by Dave Thomas

Angelina Jolie in Wanted

It's a race to see who can lower expectations the fastest this month, with M. Night, Mike Meyers, a post-Evan Almighty Steve Carell and a post-Hulk Hulk all offering their wares, often at the same time.

JUNE 6

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
You got your Apatow in my Sandler! You got your Sandler in my Apatow!

WILL IT SUCK?
Basically this is a contest between the general suckiness of most Adam Sandler movies (represented here by I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry helmer Dennis Dugan) and the general goodness of Judd Apatow's writing efforts (Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin).

With Robert "TV Funhouse" Smigel and Sandler (who rarely writes his suckfests) co-writing, I'd like to think that the odds are in Apatow's favor, but given Sandler's horrendous track record, I just can't muster the faith.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With Dewey Cox and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the box office honeymoon with all things Apatow may be waning, but Sandler's had nary a revenue misstep when he's stuck to comedy. $111mil.

--------------------------------

KUNG FU PANDA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Panda learns kung fu. The title's pretty accurate.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. The kung fu itself is supposed to be pretty kick-ass. Seemed to get a better reception at Cannes than Indiana Jones.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nicely distanced from Wall-E. $127mil.

--------------------------------

MONGOL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Genghis Begins

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Nominated for a Best Foreign Film Oscar (the first time for Kazakhstan). Also won a crapload of Russia's national film awards (the Nikas).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Promotion is a little bit of an issue, but being around for a while seems to have only generated more buzz, not less. $2mil.

--------------------------------

THE PROMOTION

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
John C. Reilly and Sean William Scott compete for a manager spot at a grocery store.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. The writing/directing debut of the guy who wrote The Weather Man and The Pursuit of Happyness. The always-fun Jenna Fischer co-stars and keep an eye out for Masi Oka.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a higher-profile cast than the previous week's Foot Fist Way, but I'm not sure it has all that much more awareness. $6mil.

--------------------------------

WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE YOUR FATHER?

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Father/son drama with Colin Firth as the son and Jim Broadbent as the father.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Nominated for a slew of British Independent Film awards. It is said that you will cry.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Colin Firth's drawing power won't really come into play until Mama Mia! bows in July. $3mil.

--------------------------------
JUNE 13
--------------------------------

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
You wouldn't like Ed Norton when he's CG.

WILL IT SUCK?
Probably. Louis Leterrier (The Transporter flicks, Unleashed) can direct some decent action sequences, which is good considering there's supposed to be a nearly 30 minute one at the end. Zak Penn has put his lot in with some good comic book screenplays (X2) and some bad ones (X-Men: Last Stand, Elektra).

But nothing here screams quality. At least not the quality we know comic book adaptations can achieve when a Sam Raimi, Bryan Singer or Chris Nolan, who had already proven their directing chops and then some when they answered the call, are at the helm.
That having been said, a proven Ang Lee disappointed, and an unproven Jon Favreau kind of surprised, although if you stacked his record up against Leterrier's, I'd bet on Favreau every time.

And for all the hype about whether or not Ed Norton's name will appear in the screenwriting credits, we really know nothing about his screenwriting chops (Although they'd better be good; he penned the Motherless Brooklyn adaptation he's directing and starring in now).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although it has no direct competition, I think it's fragile enough that Love Guru and Get Smart can wipe it out the following week. This week it'll be a battle to see whether or not Marvel or Shyamalan can produce lower expectations, but the urge to see Tony Stark's cameo alone will probably give Hulk the bigger gross. $113mil.

--------------------------------

THE HAPPENING

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Weird shit starts, um, titling, and it's up to Marky Mark to get his family out alive.

WILL IT SUCK?
If you, like I, completely lost faith in M. Night after the one-two suck punch of The Village and Lady in the Water, check out the sick redband trailer for The Happening. This, in the immortal words of James Marsters on Torchwood, is gonna get nasty.

That there can even be a redband trailer for M. Night's latest is a sign that he's taking a different tack than his last two films. This is his first straight-up R. I know part of his early magic was the power of restraint, but damn if I ain't curious as to what he gets up to with the gloves off.

