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March 31, 2006
April 2006 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Lucky Number Slevin
I don’t know which is more disturbing; that there is a fourth Scary Movie, or that it’s likely to be the month’s highest grosser. Since April begins on Saturday, this month's new releases officially begin next Friday, but hey, this is a movie preview. If you're itching to see a new release this week, you can check out the new Lynchian high school noir, Brick.
April 7
THE BENCHWARMERS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Three grown men (David Spade, Rob Schneider, and Jon Heder, so I use the term loosely) take on a bunch of little league teams all by their lonesome.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, you've got the director of Saving Silverman and the writers behind Grandma's Boy up in here. Granted, that same director did Happy Gilmore, but did I mention Beverly Hills Ninja, National Security, and Problem Child? This is not a film festival you want to attend.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Fans of stupid comedy will have much more to rejoice about the following week, when Scary Movie 4 takes the stage. In the meantime, this will sate them, though I doubt Spade and Schneider combined will equal Heder's draw. $49mil.
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PHAT GIRLZ
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
They are girlz. They are phat. And overweight.
WILL IT SUCK?
I have no idea. But what's curious is the writer/director is newcomer Nnegest Likké, who is young, black, female, and not the slightest bit overweight. For shame. Seriously, though, how many young, black, female directors can you name? (Actually, even if I remove only one of those adjectives, I bet you're still confined to one hand).
Also, if you like Mo'Nique, she's one of the girlz in question, and Raven Goodwin, whom you might remember as the really cool kid from Station Agent (or, far more likely, from Everybody Hates Chris) makes an appearance. Plus: Eric Roberts alert!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little bit of demographic competition from Take the Lead, but it should have a core following of, well, phat girlz, or really anyone fed up with body image fascism. Not that any of that helped Real Women Have Curves make bank. $14mil.
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TAKE THE LEAD
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Mad Hot Banderas
WILL IT SUCK?
Newcomer writer and director, though the director has done plenty of music videos which, in this case, is appropriate. The trailer, I have to admit, looks a lot better than it should.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This probably has about as much star power as anything else opening wide this week. Still, I see it as an uphill battle. $26mil.
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LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
I Can't Believe It's Not A Guy Ritchie Movie!
WILL IT SUCK?
Given that Guy Ritchie movies suck now, we should be thankful something has come along to take their place. Early buzz is very good, placing this above director Paul McGuigan's calling card Gangster No. 1. The writer did a bunch of Karen Sisco episodes which, apparently, was the bomb.
The cast looks promising, with Ben Kingsley, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu, and Stanley Tucci, but lead Josh Hartnett still has to prove himself to me (though Sin City wasn't a bad start).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's not very much like it out there, but this isn't the sort of movie that usually makes very much money regardless. $32mil.
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FRIENDS WITH MONEY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One of four female friends suddenly makes less money than her cohorts.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good-but-not-great, with critics a little more impressed than audiences. In the ranking of writer/director Nicole Holofcenter's oeuvre, this is coming in at third out of three. I liked Lovely & Amazing, but it wasn't the sort of film that left me thirsty for more. Still, those four friends are Joan Cusack, Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, and Catherine Keener.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should have a strong opening with little competition and a strong pre-release buzz dating back to Sundance, but next week two fairly high-profile indies will bloody up the waters. $15mil.
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ON A CLEAR DAY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Old British guy swims the English Channel.
WILL IT SUCK?
Think Waking Ned Devine or The Full Monty. If you liked those, you'll probably like this, according to early buzz - and the trailer seems precisely the same.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Think more Waking Ned Devine than Full Monty. $1mil.
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WHEN DO WE EAT?
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
For those of you wondering when someone would finally make a movie in which somebody slips their father a hit of ecstasy at a Passover Seder, your long wait is over.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is fairly good in spite of a cheesy trailer (this is an inexpensive acid trip), but you gotta love the premise. I'd like to think that between this and the imminent Keeping Up with the Steins (about competitive Bar Mitzvah's) that we're seeing the dawn of a new genre, the Jewish holiday comedy. Stay tuned for Herschel's Wacky Purim in July.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although the concept is novel, I don't know that it's being put in front of enough eyeballs to reach a critical mass. $1mil.
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April 14
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SCARY MOVIE 4
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
On tonight's episode of Mad TV, I mean, in this installment, they make fun of more movies.
WILL IT SUCK?
At some point, someone will do a post-mortem on the ZAZ team that brought us such classics as Airplane and Top Secret! and figure out what happened. Of the two members present for this sequel, David Zucker and Jim Abrams, neither has done anything of note since Naked Gun 21⁄2, and that's pushing the definition of "of note." Still, if you liked Scary Movie 3...oh, what's the point?
Full disclosure: I caught the last half of Jane Austen's Mafia! the other night - laughed my ass off.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think anything with quite this much appeal will be out for a while. $90mil.
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THE WILD
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Madagascar
WILL IT SUCK?
I'm not kidding. It's really just Madagascar from Disney instead of Dreamworks. The plots are more similar than Deep Impact and Armageddon. And like those two, one clearly has lower-tier stars. This one. Kiefer Sutherland takes the lead along with Eddie Izzard as some kind of animal, I'm going to guess a squirrel. And I've given up on the presence of great actors like Izzard saving these films. Freakin' Ricky Gervais was in Valiant.
But really, these things come down to writing. The four writers on this project include scribes from The Santa Clause 2 and Snow Dogs. But hey, the director's nickname is Spaz. You gotta give 'em that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't see this having quite the impact of its predecessor, which may be why Disney is releasing this in the spring, with nary a kid's film in sight, instead of the summer. $51mil.
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HARD CANDY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A sort of revenge tale involving a potential pedophile and his teen prey.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good, which is nice given how easily this could slip into exploitation.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It has two higher-profile indies to deal with, and its subject matter might be a bit much, even for indie audiences. Then again, Lionsgate has grown to become a marketing force. $5mil.
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THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The story of pin-up girl Bettie Page.
WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are very split on this one. All I know is, the last time director Mary Harron got together with writer Guinevere Turner, we got American Psycho, and that's all right with me. Plus, you get supporting performances from Lili Taylor and David Strathairn. Gretchen Mol has the lead, which inspires me for less than artistic reasons.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the biggest fish in the pond this weekend. Has a better lead-in than Kinky Boots, which is really only now starting to advertise. $8mil.
