FREEwilliamsburg: Well-Connected Session Drummer Will Do Anything For $75K

You ever heard of Josh Freese? No? Neither had I until I stumbled across this site. Mr. Freese, who plays or has played dums with Nine Inch Nails, Devo, The Vandals, A Perfect Circle, etc. etc. etc. is releasing a solo album called Since 1972 on March 24. And as his site explains, you can "subscribe" to this album for editions that range in price from $7 to $75,000. The $7 is a simple digital download of the record, with things getting gradually more interesting as the price goes up (at the $5K level, for example, Josh offers to "Get drunk together. If you don't drink we can go to my Dads place and hang out under the 'Tuba tree,'" and as part of the $20K package, "Josh writes 2 songs about you and it's made available on iTunes and appears on his next record").

The full $75,000 package warrants quoting in full:

-Signed CD/DVD and digital download -T-shirt -Go on tour with Josh for a few days. -Have Josh write, record and release a 5 song EP about you and your life story. -Take home any of his drumsets (only one but you can choose which one.) -Take shrooms and cruise Hollywood in Danny from TOOL's Lamborgini OR play quarters and then hop on the Ouija board for a while. -Josh will join your band for a month...play shows, record, party with groupies, etc.... -If you don't have a band he'll be your personal assistant for a month (4 day work weeks, 10 am to 4 pm) -Take a limo down to Tijuana and he'll show you how it's done (what that means exactly we can't legally get into here) -If you don't live in Southern California (but are a US resident) he'll come to you and be your personal assistant/cabana boy for 2 weeks. -Take a flying trapeze lesson with Josh and Robin from NIN, go back to Robin's place afterwards and his wife will make you raw lasagna.

Hell, I know it's it a recession, but if I were some shit-out-of-luck golden-parachuted Lehman's douchebag, I might be willing to toss the money at the dude who co-wrote that sonic shitwhale "Chinese Democracy" (check out Freese's Wikipedia page) to be my personal assistant. You know, because asshole bankers are probably the only people who dug "Chinese Democracy" in the first place.