Unfortunately, I kind of know more about the plot than I probably should, and there's potential here for him to go cheesy/preachy in one or two different directions, but if the M. Night I know and love shows up, this could be one of his best.

I'd say the odds of that happening are about 50/50.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's going to take the movie after this one before people start having faith in him again. $53mil.

--------------------------------
JUNE 20
--------------------------------

GET SMART

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Steve Carell steps into Don Adams' shoe phones (shoes phone?) as the eponymous goofball secret agent.

WILL IT SUCK?
You've got the director of 50 First Dates (not bad) and the writers behind Failure to Launch (pretty bad), so, yes, Carell might strike out critically here the way he did with Evan Almighty. Still, keep a look out for Bill Murray and Masi Oka, who seems to be making a career of cameos (see The Promotion) in the Heroes off season.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Between Carell and Mike Meyers, whose Love Guru opens opposite, I think audiences are equally disenchanted. Which isn't to say totally. $101mil.

--------------------------------

THE LOVE GURU

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Mike Meyers does his Austin Powers jokes as an American raised in India.

WILL IT SUCK?
The most interesting thing about this film (and it's not all that interesting) is the much-ado-about-nobody-even-knows-yet controversy surrounding the depiction of Hinduism in the film, which has spurred not only protests, but protests of those protests by Hindu reform groups - and all, of course, before anyone's actually watched the film.

Still, Meyers is a decent comedy writer, so this should be good for a few chuckles...but, like, on a Saturday afternoon on cable.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Okay, maybe they're a little more tired of Meyers than Carell. $49mil.

--------------------------------

KITT KITTREDGE: AN AMERICAN GIRL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid grows up in the depression. Tries to solve a mystery or something. Based on a line of dolls/books I've never heard of because I'm not a 10-year-old girl.

WILL IT SUCK?
They've certainly thrown a lot more quality at this than, say, the Bratz movie. Mansfield Park director Patricia Rozema is at the helm with Narnia co-writer Ann Peacock doing the adaptation. Not to mention that this is an independent film, already gaining cred over the studio release you'd expect for a popular toy line. Good cast, too, with Abigail Breslin in the lead supported by Joan Cusack, Stanley Tucci, Julia Ormond, Jane Krakowski and Wallace Shawn.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Being an indie, I'm not sure how well the advertising will hit the target demo, but we'll see. $15mil.

--------------------------------

BRICK LANE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The life of an Indian woman forced into an arranged marriage in London.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Has received some love on the festival/award circuit. Co-adapted from Monica Ali's novel by Angela's Ashes adapter Laura Jones.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Similarly-themed Namesake did well last year, but that was with a name cast. $3mil.

--------------------------------
JUNE 27
--------------------------------

WALL-E

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Who cares? It's Pixar.

WILL IT SUCK?
I repeat. It's Pixar. They're 8 and 0. By the way, find this film to learn more about why. One of the reasons brought up in that film is the fact that they try to challenge themselves with each new project. In this case, that means virtually no dialogue for the entire film. Andrew Stanton, who wrote and directed A Bug's Life and Finding Nemo, is at the helm once again.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No competition. Like that would matter. $245mil.

--------------------------------

WANTED

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy finds out his dad was an assassin and is recruited to join the family business.

WILL IT SUCK?
The fact that they hired Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch, Day Watch) to direct and some guys from a variety of Fast and Furious films to write tells me they want it to look good and not much else.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Angelina Jolie does well with action. $86mil.

--------------------------------

FINDING AMANDA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Inveterate gambler (Matthew Broderick) tries to get back in the good graces of his wife by saving his niece (Brittany Snow) from her life as a prostitute in Vegas. You can guess how the Vegas part of that turns out for him.

WILL IT SUCK?
Make no mistake, writer/director Peter Tolan has penned his share of crap, including Stealing Harvard and What Planet Are You From? But he also co-created Rescue Me with Denis Leary, so that more than makes up for it. Early buzz is mixed.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The Wackness will probably eat its lunch the following week. $2mil.

