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August 31, 2005

A house party against judicial activism!

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house party against judicial activism

We can't all afford a five week vacation, but it's time for us to take a short, well-deserved break nonetheless.

See you next Tuesday.

In the mean time, here's a great idea for a fun-filled Labor Day Weekend. From The Family Resource Council's Website

As the summer officially winds up and you are planning what to do for Labor Day weekend, may I make an unusual but important suggestion--a house party against judicial activism. By ordering a free FRC Save the Court Kit, you can gather family, friends and fellow church-goers not only for a taste of grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, but to watch the DVD of Justice Sunday II. You'll also be able to read what you can do to return the courts to their proper role and protect issues important to you, like the Ten Commandments and marriage, from activists in black robes. While it might seem like an odd way to spend part of a relaxing weekend, it is fitting that while you celebrate this extra time with family and friends who share your values, you also take action to protect those principles.

We can hardly wait! Save a Jesus burger for me.

August 30, 2005

Ultramagnetic MCs tonight

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Ultramagnetic MCs featuring Kool Keith
when: 7pm
where: S.O.B.'s (204 Varick St)
price: $20 / $18 advance

We love Kool Keith and the U-MCs. This show promises to rule, despite the fact Ice T is opening. From Flavorpill:

De-funked since '93, the Ultramagnetic MCs were minor players in Bronx hip-hop's second wave (i.e., when white folks tuned in), the quirky younger brothers of legends Public Enemy and Run DMC, and creators of Critical Beatdown, one of the greatest hip-hop debuts ever — hyperbole this ain't. Unfortunately, the UMCs currently have more notoriety as the springboard for one Kool Keith (aka Doctor Octagon), an inconsistent but occasionally compelling rapper fetishized for his battles with mental illness (see also: Wesley Willis and, arguably, ODB). This comeback includes support from Ice-T, Keith's onetime Analog Brother.

August 29, 2005

It's not unusual to, um, need stitches

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"The actress behind horror icon Elvira has revealed she needed stitches after losing her virginity to Welsh crooner Tom Jones - because he was so well-endowed."

Read the terrifying, yet awe-inspiring story here.

Time's 50 Coolest Websites 2005

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Time has posted their 2005 Best of the Web list. It is highly irrelevent -- where's Technorati? Where's Gawker? Where's Bookslut or Huffpost? Where's the porn? -- but we were happy to see that some of our favorites like Flavorpill and Go Fug Yourself made the cut.

Click here for the complete list.

August 27, 2005

New mexican restaurant: Taco Chulo

Visit our restaurant section to check it out.

August 26, 2005

To Do: Ted Leo and PS1's Warm-Up

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Tonight, FREE at Southstreet Seaport, 7pm:

Ted Leo and The Pharmacists
with Tigers and Monkeys
Click here for directions


And on Saturday at PS1:

Warm Up featuring Doc Martin w/ Monolake, Phil Smart, and Nikola Baytala.

Veteran house hero Doc Martin headlines one of this summer's top Warm Ups, with Australia's Phil Smart and SF's Nikola Baytala dropping 4/4 bombs, and Monolake laptopping austere, minimal techno [from Flavorpill]

Click here for directions and info.

And on Sunday:
Howl! Festival Bluegrass Ball

Interview with former Slits rocker, Ari Up

By John Rickman

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Return of the giant Slit!

In the years since the legendary, all-girl U.K. punk band The Slits disbanded in 1981, the band's lead singer Ari Up has divided her time between Kingston, Jamaica and Brooklyn, New York performing as a singer and dancer under the name Medusa, as well as designing clothes and being a mom to her three sons Pablo, Pedro, and Wilton.

This year Up released her first solo recording "Dread More Dan Dead," a collection of natty punk dance tracks and empowering pop lyricism reflective of the profound impact Jamaica's culture has had on her life and identity.

FREEwilliamsburg caught up with Up when she returned to New York recently to prepare for an upcoming gig with her live band the True Warriors.

**************

FREEwilliamsburg: What do you like about living in Brooklyn?

Ari Up: Brooklyn is Brooklyn! I live in the heart of Flatbush, which I like because it's very urban and hasn't become overpopulated in the same way Williamsburg has. Williamsburg, before it became overly trendy, used to remind me of the artsy area in West Berlin near the wall when it was still up.

FREEwilliamsburg: How has living in Jamaica influenced the way you express yourself?

Ari Up: Moving to Jamaica was a natural transition for me. It was the next logical step after performing with The Slits and as the main singer in the On-U Sound reggae project New Age Steppers. I got to know local Jamaican girls and people in general and going to all the dances and spots in Kingston, then when I started recording and performing there people already knew who I was.

I was warned before I moved there, "Oh if you go to Jamaica, how can you wear your crazy punk clothes? How can you wear anything like that without worrying about people chastising you or stealing stuff from you off the street?"

It's just not the case! The more outrageous I dressed in Jamaica, the more accepted I was — especially during the nineties with the dancehall music explosion. That was a revolution in itself with clothes. People there never disrespect me and tell me to cut my dreads or call me a false dread.

FREEwilliamsburg: "Dread" is actually your first completely solo endeavor, correct?

Ari Up: It is. My new album is called "Dread More Dan Dead" because people have thought many times over the years, "Where is Ari? Is she dead?" No, I'm dread, not dead!

I would have had many solo albums out by now but.

I'm either too busy running around naked in the jungle with indigenous people, or shopping with freaked out A&R people who all seem so scared of me. I need a manager! It's a shame, but business people miss out on all of the good art coming from the street, which is where art originates. They think I'm mad, but playing the part of the crazy artist has actually helped keep me safe and sane.

FREEwilliamsburg: Who are the True Warriors?

Ari Up: They're my live band. I leave my computer and electronics at home when I perform with them. It's totally raw and I play more of my punk stuff. They're named after one of my songs, but it didn't stick until one night, after performing the song and asking the audience where my true warriors were, the band said, "Hey, we want to be true warriors too!"

FREEwilliamsburg: Many songs on "Dread" reflect a sense of family values and deal pretty heavily with relationships. How has being a mom affected you?

Ari Up: If I have a relationship, I always want kids. But somehow I have ended up being a single mom, which I don't think is ideal.

Wilton's father was the ideal true warrior for me, but he died shortly after Wilton was born. That kind of messed me up. Some woman say they would like to do it all — be the woman of the house and be both mother and father. I understand where they're coming from in a way, but it's not realistic. They're not thinking about the balance of life or how not having a father might affect their children. Being a single mom should be avoided if possible. I'm pretty healthy and at my best right now, but a big part of my life is missing not having a man in my life. Good, regular sex is essential — with one man that is! I don't like sex everywhere and all over the place. That's why I would rather not do it at all.

The song 'Me Done' is about that actually. Basically, I can't take the pressure of one night stands anymore.

FREEwilliamsburg: What can your fans expect from you in the future?

Ari Up: Tessa Pollit and I are rebuilding The Slits! It will be the new Slits and we have a new EP coming out later this year. Also, there's a new release of old Slits material out now called "Man Next Door."

* "Dread More Dan Dead" is out now on Collision
Records and Ari Up's website can be found at http://www.ari-up.com

August 25, 2005

As usual, Drudge has his head up his ass

Drudge currently has the headline "ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS TARGET
WOUNDED AT ARMY HOSPITAL" posted on his front page. Catch did a little research and discovered that the protest actually consisted of about five people carrying signs saying "Real Support = Better Benefits" and "Support Our Troops -- Jobs, Benefits, Health Care." See below.

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picture via FreeRepublic, click for larger

As Catch reported yesterday, the wingnuts simply want to do away with protests and free speech altogether. A big thanks to Catch for this one. Check out their consistently great coverage, if you don't already.

August 24, 2005

New Flaming Lips Song and Video

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Check out "Mr. Ambulance Driver" here on Rupert Murdoch's MySpace. Or click here to directly load the movie. The band will be performing the song tonight on Conan O'Brien.

Warner Music to abandon releasing full length albums

WARNER Music Group (WMG) is to begin releasing music by artists in “clusters” of three or four tracks rather than as whole albums, heralding the first big shift away from the record industry’s traditional business model.

Edgar Bronfman Jr, chairman and chief executive, yesterday revealed plans to create an “e-label” that would rely on digital downloads instead of compact discs that, if successful, would fundamentally change the way in which the record industry distributes music. The new business model will involve artists releasing batches of three or more tracks every few months, rather than producing an album every year or two. Initially, it will target artists that are either emerging or those that are past their prime but with a small number of dedicated fans.

read the whole article here.

Everyone loves a good MILF video

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Check out this hilarious video from Joel Lava, "Who's Lovin' Your Mama." It's hilarious, tasteless, and we even kinda dig the song. (It's clean enough for work provided you have headphones.)

Click here to watch

[thanks OneLouder who also has a funny story about Ali G]

Upcoming: Howl! Festival Bluegrass Ball

On Sunday, August 28, LAURA CANTRELL will be headlining and MC the third annual Bluegrass Ball in Tompkins Square Park. This FREE concert is part of the HOWL! Festival of East Village Arts, which also includes the Charlie Parker Jazz Festival, Art Around the Park, Wigstock and numerous other events this week.

HOWL! FESTIVAL BLUEGRASS BALL
Sunday, August 28
Tompkins Square Park

Ave. A and 10th Street
3:00 Reckon So
3:40 John Herald Tribute band
4:15 Cobble Hillbillies
5:00 LAURA CANTRELL
with Mark Spencer, Jimmy Ryan, Jeremy Chatazky

Kids love politics.... almost as much as they love brocolli

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Since it's never to early to teach your children about hating gays, starting wars, pissing away the environment, the Rapture, or scratching the back of corporate interests, self-proclaimed "security mom for Bush" Katharine DeBrecht is pleased to announce the August arrival of her book Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!

From the publisher's bio

This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.

Inside, you'll find find laugh-out-loud dialogue written in "simple" language that any child or neo-con can understand:

"'It takes a village to get kids to eat their vegetables!' Ms. Clunkton pointed her stubby finger at the boys, 'Sooo, for every glass of lemonade you sell, you must, I say, you MUST, give two pieces of broccoli with it.'"

That's a knee-slapper. Thanks Katharine! Tell us the one about the 23,000 civilian deaths in Iraq next! Kids just just love reading about tax cuts, ownership society, and neo-conservatives. More than candy and lemonade.

August 23, 2005

New Pornographers live dates announced

October 12 + 13 - New York, NY - Webster Hall
September 15 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom - CMJ show - 7.30pm

Their new record got a great review on Pitchfork yesterday. The Sept/Oct live line-up will feature all of your favorite New Pornographers members including A.C.Newman, Neko Case and Dan Bejar. All dates after the jump.

