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Lawyers Can Help With That Warrant, You Know

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Sometime last winter someone I know very well got a pink slip summons here in Brooklyn, New York for urinating between two parked vans somewhere in industrial Bushwick or Bed-Stuy...can't remember which. The odds that anyone drove by at the exact instant of his urinary relief are astounding, let alone two of New York's finest. Approximately 8 minutes after he got that ticket, he threw it out, or lost it, one or the other it doesn't matter now. He then basically forgot about the ticket for months, until sometime yesterday when he realized that summer is coming up, and with it kickball, and with that joy of drinking beers apple juice outdoors in McCarren park at night.

Oh no!

He probably has some kind of (hopefully loosely enforced) warrant out for his arrest for not showing up for that measly little pink slip! He did some research around the bliggosphere, had Sheila at Gawker do an advice column for him, and eventually, balled up and called a lawyer. He is now a proud American citizen with retained legal counsel ($500) who has advised him to "keep his head down" while he sorts things out. This is great! He told me he really feels truly American and can say things like, "I dunno guys. I shouldn't drink that beer on the subway. My lawyer's advised me not to."

He has promised to send me updates with how everything nets out. Today his lawyer is checking with the courts to verify the existence of that warrant.

update: yes indeedilysquat, his lawyer has advised him that there is a warrant and to keep things on the down-low 'till early next week when they will go to court.

Comments

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I will never be able to get back the 2 minutes of my life I spent reading this pointless entry.

Remember when FreeWilliamsburg was a useful resource for events and news in the area and not a forum for "writers" to tell meaningless stories about their friend's not paying $25 tickets? I still enjoy Robert's pieces, but seriously, these other writers need to actually try and write.

@travis.

Yes, there are plenty of them, and I've known many of them personally.

Maybe you moved here too late, both for your age and the times, so that either the rich kids your age all found some graphic design gig after 3 or 4 years of slumming it at BQE on their parents' dime, or maybe the neighborhood is now flooded with the second tier of spoiled brats whose parents paid their way through college and helped them out with their security deposits, but now they're all grown up and they're "making it on their own" after that huge leg-up that they are too privileged to actually recognize.

Being supported by your parents can mean a lot of things.

hey jk - you guys are my friends too! so please, send along your stories. i don't care if they're just "i sat around and watched house again." i'll gladly do a series on "what jk does."

is this blog just turning into the stupid things you and your friends do? who cares??? please stop posting this crap.

also, kids, pay those outstanding fines. because if you get hassled again, even over something petty, you WILL spend the night in jail.

wait, i just read the gawker article and even they told him to just call and pay the fine.

so why did this fool get a lawyer? i bet he called his parents, and they didn't want him to have a record that might hamper his future career prospects, so THEY shelled out for a lawyer.

update us, please.

@pork: Has anyone ever actually met a Williamsburger/Greenpointer/Bushwickian whose parents pay their rent? I hear that shit thrown around all the time as a dis toward the area, but I live here and honestly don't know anyone for whom it's true (though I guess it's something people wouldn't brag too much about). Makes me wonder if the "daddy-rent-payer" thing is a hipster straw man or if my employed friends are an anomaly in a neighborhood that is, by reputation, packed with trustafarians.

yeah same thing happened to my bf, he waited over a year and had a warrant. All he had to do was go to the courthouse and pay the $50 fine.Your friend just blew $500.

of course there's a warrant-- idiot blew off the court date. do you have any clue how it works here in america? maybe these things dont matter in "my-parents-pay-my-rent" world.

this post is such a waste of time and space. keep this crap to your, my life is really interesting, blog.

and kickball is the worst of the outdoor games of summer.

get a new intern.

Been wondering how that works. Got an open container ticket over a year ago and lost it. Every once in awhile I remember and then forget to do something about it. I hear urination is a bigger deal though.

waste of money. he could have just called the court house. i got the same ticket and missed the date, too. you just show up and they make you pay the 50$ fine, not that complicated.

Whole Foods shopping bag? Must be a Williamsburg bum.

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