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Someone Else is Already Ripping us off (see).....

Dear Free Williamsburg,

Just wanted to drop a line to you guys about The Hipster Handbook. Very nice, indeed. I currently reside in Portsmouth, NH the hipster capital of the state with more than its fair share of WASHs. I read the entire book at the laundromat today and was thoroughly impressed. Finding out you guys reside in Williamburg seemed to be the punchline for me since half of my hipster friends live there, are moving there after his/her band "gets their shit together," or have moved back because they "couldn't handle how everyone there looks like a member of The Strokes." Supplied plenty of ammo for making fun of my fellow hipsters. Yet I suppose buying a hipster handbook immediately makes me lame. Oh well. Guess I should insert something here to improve my cred. How about...Can't wait to rip you guys off in my next zine.


Skinny as fuck art fags?

Dear Free Williamsburg,

You fuckin suck, just like yer lame ass williamsburg cooli-o skinny as fuck art fags always have. Your artists with no skills, useless to anyone who actually uses their hands and their talent to make a buck. Your bitchin about the war and bush, but have never seen what a body looks like after its been hit with a 50 cal tracer, or a ship that got its forward anchor handiling room and all of its first division berthing blown to fuck by that asshole saddam. Ever seen what 45 charred bodies look like. Fuck no, ya know why, cuz the people in your hood that had no other oppurtunities went and dealt with the shit while you sat your ass in college smokin pot and suckin off mom and dad~ shit theyre probally still payin yer fuckin rent.
Try goin to the V.A. on 23rd st and 1st ave. Ask em about this little thing called gulfwar syndrome. Guess what the people who were in that war, and got that thing got after all was said and done? Pain muther fucker, and the ones who grew up in Williamsburgh got the added bonus of being alienated in their own neighborhood by a bunch of shit talkin weak ass know-it-alls that dont know the first fuckin thing about war, but can tell you everything about what its like to get a "deck" space off of bedford. You fuckin suck

--Hatefully yours...... A Vet

Jeff Koyen and The NYPress

Dear Free Williamsburg,

I have a copy of The Hipster Handbook and it is fuckin funny. Anyone who doesn't get that it is making fun of hipsters (New York Press) while accurately describing them as well is retarded. Saw that shit in their rag and had to write. I must ask though, why aren't The Replacements in your music section? You guys are right-on otherwise.

--TK in NY

Hipsters aren't surfers

Dear Free Williamsburg,

I heard Lanham speak about his hipster book on NPR. He didn't know where the latest morphosis of the word 'cool' into "deck" began. I have an idea where the two terms "fin" and "deck" might originate. Living very close to the ocean in a surf swamped area, to me, the two words immediately relate to a surfboard's anatomy. One might assume that deck would mean "on the board's top or riding the board, on deck". This location is required when catching a wave, which is a high adrenaline and sometimes spiritally elevated place. It is a very "up" feeling. On the other hand, fin refers to the board'sunderside, plunging under the water or wave (it's purpose--to stabilize, the antithisis of hip, I'd imagine). No respectible surfer wants to be found under the water near the fin. That would insinuate--a wipeout and potential scraping horror. In another note, way back in Gidget's days, fins used to be called "skegs", a rather scruffy, underground association in its own right, not assimilar to the word "dregs"--as in "dregs of society." But, I digress. Could you pass this along to Lanham? I think I gave up my hip card when I gave birth but you never know what burns in the immortal subconscious of a "once hipster".
--Sincerely, Marie

Why Are You Writing Us?

Dear Free Williamsburg,

I am looking for an etiquette school for my 10 yr old daughter. I live in Williamsburg and wanted to try and find a school or class in either Brooklyn or Manhattan. Thank you in advance for any help you might be able to provide.

--name withheld

Um, No

Dear Free Williamsburg,

Hi! The Hipster Handbook and Freewilliamsburg.com are great. Is there a chance/ way for me to buy/find the Emerald Beach Trilogy???

--thanks, björn

Scrabble Babble

Dear Free Williamsburg,

Not only am I deeply offended at your title for the Laurel Canyon review (Yet More Proof that Only the Very Lame Play Travel Scrabble) but saddened, as well. So many "kids" your age don't really respect or appreciate the history of the Scrabble game. Just when I thought that the hep crowd might be coming to it's senses with the introduction of Pete's Scrabble Saturday Night, I see this ball-busting title mucking up an otherwise sensible review. What is this really about, Mr. Edwards? If we were to gently scratch the surface of your good-natured ribbing of Scrabble, would we find an angry little boy without a mastery of the "Q without U" words? Would we see small fists banging away at the table, a tight little mouth contending that "yes! it's true...if one can follow, then surely one can refollow ?!?" It's a shame, really. I can only hope that one day you'll see the err of your ways and join the legions of scrabble-lovers worldwide. Until then, funnyman, keep clucking away at your own expense.

--Regards, T.P. DeVille


Dear Free Williamsburg,

Really dug your site and the book was amusing, but it almost looks like people are taking the fashion-music-i-am-so-deck ...stuff seriously. What are people going to do when what is left of the "deck" five minutes ago stuff gets co-opted so bad you can't stand to look at it? When are the mainstreamers going to stop running every remotely 'cool' thing into the ground? When are the early adopters going to figure out that it's not in the jargon, you can't buy it and it isn't transfered by osmosis? You won't be cool if you buy a Puch but you might be deck. No one gets to move to deckville. I hope someone gets 'it' so we can get better service at hip restaraunts again. For now we'll have to settle for coffee with the sobbing ghost of Allen Ginsberg.
--Sincerely, J

Disclaimer from the Editor:
Opinions addressed in Free Williamsburg are
not necessarily our own, godammit!


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Free Williamsburg© | 93 Berry Street | Brooklyn, NY 11211
[email protected] | April 2003 | Issue 37
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