August In Stores
8/22 Seattle CA Sonic Boom Ballard "Midnight" street date instore
8/24 San Francisco CA Amoeba SF Instore performance 7 PM
8/25 Los Angeles CA Tower Sunset Instore performance 7 PM
8/27 San Diego CA Lou's Records Instore performance 2 PM

Tour dates so far:
8/26 Santa Ana CA Galaxy Theatre
9/22 Victoria BC Sugar
9/23 Vancouver BC Commodore Ballroom
9/24 Seattle WA Showbox
9/25 Portland OR Wonder Ballroom
9/27 San Francisco CA Bimbo's 365 Club
9/28 San Francisco CA Bimbo's 365 Club
9/29 Los Angeles CA Henry Fonda Theater
9/30 Solana Beach CA Belly Up Tavern
10/1 Tucson AZ Rialto Theatre

10/3 Denver CO Gothic Theatre
10/5 Lawrence KS Granada
10/6 St. Louis MO Mississippi Nights

10/7 Newport KY Southgate House
10/8 Kalamazoo MI Club Soda
10/9 Toronto ON The Docks
10/10 Montreal QC Cabaret La Tulipe
10/11 Boston MA The Roxy
10/12 New York NY Webster Hall
10/13 New York NY Webster Hall
10/14 Philadelphia PA Trocadero
10/15 Washington DC 9:30 Club
10/16 Carrboro NC Cat's Cradle
10/17 Atlanta GA Variety Playhouse
10/18 Nashville TN Mercy Lounge
10/20 Chicago IL Metro
10/21 Madison WI Barrymore Theatre
10/22 Minneapolis MN First Ave
ALL DATES with DESTROYER (Dan Bejar) AND IMMACULATE MACHINE (Katherine
Calder)

Git-R-Done

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I miss the South. I do. Growing up in Virginia was overall a great experience for me. That's why I find recent reports from home about the "Git-R-Done" phenomenon so disturbing. Evidently, "Git-R-Done" is Larry the Cable Guy's catchphrase. It's become so popular, Git-R-Done bumper stickers have begun to rival the "support the troops" magnets. Of course, they generally are found next to the obligatory Dubya stickers. The phrase is often used in reference to the Iraq war, as in we vowed to stay the course so let's Git-R-Done, but can be used in a variety of situations:

Jessie Lou sure is purty. I'm fixin' to get up on that and git-r-done.

I'm fresh out of Skoal Bandits. I'm gonna take the truck down to 7-11 and git-r-done.

A friend from home had this to say:

"I doubt you have the "Git-R-Done" phenomenon in New York, but it's the rage down here. Larry the Cable guy (who played the Roanoke Civic Center recently) apparently spawned this expression, and you hear it everywhere (lotsa stickers too). My daughter hears her classmates say it, and I heard two men at the public library use it as a farewell the other day. Then the whole thing entered a new arena when I saw a woman at the Target last Thursday night with a 'Jesus Got-R-Done' T-shirt."

'Jesus Got-R-Done'? Using that phrase has got to be breaking some biblical commandment. We don't expect the phrase will be making its way to New York any time soon.

August 22, 2005

We knew there was a reason we didn't like Elmore Leonard

A day in the life of Bush on vacation [via HuffPost/NY Times]:

- Bike ride
- Lunch with Condi
- See Laura, talk "business"
- Naptime
- Read a little Elmore Leonard
- Go fishing with "my man Barney"
- Dinner
- Ballgame
- Bed at 9:30

The impending oil crisis

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The Sunday Times Magazine included what is sure to be one of the most important stories of our time. (No it wasn't the Style Section article about kids in upstate NY who hang out in fast food parking lots.) Here's an excerpt from "The Breaking Point," which argues that we need to begin looking for alternatives to oil now

The producers are not running out of oil, not yet, but their decades-old reservoirs are not as full and geologically spry as they used to be, and they may be incapable of producing, on a daily basis, the increasing volumes of oil that the world requires. ''One thing is clear,'' warns Chevron, the second-largest American oil company, in a series of new advertisements, ''the era of easy oil is over.''

....One diplomat I spoke to recalled a comment from Sheik Ahmed Zaki Yamani, the larger-than-life Saudi oil minister during the 1970's: ''The Stone Age didn't end for lack of stone, and the oil age will end long before the world runs out of oil.''

Read the article after the jump

The Breaking Point
By PETER MAASS

The largest oil terminal in the world, Ras Tanura, is located on the eastern coast of Saudi Arabia, along the Persian Gulf. From Ras Tanura's control tower, you can see the classic totems of oil's dominion -- supertankers coming and going, row upon row of storage tanks and miles and miles of pipes. Ras Tanura, which I visited in June, is the funnel through which nearly 10 percent of the world's daily supply of petroleum flows. Standing in the control tower, you are surrounded by more than 50 million barrels of oil, yet not a drop can be seen.

The oil is there, of course. In a technological sleight of hand, oil can be extracted from the deserts of Arabia, processed to get rid of water and gas, sent through pipelines to a terminal on the gulf, loaded onto a supertanker and shipped to a port thousands of miles away, then run through a refinery and poured into a tanker truck that delivers it to a suburban gas station, where it is pumped into an S.U.V. -- all without anyone's actually glimpsing the stuff. So long as there is enough oil to fuel the global economy, it is not only out of sight but also out of mind, at least for consumers.

I visited Ras Tanura because oil is no longer out of mind, thanks to record prices caused by refinery shortages and surging demand -- most notably in the United States and China -- which has strained the capacity of oil producers and especially Saudi Arabia, the largest exporter of all. Unlike the 1973 crisis, when the embargo by the Arab members of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries created an artificial shortfall, today's shortage, or near-shortage, is real. If demand surges even more, or if a producer goes offline because of unrest or terrorism, there may suddenly not be enough oil to go around.

As Aref al-Ali, my escort from Saudi Aramco, the giant state-owned oil company, pointed out, ''One mistake at Ras Tanura today, and the price of oil will go up.'' This has turned the port into a fortress; its entrances have an array of gates and bomb barriers to prevent terrorists from cutting off the black oxygen that the modern world depends on. Yet the problem is far greater than the brief havoc that could be wrought by a speeding zealot with 50 pounds of TNT in the trunk of his car. Concerns are being voiced by some oil experts that Saudi Arabia and other producers may, in the near future, be unable to meet rising world demand. The producers are not running out of oil, not yet, but their decades-old reservoirs are not as full and geologically spry as they used to be, and they may be incapable of producing, on a daily basis, the increasing volumes of oil that the world requires. ''One thing is clear,'' warns Chevron, the second-largest American oil company, in a series of new advertisements, ''the era of easy oil is over.''

In the past several years, the gap between demand and supply, once considerable, has steadily narrowed, and today is almost negligible. The consequences of an actual shortfall of supply would be immense. If consumption begins to exceed production by even a small amount, the price of a barrel of oil could soar to triple-digit levels. This, in turn, could bring on a global recession, a result of exorbitant prices for transport fuels and for products that rely on petrochemicals -- which is to say, almost every product on the market. The impact on the American way of life would be profound: cars cannot be propelled by roof-borne windmills. The suburban and exurban lifestyles, hinged to two-car families and constant trips to work, school and Wal-Mart, might become unaffordable or, if gas rationing is imposed, impossible. Carpools would be the least imposing of many inconveniences; the cost of home heating would soar -- assuming, of course, that climate-controlled habitats do not become just a fond memory.

But will such a situation really come to pass? That depends on Saudi Arabia. To know the answer, you need to know whether the Saudis, who possess 22 percent of the world's oil reserves, can increase their country's output beyond its current limit of 10.5 million barrels a day, and even beyond the 12.5-million-barrel target it has set for 2009. (World consumption is about 84 million barrels a day.) Saudi Arabia is the sole oil superpower. No other producer possesses reserves close to its 263 billion barrels, which is almost twice as much as the runner-up, Iran, with 133 billion barrels. New fields in other countries are discovered now and then, but they tend to offer only small increments. For example, the much-contested and as-yet-unexploited reserves in the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge are believed to amount to about 10 billion barrels, or just a fraction of what the Saudis possess.

But the truth about Saudi oil is hard to figure out. Oil reservoirs cannot be inventoried like wood in a wilderness: the oil is underground, unseen by geologists and engineers, who can, at best, make highly educated guesses about how much is underfoot and how much can be extracted in the future. And there is a further obstacle: the Saudis will not let outsiders audit their confidential data on reserves and production. Oil is an industry in which not only is the product hidden from sight but so is reliable information about it. And because we do not know when a supply-demand shortfall might arrive, we do not know when to begin preparing for it, so as to soften its impact; the economic blow may come as a sledgehammer from the darkness.

Of course the Saudis do have something to say about this prospect. Before journeying to the kingdom, I went to Washington to hear the Saudi oil minister, Ali al-Naimi, speak at an energy conference in the mammoth Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, not far from the White House. Naimi was the star attraction at a gathering of the American petro-political nexus. Samuel Bodman, the U.S. energy secretary, was on the dais next to him. David O'Reilly, chairman and C.E.O. of Chevron, was waiting in the wings. The moderator was an éminence grise of the oil world, James Schlesinger, a former energy secretary, defense secretary and C.I.A. director.

''I want to assure you here today that Saudi Arabia's reserves are plentiful, and we stand ready to increase output as the market dictates,'' said Naimi, dressed in a gray business suit and speaking with only a slight Arabic accent. He addressed skeptics who contend that Saudi reservoirs cannot be tapped for larger amounts of oil. ''I am quite bullish on technology as the key to our energy future,'' he said. ''Technological innovation will allow us to find and extract more oil around the world.'' He described the task of increasing output as just ''a question of investment'' in new wells and pipelines, and he noted that consuming nations urgently need to build new refineries to process increased supplies of crude. ''There is absolutely no lack of resources worldwide,'' he repeated.

His assurances did not assure. A barrel of oil cost $55 at the time of his speech; less than three months later, the price had jumped by 20 percent. The truth of the matter -- whether the world will really have enough petroleum in the years ahead -- was as well concealed as the millions of barrels of oil I couldn't see at Ras Tanura.

For 31 years, Matthew Simmons has prospered as the head of his own firm, Simmons & Company International, which advises energy companies on mergers and acquisitions. A member of the Council on Foreign Relations, a graduate of the Harvard Business School and an unpaid adviser on energy policy to the 2000 presidential campaign of George W. Bush, he would be a card-carrying member of the global oil nomenclatura, if cards were issued for such things. Yet he is one of the principal reasons the oil world is beginning to ask hard questions of itself.

Two years ago, Simmons went to Saudi Arabia on a government tour for business executives. The group was presented with the usual dog-and-pony show, but instead of being impressed, as most visitors tend to be, with the size and expertise of the Saudi oil industry, Simmons became perplexed. As he recalls in his somewhat heretical new book, ''Twilight in the Desert: The Coming Saudi Oil Shock and the World Economy,'' a senior manager at Aramco told the visitors that ''fuzzy logic'' would be used to estimate the amount of oil that could be recovered. Simmons had never heard of fuzzy logic. What could be fuzzy about an oil reservoir? He suspected that Aramco, despite its promises of endless supplies, might in fact not know how much oil remained to be recovered.

Simmons returned home with an itch to scratch. Saudi Arabia was one of the charter members of OPEC, founded in 1960 in Baghdad to coordinate the policies of oil producers. Like every OPEC country, Saudi Arabia provides only general numbers about its output and reserves; it does not release details about how much oil is extracted from each reservoir and what methods are used to extract that oil, and it does not permit audits by outsiders. The condition of Saudi fields, and those of other OPEC nations, is a closely guarded secret. That's largely because OPEC quotas, which were first imposed in 1983 to limit the output of member countries, were based on overall reserves; the higher an OPEC member's reserves, the higher its quota. It is widely believed that most, if not all, OPEC members exaggerated the sizes of their reserves in order to have the largest possible quota -- and thus the largest possible revenue stream.

In the days of excess supply, bankers like Simmons did not know, or care, about the fudging; whether or not reserves were hyped, there was plenty of oil coming out of the ground. Through the 1970's, 80's and 90's, the capacity of OPEC and non-OPEC countries exceeded demand, and that's why OPEC imposed a quota system -- to keep some product off the market (although many OPEC members, seeking as much revenue as possible, quietly sold more oil than they were supposed to). Until quite recently, the only reason to fear a shortage was if a boycott, war or strike were to halt supplies. Few people imagined a time when supply would dry up because of demand alone. But a steady surge in demand in recent years -- led by China's emergence as a voracious importer of oil -- has changed that.