--------------------------------

GUNNIN' FOR THAT #1 SPOT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Adam Yauch's Hoop Dreams

WILL IT SUCK?
Believe it or not, this is not Yauch's first doc. He directed the Beasties concert film Awesome, I F*ckin' Shot That. Early buzz is good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even Awesome didn't do that well, and that was with all three Beasties. $250,000.

Next Month: Batman Continues.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

From a CNN transcript

When the lead-up to the war began, the press corps was under enormous pressure from corporate executives, frankly, to make sure that this was a war that was presented in a way that was consistent with the patriotic fever in the nation and the president's high approval ratings.....

And my own experience at the White House was that, the higher the president's approval ratings, the more pressure I had from news executives -- and I was not at this network [she was working for ABC, not CNN] at the time -- but the more pressure I had from news executives to put on positive stories about the president.... [ABC] would edit my pieces. They would push me in different directions. They would turn down stories that were more critical and try to put on pieces that were more positive

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Our friends at andiamnotlying.com have a great post up about the Union Square Spartans. They've included a video of two emo kids with matching white belts fighting, so need we say more?

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 04:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"They are destroying the Constitution"

"80% of Republicans are just Democrats who don't know what's going on"

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 02:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

JellyNYC just released the official schedule (with a few TBA surprises still to come.) More at Mccarrenpark.com.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Archie Bunker, Joe McCarthy, and the ghost of Strom Thurmond have apparently teamed up to pen a *completely idiotic* editorial about Obama's supporters for the National Review. Wake up and smell the decade. [Hat tip Jezebel]

For a Boomer like me, following the threads of the Obama movement is like a flashback from a bad 60s drug trip -- an old, unwelcome nightmare. Whether it’s Billy Ayers or Bernadine Dohrn, Tom Hayden or Jane Fonda, or any of the other lesser-knowns, 60s Marxist radicals are lining up behind Obama.

Obama’s young worshippers think they see something altogether new, a unique persona, seemingly magically transported to this moment in history to help them finally be the ones to net the elusive butterfly of socialism’s never-realized promise.... Sixties’ radicals see their as yet unfulfilled yearning for socialist utopia in a well-groomed, glittery, establishment-approved package... Obama is clean-cut. He talks unity, not subversion. He promises equal outcomes without resorting to violence to get them. He endorses marriage and fidelity for himself, without condeming other lifestyle choices. He speaks in highbrow English, rather than the 60s revolutionary slogans...
Obama’s followers make high-tech videos, mindlessly chanting, “Yes, we can” instead of making bombs to blow up government buildings, or holding up armored trucks and killing police officers.

This new generation seems to have the opportunity to do now with mere votes what their predecessors tried and failed to do through violence. We can finally seal the deal on the real revolution -- democratically. Obama, the Closer, is at hand.

Evidenced by his list of supporters, from Ayers Dohrn, Hayden and Fonda, to the New Black Panthers, the New SDS, the New Winter Soldiers, et al., the radical Left has anointed Obama as the One. Every aging, anti-war, anti-capitalist group and their new offshoots are flocking around Obama like moths to a flame...

To these rabid Marxist radicals, Obama is the One, because he’s probably their last chance to see socialism triumph on our own soil.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

More from Rosemary Watson here. [Thanks Jeff]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Michael Goodwin of the Daily News sums up Hillary's ghoulish gaffe nicely:

SICK. Disgusting. And yet revealing. Hillary Clinton is staying in the race in the event some nut kills Barack Obama. It could happen, but what definitely has happened is that Clinton has killed her own chances of being vice president. She doesn't deserve to be elected dog catcher anywhere now. ... We have seen an X-ray of a very dark soul. One consumed by raw ambition to where the possible assassination of an opponent is something to ponder in a strategic way. Otherwise, why is murder on her mind?

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

[Thanks Nick]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 02:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Do we really want a potential president taking counsel from a lunatic like this? This kind of rhetoric further compromises the so-called "war on terror" and further alienates us from the very people with whom we should be trying to make peace.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We should just change the name of our site to FREE Galifianakis since we will post pretty much anything he's involved in. Even his half-baked projects are hilarious:

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Gawker day editor Alex Pareene has an hilarious rebuttal to my article posted on Radar. Here's my favorite line:

Years later, none of us are entirely sure why anyone claimed to enjoy the sounds Eddie Vedder makes. Perry Ferrell. Christ, what were drugs even made of in the 1990s?