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KINKY BOOTS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
How can we save the shoe factory? Make boots for transvestites. Duh.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is positive but not overwhelmingly so. It is, however, a chance to see Chiwetel Ejiofor in what looks to be a career-making performance as the transvestite who inspires our hero to retool the factory. One of the Calendar Girls writers is on board here, too.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The heat for Ejiofor off of Inside Man might be really well-timed. $4mil.
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SOMERSAULT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Woman falls for some guy. Complications ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Won a crapload of Australian awards, including a near-sweep of the Australian Film Institute Awards. Early critical buzz is strong.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Too many bigger fish from bigger studios this week. $500,000.
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LA MUJER DE MI HERMANO
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
If you know Spanish, it's about as clear as Snakes on a Plane, but the upside is a chick falls for her husband's brother.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mild, and the whole thing looks like the most generic of tales, just told in Spanish. Turn on Unavisión if you don't feel like leaving the house.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I can see Lionsgate trying to snowball this into the next El Crimen de Padre Amaro. $2mil.
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PREACHING TO THE CHOIR
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One brother's a hip-hop artist, the other's a preacher! Wackyness ensues?
WILL IT SUCK?
Pretty much newcomers all around, though one writer did Club Dread. The guy who plays Mr. Eko on Lost is in it. Yeah, that's still not enough for me.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably about the same audience as The Second Chance, which came out in February and you've probably forgotten already. $500,000.
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MOUNTAIN PATROL: KEKEXILI
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Villagers vs. poachers in Tibet.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty outstanding, and numerous international accolades sweeten the pot.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unfortunately, international kudos rarely translate into American dollars. $250,000.
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MY FIRST WEDDING
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Rachel Leigh Cook stars as a woman who mistakenly confesses a fantasy to some guy who then poses as a preacher and I think there's a wedding in there somewhere.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Early buzz isn't great, and everyone involved has pretty much made movies very few people have heard of before.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Having Rachel Leigh Cook in your film really isn't enough to launch it, which is sad considering I'm pretty sure I couldn't get Rachel Leight Cook to be in one of my films. $100,000.
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THE SISTERS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
More or less based on Chekov's Three Sisters, with Maria Bello, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Erika Christensen in the lead roles.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, what little there is, is fairly good. Chekov, surprisingly, often translates well onto film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The much more high profile female ensemble Friends with Money will be in its second, expanded frame at this point, not to mention the four billion other indies out this weekend. $1mil.
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April 21
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SILENT HILL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Based on the popular video game, Radha Mitchell loses her daughter and has to search through Spookytown to get her back.
WILL IT SUCK?
You've got Christophe Gans, who brought the mad atmosphere to Brotherhood of the Wolf, at the helm. Roger Avary, who helped pen a little film called Pulp Fiction, has a co-writing credit. Could be the first non-sucky video game adaptation.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No horror competition. No video game competition. $52mil.
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AMERICAN DREAMZ
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Political satire from the brothers Weitz.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not good if you listen to critics and pretty good if you listen to audiences. Paul Weitz has taken the leads from his previous efforts (Hugh Grant from About a Boy and Dennis Quaid from In Good Company) and made them co-leads here. He's also assembled an outstanding supporting cast including Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Judy Greer, Shohreh Aghdashloo, John Cho, and Jennifer Coolidge. With all this talent, I was hoping for a more unanimous endorsement.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will audiences abandon this for the broader comedy of R.V. the following week? Are they all that receptive to satire in the first place, even when accompanied with good buzz? $46mil.
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STICK IT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
You'd think with that title that this would be the political satire. But, no. This is about gymnastics. Get it?
WILL IT SUCK?
The only ray of hope here is that the writer/director brought us the screenplay for Bring It On, a film about ten times better than it should have been. Unfortunately, in the time since then, she's contributed to the screenplays of The Truth About Charlie, First Daughter, and Aquamarine, so her credibility's damn near shot. Here's hoping this pulls it out of the mud.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little competition from Silent Hill for the young 'uns. And I don't know that Jeff Bridges is going to be a selling point for the tweeners. $19mil.
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THE SENTINEL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Michael Douglas has only 24 hours (okay, he might have more) to stop a Presidential assissination plot while Kiefer Sutherland goes all Tommy Lee Jones on his ass.
WILL IT SUCK?
There is potential for greatness here. Well, goodness at least. Director Clark Johnson hit a triple last time out with the better-than-expected S.W.A.T. and screenwriter George Nolfi is capable of either Timeline or Ocean's 12 levels of delivery. (I should probably clarify that I, unlike many, actually liked Ocean's 12). But hey, this has David Rasche (Sledge Hammer!, himself) as the President. How can you not like that?
HOW WELL IT DO?
It's unclear how fanciful political fare will do when the all-too-real United 93 hits theaters the following week (also, I shit you not, with David Rasche). For this weekend, though, the main competition is 24. $56mil.
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STANDING STILL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One of those wedding-cum-college-reunion type deals that goes all wacky when secrets come out yadda, yadda, yadda.
WILL IT SUCK?
Interesting cast, includin Amy Adams, James Van Der Beek, Ethan Embry, Colin Hanks, Aaron Stanford, Mena Suvari, Xander Berkeley, and Roger Avary. Early buzz is mixed, and little is known about the writers or director.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they can leverage the cast (especially the Oscar-nod-hot Adams) they might get past the boring title. $2mil.
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IN HER LINE OF FIRE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Secret Service agent (Mariel Hemingway) vs. non-descript rebel jungle fighters in South America to save the Vice President (Keith David). Who wouldn't vote for a David Rasche/Keith David ticket? Seriously?
WILL IT SUCK?
The director did Leprechaun 3 and 4, the sequel to The Omega Code, and, the best-title-ever TV flick Atomic Dog. So when I say this is going to be deliciously bad, you know what I mean.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
On DVD? Fantastic. $100,000.
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WASSUP ROCKERS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
This latest slice of fringe from Kids director Larry Clark focuses on LA Latino skate punks.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but Clark is at least in familiar territory.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Familiar territory for Clark is also low box office. $500,000.
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April 28
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UNITED 93
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The true story of flight 93 which, on 9/11, crashed when hostages tried to retake the plane.