This demand-driven scarcity has prompted the emergence of a cottage industry of experts who predict an impending crisis that will dwarf anything seen before. Their point is not that we are running out of oil, per se; although as much as half of the world's recoverable reserves are estimated to have been consumed, about a trillion barrels remain underground. Rather, they are concerned with what is called ''capacity'' -- the amount of oil that can be pumped to the surface on a daily basis. These experts -- still a minority in the oil world -- contend that because of the peculiarities of geology and the limits of modern technology, it will soon be impossible for the world's reservoirs to surrender enough oil to meet daily demand.

One of the starkest warnings came in a February report commissioned by the United States Department of Energy's National Energy Technology Laboratory. ''Because oil prices have been relatively high for the past decade, oil companies have conducted extensive exploration over that period, but their results have been disappointing,'' stated the report, assembled by Science Applications International, a research company that works on security and energy issues. ''If recent trends hold, there is little reason to expect that exploration success will dramatically improve in the future. . . . The image is one of a world moving from a long period in which reserves additions were much greater than consumption to an era in which annual additions are falling increasingly short of annual consumption. This is but one of a number of trends that suggest the world is fast approaching the inevitable peaking of conventional world oil production.''

The reference to ''peaking'' is not a haphazard word choice -- ''peaking'' is a term used in oil geology to define the critical point at which reservoirs can no longer produce increasing amounts of oil. (This tends to happen when reservoirs are about half-empty.) ''Peak oil'' is the point at which maximum production is reached; afterward, no matter how many wells are drilled in a country, production begins to decline. Saudi Arabia and other OPEC members may have enough oil to last for generations, but that is no longer the issue. The eventual and painful shift to different sources of energy -- the start of the post-oil age -- does not begin when the last drop of oil is sucked from under the Arabian desert. It begins when producers are unable to continue increasing their output to meet rising demand. Crunch time comes long before the last drop.

''The world has never faced a problem like this,'' the report for the Energy Department concluded. ''Without massive mitigation more than a decade before the fact, the problem will be pervasive and will not be temporary. Previous energy transitions (wood to coal and coal to oil) were gradual and evolutionary; oil peaking will be abrupt and revolutionary.''

Most experts do not share Simmons's concerns about the imminence of peak oil. One of the industry's most prominent consultants, Daniel Yergin, author of a Pulitzer Prize-winning book about petroleum, dismisses the doomsday visions. ''This is not the first time that the world has 'run out of oil,''' he wrote in a recent Washington Post opinion essay. ''It's more like the fifth. Cycles of shortage and surplus characterize the entire history of the oil industry.'' Yergin says that a number of oil projects that are under construction will increase the supply by 20 percent in five years and that technological advances will increase the amount of oil that can be recovered from existing reservoirs. (Typically, with today's technology, only about 40 percent of a reservoir's oil can be pumped to the surface.)

Yergin's bullish view has something in common with the views of the pessimists -- it rests on unknowns. Will the new projects that are under way yield as much oil as their financial backers hope? Will new technologies increase recovery rates as much as he expects? These questions are next to impossible to answer because coaxing oil out of the ground is an extraordinarily complex undertaking. The popular notion of reservoirs as underground lakes, from which wells extract oil like straws sucking a milkshake from a glass, is incorrect. Oil exists in drops between and inside porous rocks. A new reservoir may contain sufficient pressure to make these drops of oil flow to the surface in a gusher, but after a while -- usually within a few years and often sooner than that -- natural pressure lets up and is no longer sufficient to push oil to the surface. At that point, ''secondary'' recovery efforts are begun, like pumping water or gas into the reservoirs to increase the pressure.

This process is unpredictable; reservoirs are extremely temperamental. If too much oil is extracted too quickly or if the wrong types or amounts of secondary efforts are employed, the amount of oil that can be recovered from a field can be greatly reduced; this is known in the oil world as ''damaging a reservoir.'' A widely cited example is Oman: in 2001, its daily production reached more than 960,000 barrels, but then suddenly declined, despite the use of advanced technologies. Today, Oman produces 785,000 barrels of oil a day. Herman Franssen, a consultant who worked in Oman for a decade, sees that country's experience as a possible lesson in the limits of technology for other producers that try to increase or maintain high levels of output. ''They reached a million barrels a day, and then a few years later production collapsed,'' Franssen said in a phone interview. ''They used all these new technologies, but they haven't been able to stop the decline yet.''


The vague production and reserve data that gets published does not begin to tell the whole story of an oil field's health, production potential or even its size. For a clear-as-possible picture of a country's oil situation, you need to know what is happening in each field -- how many wells it has, how much oil each well is producing, what recovery methods are being used and how long they've been used and the trend line since the field went into production. Data of that sort are typically not released by state-owned companies like Saudi Aramco.

As Matthew Simmons searched for clues to the truth of the Saudi situation, he immersed himself in the minutiae of oil geology. He realized that data about Saudi fields might be found in the files of the Society of Petroleum Engineers. Oil engineers, like most professional groups, have regular conferences at which they discuss papers that delve into the work they do. The papers, which focus on particular wells that highlight a problem or a solution to a problem, are presented and debated at the conferences and published by the S.P.E. -- and then forgotten.

Before Simmons poked around, no one had taken the time to pull together the S.P.E. papers that involved Saudi oil fields and review them en masse. Simmons found more than 200 such papers and studied them carefully. Although the papers cover only a portion of the kingdom's wells and date back, in some cases, several decades, they constitute perhaps the best public data about the condition and prospects of Saudi reservoirs.

Ghawar is the treasure of the Saudi treasure chest. It is the largest oil field in the world and has produced, in the past 50 years, about 55 billion barrels of oil, which amounts to more than half of Saudi production in that period. The field currently produces more than five million barrels a day, which is about half of the kingdom's output. If Ghawar is facing problems, then so is Saudi Arabia and, indeed, the entire world.

Simmons found that the Saudis are using increasingly large amounts of water to force oil out of Ghawar. Most of the wells are concentrated in the northern portion of the 174-mile-long field. That might seem like good news -- when the north runs low, the Saudis need only to drill wells in the south. But in fact it is bad news, Simmons concluded, because the southern portions of Ghawar are geologically more difficult to draw oil from. ''Someday (and perhaps that day will be soon), the remarkably high well flow rates at Ghawar's northern end will fade, as reservoir pressures finally plummet,'' Simmons writes in his book. ''Then, Saudi Arabian oil output will clearly have peaked. The death of this great king'' -- meaning Ghawar -- ''leaves no field of vaguely comparable stature in the line of succession. Twilight at Ghawar is fast approaching.'' He goes on: ''The geological phenomena and natural driving forces that created the Saudi oil miracle are conspiring now in normal and predictable ways to bring it to its conclusion, in a time frame potentially far shorter than officialdom would have us believe.'' Simmons concludes, ''Saudi Arabia clearly seems to be nearing or at its peak output and cannot materially grow its oil production.''


Saudi officials belittle Simmons's work. Nansen Saleri, a senior Aramco official, has described Simmons as a banker ''trying to come across as a scientist.'' In a speech last year, Saleri wryly said, ''I can read 200 papers on neurology, but you wouldn't want me to operate on your relatives.'' I caught up with Simmons in June, during a trip he made to Manhattan to talk with a group of oil-shipping executives. The impression he gives is of an enthusiastic inventor sharing a discovery that took him by surprise. He has a certain wide-eyed wonder in his regard, as if a bit of mystery can be found in everything that catches his eye. And he has a rumpled aspect -- thinning hair slightly askew, shirt sleeves a fraction too long. Though he delivers a bracing message, his discourse can wander. He is a successful businessman, and it is clear that he did not achieve his position by being a man of impeccable convention. He certainly has not lost sight of the rule that people who shout ''the end is nigh'' do not tend to be favorably reviewed by historians, let alone by their peers. He notes in his book that way back in 1979, The New York Times published an investigative story by Seymour Hersh under the headline ''Saudi Oil Capacity Questioned.'' He knows that in past decades the Cassandras failed to foresee new technologies, like deep-water and horizontal drilling, that provided new sources of oil and raised the amount of oil that can be recovered from reservoirs.

But Simmons says that there are only so many rabbits technology can pull out of its petro-hat. He impishly notes that if the Saudis really wanted to, they could easily prove him wrong. ''If they want to satisfy people, they should issue field-by-field production reports and reserve data and have it audited,'' he told me. ''It would then take anybody less than a week to say, 'Gosh, Matt is totally wrong,' or 'Matt actually might be too optimistic.'''

Simmons has a lot riding on his campaign -- not only his name but also his business, which would not be rewarded if he is proved to be a fool. What, I asked, if the data show that the Saudis will be able to sustain production of not only 12.5 million barrels a day -- their target for 2009 -- but 15 million barrels, which global demand is expected to require of them in the not-too-distant future? ''The odds of them sustaining 12 million barrels a day is very low,'' Simmons replied. ''The odds of them getting to 15 million for 50 years -- there's a better chance of me having Bill Gates's net worth, and I wouldn't bet a dime on that forecast.''

The gathering of executives took place in a restaurant at Chelsea Piers; about 35 men sat around a set of tables as the host introduced Simmons. He rambled a bit but hit his talking points, and the executives listened raptly; at one point, the man on my right broke into a soft whistle, of the sort that means ''Holy cow.''

Simmons didn't let up. ''We're going to look back at history and say $55 a barrel was cheap,'' he said, recalling a TV interview in which he predicted that a barrel might hit triple digits.

He said that the anchor scoffed, in disbelief, ''A hundred dollars?''

Simmons replied, ''I wasn't talking about low triple digits.''

The onset of triple-digit prices might seem a blessing for the Saudis -- they would receive greater amounts of money for their increasingly scarce oil. But one popular misunderstanding about the Saudis -- and about OPEC in general -- is that high prices, no matter how high, are to their benefit.

Although oil costing more than $60 a barrel hasn't caused a global recession, that could still happen: it can take a while for high prices to have their ruinous impact. And the higher above $60 that prices rise, the more likely a recession will become. High oil prices are inflationary; they raise the cost of virtually everything -- from gasoline to jet fuel to plastics and fertilizers -- and that means people buy less and travel less, which means a drop-off in economic activity. So after a brief windfall for producers, oil prices would slide as recession sets in and once-voracious economies slow down, using less oil. Prices have collapsed before, and not so long ago: in 1998, oil fell to $10 a barrel after an untimely increase in OPEC production and a reduction in demand from Asia, which was suffering through a financial crash. Saudi Arabia and the other members of OPEC entered crisis mode back then; adjusted for inflation, oil was at its lowest price since the cartel's creation, threatening to feed unrest among the ranks of jobless citizens in OPEC states.

''The Saudis are very happy with oil at $55 per barrel, but they're also nervous,'' a Western diplomat in Riyadh told me in May, referring to the price that prevailed then. (Like all the diplomats I spoke to, he insisted on speaking anonymously because of the sensitivities of relations with Saudi Arabia.) ''They don't know where this magic line has moved to. Is it now $65? Is it $75? Is it $80? They don't want to find out, because if you did have oil move that far north . . . the chain reaction can come back to a price collapse again.''

High prices can have another unfortunate effect for producers. When crude costs $10 a barrel or even $30 a barrel, alternative fuels are prohibitively expensive. For example, Canada has vast amounts of tar sands that can be rendered into heavy oil, but the cost of doing so is quite high. Yet those tar sands and other alternatives, like bioethanol, hydrogen fuel cells and liquid fuel from natural gas or coal, become economically viable as the going rate for a barrel rises past, say, $40 or more, especially if consuming governments choose to offer their own incentives or subsidies. So even if high prices don't cause a recession, the Saudis risk losing market share to rivals into whose nonfundamentalist hands Americans would much prefer to channel their energy dollars. A concerted push for greater energy conservation in the United States, which consumes one-quarter of the world's oil (mostly to fuel our cars, as gasoline), would hurt producing nations, too. Basically, any significant reduction in the demand for oil would be ruinous for OPEC members, who have little to offer the world but oil; if a substitute can be found, their future is bleak. Another Western diplomat explained the problem facing the Saudis: ''You want to have the price as high as possible without sending the consuming nations into a recession and at the same time not have the price so high that it encourages alternative technologies.''

