
Chances of getting laid: Very good. This former garage is always buzzing with singles, many who seem on the make. While the couch-filled main room can be difficult to navigate, during the summer months, when the courtyard is open, meeting people is practically mandatory.
Appropriate pick-up line: Can I check under your hood?


Place: Pete's Candy Store
Crowd: Brainy boys, cute girls and everyone in-between
Chances of getting laid: Good. Lots of eye candy, and the various events they hold - bingo, quiz-off, live bands - make it look like you're there for more than just to score.
Appropriate pick-up line: Wanna lick my lolly?

Place: Iona
Crowd: Displaced Brits, Aussies and Irish
Chances of getting laid: Fair. Mainly dudes, and they only serve beer (no chance of loosening up lightweights with fruity mixed drinks). Great vibe, however.
Appropriate pick-up line: Fancy a shag?


Place: Stinger Club
Crowd: Blend of assorted hipsters and local Latino wannabe gangsters
Chances of getting laid: Good. This is a very sexy place, dark and moody, with consistently danceable, bass-heavy tunes, perfect for macking. Just make sure you leave before the bar closes; after spending all night with someone and then seeing them under the harsh last-call lights can be quite a shock.
Appropriate pick-up line: Wanna do a bump in the bathroom?


Place: Verb Cafe
Crowd: Frustrated writers, lap-toppers, lost souls
Chances of getting laid: Very good. Everyone in this place wants to get laid; otherwise, why would they be sitting alone in a cafe? Do you really think they're reading that book? Hell no! Therefore, saddle up to the person of your choice and before you know it you'll both be doing the wild thing.
Appropriate pick-up line: Is fuck a verb?


Place: Level X
Crowd: Cheesy locals who miss Manhattan; cheesy Manhattanites who can't afford Soho
Chances of getting laid: Good. The crowd is kind of wack here, and so is the music. But everyone's chatting with each other, so if you're into black-clad Eurotrash types, this is your best bet.
Appropriate pick-up line: My other car is a Porsche.


Place: Sweetwater Tavern
Crowd: Punk rockers and those who love them
Chances of getting laid: Good, if you look the part. Poseurs need not apply.
Appropriate pick-up line: Wanna see my tattoos?


Place: Black Betty
Crowd: Rasta boys, divas, hip-hoppers
Chances of getting laid: Very good. Everyone's always dancing here, and the dance floor isn't that big, so there's lots of inadvertent bumping and grinding. Grab a partner and get down.
Appropriate pick-up line: I know Puff Daddy.


Place: Diner
Crowd: Beautiful people and their hanger-ons
Chances of getting laid: Fair. Hotties aside, this is more of a restaurant than a bar, and everyone's sandwiched in booths, so with no mutual meeting ground, hooking up can be difficult. Try asking for someone's ketchup in your most seductive voice.
Appropriate pick-up line: Can I kiss your grits?


Place: Brooklyn Ale House
Crowd: Dressed-down dudes and dudettes, dogs, pool players, beer drinkers
Chances of getting laid: Good. This is a very friendly place with reasonably-priced drinks and a great jukebox, so the decidedly unpretentious vibe makes it easy to flirt. Good all the time.
Appropriate pick-up line: Can I sniff your butt?


Place: Blu Lounge
Crowd: Yuppies and displaced Manhattanites
Chances of getting laid: Fair. Because of the way the bar is set-up - couch-chair combos with significant space between them - socializing with strangers is difficult. If you don't mind invading someone's space, you'll do okay.
Appropriate pick-up line: My name is Pete but I dropped the 'e.' Can I be your pet?


Place: Turkey's Nest
Crowd: Old drunks and those who'll grow up to be them
Chances of getting laid: Depends. If your standards are low, you can pretty much have your pick of the place. Otherwise, you'll do better elsewhere.
Appropriate pick-up line: I still have all my teeth.


Place: Union Pool
Crowd: Cool cats and L-train second-stoppers
Chances of getting laid: Poor. This former community pool has no dance floor to speak of, and tables are isolated from each other. Also, the coolness factor is high, so few patrons are willing to break their surface pouts.
Appropriate pick-up line: Wanna go skinny-dipping in the East River?


Place: Enid's
Crowd: Funky locals, Polish teens, Greenpointers
Chances of getting laid: Good. The space is great and everyone's nice here, so conversation between tables is common. The best bet is at the bar, however, which is often crowded with drinkers with wandering eyes.
Appropriate pick-up line: You made the right choice moving to Greenpoint. Williamsburg is so over.


Good luck, and happy hunting! And don't forget who sent you!

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Free Williamsburg© | 93 Berry Street | Brooklyn, NY 11211
[email protected] | April 2001 | Issue 13