WILL IT SUCK?
There is no other director I'd trust this particular project with over Paul Greengrass (Bloody Sunday, The Bourne Supremacy). See, he did Bloody Sunday, which was a documentary-real dramatization of the tragic shooting of protesters by British soldiers in Derry, Ireland in 1972. It's gripping stuff, handled dispassionately, yet inspiring great passion. The fact that this is to be a real time account of a real event of tragic brutality suggests a similar treatment might be appropriate.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
To me the question isn't whether or not Greengrass is equal to the task so much as is the audience even remotely ready for such a blunt retelling? It's one thing to approach the topic obliquely (War of the Worlds) or even in a fictionalized, dramatic account of a real story from the day with movie stars like Nicolas Cage (Oliver Stone's upcoming World Trade Center). But to have a no-name cast shot in a cinéma vérité style will basically put the audience on the plane. That's a much less removed experience. Bloody Sunday the movie didn't happen until thirty years after Bloody Sunday the tragedy. It's only been five for this.
On the other hand, of the four planes, I think this is the one audiences are most prepared to revisit.
Ultimately, I think audiences will be more comfortable getting in an R.V. with Robin Williams (and the following week jumping over a couch with Tom Cruise). $40mil.
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AKEELAH AND THE BEE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Spellbound: The Narrative Feature
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. There actually will be a Spellbound narrative feature, but this beat them to the punch. Laurence Fishburne can bring the mentoring to undeveloped minds (Searching for Bobby Fischer, The Matrix), and whenever he appears in a film with Angela Bassett, it's usually a good thing (Boyz N the Hood, What's Love Got to Do with It?).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Maybe a little competition from Hoot the following week, but the bigger problem is that these kinds of films never do that well. $15mil.
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R.V.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Are We There Yet, Robin?
WILL IT SUCK?
Has Barry Sonnenfeld directed anything good since Get Shorty? I didn't think so. And the writer brought us Daddy Day Care and The Shaggy Dog. Not good times. It looks so bad that the fact that both Tony Hale and Will Arnett of Arrested Development are in it does nothing for me.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The success of The Pink Panther, not to mention Big Momma's House 2, suggests that audiences don't really care how good the comedy is as long as a big star is attached and people fall down a lot. $63mil.
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WATER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A girl is locked away in a temple in Varasani, India for brides whose arranged-marriage-husbands die before the wedding.
WILL IT SUCK?
Let me tell you something about writer/director Deepa Mehta. By most accounts, she hasn't made a bad film, and this is considered to be her best. Not to mention the fact that she had to fight Hindu fundamentalists who tried to burn down her sets in order to make the thing, so one hopes after all that it doesn't up and suck.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I have to say that while I'm impressed that Fox Searchlight is opening this wide, I don't know that that's going to help. $6mil.
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KILLER DILLER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Halfway house folks are turned into a blues band. Note: Not The Blues Brothers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but I do like me some Lucas Black (Friday Night Lights, Jarhead, and, sadly, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Bigger indie fish on the horizon, and not a huge company backing it. $250,000.
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THE DEATH OF MR. LAZARESCU
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
You know Mr. Lazarescu? Yeah, he dies.
WILL IT SUCK?
This indictment of the Romanian health care system has won numerous international awards, including the Un Certain Regard award at Cannes. Early buzz is outstanding.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a better shot at a good opening than Killer Diller, but not by much. $750,000.
Next Month: Let’s get this summer started right. Let’s get this summer started quick-ly. Will Brett Ratner make me cry? And we see what may be the year’s best poster. It involves Al Gore, indirectly.
-- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:28 AM
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March 27, 2006
Snakes on a Plane
A big thanks to Kevin for manning the FREEwilly controls for the past three weeks. Without further ado, we'll immediately lower the bar with a post about the upcoming Samuel Jackson film Snakes on a Plane. From Hollywood Reporter:
This month, New Line Cinema's "Snakes on a Plane," which wrapped principal photography in September in Vancouver, went back before the cameras for five days of additional shooting at the Lot in Los Angeles.
The second round of filming .... came about because of intense and growing fan interest in the movie...
"Snakes" stars Samuel L. Jackson as an FBI agent who has to fight a planeload of snakes unleashed by an assassin bent on killing a witness in protective custody. Sight unseen, the movie has grown from something of a joke into a phenomenon slithering untamed throughout the Internet.
It all started with the provocative and buzzworthy, if also reductive, title. New Line picked up the script in turnaround from Paramount Pictures in March 2003 -- in the wake of Sept. 11, terror-on-a-plane movies had fallen out of favor. And even within New Line, there were skeptics who viewed "Snakes on a Plane" as nothing but a simple programr with a "stupid title."
After Jackson came on board as the star, the title was upgraded to the more generic "Pacific Air Flight 121." ...
"Who wants to be in a movie called 'Snakes on a Plane'?" asked one talent agent at the time, seeming to echo the studio's concerns.
Movie fans... seized upon the title and started spontaneously creating fan sites, blogs, T-shirts, poems, fiction and songs. The title itself, sometimes abbreviated as "SoaP," has emerged as Internet-speak for fatalistic sentiments that range from c'est la vie to "shit happens."
Jackson publicly endorsed the move. "That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title," Jackson told entertainment site Collider.com. He added, "You either want to see that, or you don't."
New Line execs, concerned that it is too early to discuss the movie, declined comment. But sources now insist the studio never abandoned the "Snakes" title in the first place and that "Pacific Air" was just an internal working title.
In any event, "Snakes"-ophiles already were hard at work. Chris Rohan of Bethesda, Md., created an elaborate, R-rated audio trailer that lovingly mocks the title and movie. "It's a genius title," Rohan said. "It's so stupid it's great. It invites satire, but it's something you just love. It's something I can't explain. You either get it or you don't."
The audio bit uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie.
Apparently, the studio got the hint. When Ellis assembled Jackson and others for the recent shoot, the filmmakers added more gore, more death, more nudity, more snakes and more death scenes. And they shot a scene where Jackson does utter the line that fans have demanded.
Those involved with the film said the reshoots weren't prompted by fans but rather by the existing footage that already was a hairline into R territory. Within the studio, the thinking was, "We're already going to get an R, why not go all the way?" But the filmmakers do concede that the Jackson line will be in the movie for the sake of the fans.