From the American standpoint, one argument in favor of conservation and a switch to alternative fuels is that by limiting oil imports, the United States and its Western allies would reduce their dependence on a potentially unstable region. (In fact, in an effort to offset the risks of relying on the Saudis, America's top oil suppliers are Canada and Mexico.) In addition, sending less money to Saudi Arabia would mean less money in the hands of a regime that has spent the past few decades doling out huge amounts of its oil revenue to mosques, madrassas and other institutions that have fanned the fires of Islamic radicalism. The oil money has been dispensed not just by the Saudi royal family but by private individuals who benefited from the oil boom -- like Osama bin Laden, whose ample funds, probably eroded now, came from his father, a construction magnate. Without its oil windfall, Saudi Arabia would have had a hard time financing radical Islamists across the globe.

For the Saudis, the political ramifications of reduced demand for its oil would not be negligible. The royal family has amassed vast personal wealth from the country's oil revenues. If, suddenly, Saudis became aware that the royal family had also failed to protect the value of the country's treasured resource, the response could be severe. The mere admission that Saudi reserves are not as impressively inexhaustible as the royal family has claimed could lead to hard questions about why the country, and the world, had been misled. With the death earlier this month of the long-ailing King Fahd, the royal family is undergoing another period of scrutiny; the new king, Abdullah, is in his 80's, and the crown prince, his half-brother Sultan, is in his 70's, so the issue of generational change remains to be settled. As long as the country is swimming in petro-dollars -- even as it is paying off debt accrued during its lean years -- everyone is relatively happy, but that can change. One diplomat I spoke to recalled a comment from Sheik Ahmed Zaki Yamani, the larger-than-life Saudi oil minister during the 1970's: ''The Stone Age didn't end for lack of stone, and the oil age will end long before the world runs out of oil.''


Until now, the Saudis had an excess of production capacity that allowed them, when necessary, to flood the market to drive prices down. They did that in 1990, when the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait eliminated not only Kuwait's supply of oil but also Iraq's. The Saudis functioned, as they always had, as the central bank of oil, releasing supply to the market when it was needed and withdrawing supply to keep prices from going lower than the cartel would have liked. In other words, they controlled not only the price of oil but their own destiny as well.

''That is what the world has called on them to do before -- turn on the taps to produce more and get prices down,'' a senior Western diplomat in Riyadh told me recently. ''Decreasing prices used to keep out alternative fuels. I don't see how they're able to do that anymore. This is a huge change, and it is a big step in the move to whatever is coming next. That's what's really happening.''

Without the ability to flood the markets with oil, the Saudis are resorting to flooding the market with promises; it is a sort of petro-jawboning. That's why Ali al-Naimi, the oil minister, told his Washington audience that Saudi Arabia has embarked on a crash program to raise its capacity to 12.5 million barrels a day by 2009 and even higher in the years after that. Naimi is not unlike a factory manager who needs to promise the moon to his valuable clients, for fear of losing or alarming them. He has no choice. The moment he says anything bracing, the touchy energy markets will probably panic, pushing prices even higher and thereby hastening the onset of recession, a switch to alternative fuels or new conservation efforts -- or all three. Just a few words of honest caution could move the markets; Naimi's speeches are followed nearly as closely in the financial world as those of Alan Greenspan.

I journeyed to Saudi Arabia to interview Naimi and other senior officials, to get as far beyond their prepared remarks as might be possible. Although I was allowed to see Ras Tanura, my interview requests were denied. I was invited to visit Aramco's oil museum in Dhahran, but that is something a Saudi schoolchild can do on a field trip. It was a ''show but don't tell'' policy. I was able to speak about production issues only with Ibrahim al-Muhanna, the oil ministry spokesman, who reluctantly met me over coffee in the lobby of my hotel in Riyadh. He defended Saudi Arabia's refusal to share more data, noting that the Saudis are no different from most oil producers.

''They will not tell you,'' he said. ''Nobody will. And that is not going to change.'' Referring to the fact that Saudi Arabia is often called the central bank of oil, he added: ''If an outsider goes to the Fed and asks, 'How much money do you have?' they will tell you. If you say, 'Can I come and count it?' they will not let you. This applies to oil companies and oil countries.'' I mentioned to Muhanna that many people think his government's ''trust us'' stance is not convincing in light of the cheating that has gone on within OPEC and in the industry as a whole; even Royal Dutch/Shell, a publicly listed oil company that undergoes regular audits, has admitted that it overstated its 2002 reserves by 23 percent.

''There is no reason for any country or company to lie,'' Muhanna replied. ''There is a lot of oil around.'' I didn't need to ask about Simmons and his peak-oil theory; when I met Muhanna at the conference in Washington, he nearly broke off our conversation at the mention of Simmons's name. ''He does not know anything,'' Muhanna said. ''The only thing he has is a big mouth. We should not pay attention to him. Either you believe us or you don't.''

So whom to believe? Before leaving New York for Saudi Arabia, I was advised by several oil experts to try to interview Sadad al-Husseini, who retired last year after serving as Aramco's top executive for exploration and production. I faxed him in Dhahran and received a surprisingly quick reply; he agreed to meet me. A week later, after I arrived in Riyadh, Husseini e-mailed me, asking when I would come to Dhahran; in a follow-up phone call, he offered to pick me up at the airport. He was, it seemed, eager to talk.

It can be argued that in a nation devoted to oil, Husseini knows more about it than anyone else. Born in Syria, Husseini was raised in Saudi Arabia, where his father was a government official whose family took on Saudi citizenship. Husseini earned a Ph.D. in geological sciences from Brown University in 1973 and went to work in Aramco's exploration department, eventually rising to the highest position. Until his retirement last year -- said to have been caused by a top-level dispute, the nature of which is the source of many rumors -- Husseini was a member of the company's board and its management committee. He is one of the most respected and accomplished oilmen in the world.

After meeting me at the cavernous airport that serves Dhahran, he drove me in his luxury sedan to the villa that houses his private office. As we entered, he pointed to an armoire that displayed a dozen or so vials of black liquid. ''These are samples from oil fields I discovered,'' he explained. Upstairs, there were even more vials, and he would have possessed more than that except, as he said, laughing, ''I didn't start collecting early enough.''

We spoke for several hours. The message he delivered was clear: the world is heading for an oil shortage. His warning is quite different from the calming speeches that Naimi and other Saudis, along with senior American officials, deliver on an almost daily basis. Husseini explained that the need to produce more oil is coming from two directions. Most obviously, demand is rising; in recent years, global demand has increased by two million barrels a day. (Current daily consumption, remember, is about 84 million barrels a day.) Less obviously, oil producers deplete their reserves every time they pump out a barrel of oil. This means that merely to maintain their reserve base, they have to replace the oil they extract from declining fields. It's the geological equivalent of running to stay in place. Husseini acknowledged that new fields are coming online, like offshore West Africa and the Caspian basin, but he said that their output isn't big enough to offset this growing need.

''You look at the globe and ask, 'Where are the big increments?' and there's hardly anything but Saudi Arabia,'' he said. ''The kingdom and Ghawar field are not the problem. That misses the whole point. The problem is that you go from 79 million barrels a day in 2002 to 82.5 in 2003 to 84.5 in 2004. You're leaping by two million to three million a year, and if you have to cover declines, that's another four to five million.'' In other words, if demand and depletion patterns continue, every year the world will need to open enough fields or wells to pump an additional six to eight million barrels a day -- at least two million new barrels a day to meet the rising demand and at least four million to compensate for the declining production of existing fields. ''That's like a whole new Saudi Arabia every couple of years,'' Husseini said. ''It can't be done indefinitely. It's not sustainable.''

Husseini speaks patiently, like a teacher who hopes someone is listening. He is in the enviable position of knowing what he talks about while having the freedom to speak openly about it. He did not disclose precise information about Saudi reserves or production -- which remain the equivalent of state secrets -- but he felt free to speak in generalities that were forthright, even when they conflicted with the reassuring statements of current Aramco officials. When I asked why he was willing to be so frank, he said it was because he sees a shortage ahead and wants to do what he can to avert it. I assumed that he would not be particularly distressed if his rivals in the Saudi oil establishment were embarrassed by his frankness.

Although Matthew Simmons says it is unlikely that the Saudis will be able to produce 12.5 million barrels a day or sustain output at that level for a significant period of time, Husseini says the target is realistic; he says that Simmons is wrong to state that Saudi Arabia has reached its peak. But 12.5 million is just an interim marker, as far as consuming nations are concerned, on the way to 15 million barrels a day and beyond -- and that is the point at which Husseini says problems will arise.

At the conference in Washington in May, James Schlesinger, the moderator, conducted a question-and-answer session with Naimi at the conclusion of the minister's speech. One of the first questions involved peak oil: might it be true that Saudi Arabia, which has relied on the same reservoirs, and especially Ghawar, for more than five decades, is nearing the geological limit of its output?

Naimi wouldn't hear of it.

''I can assure you that we haven't peaked,'' he responded. ''If we peaked, we would not be going to 12.5 and we would not be visualizing a 15-million-barrel-per-day production capacity. . . . We can maintain 12.5 or 15 million for the next 30 to 50 years.''

Experts like Husseini are very concerned by the prospect of trying to produce 15 million barrels a day. Even if production can be ramped up that high, geology may not be forgiving. Fields that are overproduced can drop off, in terms of output, quite sharply and suddenly, leaving behind large amounts of oil that cannot be coaxed out with existing technology. This is called trapped oil, because the rocks or sediment around it prevent it from escaping to the surface. Unless new technologies are developed, that oil will never be extracted. In other words, the haste to recover oil can lead to less oil being recovered.

''You could go to 15, but that's when the questions of depletion rate, reservoir management and damaging the fields come into play,'' says Nawaf Obaid, a Saudi oil and security analyst who is regarded as being exceptionally well connected to key Saudi leaders. ''There is an understanding across the board within the kingdom, in the highest spheres, that if you're going to 15, you'll hit 15, but there will be considerable risks . . . of a steep decline curve that Aramco will not be able to do anything about.''

Even if the Saudis are willing to risk damaging their fields, or even if the risk is overstated, Husseini points out a practical problem. To produce and sustain 15 million barrels a day, Saudi Arabia will have to drill a lot more wells and build a lot more pipelines and processing facilities. Currently, the global oil industry suffers a deficit of qualified engineers to oversee such projects and the equipment and the raw materials -- for example, rigs and steel -- to build them. These things cannot be wished from thin air or developed quickly enough to meet the demand.

''If we had two dozen Texas A&M's producing a thousand new engineers a year and the industrial infrastructure in the kingdom, with the drilling rigs and power plants, we would have a better chance, but you cannot put that into place overnight,'' Husseini said. ''Capacity is not just a function of reserves. It is a function of reserves plus know-how plus a commercial economic system that is designed to increase the resource exploitation. For example, in the U.S. you have infrastructure -- there must be tens of thousands of miles of pipelines. If we, in Saudi Arabia, evolve to that level of commercial maturity, we could probably produce a heck of a lot more oil. But to get there is a very tedious, slow process.''

He worries that the rising global demand for oil will lead to the petroleum equivalent of running an engine at ever-increasing speeds without stopping to cool it down or change the oil. Husseini does not want to see the fragile and irreplaceable reservoirs of the Middle East become damaged through wanton overproduction.