Anyway, my article's primary intent was to frame boomers for hypocrisy and favoritism. Sure, I take lots of shots at Millennials along the way, but come on, a little friction is par for the course in an article about generational angst. Historically speaking, the boomers were criticized. Gen X was criticized. The Millennials are now getting their turn. It's a rite of passage. Radar came up with the title "Generation Slap: A Call to Arms Against Millennials." It was a smart move on their part since it attracted lots of attention. But if you go back and read it, you'll see that most of my venom is reserved for boomers and with a media that credits Millennials with our achievements. And come on, who doesn't think Of Montreal is retarded for doing this. Now get off my lawn.... I'm trying to read an antiquated little thing known as a book.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

A press conference by Gary Kasparov is interrupted by a flying penis.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

And don't forget, he voted against the waterboarding ban.

He voted against Jim Webb's proposed GI Bill arguing that if soldiers are given adequate money for college they won't re-enlist.

And who could forget the billions of dollars McCain's Savings & Loan scandal cost American taxpayers.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

With complimentary beer from 10:30-12:30. RSVP here. A couple of videos after the jump:

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 12:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This interview comes close to totally redeeming Chris Matthews. [Thanks Rumproast]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

There's a new article on Millennials over at Radar by FREEwilliamsburg founder Robert Lanham.

Millennials are younger. Healthier. They got to do anal in high school. They think updating a spreadsheet while posting to a Twitter account about gossip on perezhilton.com is an essential corporate skill.... An egregious example of generational bias lies in Gen X's stigma as the "MTV Generation," a title that was always intended as a pejorative. … Ironically, when applied to the Millennials, who are similarly affected by the Internet, possessing a short attention span becomes an accolade. They just call it multitasking.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We've been to West Virginia many times and are happy to report that there are lots of smart, progressive people there. Despite what you've heard, not everyone there is a racist redneck. That's just Hillary's base: [via Rumproast]

While we're on the subject, this video (if you missed it) is even more disturbing.

What happened to Hillary's happy supporters:

The good news is, despite her victory yesterday, Obama just picked up more superdelegates.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

God, we sure hope so. You know, so we can make fun of them. From Gothamist

Entering its 21st season, MTV's The Real World returns to New York for a third time...but for the first time it's headed to an outer-borough. That's right, the seven generic, good-looking roommates will be heading to Brooklyn.

Shooting begins this summer, and will result in 12 hour-long episodes. In the press release we received, Jon Murray, co-creator of the show, says "The Brooklyn season, like the Hollywood season, will focus on what people loved about 'The Real World' when it launched in 1992 - genuine people, meaningful conflict and powerful stories." Really Jon? We're sort of betting it'll be more about the cast taking over bars, fighting with locals, getting drunk and sleeping with roommates -- all as they take their amazingly overpriced living quarters for granted.

The big question now is: Which part of Brooklyn will have the distinct pleasure of welcoming the new residents? Our guess is they'll be taking over a few luxury condo units in Williamsburg. Perhaps this will unite the hipsters and anti-hipsters of the 'nabe? Either way, get ready to see the production taking over McCarren Pool Parties this summer.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 05:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Rapture thrillers, '70s style!

Given all the craziness in the world right now--war, cyclones, earthquakes, the plummeting dollar--the Jesusy lunatics at RaptureReady are worried that the end may be near. In fact, the Rapture Index is currently at 170. That's seven points higher than the record highs of 2006 and 2007 and just 12 points beneath the all-time high of 182, which occurred in September of 2001. It's time to get your rapture letter mailing list in order.

Here's some of the reasons the RaptureReady.com gives for the sudden jump in the probability of the Apocalypse's arrival (below). Ironically, some of the shit they list is the result of the polices of their patron saint, George Bush:

-- False Christs - A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to be Christ.
-- Inflation: Consumer prices continue to soar.
-- Debt and Trade - The U.S. federal debt reaches the $9 trillion mark.
-- Ecumenism - A key Italian political leader proposed the creation a "palace of religions" in Rome.
-- Beast Government - The EU pens a new treaty.
-- Volcanoes - Chaiten volcano has erupted in southern Chile
-- Wild Weather- Bad weather is putting millions of people at risk.
-- Plagues - A new drug-resistant strain staff has been linked to sexually-active gay men.