This video on the satiric Snakes On a Blog is not to be missed. And here's a funny audio trailer. We can't wait to see the film. It comes out this summer.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:22 AM
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March 16, 2006
P for Pumpkin
by Kevin K.
The much-ballyhooed graphic-novel-turned-film V for Vendetta isn't the only provocative, politically-charged entertainment opening tonight in NYC. You can also add the Pumpkin Pie Show's "Junta High" to the list:
Celebrating its tenth year, the Pumpkin Pie Show is a rigorous storytelling session amplified by its own live soundtrack. In junta high, Clay McLeod Chapman, a New New Stuff 2005 favorite, crafts a Sweet Valley-styled high school for terrorists where cheerleaders double as suicide bombers and guidance counselors are taken hostage by the A/V club. Holy causes worth dying for galvanize school spirits, blood is shed on the football field every Friday night and the Hungry March Band fervently plays on.
Original music written and performed live by the Hungry March Band.
Think of it as Elephant X 10 plus tubas.
Performance Space 122
150 First Ave., NYC, 212-477-5288
March 16 - 26
Wednesday-Saturday at 8:30 p.m.
Saturday and Sunday at 4:30 p.m.
$20 ($10 Members)
RELATED: A look back at Vanity Fair Contributing Editor James Wolcott's review of V for Vendetta. The film opens tonight at 10PM at several NYC theaters followed by the muffled sounds of wingnuts' heads exploding throughout the country.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:09 AM
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March 13, 2006
Превед!
by Kevin K.
In one of the weirder web phenomenons we've stumbled upon in a while, a painting called "Bear Surprise" by NYC's renowned musician/actor/artist John Lurie has picked up a rabid cult following in Russia. The high-traffic blog Preved! features a vast array of Photoshopped versions of the painting and the image of the bear has even made its way onto everything from posters to t-shirts (here, here and here). If anyone out there speaks (or is) Russian and can give us more insight into how in the hell this all started, please leave us an explanation in comments.
(More art by Lurie can be found here.)
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 07:54 AM
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February 03, 2006
February 2006 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
When you find out what’s coming out this month, you’ll be glad that February is short.
FEBRUARY 3:
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember the beginning of “Scream?” Okay, that for 100 minutes.
WILL IT SUCK?
"The clichés are coming from inside the house!" If the fact that Simon “Tomb Raider” West is at the helm doesn't fill you with confidence, I don't know what will.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think audiences are just gullible enough to give this a shot in spite of the cliché, but regardless “Final Destination 3” will blow this out of the water the following week. $33mil.
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SOMETHING NEW
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Black chick dates a white guy. That's new, right?
WILL IT SUCK?
Time will tell if this is more “Love Jones” or “Booty Call,” but with a writer who's worked on both “Everybody Hates Chris” and “Whoopi” on board, either could happen. If you've been looking forward to another flick from that chick from “Alien vs. Predator” or the dead gay guy from “L.A. Confidential,” here you go. Seriously, though, you can't beat Donald Faison for your comic relief.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
An onslaught of new films next week will minimize the impact of this, which will already be compromised by “When a Stranger Calls.” $24mil.
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THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Tommy Lee Jones (in his directorial debut) takes on a corrupt border patrolman in an effort to return a corpse to Mexico.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the writer of “Amores Perros” and “21 Grams,” so expect it to be harsh. Early buzz is oustanding, and the flick won Best Actor (Tommy Lee Jones) and Screenplay at Cannes (along with a Palme D'Or nod for Jones). Also with Barry Pepper and Dwight Yoakam.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Delayed (or perhaps released only in LA for Oscar consideration) from December, and I can't blame them. It was very crowded. Here it can breathe, even if it's Oscar chances are shot. $3mil.
A GOOD WOMAN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Scarlett Johansson and Helen Hunt in a period piece catfight.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed to bad, with audiences liking it better than critics. That's too bad, since Wilde adaptations usually produce good films. Also, in their heyday, either Hunt or Johansson could have carried a film like this on their own.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If I were Lions Gate, I'd move to the following weekend, which is even less crowded indie-wise, to take full advantage of their star power. $2mil.
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SUITS ON THE LOOSE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remember “Nuns on the Run”? Okay, replace the nuns with Mormon missionaries. Get it?
WILL IT SUCK?
It's a pretty take-it-or-leave-it premise. The trailer isn't horrible, and neither is the early buzz. Neither are all that great. I think "meh" would be an achievement for this film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think anyone knows about this and I don't think anyone's going to find out. It's kind of like a murder in the desert. $750,000.
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TAMARA
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
What if “Carrie” were really fucking hot?
WILL IT SUCK?
They have the opening clip up at IGN. It looks awesomely bad. When this comes out on DVD, have your friends over.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they could ride that whole "awesomely bad" wave they could probably suffer a wide release. As it is, I don't think a limited release is going to engender much goodwill. $1mil.
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WHAT THE BLEEP!? - DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
WHAT'S THE BLEEPIN' PITCH?
Remember “What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?”, the wacky indie sensation from the good folks at The Ramtha School of Enlightenment? Think of this as a Director's Cut.
WILL IT BLEEPIN' SUCK, YOU MUTHABLEEPER?
Well, the first one didn't exactly get great reviews, so I'm thinking adding an hour and a half of same won't help.
HOW BLEEPIN' BLEEP #$*! BLEEPITY SHITFUCKER!!!
The first one made almost $11mil. I don't think lightning will strike twice, even with all-new crappy animation. $6mil.
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FEBRUARY 10
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FIREWALL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Harrison Ford must break into his own bank's security system when his family is taken hostage.
WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, yes. Think “24” with a bigger budget and smaller brain.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's a crowded weekend, and while there are no suspense thrillers per se, there's horror (“Final Destination 3”), comedy (“Pink Panther”), and family (“Curious George”), all of which tend to do better than suspense thrillers. $31mil.
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FINAL DESTINATION 3
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Death is on the move. This time it stalks the survivors of a roller coaster accident.
WILL IT SUCK?
If you liked the first two, you'll probably like this one. They've brought back the original writing/directing team behind the original, Glen Morgan and James Wong, who were so sublime on “The X-Files” and so not once they hit the big screen.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Believe it or not, this franchise has been seeing diminishing returns domestic. Don't expect that to change anytime soon. $41mil.