''If you are ramping up production so fast and jump from high to higher to highest, and you're not having enough time to do what needs to be done, to understand what needs to be done, then you can damage reservoirs,'' he said. ''Systematic development is not just a matter of money. It's a matter of reservoir dynamics, understanding what's there, analyzing and understanding information. That's where people come in, experience comes in. These are not universally available resources.''

The most worrisome part of the crisis ahead revolves around a set of statistics from the Energy Information Administration, which is part of the U.S. Department of Energy. The E.I.A. forecast in 2004 that by 2020 Saudi Arabia would produce 18.2 million barrels of oil a day, and that by 2025 it would produce 22.5 million barrels a day. Those estimates were unusual, though. They were not based on secret information about Saudi capacity, but on the projected needs of energy consumers. The figures simply assumed that Saudi Arabia would be able to produce whatever the United States needed it to produce. Just last month, the E.I.A. suddenly revised those figures downward -- not because of startling new information about world demand or Saudi supply but because the figures had given so much ammunition to critics. Husseini, for example, described the 2004 forecast as unrealistic.

''That's not how you would manage a national, let alone an international, economy,'' he explained. ''That's the part that is scary. You draw some assumptions and then say, 'O.K., based on these assumptions, let's go forward and consume like hell and burn like hell.''' When I asked whether the kingdom could produce 20 million barrels a day -- about twice what it is producing today from fields that may be past their prime -- Husseini paused for a second or two. It wasn't clear if he was taking a moment to figure out the answer or if he needed a moment to decide if he should utter it. He finally replied with a single word: No.

''It's becoming unrealistic,'' he said. ''The expectations are beyond what is achievable. This is a global problem . . . that is not going to be solved by tinkering with the Saudi industry.''


It would be unfair to blame the Saudis alone for failing to warn of whatever shortages or catastrophes might lie ahead.

In the political and corporate realms of the oil world, there are few incentives to be forthright. Executives of major oil companies have been reluctant to raise alarms; the mere mention of scarce supplies could alienate the governments that hand out lucrative exploration contracts and also send a message to investors that oil companies, though wildly profitable at the moment, have a Malthusian long-term future. Fortunately, that attitude seems to be beginning to change. Chevron's ''easy oil is over'' advertising campaign is an indication that even the boosters of an oil-drenched future are not as bullish as they once were.

Politicians remain in the dark. During the 2004 presidential campaign, which occurred as gas prices were rising to record levels, the debate on energy policy was all but nonexistent. The Bush campaign produced an advertisement that concluded: ''Some people have wacky ideas. Like taxing gasoline more so people drive less. That's John Kerry.'' Although many environmentalists would have been delighted if Kerry had proposed that during the campaign, in fact the ad was referring to a 50-cents-a-gallon tax that Kerry supported 11 years ago as part of a package of measures to reduce the deficit. (The gas tax never made it to a vote in the Senate.) Kerry made no mention of taxing gasoline during the campaign; his proposal for doing something about high gas prices was to pressure OPEC to increase supplies.

Husseini, for one, doesn't buy that approach. ''Everybody is looking at the producers to pull the chestnuts out of the fire, as if it's our job to fix everybody's problems,'' he told me. ''It's not our problem to tell a democratically elected government that you have to do something about your runaway consumers. If your government can't do the job, you can't expect other governments to do it for them.'' Back in the 70's, President Carter called for the moral equivalent of war to reduce our dependence on foreign oil; he was not re-elected. Since then, few politicians have spoken of an energy crisis or suggested that major policy changes are necessary to avert one. The energy bill signed earlier this month by President Bush did not even raise fuel-efficiency standards for passenger cars. When a crisis comes -- whether in a year or 2 or 10 -- it will be all the more painful because we will have done little or nothing to prepare for it.

Peter Maass is a contributing writer. He is writing a book about oil.

Best Cafeteria

Our friends at Cakehead are holding a poll to see who has the best NY Cafeteria. Swing by and send them your vote.

Robert A. Moog dead at 71

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Robert A. Moog, whose self-named synthesizers turned electric currents into sound and opened the musical wave that became electronica, has died. He was 71. (From CNN)

Massive Anti-war March and Free Concert

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Mark you Calendars. This war is unwinnable:

Saturday, September 24
Massive Anti-war March and Concert
Gather 11 AM at the Washington Monument

Join Operation Ceasefire, a new coalition of concerned musicians, for a massive anti-war concert/rally at the Washington Monument on September 24th. This event will be a centerpiece of what is expected to be 4 days of enormous protests in nation's capital in support of a full withdrawal of U.S. forces from the quagmire in Iraq. The concert will bring together musical acts such as: Thievery Corporation, punk rock and independent musicians LeTigre, Bouncing Souls, Ted Leo & The Pharmacists; country music artist Steve Earle, rock and soul band the Bellrays; latin musicians Machetres, socially conscious hip-hop groups The Coup and Head-Roc; and even long time activists Wayne Kramer of the MC5, Jello Biafra and Greg Palast will be involved in this event! With over 60% of the public currently opposed to the war in Iraq, this concert is a fun way we can all come together and demand that this Congress and this administration bring our troops home and start a well over due Ceasefire!
Click here for more information

Chloe Sevigny in Smog Video

Dominorecordco.com has the video to the excellent new Smog single here. It features Chloe in a chambermaid costume wearing an eyepatch. It thankfully does not feature Vincent Gallo's Republican cock in her mouth. The new Bonnie Prince Billy video is available as well.

August 20, 2005

Do They Know It's Halloween - A Vice Magazine Benefit Song Satire

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Vice presents their first benefit song satire, featuring:

Beck, Sum 41, The Arcade Fire, Sonic Youth, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Sloan, Peaches, Feist, Devendra Banhart, Wolf Parade, Postal Service, Buck 65, Comedian David Cross, Sex Pistols' founder Malcolm McLaren, Elvira, 60s soul legend Gino Washington, and more!

Click here to check it out.

August 19, 2005

Flying Spaghetti Monster


Cakehead has an hilarious story satirizing the Intelligent Design nonsense. Read about the Flying Spaghetti Monster here.

Blue States Lose

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Blue States Lose
may be embarassingly derivative of Vice magazine's Do's and Don'ts, but it's still pretty damn funny. After enjoying it for weeks now, we've finally decided to give them a shout out. Their number one entry this week had us howling. Check it out here.

New Yorker Festival Preview

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Tickets go on sale August 25. We're looking forward to seeing Steve Martin talking to Earl Scruggs (the king of bluegrass) about the banjo. A big thanks to ProductShop

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
º Readings by Michael Chabon and Stephen King | Directors Guild of America | 7PM | $15
º Readings by A. M. Homes and Jeffrey Eugenides | Satalla | 9:30PM | $15
º Readings by Nicole Krauss and Ian McEwan | Angel Orensanz Foundation | 9:30PM | $15
º Readings by Zadie Smith and Jonathan Franzen | Directors Guild of America | 9:30PM | $15
º Town Hall Meeting on Iraq: Jeffrey Goldberg, moderator, Robert Baer, Mark Danner, Douglas J. Feith, Kanan Makiya, George Packer, Rend al-Rahim and R. James Woolsey | Town Hall | 7PM | $15

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
º Malcolm Gladwell on the American Obsession with Precociousness or learning quickly versus learning well | Directors Guild of America | 10AM | $25
º William Finnegan and Raymond W. Kelly Discuss Defending New York City | Times Square Studios | 1pm | $25
º A Conversation with Roger Angell and Ian Frazier interviewed by Mark Singer |
Ailey Studios | 1PM | $25
º A Conversation with Mikhail Baryshnikov interviewed by Joan Acocella | 37 Arts | 1PM | $25
º Panel Discussion on When Reality Fails: Fantasy and invention in fiction with Deborah Treisman (moderator), Martin Amis, Judy Budnitz, A. M. Homes, Stephen King, and George Saunders | Celeste Bartos Forum at The New York Public Library | 10AM | $25
º Panel Discussion on Anarchy and Animation: Cartoon chaos theory with Tad Friend (moderator), The Incredibles director Brad Bird, Matt Maiellaro, Dave Willis, and South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone | Directors Guild of America | 1PM | $25
º Panel Discussion on Stage to Studio: When performers produce with Sasha Frere-Jones (moderator), Steve Albini, Ani DiFranco, Ric Ocasek, and the RZA | Times Square Studios | 4PM | $25
º Panel Discussion on Generation X Fashion: Young American designers with Judith Thurman (moderator), Alice Roi, Behnaz Sarafpour, and Tara Subkoff | Ailey Studios | 4PM | $25
º Noah Baumbach and Laura Linney talk with Susan Morrison: How I made my movie | Pavilion Park Slope | 7PM | $20
º Tracy Chapman talks with Dana Goodyear: A Conversation with Music: Songs of love and social justice | Satalla | 7PM | $35
º Tony Ellis, Earl Scruggs, Pete Wernick, and Charles Wood talk with Steve Martin: A Conversation About The great American banjo | Directors Guild of America | 7PM | $35
º Edie Falco talks with Jeffrey Toobin: One tough cookie | Coda | 7PM | $35
º Sleater-Kinney talk with James Surowiecki: A Conversation About The power of three | Newspace | 7PM | $35
Ricky Gervais talks with Nancy Franklin: Office worker | Coda | 10PM | $35
º The Roots talk with Malcolm Gladwell: A Conversation On Grassroots hip-hop | Newspace | 10PM | $35
º Rufus Wainwright talks with Andy Young: A Conversation On The Heart on his sleeve | Satalla | 10PM | $35

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
º Wallace & Gromit—The Curse of the Were-Rabbit: The New Yorker presents a special preview screening of DreamWorks Animation SKG and Aardman Features, with a discussion between Nick Park and Hendrik Hertzberg | Directors Guild of America | 1PM | $5
º Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk: A Salute to the Three Stooges - A Sunday brunch accompanied by clips from classic Three Stooges episodes and a discussion moderated by Adam Green. With Fred Armisen, Mike Cerrone, Gilbert Gottfried, and John Landis | Gallagher’s Steak House | 2PM | $45
º Master Class in the Graphic Novel With Charles Burns and Chris Ware | Condé Nast Auditorium | 1PM | $35
º A Humor Revue With Noah Baumbach, Andy Borowitz, Larry Doyle, Nancy Franklin, Frank Gannon, Anthony Lane, Patricia Marx, Bruce McCall, Rebecca Mead, David Owen, Paul Rudnick, George Saunders, Paul Simms, and Mark Singer. David Remnick, the editor of The New Yorker, hosts the event | Town Hall | 3PM | $50

August 18, 2005

Hardballer actually has Soft Squishy Balls

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Here's Hardball's Chris Matthews showing how "hard" his balls really are (via atrios):

MATTHEWS: Let me go, Paul, before you start. What I keep doing here is asking people on and off camera who come on this program, high-ranking officers, enlisted, former officers. I get sometimes, not all the time, two different versions, the version they give me on the air and the version they give me the minute when we're off the air.

The version they give me when we're on the air is gung-ho, we're doing the right thing, everything is moving along. The version they give me off the air is, Rumsfeld is crazy. There aren't enough troops over there. We're not taking this seriously enough, or, we shouldn't be there, sometimes.

If his show was really about asking tough questions, Matthews would call them on their bullshit instead of being a tool.

Buchanan slams Bush

It's embarassing that Right Winger Pat Buchanan is the person making this assertion:

What is remarkable is that no Democrat has stepped forward.... to lead an anti-war crusade and call for a date certain for withdrawal of U.S. troops. Cindy Sheehan is filling that vacuum. [from WorldNetDaily]

And why is no one organizing a march on Crawford? We are potentially at a turning point and no one from the anti-war movement (other than Sheehan) is doing anything. As White House chief of staff Andrew Card told The New York Times in 2002, "you don't introduce new products in August." Dems have gotten too complacent to introduce any new "products" that could be seen as controversial, even the inevitable "product" of ending a war.