After the jump, another hilarious rapture video.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We have absolutely no idea what to make of this trailer, but we'll see anything starring Zach Galifianakis as George Washington or Nathaniel Buckner.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 07:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is our favorite new site to emerge since Stuff White People Like. It's hard to believe, but yes, McCain is older than Mount Rushmore, Alaska, and Teflon. More here.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

These two videos are completely unrelated, save for the fact that they're both hilarious and deeply disturbing.

We're totally going to see this just-released film Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, via Buzzfeed

Of course, the movie would have been better if some of those zombie chickens were unleashed on O'Reilly. [via HuffPost]. UPDATE: Youtube pulled the clip. You can watch it here.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone needs to read Hillary the writing on the wall. From ABCNews

ABC News' Karen Travers Reports: For the first time this campaign season, Barack Obama has surpassed Hillary Clinton's support among superdelegates, according to the ABC News delegate estimate.

Sen. Obama, D-Ill., picked up two superdelegates this morning giving him a new metric to tout in addition to his current commanding leads in pledged delegates, popular votes, states won, and money raised.

Rep. Donald Payne, D-N.J., switched his endorsement from Clinton to Obama and Rep. Peter DeFazio, D-Ore., endorsed Obama. DeFazio was previously uncommitted.

With these endorsements, Obama has the support of 267 superdelegates and Clinton has 265 superdelegates.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The new Stereolab single "Three Women" sounds great. We can't wait to hear the whole album. Via PTV [Thanks Jah]

Download the "Three Women" MP3.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jose Saramago’s book "Blindness" is one of our favorites in recent memory. We're excited to hear there's going to be a movie:

When a sudden plague of blindness devastates a city, a small group of the afflicted band together to triumphantly overcome the horrific conditions of their imposed quarantine. BLINDNESS, starring Academy Award-nominee Julianne Moore, Gael Garcia Bernal, Mark Ruffalo, Sandra Oh and Danny Glover, is a psychological thriller about the fragility of mankind. Adapted from Nobel Laureate Jose Saramago’s masterwork, the film is directed by Academy Award-nominee Fernando Meirelles (“City of God”) from a screenplay by Tony Award-winner Don McKellar (“The Drowsy Chaperone”).

In other movie news, we're also excited about HBO's "Recount," which premieres this month. Despite her lack of boobage, we can't imagine better casting than Laura Dern for the role of Katherine Harris. Watch the trailer after the jump.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Remember when the Hildabeast's crowds were handpicked for the cameras to make her campaign look vibrant and diverse? Those days are over. Apparently her core constituency now consists of flesh-eating, zombie, cult members who have had all the blood drained from their bodies. Image c/o Gawker:

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We don't know if this is real, but when it's this funny, it kinda doesn't matter. Via Flickr

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

We just posted the full schedule at McCarrenPark.com.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you missed part 1, you may want to watch it first. On second thought, it doesn't really matter since they're both utterly retarded and make almost no sense. We mean that in a good way, of course. Via Best Week Ever and Buzzfeed

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Rapping about bling and bitches is played out. What's next for aspiring rappers? Rapping about The Economist. [via The Guardian]

The Economist's bid to appeal to more youthful readers seems to be paying off after two 17-year-olds created a rap about the business title, while a Facebook fan group created by a teenage schoolgirl has enjoyed a surge in popularity.

The rap, created by US students Ike Edgerton and Chris Misa under the name Psikotic, is a tribute that includes samples of Economist journalists such as Edward Lucas and Anthony Gottlieb from the title's audio podcasts.

The chorus of the rap runs: "He reads the Economist so he can get the gist, its solid competence gives him confidence that his intelligence is correct."

Other lines praise editorial standards such as "The style in which they write is simple and concise, how do they get their sentences so precise?"

The rap finishes with the defiant statement: "I guess reading it makes me kind of boring. Well if that's the price I pay for being well informed - too fucking bad."