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THE PINK PANTHER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It hurts. Steve Martin takes over for Peter Sellers in this remake. That should be encouraging, but it's really not.
WILL IT SUCK?
There's going to be a post-mortem on this someday and it's going to be fascinating. First off, we've got Shawn Levy, he of “Cheaper by the Dozen “and “Just Married” at the helm. That sets us up for a certain kind of movie. Namely, sucky. However, our writing staff consists of Steve Martin, who knows from funny, and Len Blum, who penned two of the quintessential Bill Murray comedies of the 80's, “Meatballs” and “Stripes”.
How can these writers produce something that, from the looks of the trailer, will be impossible to sit through? Not to mention the fact that it was delayed from August, already a dumping ground, to February, August's ugly stepsister.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Having seen how well crap like “Big Momma's House 2” can do, it's hard for me to completely dismiss this. $79mil.
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CURIOUS GEORGE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
George is a chimp. He is curious. It's not “Chinatown,” people.
WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, most assuredly. I count 11 writers, not all of them credited, mind you. Brian Grazer, wonderful when bringing us adult entertainments like “Friday Night Lights,” sucks balls when bringing us children's entertainment like “The Grinch” and “The Cat in the Hat.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No children's competition around for miles. $63mil.
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NEIL YOUNG: HEART OF GOLD
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Neil Young concert movie.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, and why not? It's Neil Young. And he's doing stuff. Emmylou Harris is up in there, too. Jonathan Demme, no stranger to the concert film (“Stop Making Sense”), directs.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Some people would say Neil isn't worth two documentaries (Jarmusch did “Year of the Horse” back in '97), but that's not who this is targeting. $250,000.
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LONDON
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Jason Statham (sporting a shitty hairdo) does the romantic dramedy thing.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. And I should clarify the plot. It's really Chris Evans doing the romantic dramedy thing. Statham is just his wacky friend. The film also features Dane Cook playing a character called "Cockblocker," so I'm all in. As for the rest of you, I'd wait for more buzz.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is a bit of a wild card, but I don't see it going further than cult hit at best. $7mil.
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THROUGH THE FIRE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Hoop Dreams” a la ESPN.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz isn't so good, but there's not much to go on. If you like the drama of high school-cum-NBA basketball and think an appearance by LeBron James might make the film, check it out.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is ESPN movies first theatrical release, so I'm guessing the people who watch that station are gonna know about it. That's not a small amount. $8mil.
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FEBRUARY 17
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FREEDOMLAND
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ah, Julianne Moore and her missing children. This one gets abducted during a carjacking. Or was he?
WILL IT SUCK?
Sorry if I find it difficult to discuss any film starring Sam Jackson that does not involve SNAKES! On a PLANE!!! Motherfucking SNAKES on a motherfucking PLANE!!! Sam Jackson plays the detective investigating the case of the missing child who may or may not have been taken when Moore was or was not carjacked by a black man. Racial tensions ensue.
So who do you call when you want to document this with an artistic mix of socio-political insight and sensitivity. Norman Jewison? Spike Lee? Matthieu Kassowitz? No, wait, I've got it! The guy who directed “Christmas with the Kranks!” Yeah, let's get that guy!
So, Joe Roth, head of Revolution Studios who, of course, are ramping this one up to suck, is at the helm to add that special Revolution taint to the proceedings. The trailer, I will admit, actually looks pretty good, and I credit all of that to Richard Price, who adapted his own novel. If there's anything good here, it's probably coming from him, cos' God knows Roth can suck the life out of any actor he puts on the screen (“America's Sweethearts”).
My only hope comes from the fact that Revolution has been shuttered. But there are still, like, 7 more movies under their current contract with Sony. Strangely, “Snakes on a Plane” is not one of them.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's hard to say how these controversial films will do, especially if they're not all that controversial. $26mil.
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EIGHT BELOW
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Not Without My Sled Dogs!”
WILL IT SUCK?
Sorry, I'm just distracted by the trailer which shows one of the stranded sled dogs snatching a bird right out of the air! That's right. The bird's all like "You're not gonna get me. I can fly!" And the dog's all like "Let's hear you say that from inside my mouth, bitch!" That scene alone (and the one where they fight the seal) is gonna make this worth it. I can tell.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Paul Walker (Did I mention he was in this? Sorry, unless you can snatch a bird out of the air in mid-flight with your teeth, you're gonna get overlooked here.) will be competing with himself when “Running Scared” comes out the following week, and after “Into the Blue” even showing him topless can't gaurantee an opening. What do you think happens when you put him in a parka? $19mil.
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DATE MOVIE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Okay, remember “Scary Movie?” Do the math.
WILL IT SUCK?
As the trailer points out in its sole clever moment, this is from two of the six writers on “Scary Movie.” What else have they done? How about “Spy Hard?”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I hate to admit it, but even when they totally suck, those “Scary Movies” bring in the green. $72mil.
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NIGHT WATCH
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sort of a Russian “Highlander.”
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are a bit mixed, and so is the trailer. Part of it looks cool as shit, the other, cheesy as hell. If pulled off right, could be the next “Matrix.” If not, could be the next “Underworld.”
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If the reviews hold up, could be the next “28 Days Later.” Either way, it's already made its money back by being the highest grossing film in Russian history, beating out the likes of “Spider-Man 2” and “Lord of the Rings.” The other two installments are a given, as the trailer points out. $18mil.
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WINTER PASSING
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Coming home story where Zooey Deschanel tries to get her dad (Ed Harris) to cough up some love letters he wrote so she can get them published (cos he's a famous recluse author or something).
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed but hey, look, it's Will Ferrell! And he's in an indie! And Ed Harris looks like Edgar Winter. Other than that, nothing much here stands out, besides the fact that Zooey Deschanel rocks on principle.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Certainly has the best cast of any indie opening this week, but word of mouth is slim. “Tsotsi” offers slightly better buzz the following week. $1mil.
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THE SECOND CHANCE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
"Well we're movin' on down..." Pastor at fancy white church gets demoted to poor black church.
WILL IT SUCK?