Dolly Parton tonight at Radio City Music Hall

Tickets are 40-75 bucks but she is, after all, Dolly Parton. Click here for tix.

August 17, 2005

And we just joined you in "The Computer" for posting this....

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This just arrived in our inbox....

Bush supporter 'Songman Calahan' [see below] complained to officers that my sign offended him. I was cited for disorderly conduct, forced to put the offending sign in my car and leave the premises (with the warning that I am now in their COMPUTER). So much for that little ole thing once known as the First Amendment

Frankly, we find this entry from Songman Calahan's website more disturbing and offensive [Via Catch]:

Question: Songman...what makes Yooz so special?...(talking like I'm from New York)

Answer: I don't think I'm so special...Who said "Special Songman".......but...

Short version ...........I have written songs and my name is Calahan so why not "Songman Calahan"........one time someone called me "Songman Calahan" and then someone else called me "Songman Calahan" again(another time) so I thought ...sounds ok...and I have some songs.... and/more now still... so it sounded more ok.

And once I heard someone say,"hey... your good".....and...."thats a special song".....then,another time I heard,"I just ate oatmeal for dinner" or was it "boats smell better in winter"?...Then I don't remember much after that....but that was long ago ...might be wrong 'bout some things............
....(not much).

Ironically, Songman Calahan has yet to be cited for disorderly conduct for taunting a grieving mother.

August 16, 2005

Updated: Meanwhile, Right Wingers continue to call Sheehan a "Crackpot"

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Crackpot #1, Larry Northern

(Reuters) A pickup truck ran over wooden crosses erected at anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan's campsite on Monday night, in the latest sign of tension over the peace vigil outside vacationing President George W. Bush's Texas ranch.

Larry Northern, 46, of nearby Waco, Texas, was arrested and charged with criminal mischief in connection with the incident, Crawford Police Chief Donnie Tidmore said.

Sheehan has pitched a tent on Prairie Chapel Road, which leads to Bush's ranch, and calls her site "Camp Casey," after her 24-year-old son, who was killed in combat in Iraq in April 2004.

The small, white wooden crosses erected at the site are hand-painted with the names of soldiers killed in Iraq.

Sheehan, of Vacaville, California, has demanded a meeting with Bush at which she said she wants to call for the withdrawal of all U.S. troops from Iraq.

While Bush has expressed sympathy for Sheehan's grief, the White House has declined a meeting. Sheehan previously met with Bush in 2004 but wants another meeting.

Michelle Mulkey, a spokeswoman for Sheehan, said protesters were still awake on Monday night when a truck dragging a pipe and chains drove over a portion of the area where the crosses were standing.


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Crackpot #2, Larry Mattlage

(CNN) -- Anti-war protesters outside President Bush's ranch here were startled Sunday by gunshots fired by a Texas rancher frustrated by the group's presence.

"Well, I'm getting ready for dove season," Larry Mattlage, 62, told reporters of the shots fired around 10 a.m. (noon EDT). Asked if there was an underlying message to the shots, which he fired harmlessly into the air, Mattlage told a reporter, "Figure it out for yourself."

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Crackpot #3, Songman Calahan

(Via Catch)A man calling himself Songman Calahan, left, sings a song taunting Cindy Sheehan as Eve Tidwell, right, looks on from across the street of Sheehan's camp on the side of the road leading to President Bush's ranch near Crawford, Texas, Monday, Aug. 15, 2005.


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Crackpot #4, Rush Limbaugh

(Media Matters) Nationally syndicated radio host Rush Limbaugh equated the actions of Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a soldier killed in Iraq, with those of Bill Burkett, the retired Texas Air National Guard officer who provided CBS' 60 Minutes with unauthenticated documents regarding President Bush's National Guard record. Sheehan is currently staging an anti-war protest outside Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas. Limbaugh said that Sheehan's "story is nothing more than forged documents."
More Right Wing Crackpots here.

Colleen in Williamsburg

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Colleen - The Golden Morning Breaks

Tuesday August 16th at Glasshouse Gallery
38 South 1st btwn Wythe & Kent
$8 - donation, begins at 8PM

Colleen
A Hawk and a Hacksaw (Jeremy Barnes of Neutral Milk Hotel)
Dirty Projectors

[ COLLEEN ] It's the perfect headphones soundtrack to a bus ride through ultraviolet city snow - One of those rare, truly evocative abstract pieces of art where every observer takes away their own interpretation, and is left feeling a little more special about their experience as a result - Pitchfork.com
[Jeremy Barnes] Formerly the drummer of quirk-pop band Neutral Milk Hotel, Barnes plays accordion, keyboards and electronics in addition to percussion on these mostly instrumental compositions, which range all over the map but show a particular affinity for Spanish and Eastern European tones. (Wash Post)

Listen to Colleen here and here.

MP3's
Colleen - The Happy Sea taken from the album The Golden Morning Breaks
Colleen - The Golden Morning Breaks taken from the album The Golden Morning Breaks
Colleen - Ritournelle taken from the album Everyone Alive Wants Answers

August 15, 2005

The Vacation Continues

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President Bush in response to Cindy Sheehan:

"I think it's also important for me to go on with my life"

Because, you know, clearing brush and signing pork-filled pieces of paper is exhausting. Good thing he's got a five week vacation.

[via HuffPost]

August 13, 2005

Siberia is melting.....

From New Scientist

THE world's largest frozen peat bog is melting. An area stretching for a million square kilometres across the permafrost of western Siberia is turning into a mass of shallow lakes as the ground melts, according to Russian researchers just back from the region.

The sudden melting of a bog the size of France and Germany combined could unleash billions of tonnes of methane, a potent greenhouse gas, into the atmosphere.

The news of the dramatic transformation of one of the world's least visited landscapes comes from Sergei Kirpotin, a botanist at Tomsk State University, Russia, and Judith Marquand at the University of Oxford.

Kirpotin describes an "ecological landslide that is probably irreversible and is undoubtedly connected to climatic warming". He says that the entire western Siberian sub-Arctic region has begun to melt, and this "has all happened in the last three or four years".....

Siberia's peat bogs formed around 11,000 years ago at the end of the last ice age. Since then they have been generating methane, most of which has been trapped within the permafrost, and sometimes deeper in ice-like structures known as clathrates. Larry Smith of the University of California, Los Angeles, estimates that the west Siberian bog alone contains some 70 billion tonnes of methane, a quarter of all the methane stored on the land surface worldwide.

His colleague Karen Frey says if the bogs dry out as they warm, the methane will oxidise and escape into the air as carbon dioxide. But if the bogs remain wet, as is the case in western Siberia today, then the methane will be released straight into the atmosphere. Methane is 20 times as potent a greenhouse gas as carbon dioxide.

August 12, 2005

Sightings perform at the Beach in LIC

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When: Friday 8-12 at 8pm
Who: Monotract, Metalux, and Sightings
Where: THE BEACH at the HuntersPoint Water TaxiStation
SW Corner of 2nd St & Borden Ave | LIC, Queens
G-21st Van Alst, 7-Vernon Jackson
How Much: 6 bucks

From Todd P's website:

The Beach is OUTSIDE - it's pretty much a waterfront palapa / sand-covered temporary watering hole / backyard grill / beach volleyball court / experimental temporary autonomous art project experience – right on the East River waterfront and directly across the East River from Midtown Manhattan in Long Island City, Queens. The city view is unreal/beautiful, the beer cold. Froofy tropical drinks, cheap elk burgers, fish tacos, and pork kielbasa from the grill + vegan stuff.
** CHEAP **$2** 24-OUNCE PBR! **

Find out more here.

Also Tonight:

OPEN BAR
Triple Crown
Williamsburg
N. 11th and Bedford, Brooklyn, NY.
When: 9-11pm

From MyOpenBar.com:

Two-hour open bar courtesy of Red Stripe and Smirnoff. Album release party for the third volume of Triple 5 Soul Sessions at Triple Crown. On the decks for the night will be Waajeed (Platinum Pied Pipers/Bling 47), Blu Jemz (Money Studies/Turntable Lab), Lindsey (Negroclash/Triple Crown) and DJ Myles (Triple Crown). Plus cd giveaways. Free entry with RSVP at events@triple5soul.com.

Wingnut Crunch

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Because even Right Wing douchebags love ice cream. See the full assortment of flavors (including Ara-Fat Free and
Candy McCain) here:

August 11, 2005

Clap Your Hands Say David Byrne

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image care of Brooklyn Vegan

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah were amazing last night at the South Street Seaport's free show. David Byrne even showed up to see this new "it" band. He must have caught wind of the comparisons being made about The Talking Heads and CYHSY. Highlight of the night was a song we'd never heard before with a catchy singalong chorus all about our good friend Satan. Can't wait to hear it on an upcoming release. We look forward to Ted Leo and The Sugar Hill Gang in coming days.

August 10, 2005

Best NY Cafeteria

Vote on Cakehead:

Damn crowds

We're not even going to mention what's going on tonight. It's already going to be too damned crowded.

It can't be racist if it's in New York Magazine

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Is "Kurt Andersen" a pod person?

Kurt, my boy... what the hell happened to you?! We loved Spy magazine. We even endure your phony, affected, NPR-ass-plug-enunciation every Saturday to listen to your marvelous WNYC show, Studio 360. Nevertheless, your recent writing for New York Magazine has been unforgivable. Have you been taking the red pills the GOP sends you in the mail? Have you castrated your way into the Upper East Side reclining chair of Yuppiehood? Have you been hanging out with Dennis Miller? Shame on you, we used to love you.

"Kurt Andersen" on the Iraq war:

Each of us has a Hobbesian choice concerning Iraq; either we hope for the vindication of Bush's risky, very possibly reckless policy, or we are in a de facto alliance with the killers of American soldiers and Iraqi civilians.

"Kurt Andersen" on being afraid of women in black burkas [via Catch]:

But still, I felt a little guilty the other afternoon in Foley Square, walking between two big federal buildings, when I darted off the sidewalk the moment I saw a woman approaching in a full black burka. I wanted to get beyond her killing radius as quickly as I could. It was silly, and slightly shameful, but reflexive: In the summer of 2005 in New York, ostentatiously pious Muslim = potential suicide bomber.

Her killing radius? Christ. It can't be racist if it's in New York Magazine. In the summer of 2005, we give up on you, "Kurt Andersen."

August 09, 2005

NARAL to run anti-Roberts ad

From the NARAL website:

NARAL Pro-Choice America, the nation’s leading advocate for personal privacy and a woman’s right to choose, launched a nationwide television ad campaign drawing attention to one of the most disturbing episodes in Supreme Court nominee John Roberts’ career – the brief he filed siding with groups like Operation Rescue and other anti-choice extremists who use bombings and other forms of intimidation against women, doctors, and nurses at women's health clinics

view the ad here.

The ad will run in Maine, New Hampshire, and Rhode Island, home of three Republican Senators who often vote pro-choice.

August 08, 2005

Further proof CNN sucks

This is one of their current top stories:

Man forgets wife at gas station

A Macedonian man left his wife at an Italian service station and only realized he had driven off without her six hours later, news agency Ansa said.

The couple, who were travelling with their 4-year-old daughter, pulled over for petrol in the coastal city of Pesaro as they were heading back to their home to Germany.

After filling the tank, the husband drove away -- without noticing that his 30-year-old wife, originally from Georgia, had got out of the car to go to the toilet.

The woman, who had no money or documents with her, contacted the police who eventually traced her husband to Milan, some 340 km (210 miles) north of Pesaro, Ansa said.

The husband told police he had not missed his wife because she always sat in the back of the car with their daughter.

Sarah Silverman Jesus Is Magic Trailer

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Click image for quicktime trailer. We love you Sarah, despite the whole Jimmy Kimmel thing. [Thanks to Lindsayism.]