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Santogold with M.I.A.

RCRD LBL has a new dubtastic track by Santogold not included on her album. Grab it here.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 02:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Anti has the full list of tour dates posted. [hat tip BrooklynVegan]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Since lots of people have been asking, yes, Gogol Bordello are confirmed. As are M.I.A., Ween, Death Cab For Cutie, Devo, DJ Shadow and Cut Chemist, and the Black Keys. Tickets and more information can be found at mccarrenpark.com. We're still waiting to hear more about the free JellyNYC Pool Parties, so stay posted.

Gogol Bordello, Wonderlust King

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 06:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

UPDATE: Part of this video, according to filmmaker D. A. Pennebaker, has been doctored. See the original here. Still, where the racial slur seems to be a fraud, Kantor does in fact refer to Indianans as "shit."

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is fucking weird, but don't worry, the video is bizarre but carnage-free. [hat tip Buzzfeed]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From the Washington Post

The largest study of its kind has unexpectedly concluded that smoking marijuana, even regularly and heavily, does not lead to lung cancer. The new findings "were against our expectations," said Donald Tashkin of the University of California at Los Angeles, a pulmonologist who has studied marijuana for 30 years.

"We hypothesized that there would be a positive association between marijuana use and lung cancer, and that the association would be more positive with heavier use," he said. "What we found instead was no association at all, and even a suggestion of some protective effect."

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

By his own admission, John McCain is breaking the law. His latest spending report has him $4 million over the limit he imposed on himself when he accepted public financing. Make McCain comply to FEC laws by signing this petition.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

by Dave Thomas

Last May, three potentially great blockbusters came along and broke our hearts. This month four movies with the same potential (well, maybe not Speed Racer) are in play. Are we ready to love again?

MAY 2

MADE OF HONOR

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
My Best Female Friend's Wedding

WILL IT SUCK?
Hey, I'm as big a Michelle Monaghan fan as the next guy, but even I have my limits. From the director of such classic sequels as City Slickers II and Leonard Part 6. Two of the writers did Surviving Christmas and The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas but, to be fair, they also did Can't Hardly Wait and the underrated Josie and the Pussycats. Early buzz not good.

By the way, is this not the goofiest film promotion of late? I mean, who wouldn't want to get married at a movie premiere?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Counterprogramming only works if your movie doesn't suck balls. Just ask License to Wed. $44mil.

------------------------------------------

IRON MAN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
He is Iron Man. Duh-de-duh-de-duh-duh. Vote for him.

WILL IT SUCK?
You had me at Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark. Seriously, this could be the first onscreen superhero to be more entertaining not in costume. Jon Favreau has twice proven his ability to take material that could have been horrible (Elf, Zathura) and turn it into silver if not gold. Two of the four writers did Children of Men. So, damn.

Early buzz loves the cast more than the movie.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's easy to underestimate just how many people are looking forward to this, since he's not a Spider or Super Man. But they're out there. $173mil.

------------------------------------------

SON OF RAMBOW

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
British Home Movies

WILL IT SUCK?
Certainly not. One of the best movies I saw at the Philly Film Fest. More here.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sundance buzz will help. $9mil.

------------------------------------------

FUGITIVE PIECES

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy tries to deal with his tortured past.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Rade Serbedzija (Boris the Blade in Snatch), who plays a man who takes in the lead as a boy, won a Best Actor award at the Rome Film Fest.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not a high enough profile to compete. $1mil.

------------------------------------------

MISTER LONELY

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A Michael Jackson look-alike (Diego Luna) goes to live with a Marylin Monroe look-alike (Samantha Morton) in a whole community of look-alikes. Kind of like an Island of Misfit Toys for those people who hang around Hollywood Boulevard.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not so good, though this isn't getting slammed much worse than any other Harmony Korine films. I will say this is probably the only movie this year to star David Blaine and Werner Herzog.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Harmony Korine films make discomfort, not money. $500,000.