Sony is releasing this under its new Christian-themed film label, Triumph (named not, I think, after the insult comic dog, but that would be pretty funny). Going on the basis of the history of low-budget Christian-themed films (“The Omega Code,” anyone?) it's not usually a rich pot (and I say that as a Christian). Still, all the players here are x-factors, so you never know.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they market this with an eye towards advance sales in churches à la “End of the Spear,” they might do well. $10mil.
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BATTLE IN HEAVEN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
There's some convoluted plot in here about a kidnapping gone wrong, but all anyone seems to be able to talk about is the graphic sex.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews, not so good. But hey, graphic sex!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Graphic sex, as it turns out, is available for free on the interwebs. $100,000.
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FEBRUARY 24
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MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sequel to the breakout hit “Diary of a Mad Black Woman.”
WILL IT SUCK?
Tyler Perry slides into the director's chair on this one. Will that be enough to save it from the doldrums of the previous installment's reviews? Probably not, but on the surface it looks like this will be more accessible and better acted. The success of the original seems to have bought the sequel some star power - Maya Angelou, Blair Underwood, Cicely Tyson (I said "some"). Madea still creeps me out, though.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The following week, “Dave Chappelle's Block Party” will be the "urban" hit. But this week, it's all about Madea. $56mil.
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ULTRAVIOLET
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Futuristic dystopia with butt-kicking action - does the plot actually matter?
WILL IT SUCK?
Four years ago, a guy named Kurt Wimmer wrote and directed a movie called “Equilibrium.” It bombed and didn't score too hot with critics, either. However, over time, more people saw it, loved it, and recommended it. Eventually I saw it, too, and you know what? They're right. Now, in the same sci-fi action genre (looks like it takes place in the same future, just with color) Wimmer's back. So yeah, I'm psyched. Doesn't hurt to have Nick Chilund on board as the heavy, and the return of William Fichtner (he was in “Equilibrium”) as...who cares, he's in it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Though the Wimmer faithful will be lining up, most folks'll write this off as an “Aeon Flux” knock-off, especially with Milla Jovovich playing an ass-kicking genetically enhanced mutant for the 17th time. Still, this will do far better than “Equilibrium.” $51mil.
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RUNNING SCARED
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Paul Walker plays a mobster (hee) who has to track down a hot gun.
WILL IT SUCK?
Did you read the part where Paul Walker is a mobster? Actually, this is from the guy behind “The Cooler,” and as such has fairly good advance buzz. Still, when I think of “Running Scared”, I think of the awesome 1986 comedy with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines, and nothing is going to replace that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Never mind the fact that Paul Walker from “Eight Below” is competing with this Paul Walker this week, you have “Pulse” and Dave Chappelle knocking this out of the water the following week. $9mil.
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DOOGAL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A little “Ice Age,” a little Season Four of “Smallville” (a hunt for magic stones), and a whole lot of cheap-ass computer animation.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but European. That is to say that this was a cult British TV hit in the 60's, so without that context, it's hard to say what American audiences will think. Now, I will say it's kind of neat that Tom Baker (the Fourth Doctor, yo!) is the voice of the villain and that Jon Stewart and Kevin Smith are apparently lending their talents as well. But that's not enough to get me in the theater. Dude, “Valiant” had Ricky fucking Gervais and it still sucked.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little early to say if “Aquamarine” will be a challenge the following week as it will likely skew older. And I've learned not to underestimate the power of The Weinstein Co. when it comes to kiddie fare. “Hoodwinked,” depending upon who's numbers you trust, opened better than “Glory Road.” $51mil.
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TSOTSI
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
South Africa, home of gangbangers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very strong, though some audiences don't seem as impressed. Audiences in Toronto, however, gave it their highest honor - the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival (over some stiff competition). Also got an Oscar nod for Best Foreign Flick.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This will be the first test of the "new" Miramax, sans Weinsteins. My guess is they'll do pretty well. And films that win at Toronto tend to have better half-lives than films that win at another presitgious, snowy fest. $3mil.
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UNKNOWN WHITE MALE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Doc about a guy with retrograde amnesia.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty good, as is befitting a film that got a Grand Jury nod at last year's Sundance. Fascinating topic.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Can Court TV take on the new Miramax? $500,000.
Next month: Two of the best films I saw at Toronto are coming out; plus "V for Very Good Advance Buzz" and (finally!) "A Scanner Darkly." I guess what I'm saying is, March will be much better, folks, don’t give up on movies just yet.
-- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:31 AM
| Comments (4)
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January 26, 2006
Federline Rocks Out
This video of Britney's hubby, Keven Federline, jamming in the studio is too wonderful to not share. Check it out here.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:46 AM
| Comments (1)
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January 19, 2006
January 2006 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
From Why We Fight
This month's movie preview is coming a tad late because, well, we're retarded and forgot to post it. So sorry, Dave. We've kept your public waiting. We're still in a post-holiday haze, even though it's almost February. Without further ado, here's the truncated January Movie Preview.
LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE MUSLIM WORLD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Albert Brooks is hired by the government to be the title.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not so great. Apparently, he doesn't find it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The return of Steven Soderbergh next week will overshadow this. This week, bad
buzz might move people to the more serious "Why We Fight." $1mil.
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UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
More fun with that guy who looks like the lead singer of Creed and Kate Beckinsale
as a werewolf/vampire hybrid and straight-up vampire, respectively.
WILL IT SUCK?
They have pretty much the same crew in front of and behind the camera again
so expect the same level of quality as the original. Which is to say, yes, it
will suck, but not terribly so.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think this will pull a "Saw II" and outdo the original thanks to
DVD sales expanding the audience for the franchise. $87mil.
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WHY WE FIGHT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember when Eisenhower warned us against the military/industrial complex?
This doc looks out how that all worked out for us.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is quite good, claiming this is even better than the documentarian's
previous effort, "The Trials of Henry Kissinger."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Higher profile indies the following week, and it's unclear whether or not audiences
are ready for a head-on discussion of war, though "Syriana" returns
indicate they're at least ready to hear about oil. $2mil.
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January 27
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ANNAPOLIS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"An Officer and a Gentleman." Really, there's no twist. That's basically
what it is.
WILL IT SUCK?
I would call this an enourmous waste of director Justin Lin's ("Better
Luck Tomorrow") considerable talent, except his next project is just that
("The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift"), so I have to call this
something else. How about "serviceable?" That's what the writer's
last project ("Out of Time") turned out to be.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think between this and "Tristan and Isolde," James Franco will split
his own demo. $23mil.