Yip-Yip and Blir

Music Reviews by John Rickman

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Yip-Yip
"Pro-Twelve Thinker"

(Strictly Amateur Films)

The Orlando-based duo known as Yip-Yip cough up an interesting blend of electro-something-or-another that is neither easy to define or ignore. With the use of keyboards, small toys, and effect boxes, Yip Yip whip up a buzz-laden racket that ignites the mind and lubricates the bloodstream. Smart but sloppy, with tracks that stumble from one into another, "Pro-Twelve Thinker" is perfect for engaging in tangential thought or for propelling your next drunken evening forward.

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Blir
"Post Edits #08"

(Raster)


Mark Fell and Mat Steel, the Sheffield, U.K.-based duo best known for producing sterile-but-soulful micro-techno under the name SND, are back with a new full-length under the name Blir. "Post Edits #08" features the duo's signature defibrillator sounds and relentless rhythms, but here they are applied in a very meditative and hypnotic fashion. Die-hard SND fans will definitely want to pick this up, but so will those who see nothing strange about dance music culture expanding its reach into the larger world of contemporary art.

August 05, 2005

M.I.A., Criscomas, and Chili Crab

To Do this Weekend:

M.I.A. with Diplo and DJ Rekha
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Beginning at 3:00 PM
Central Park SummerStage
FREE

"The 28-year old Sri Lankan-born M.I.A. represents a new type of rootless, nation-less pop performer, one who can effortlessly graft images of violent revolution and Third World poverty to block-rocking party beats. The music on her debut album, Arular, is impossible to define, an irresistible mash-up of British garage, Jamaican toasting, American hip-hop and South Asian bhangra (to name just a few of its elements)"

Our friends at Cakehead have some other great suggestions such as Criscomas and NYC Tiger Beer Singapore Chili Crab Festival

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August 04, 2005

August 2005 Movie Preview

by Dave Thomas

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Welcome to the month of the Miramax fire sale, wherein Harvey and Bob release all the crap they've been holding back before they leave Disney for good in September. Other than that, it's your usual batch of not-ready-for-prime-time summer releases.

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AUGUST 5
-------------------------------------

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Just some good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm with that Confederate Flag on top of their car.

WILL IT SUCK?
Well, did you like "Super Troopers?" Jay Chandrasekhar, who directed that, is on board here. Not only that, most of the fifty or so writers credited with this adaptation are from that project as well. In a way, it seems appropriate. In another way, isn't anyone from the original TV show still alive to write this?

I guess the casting makes sense, though the original rumor of Paul Walker as one of the Dukes and Britney Spears as Daisy Duke is, well, about as appropriate. And Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg is ultimately a less, erm, controversial choice than Anthony Anderson, which I think would've been a hoot n' a holler, regardless.

Still, I don't think we're looking at even a "Starsky & Hutch" level interpretation here.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I can't believe no one's taking on the Dukes. $48mil.

-------------------------------------

2046

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Wong Kar Wai ventures into sci-fi.

WILL IT SUCK?
As you might expect for a Wong Kar Wai flick, the buzz is pretty solid. Combines elements, literally, of his previous works (entire characters in some cases). Got every award "Kung Fu Hustle" didn't get at the Hong Kong Film Awards plus a crapload more at international fests. Also features Tony Leung and Zhang Ziyi fresh from "Hero."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The Wong Kar Wai following isn't enough to sustain this during one of the busiest indie weekends of the year. $3mil.

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BROKEN FLOWERS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "High Fidelity" if one of those chicks fathered Cusack's child and he had to figure out who.

WILL IT SUCK?
Did I mention that Cusack in this case is Bill Murray and Stephen Frears is Jim Jarmusch? Now, critics are balking a little at the fact that this is more mainstream than usual for Jarmusch, but that hasn't stopped it from getting raves, being the top rated of all the filmmaker's triumphs on IMDB, and winning, oh, the Grand Prix at Cannes.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Focus Features knows how to market Bill Murray. As a result, this could end up being one of Jarmusch's highest-grossing films to date. As far as the Jarmusch faithful go, tickets to an advance screening in Philly were gone in hours (no, I didn't get in). While this might not go quite as far as "Lost in Translation," and may receive a little grief from "Pretty Persuasion" the following weekend, it'll still be a very happy camper. $22mil.

-------------------------------------

THE CHUMSCRUBBER

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dark comedy that starts with a friend's suicide. I said dark comedy.

WILL IT SUCK?
Mixed reviews so far, and a very unusual cast. You've got Jamie Bell from "Billy Elliot," Glenn Close, Allison Janney, Rita Wilson, William Fichtner, Rory Culkin, Ralph Fiennes, Carrie-Ann Moss, Lauren Holly, John Heard, and Jason Isaacs. Haven't seen a trailer yet, but seems like the kind of film that looks better than the reviews would indicate.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If I were this film, I would have wanted to come out last weekend, with virtually no competition and not the same weekend as releases from two major indie directors and one weekend before another dark comedy. But Newmarket can be very effective with pitching unusual material (see "Monster"). $2mil.

-------------------------------------

SAINT RALPH

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid runs the Boston Marathon as a symbolic miraculous gesture on behalf of his ill mother.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but audiences seem to like it. I know, I was hoping it was the long-awaited sequel to "King Ralph," too, but it could still be good. Campbell Scott looks like he'll be fun as Ralph's priest/mentor.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The presence of Scott (and a couple of other recognizable faces, like Jennifer Tilly) plus the push of a mini-major like Samuel Goldwyn could have given this a slight edge back in May, but in a crowded time like this it'll be lucky to break a mil. $750,000.

-------------------------------------

SECUESTRO EXPRESS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kidnapping thriller in Caracas.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but writer director Jonathan Jakubowicz seems an interesting one to watch. His first short, "Distance," screened at a lot of big festivals and takes place on 9/11 and apparently takes an intriguing direction from there. He did a doc prior to that about Jewish WWII refugees coming to Venezuela (his home). We'll see if this breaks him, critically.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It probably won't break him commercially. This is part of the Miramax fire sale. $1mil.

-------------------------------------

JUNEBUG

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
City girl goes to the country to visit her new beau's relatives. Wacky tension ensues.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is split. Critics love it, audiences hate it. What's interesting is that most of the positive buzz centers on a supporting role. Amy Adams performance as the sister of said beau is drawing raves (and won her an award at Sundance). Also on board (as the happy couple) are Embeth "I was in 'Schindler's List' AND 'Army of Darkness'" Davidtz and Alessandro "I was in 'Face/Off' AND 'Laurel Canyon'" Nivola, both of whom I like.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
What is with the first weekend in August? There are simply too many movies. Half of these could have moved to the previous weekend and eliminated most of their competition. This will probably fall on the lower end of the spectrum. Mid-level indie stars, critical acclaim that does not match word of mouth, and a two-day head start that I don't think will make much difference. I would've released this in the late fall, when an Oscar campaign for Adams might have helped. $400,000.

-------------------------------------
AUGUST 12
-------------------------------------

DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
If I have to explain this to you, then you're probably the target audience.

WILL IT SUCK?
Again, if I have to tell you…

I think the only reason they hired the director is because his name is, I shit you not, Mike Bigelow.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they liked it before… On the other hand, "Dukes" should fill the dumb comedy niche for at least two weekends, so, this could be in trouble. $26mil.

-------------------------------------

THE SKELETON KEY

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kate Hudson vs. voodoo.

WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are really split on this one, and frankly, you can kind of see it coming. Poor Iain Softley. First he directs "Backbeat," a promising, if flawed, film. Then he goes on to "Hackers" and "K-Pax." And then he has to deal with that unnecessary extra "i" in his first name. And screenwriter Ehren Kruger. He did "The Ring," but he also did "The Ring 2." And "Scream 3." And "Reindeer Games." So you can see how this would swing both ways. And, finally, this has Peter Sarsgaard, which is the one unadulteratedly positive thing I can say about it.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Don't be surprised if this exceeds expectations. It's far from horror and major blockbuster releases, unlike "Dark Water" before it. It has to deal with "Red Eye" the following week, but it has the bigger star. $38mil.

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FOUR BROTHERS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Twice as good as "Two Brothers." Okay, nobody remembers that movie? Mark Whalberg and three other guys who were a lot cheaper to cast avenge the death of their adoptive mother.

WILL IT SUCK?
This looks like one of those flicks that would be a guilty pleasure on cable on a Saturday afternoon. Director John Singleton lost all credibility with "2 Fast 2 Furious," and it's going to take more than producing "Hustle and Flow" to win it back. This could help, but one of the writers has "The Watcher" to his credit. You know, the movie with Keanu Reeves as a serial killer? Yeah, that one.

Still ya gotta love casting Josh Charles, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Andre Benjamin, and Terence "I am everywhere" Howard. How much do you want Andre to rap with Whalberg?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
People love the Marky Mark. $61mil.

-------------------------------------

THE GREAT RAID

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Based on a true story. Benjamin Bratt leads troops on a raid of a Japanese prison camp in WWII that was really, really…um…great.

WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are split. John Dahl is a strong director. He gave us "The Last Seduction" and "Rounders" and made "Joyride" ten times better than it should have been. On the other hand, I've seen the trailer, and I'm just not feeling Bratt as a military leader. Also, this is a part of the Miramax fire sale, having been delayed for two years. Not a good sign.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think there is an audience for this, but to release it on a crowded weekend before an even more crowded weekend suggests that Miramax is only interested in getting this out the door. They won't pimp it like they usually do. $20mil.

-------------------------------------

ASYLUM

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Good girl falls for bad boy. Well, wife falls for mental patient working on dilapidated asylum next door.

WILL IT SUCK?
I think critics will be as split on this as they were on David Mackenzie's last film, "Young Adam." This won't have naked Ewan McGregor (although, really, what film doesn't have naked Ewan McGregor?) but it will have a clothed Sir Ian McKellan as a sort of narrator, and a screenplay co-written by Patrick "Closer" Marber.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Young Adam" didn't do that well, and this one is lacking Little Ewan. $100,000.

-------------------------------------

PRETTY PERSUASION

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Schoolgirl accuses her teacher of sexual harassment to get famous. It's a comedy.

WILL IT SUCK?
Critics seem to be split as to whether this is exploitative or clever, and audiences are no more consistent. You've got a director from "Veronica Mars" who somehow also did upcoming Nick Cannon vehicle "Underclassman" and a relative newcomer writer. James Woods, Evan Rachel Wood, Ron Livingston, Selma Blair, and Jane Krakowski should make things interesting.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is probably going to be one of the higer profile indie releases this month. And Jane Krakowski and Evan Rachel Wood practically making out in the trailer probably won't hurt. $10mil.

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GRIZZLY MAN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about a guy who spent his life defending Grizzlies until he was killed by one of them.

WILL IT SUCK?
From legendary director Werner Herzog, whose highest-rated IMDB film is actually a documentary about Kuwait. This one is getting raves and won an award at Sundance. Looks creepy as hell, and the reviews seem to bear this out. Should be fascinating.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is being released by The Discovery Channel, so it'll be interesting to see how they market a theatrical run. I think this might do better with Lion's Gate at the helm touting it as the next "Open Water." Either way this has to overcome "Pretty Persuasion" and a crapload of second frames from the previous week. $100,000.

-------------------------------------
AUGUST 19
-------------------------------------

VALIANT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Chicken Run" rip-off, er, movie in which CG pigeons, that have nothing to do with "Chicken Run," even though they're British, fight in WWII delivering vital messages while trying to evade the "Falcon Brigade." I think that last part is made up.

