January 2007 Movie Preview
Agnes Bruckner in "Blood and Chocolate"
You might want to just watch Netflix for a month.
January 5
CODE NAME: THE CLEANER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Cedric the Entertainer thinks he's a spy.
WILL IT SUCK?
Almost certainly. I'd like to say that the presence of Midnight Run scribe George Gallo would be a mitigating factor, but we're talking about the director of The Man at the helm.
At least with Mark Dacascos on board, there'll be some good kung fu.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think we're at the point yet where Cedric can open a film. $13mil.
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HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like Shrek without, you know, Shrek.
WILL IT SUCK?
As Dr. Wife so kindly put it, "It's nice to see that Andy Dick was able to fit in some voice work between 8-balls." Yeah, that's about all there is to say about this one.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Hoodwinked, this ain't. $25mil.
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FREEDOM WRITERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dead Poets Stand and Deliver Dangerous Minds to Sir, With Love
WILL IT SUCK?
You could do worse than to have Richard LaGravenese (writer: The Fisher King, The Ref; director: A Decade Under the Influence) writing and directing your film. Still, seems like a retread.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Stomp the Yard might provide a little competition the following week, but inspirational teacher stories are usually good for a modest return. $19mil.
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January 12
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ALPHA DOG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
True crime story with kids getting involved in drugs, kidnapping and murder.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not promising. Apparently the director of The Notebook isn't capturing that true crime feel. Or maybe it's just a bunch of Justin Timberlake haters.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Stomp the Yard and Pathfinder will capture some of the demo, but this has had some time to build up buzz, good or bad, and the eclectic cast, which includes everyone from Bruce Willis to Emile Hirsch, might be a draw. $22mil.
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PATHFINDER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Animated tale of the bravest little SUV ever! Actually, Norseman raised by Native Americans kicks Norse ass.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's not a good sign that this film was delayed from August, the January of the summer, to actual January. Marcus Nispel (Texas Chainsaw remake) directs. The writer of Alexander did the screenplay.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Most of this week's wide releases will be more or less feeding off of each other, and this one needs more buzz or a star. $16mil.
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STOMP THE YARD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
You Got Served on Campus
WILL IT SUCK?
"Hey, can we get the guy who directed I Know What You Did Last Summer to direct this?"
"No."
"How about I Still Know What You Did Last Summer?"
"Nope. But we can get the guy who directed I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer."
"Now you're just making up movies."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The second frame of Freedom Writers is a little bit of competition, but only in that it's also about troubled yoots. $31mil.
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January 19
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THE HITCHER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Yet another remake of a 20-year-old horror film.
WILL IT SUCK?
The Michael Bay Horror Refurbishing Machine (a.k.a. Platinum Dunes) strikes again, after regurgitating Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror and they've even pulled in a writer who's already done a horror remake (When a Stranger Calls). Probably the only move with any cred here is the casting of Sean Bean as the psycho.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's a reason Platinum Dunes hasn't shuttered. $39mil.
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THE ITALIAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Six-year-old goes in search of his mum.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is quite good. Thought by many to be Russia's choice for Best Foreign Film Oscar submission, but that plum went to 9th Company.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even with the Oscar buzz this would be a tough sell. $1mil.
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January 26
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SMOKIN' ACES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Get Piven
WILL IT SUCK?
After Narc, writer/director Joe Carnahan can pretty much do no wrong, even if he did tease us dropping out of Mission Impossible III. The kick-ass cast doesn't hurt, with Peter Berg, Jeremy Piven, Jason Bateman, Andy Garcia, Ray Liotta and Ryan Reynolds, among others, all up in there.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
About as many people know about this as knew about Narc when it came out so, not so well, especially with 50 other films coming out the same weekend. $33mil.
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THE INVISIBLE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Teen Ghost
WILL IT SUCK?
David S. Goyer, hot off co-writing Batman Begins, has decided to direct...this. He didn't even write it. That honor actually goes to the writing team who put together the original, a Danish film itself based on a Danish book. And we know how well adaptations of foreign horror usually go.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I predict a horror glut. There's two this week, two the following week, and then Hannibal rises (not to mention The Hitcher last week). $24mil.
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CATCH AND RELEASE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Woman (Jennifer Garner) tries to get over the death of her husband with a little help from her wacky love interest (Timothy Olyphant) and her wacky friend (Kevin Smith, yes, that Kevin Smith).
WILL IT SUCK?
Normally I would dismiss this as another craptacular romantic comedy. However, writer/director Susannah Grant (she who wrote Erin Brockovich, In Her Shoes, Charlotte's Web - hey, it got good reviews) is not to be dismissed. I am a little disturbed by the sad-but-inevitable relegation of Not-So-Silent Bob to the goofy sidekick role in someone else's movie.
Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has to deal with the even chick-ier Because I Said So the following week. $25mil.
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BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
An American Werewolf in...um, Looks Like Prague?
WILL IT SUCK?
I love the fact that this is directed by Iron Jawed Angels helmer Katja von Garnier, as if this were female empowerment through werewolfery, althouh I guess it kind of is. Co-adapted by Ehren Kruger, who hasn't written a good adaptation since The Ring, so I'm not holding my breath.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not only do these horror films have to deal with each other, but Epic Movie, more or less targeting the same teens, also comes out this week. I'll give Invisible the edge because ghosts usually do better than werewolves at the box office. $17mil.
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EPIC MOVIE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Like Scary Movie or Date Movie, but probably worse.
WILL IT SUCK?
I think you know the answer to that question. Oh, and yes, there is a Scary Movie 5 in the works.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should own the weekend, and probably January, too. $51mil.
Next Month: Which looks scarier, Hannibal Rising or Norbit?