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BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
I'm not sure I really need to say.
WILL IT SUCK?
Fear not. They got the screenwriter of the original back! And they added the
director of "Malibu's Most Wanted!" Are you crying yet?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, the first one was a hit. Fortunately, we've had five years to forget
that fact. $46mil.
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NANNY MCPHEE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Think "Nanny 911" with magical powers.
WILL IT SUCK?
The reigning queen of starring in her own adaptations, Emma Thompson ("Sense
and Sensibility," "Wit") pulls double duty once again. This time
she is the titular Nanny. And having the director of "Waking Ned Devine"
on board doesn't hurt. Early buzz is good, but it'll have to be pretty damn
great to be as awesome as her turn as Nanny G on "Cheers."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think the trailer is doing it any favors. $25mil.
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TRISTRAM SHANDY: A COCK AND BULL STORY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
An extremely post-modern adaptation of the "unfilmable" Laurence Sterne
novel "The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman."
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is extremely good. It looks like director Michael Winterbottom is
back in his "24 Hour Party People" playground with Steve Coogan once
again narrating directly to the camera. He's got the screenwriter from that
film back as well. Good times.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Bubble" will provide some competition, and I may be the only one
who's been yearning for a philosophical follow-up to "24 Hour Party People."
$200,000.
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BUBBLE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The plot involves a murder at a toy factory, but the point is that Steven Soderbergh
has a bunch of non-actors act. Hence, the naturalism...we hope.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but generally positive. This is from the screenwriter of
"Full Frontal," considered by many to be Soderbergh's worst effort.
If nothing else, though, expect this to be on the experimental side of his oeuvre.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
That's the question. The real story here is the release. This is coming out
simultaneously in theaters, on DVD, on an HD Cable Network, and I think in cave
drawings as well. Will this experiment prove successful or will Steven Soderbergh
single-handedly destroy theatrical distribution? Or will the fact that it's
an experimental Soderbergh film negate the fact that there's anything unusual
about the release at all since those generally don't do well to begin with?
$3mil.
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IMAGINE ME & YOU
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember how I said there were two films with a fiancée falling for another
woman this month? Here you go.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is split with the meme being that this is too straight for the queer
eye and too queer for the straight eye. But hey, Anthony Stewart Head! Giles,
man! Yeah, that's still not enough.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The above problem could leave this as a film without a demo. $2mil.
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Next month: Joe Roth and Lars von Trier both give us their takes
on race relations. Which do you think will be more incendiary? And you have
one month to watch "Equilibrium" and discover why maybe you should
get psyched for "Ultraviolet."
-- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:15 PM
| Comments (0)
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January 19, 2006
The Goth Eucharist
Evidently there is a Goth Eucharist at a church in Cambridge. We didn't even know there was such thing as a Cambridge Goth, much less a church. [From Ananova (Thanks JR)]
The candlelit Goth Eucharist services feature a specially written liturgy and music from bands like Depeche Mode, Joy Division and the Sisters of Mercy.
Rev Ramshaw said: "As Goths there is a broad sense of an outlook of life that focuses on the bad things.
"The point of the service is that we all get desperate at times. We all get knocks and sometimes life seems hopeless.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:09 AM
| Comments (0)
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January 03, 2006
The Hilarious Andy Milonakis Has a Blog
We love you Andy. Best line from his new blog: "Is someone injecting me with twinkie cream whilst I slumber?" [via BKvegan]
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:17 PM
| Comments (0)
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December 20, 2005
The MTA Hates Us For Our Freedom
Needless to say, this strike sucks. And can we trust Bloomberg to facilitate some type of resolution? We can't even trust him to wear the right jacket. He walked across the WINDY Brooklyn Bridge in 25 degree weather wearing a lightweight leather jacket. No hat. No scarf. His mom would be mortified.
Oh well, if you're taking the day off, check out our shopping guide and skip the cold walk into Manhattan.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:59 AM
| Comments (25)
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December 16, 2005
Goodbye Howard
You were always essential counterpoint to NPR. We'll miss the show. Fuck our reactionary FCC.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:23 AM
| Comments (2)
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December 02, 2005
December 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Scarlett Johansson in Woody Allen's Match Point
It's that time of year again, when studios shove anything they think has a hope in hell of an Oscar nod into the final 31 days of eligibility. That, and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." This month brings us new movies by Woody Allen, Terence Malik, and Peter Jackson [whose King King was just reviewed here]
December 2
AEON FLUX
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand reunite from their "North Country" days to tell another story of sexual harrasment, this one set 400 years in the future, involving skimpy clothes and gun battles, and no actual sexual harrasment charges of any kind.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, they picked the right director. Karyn Kusama helmed "Girlfight," and there's certainly going to be a lot of that. When it comes to the writers, however, I would have shot higher than the duo behind "The Tuxedo."
The addition of "Hotel Rwanda's" Sophie Okonedo to the cast should enusre and all-around waste of talent.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should see halfway decent numbers. Has a significant following and no direct action competition for miles. $67mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Not even with three nominees in the cast.
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TRANSAMERICA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Road trip flick with Felicity Huffman as a post-op M2F transsexual taking her son to California.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is strong, and with Huffman in the lead, that's no surprise.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The following week, a bigger sexual coup will take the stage, but the following Huffman has garnered from "Desperate Housewives" might come in handy. $10mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Huffman's a near lock for a nod.
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THE KID & I
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid with cerebral palsy wants to be an action star so, of course, he teams up with Tom Arnold.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty bad. Director Penelope Spheeris directed, as the cringetastic trailer happily points out, "Wayne's World," but that's not a get-out-of-jail-free card for "The Beverly Hillbillies" or "The Little Rascals." Tom Arnold did the screenplay.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even if this has bigger stars (including a supposed cameo from Jamie Lee Curtis and The Guvernator) than most limited releases this weekend, it's still a limited release, and not exactly appealing to the right crowd for a limited release. Not that it would do much better wide. $1mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Henry Winkler can't get an Emmy for playing a schlub on "Arrested Development," he won't get an Oscar for playing one here.
------------------------------------
FIRST DESCENT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"March of the Snowboarders"
WILL IT SUCK?