------------------------------------------

REDBELT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
David Mamet's Lionheart

WILL IT SUCK?
As we all know, it was only a matter of time before Mamet wrote and directed a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu flick. Though this is supposedly more focused on the talky-talky than the kicky-punchy. Chiwetel Ejiofor in the lead doesn't exactly hurt. Early buzz is mixed.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With rare exceptions, Mamet-directed b.o. is usually middling. $6mil.

------------------------------------------
MAY 9
------------------------------------------

SPEED RACER

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Here he comes." Who? "Here comes Speed Racer." Who's that? "He's a demon on wheels." Thank you, informative theme song.

WILL IT SUCK?
What's your tolerance for kitsch? The Wachowskis have decided to play up that aspect of the show (a pretty large aspect, admittedly) rather than create a "bad-ass" version of the TV classic. This could result, maybe, in a surprisingly entertaining, cringe-free experience. But the odds are slim. Not because of the Wachowskis who, more often than not, are adept filmmakers (people remember Matrix Revolutions but forget about Bound). No, because it's really, really easy to aim for kitsch and hit camp, instead.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not that the show doesn't have a following, it's more that I don't think that many people will trust the flick to not just be an even cheesier version of the show. $140mil.

------------------------------------------

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz get a quickie wedding in Vegas which they regret. But when Kutcher wins $3 million with Diaz's quarter in a slot machine, they have to stay married for six months to get the money.

WILL IT SUCK?
If you didn't stop reading at "Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz," this movie might be for you. From the writer of The Wedding Date.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A higher profile cast plus no competition the following week equals more effective counterprogramming than Made of Honor the week before. $66mil.

------------------------------------------

FRONTIER(S)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Fugitives on the run pick the wrong place to hide.

WILL IT SUCK?
Writer/director Xavier Gens' first American flick, Hitman, arrived last fall while this, his French debut, waited in MPAA hell. In Gens' defense, he did not write Hitman. Getting favorable comparisons to Saw and Hostel, if you're into that sort of thing.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Saw and Hostel are not Saw and Hostel anymore. $4mil.

------------------------------------------

THE FALL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy in a hospital tells some kid a tale of five people fighting the same evil ruler.

WILL IT SUCK?
Get ready for more trippy visuals from The Cell and "Losing My Religion" director Tarsem Singh. This time he writes, too. They've also got a writer from Freejack and Two for the Money on board, so, um, yeah. But, hey, anything to get Lee Pace on the big screen, right? Spike Jonze and David Fincher seem to like it, hence their "presenting" credit. Critics do not seem to like it, but audiences are into it thus far.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Tarsem minus J-Lo equals smaller box office than The Cell. $5mil.

------------------------------------------

SURFWISE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about a doctor who gave it all up to wander the country surfing wherever the day took him. Oh, and he took his nine-kid family with him.

WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of Big Rig, which I heard rocks, and Scratch, which I know rocks. Nabbed the audience award at Gen Art. Early buzz is good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Scratch didn't do that well, either. $500,000.

------------------------------------------
MAY 16
------------------------------------------

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Those kids can't leave Narnia for two seconds (or, as it happens, 1,000 years) without somebody fucking it all up again.

WILL IT SUCK?
You got yer whole team back again, plus Eddie Izzard and Peter Dinklage. Oh, and according to the runtime listed on IMDB, it's going to be almost three hours long, so be sure to get extra baked beforehand.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Indy presents a challenge the following weekend, but this is even more family-friendly. $267mil.

------------------------------------------

REPRISE

(Delayed from March.)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The trials and tribulations of two writer friends.

WILL IT SUCK?
Really high marks for this latest entry from Norwegian cinema. And, no, I can't name any other entries from Norwegian cinema.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Gonna need more than "Hey, it's Norse!" to catch people's eyes. $500,000.

------------------------------------------
MAY 23
------------------------------------------

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Indiana Jones does some shit. You watch.

WILL IT SUCK?
First and foremost, this is a Spielberg film. Regular readers of this preview will know I am his bitch. So, even without the questions of whether or not Lucas will fuck this up the way he did the Star Wars prequels, or whether or not Harrison Ford is too old for this shit, I am expecting pretty pictures from my favorite maker of such. The presence of Janusz Kaminski, his cinematographo-life partner, is another reason to be psyched.