WILL IT SUCK?
Did I mention there were "resistance mice?" But again, nothing to do with "Chicken Run." Early buzz is actually pretty good, and I have to admit this has the strongest cast of virtually any film this summer. Ewan McGregor, Tim Curry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Laurie, John Cleese, John Hurt, and…wait for it…Ricky Gervais! (By the way, Ewan is on his way to winning the Jude Law Ubiquity award for this year. This is his SECOND lead in a CG animated film - third if you count Star Wars - in 2005.)

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Maybe just a wee bit of competition from "Brothers Grimm" next week, but that's about it. As much as I would like to see a non-Pixar Disney CGI flicks fall flat on its face, this will pretty much run the table. $117mil.

-------------------------------------

RED EYE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Nick of Time" on a plane.

WILL IT SUCK?
Good cast. Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy, Brian Cox. Wes Craven is a "master of horror," but truth be told, he's made a lot of crap ("Deadly Friend" is only the tip of the iceberg). But paired with a good writer, there's a shot. In this case, it's a bloke who wrote the "Halloween" episode of "Buffy."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sandwiched between "Skeleton Key" and "The Cave," but with a better trailer and more marketable pitch than either, not to mention the boost McAdams and Murphy received from "Wedding Crashers" and "Batman Begins" respectively. $82mil.

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THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Steve Carell is a 40 year-old virgin.

WILL IT SUCK?
This is from "Freaks and Geeks" writer/director Judd Apatow who co-wrote the script with Carell, himself a writer on "The Drew Carey Show" (and did you know Carell used to voice one of "The Ambiguously Gay Duo?") "Anchorman" co-star Paul Rudd is also in the mix.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As much of a flop as it will probably be, "Deuce Bigalow" cannot be discounted here, even in its second frame. The hard R here isn't mitigated by big stars, as with "Wedding Crashers." Positive buzz should still help, however. $21mil.

-------------------------------------

SUPERCROSS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Okay, you know the dirt bike chase from "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle?" Imagine two hours of that.

WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of "Meet the Deedles." Do I really need to say more? If you like your WB, you'll get your fill of "One Tree Hill," or UPN and "Reba," or Fox and "Skin" (wow) or just bad movies with the "Texas Chainsaw" remake - actors from each are here. I'm gonna guess they're going for a young demographic. Oh, and one more link to "Charlie's Angels 2" - Robert Patrick.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Teenybopper audience will flock to "Undiscovered" the following week. $38mil.

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ROMANCE AND CIGARETTES

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
John Turturro directs a musical starring James Gandolfini. That's not the plot. He really did it.

WILL IT SUCK?
Will you look at this cast? Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Kate Winslet, Steve Buscemi, Christopher Walken, Mandy Moore (building on her indie cred from "Saved"), Mary Louise-Parker (speaking of "Saved"), and Eddie freakin' Izzard! Turturro's previous writing/directing efforts haven't been home runs, but this certainly seems more unique.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Pretty Persuasion's" second frame might be a bit of an issue, but this has the star power to take all comers. $12mil.

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REEL PARADISE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A lot of people have never heard of John Pierson, but they do know who he broke into the mainstream - Spike Lee, Michael Moore, and Kevin Smith, just to name a few. What I didn't know is that he took his family to the most remote movie theater on Earth - the Meridian on an obscure Fiji island - and ran it for a year. Steve "Hoop Dreams" James made a doc of it.

WILL IT SUCK?
Solid reviews. And why not? Here you have a fantastic doc filmmaker (James also did the heartbreaking "Stevie") covering a legendary film figure in a completely exotic locale with a unique premise. I've seen some of the clips, and one of the first fascinating bits to emerge is the fact that indie guru Pierson programs "Bringing Down the House" and "Jackass" as much as or more than "Rabbit-Proof Fence" or "Bend It Like Beckham."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Me and like five other people are psyched about the John Pierson and/or Steve James element. $100,000.

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AUGUST 26
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THE BROTHERS GRIMM

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"A Bug's Life" or "The Three Amigos" with magic and monsters instead of locusts and banditos.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, and it doesn't help that this is yet another part of the Miramax fire sale. On the other hand, it's a Terry Gilliam joint, and he seems well suited to the material. Heath Ledger and Matt Damon should be passable as the Grimms and Jonathan Pryce, Monica Belluci, and Peter Stormare will make decent adversaries. Ehren Kruger writes, but we've already discussed the ups and downs of that.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Biggest stars of the weekend. The following week, "Transporter 2" might outclass it with smaller stars. $73mil.

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THE CAVE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Cole Hauser and some folks fight creatures beneath the surface of the Earth. They do not however, attempt to drill to the center of the Earth, so they're already ahead.

WILL IT SUCK?
Morris Chestnut and Cole Hauser are good actors, but they often make poor choices ("Anaconda 2," "Papparazzi"). Newcomer writers and director. But the only factor to consider, really, is the presence of Daniel Dae Kim, so it must be seen.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All sorts of creatures this week ("Brothers Grimm") and next ("A Sound of Thunder"), so it might be tough for this to stand out. $17mil.

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THE CONSTANT GARDENER

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ralph Fiennes investigates the death of his wife (Rachel Weisz) in Africa.

WILL IT SUCK?
They had me at "Directed by Fernando Meirelles." That's the guy who did "City of God" which is just, like, the best movie ever made! Seriously, it's awesome. So why did they team him up with the guy who wrote "Goldeneye?" Also, this is based on a John Le Carre novel and, nothing against him, but his films don't always make the most exciting fare - "The Russia House," "The Tailor of Panama." Am looking forward, however, to Pete Postlethwaite and Bill Nighy in supporting roles.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Think of it like an early Oscar release. I would have pushed further into the fall, when a title with the word "gardener" in it might put more butts in seats, unless it's "The Gardener Who Is Constantly Kicking Your Ass!" Now that's a summer title. $24mil.

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UNDISCOVERED

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A group of young hopefuls tries to make in that crazy, topsy-turvy Mecca that is Los Angeles.

WILL IT SUCK?
Meiert Avis, of several U2 videos (including the gorgeous "All I Want Is You") directs for reasons beyond explanation. The trailer looks like it should be followed by the words "This Fall on Fox!" Ashlee Simpson lends a hand. With Fisher Stevens, Peter Weller, and Carrie Fisher on board, "Rediscovered" seems a better title.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't know that the Ashlee following is what it used to be. $31mil.

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thememoryofakiller_poster.jpg

THE MEMORY OF A KILLER

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Two cops try to track down a killer with Alzheimer's.

WILL IT SUCK?
Has won multiple international awards, including a near sweep of the Belgian Oscars, which are named after Joseph Plateau, the man who discovered persistence of vision. Have you stopped reading yet?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sony Pictures Classics is good at marketing international fare, but I don't think the timing will be kind. $800,000.

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DIRTY DEEDS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid has 12 hours to complete a series of outrageous (dare I say "dirty?") deeds.

WILL IT SUCK?
Probably the most curious thing about this "American Pie-ish Comedy," besides the fact that it's an indie, is that the production company is a bunch of baseball players, including Jason Giambi, so clearly they need the money.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not nearly as much as any one of these guys makes in a year. $300,000.

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ETERNAL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Some chicks will do anything to look young. Like bathe in the blood of 650 virgins. Like you've never done anything crazy.

WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz, not so good, but if you need your Sapphic bloodsucker fix, I'm pretty sure "Vampire Lesbian Kickboxers" is out on DVD by now.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Three words: Straight-to-DVD. $200,000.

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THE BAXTER

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Romantic comedy plot #4. Man has to choose between two women.

WILL IT SUCK?
The main spin here isn't so much the plot as it is the generator, writer/director/star Michael Showalter, a driving force behind such fare as "The State," "Stella," and "Wet Hot American Summer." Also features Peter Dinklage, Michelle Williams, Paul Rudd, and Showalter regular Michael Ian Black.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A comedian with a somewhat larger following has a limited release coming out the next weekend ("Margaret Cho: Assassin"), but the "State/Stella" crowd might come in handy. $300,000.

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Next month should be a blast for fans of Joss Whedon, Terry Zwigoff, Lasse Hallstrom, and Tim Burton. But my eye is on the return of Shane Black.

-- Dave Thomas

August 03, 2005

Bush poop

bushpoo.jpg

[From ThisPoint] Police in Germany are hunting pranksters who have been sticking miniature flag portraits of US President George W. Bush into piles of dog poo in public parks.

Josef Oettl, parks administrator for Bayreuth, said: "This has been going on for about a year now, and there must be 2,000 to 3,000 piles of excrement that have been claimed during that time."

The series of incidents was originally thought to be some sort of protest against the US-led invasion of Iraq. And then when it continued it was thought to be a protest against President George W. Bush's campaign for re-election.

But it is still going on and the police say they are completely baffled as to who is to blame.

"We have sent out extra patrols to try to catch whoever is doing this in the act," said police spokesman Reiner Kuechler. "But frankly, we don't know what we would do if we caught them redhanded."

Legal experts say there is no law against using faeces as a flag stand and the federal constitution is vague on the issue.

Free "answer song" MP3's

ernest_tubb.jpg
Ernest Tubb

[From WFMU via Brooklyn Vegan]

All these periodic payola inquiries would lead you to believe that the only way to get a song played on the radio is by delivering duffel bags full of cash, cocaine and Adidas sneakers to a station's doorstep. Not so. For several decades, another time-tested method was to shamelessly hitch your tune to an already established single, a phenomenon known as the Answer Song

Click here for 28 free Answer Song downloads including Ernest Tubb and the Bar-Kays.

Because nothing pressing is going on in the world....

[From the Washington Post via Catch]

President Bush is getting the kind of break most Americans can only dream of: nearly five weeks away from the office, loaded with vacation time.

The president departed Tuesday for his longest stretch yet away from the White House, arriving at his Crawford ranch in the evening for a spell of clearing brush, visiting with family and friends, and tending to some outside-the-Beltway politics. It is the longest presidential retreat in at least 36 years.

The August getaway is Bush's 49th trip to his cherished ranch since he took office. Tuesday was the 319th day that Bush has spent, entirely or partially, in Crawford -- nearly 20 percent of his presidency to date, according to Mark Knoller, a CBS Radio reporter known for keeping better records of the president's travel than the White House itself.

Until now, probably no modern president was a more famous vacationer than Ronald Reagan, who loved spending time at his ranch in Santa Barbara, Calif. According to an Associated Press count, Reagan spent all or part of 335 days in Santa Barbara over his eight-year presidency -- a total that Bush will surpass this month in Crawford with 3 1/2 years left in his second term.

August 02, 2005

Nardwuar vs Cross

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Nardwuar has an hilarious new interview with David Cross available for download. It's just shy of an hour long and funny as hell. Cross proves once again that he's hands down the funniest comedian working. [via BrooklynVegan]

August 01, 2005

Sufjan cover of the Beatle's "What Goes On"

http://www.thisbirdhasflown.com/

True to form, Bush abuses his power to confirm a liar

From NY Times:

Charging that John R. Bolton was "not truthful" in answering questions about his record, 36 senators urged President Bush on Friday not to make a recess appointment of Mr. Bolton as United Nations ambassador after the Senate's failure to confirm him for that job...

In a letter to Mr. Bush, the senators cited the disclosure on Thursday that Mr. Bolton had been interviewed by the State Department's inspector general in an investigation of intelligence failures related to Iraq, even though he told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in March that he had not been involved in any such inquiry.

Mr. Bolton "did not recall this interview" when he assured the committee that he had not been questioned by any investigators, according to a letter sent Friday from the State Department to Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr., the ranking Democrat on the foreign relations panel.

The letter from the senators, all Democrats except for the Senate's sole independent, who usually votes with them, was the latest escalation of the battle over Mr. Bolton.

He has run into heavy opposition in the Senate because of his history of criticizing the United Nations and over charges that he tried to influence intelligence assessments to conform with his own views.

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