It should also be noted that Raiders of the Lost Ark is my favorite film of all time. That means I'm even less inclined to be disappointed because I don't think any film, much less a sequel, will be able to top it.

Most of all, though, I'm curious to see what the Spielberg of Munich does back in the escapist saddle.

David Koepp is not the worst guy to have on your team for a screenplay challenge like this. He's no Frank Darabont, who supposedly turned in a draft, but if he can bring this to the level of his Spider-Man script, we're in the ballpark.

Jeff Nathanson chimed in on the story. He's turned in good work for Spielberg before (Catch Me If You Can), but his sequel kung fu is inconsistent at best (Rush Hour 2 and 3).

And, of course, there's Lucas who, when kept out of the director's chair and screenwriter's laptop, can produce an Empire.

Glad to see Karen Allen back, and I think Shia LaBoeuf is underrated, but my biggest reason to squee, casting-wise, is Ray Winstone as, um, whoever.

Long story short, I'm cautiously optimistic, but the realistic outcome here is good-but-not-great.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It'll be between this and Chronicles for top grosser of the year, and this ain't three hours long. $325mil.

------------------------------------------

THE CHILDREN OF HUANG SHI

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
True story of a guy who took 60 orphans up the Silk Road to save them from the advancing Japanese army during WWII.

WILL IT SUCK?
From director Roger Spottiswoode, who's done everything from And the Band Played On to Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Ironically, the last time he worked with Michelle Yeoh, who's up in here with John Rhys-Meyers, Rhada Mitchell and Chow Yun Fat, she was riding a motorcycle with Pierce Brosnan in Tomorrow Never Dies. Early buzz is good, so maybe this is closer to And the Band Played On.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A big hit in China, but not so sure that will translate here. $6mil.

------------------------------------------

WAR, INC.

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Thank You For Warring

WILL IT SUCK?
A lot of people are calling this Grosse Point Blank 2 because it has a similar cast in similar roles with a similar plot (expanded to a full out foreign war instead of just discrete hits) but I get the feeling this isn't going to be quite as subtle. Some decent writers, including John Cusack, who plays a morally conflicted assassin, again. I get the feeling that it's a great idea that won't get the right execution, and the early buzz seems to confirm that instinct.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The cast will give it some juice, but the word of mouth will limit its run. $8mil.

------------------------------------------
MAY 30
------------------------------------------

SEX AND THE CITY

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Carrie gets ready to marry Mr. Big. And some other stuff happens to those other chicks, too.

WILL IT SUCK?
Looks like they've chosen wisely for their writer/director. Michael Patrick King has written all the season finales and premieres for the show since Season Two, and directed a boatload of eps, too. Oh, and looks like Jennifer Hudson's made a smart choice for her Dreamgirls follow-up.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Pay attention romcoms, this is how you do summer counterprogramming. $88mil.

------------------------------------------

THE STRANGERS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman vs. things that go bump in the woods outside their cottage.

WILL IT SUCK?
Remake of French horror film Ils, also based on a true story. Do French horror remakes work out better than J-Horror remakes (or American horror remakes, for that matter)?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In spite of Prom Night, I'm not predicting big things for horror this summer. $19mil.

------------------------------------------

THE FOOT FIST WAY

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A martial arts parody that would be right at home on Funny Or Die, which is exactly where you'll find the red band trailer.

WILL IT SUCK?
Some of you may have seen Danny R. McBride's weird-ass in-character guest spot on Conan. Well, this is that same character. Early buzz is good. By the way, this is the first theatrical release from Will Ferrell and Adam McKay's new production company.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
An indie comedy with bigger star power (The Promotion) opens the very next week. $2mil.

------------------------------------------

SAVAGE GRACE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Julianne Moore plays real-life socialite Barbara Baekeland, who was murdered by her son after they had an affair.

WILL IT SUCK?
With Swoon director Tom Kalin at the helm and legendary indie producer Christine Vachon on board, expect a non-exploitative treatment of the story. Don't expect much more, though, given the early tepid buzz.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Controversy might be good for an open, but bad buzz will kill it after that. $1mil.

Next month: We can safely lower our expectations, except from Pixar.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)