Do you like snowboarding? That's pretty much the only criteria for this snowboarding doc. If not, I don't see it holding much interest for ya.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Very strong appeal to a very niche audience. $1mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Did not make the list of eligible documentaries.
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BE HERE TO LOVE ME: A FILM ABOUT TOWNES VAN ZANDT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In spite of the title, actually a film about Roger Van Norton, a contractor from Des Moines.
Or a profile of famed (well, among musicians) songwriter Van Zandt.
WILL IT SUCK?
Fascinating story. Suffered from depression and alcohol. Fell off a building to see what it was like. Okay, maybe this is fairly typical "Behind the Music" fare, but it's still interesting. Interviews with Willie Nelson, Emmylou Harris, and Steve Earle, among others.
Early buzz is good, in spite of being delayed from July.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Palm Pictures not so much with the heavy promotion, but I'll give them props for taste (they also distributed a Tom Dowd doc). $50,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Even if it had made the list, it would have had to compete with the higher profile "Devil and Daniel Johnston," also about a troubled musician.
------------------------------------
DECEMBER 9
------------------------------------
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The "other" epic fantasy classic.
WILL IT SUCK?
I've got pretty high hopes for this one. You've got Andrew Adamson directing, one of the driving forces behind the "Shrek" movies. You've got writing support from him and writers from "Life and Death of Peter Sellers" (and "In My Country," but what are ya gonna do?).
You've also got Tilda Swinton as The White Witch, which, apparently, is a good thing (I've never read the books). And with voice support from the likes of Rupert Everett, Ray Winstone, and Liam Neeson, it looks like we're in for a fun ride.
By the way, did you know that J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis knew each other? Actually, if you're a fan at all of these series you probably did. Never mind.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it weren't for Mr. Kong, I'd call this the hit of December. As it is, it'll still make much bank. $273mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This seems very much like a spoiler for me. I could see it getting ignored completely or taking it all (minus acting), but little in between.
------------------------------------
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Gay cowboys!!!
WILL IT SUCK?
Not at all. Caught this at Toronto and lemme tell ya, it's one of the best movies of the year. And for a guy like Ang Lee to surpass himself is quite a feat.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's a busy time for indies regardless, but I wouldn't wish anyone to have to open against "Memoirs of a Geisha." That having been said, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger have a decent following, and Focus isn't slacking on the press. $15mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If all goes well, it could be up for Cinematography, Director, Adapted Screenplay, a Best Actor nod for Ledger, and Picture.
------------------------------------
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Pretty much what the title indicates.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, but just barely. With Rob Marshall (Chicago) at the helm, you'd expect that at least. With screenwriters from "Practical Magic," you might not expect much more. The cast, however, fuggeddaboutit: Gong Li, Ken Watanabe, Michelle Yeoh, and Zhang Ziyi as the geisha herself.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little bit of competition from "Brokeback" this week and "Three Burials" the next, but nothing this crew can't handle. $54mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
What this may lack in strong reviews it will make up for in box office. Look for Director and Actress/Supporting Actress nods. Maybe Picture.
------------------------------------
MAREBITO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
J-Horror about a guy with a camera obsession who takes in a naked, bloodsucking nymph he finds in a parallel universe.
WILL IT SUCK?
The movie is just as random as the premise makes it sound. It's a little bit scary at times, but that's about it. And at no point does it even attempt to make sense. Which, if you've seen a lot of J-Horror, shouldn't be a shock.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
December just isn't the time for Japanese horror flicks. $600,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I think it would be neat if Japan submitted a horror film, but this year they picked a movie with Beat Takeshi as a brutally abusive drunk which, from what I've heard, is a hell of a lot more harrowing than any ghost-in-the-machine flick.
------------------------------------
MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Judi Dench opens an all-female nude revue in 1930's London.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, but not overwhelming. Still, it's Stephen Frears ("High Fidelity," "Dirty Pretty Things," "Dangerous Liasons"), so I'm in. Adding to the Dame Denchiness is Bob Hoskins (who apparently has a nude scene) and Christopher Guest as the Easily Offended Rich White Guy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A side effect of shooting for an Oscar is a crowded marketplace. $9mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That's the idea. This will be a good test of whether or not the new Weinstein entity can pan for Oscar gold the way Miramax used to, which is to say, shamelessly. Look for Best Actress and Actor, at least.
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THE WORLD'S FASTEST INDIAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Anthony Hopkins plays the man who set the land speed world record in the 1970's by riding a cheetah. Okay, he was actually on a modified motorcycle.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good. Looks like writer/director Roger Donaldson is building on the potential he showed with "Thirteen Days" (and didn't so much with "The Recruit").
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not that Anthony Hopkins can't open a picture anymore (he can't) or that the title is problematic (it is) but even without all of that, Magnolia doesn't have the marketing muscle of the Weinsteins, Focus, or Sony. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That's the whole point of this limited December run. The real release will happen in January.
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DECEMBER 16
------------------------------------
KING KONG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Big-ass ape goes berserk in New York.
WILL IT SUCK?
With the same writing/directing team as the "LOTR" trilogy, not bloody likely. Add to that Jack Black, Adrian Brody, Naomi Watts, and shoulda-got-the-Oscar-for-Gollum Andy Serkis as that big, crazy gorilla and I'm there opening night or sooner.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got a two-day head start on "The Family Stone." Like it needs it. $375mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Look for "LOTR"-style non-acting nods: Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, plus a crapload of technical awards. A Serkis nod for Best Actor would be cool, but it ain't gonna happen.
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THE FAMILY STONE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
No apes? Then who cares?
WILL IT SUCK?
When your meet-my-wacky-family flick is being compared favorably with "You Can't Take It with You," you're on good turf. Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Clare Danes, Diane Keaton, Dermot Mulroney, Craig T. Nelson, and Sarah Jessica Parker round out what looks to be a solid cast. Are we looking at a tolerable holiday comedy?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I give it credit for opening against "King Kong," although the tougher thing would be to open against "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" the following week. $42mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
We'll have to see how the acting categories shake out, but comedy's a tough sell.
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THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tommy Lee Jones (in his directorial debut) takes on a corrupt border patrolman in an effort to return a corpse to Mexico.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the writer of "Amores Perros" and "21 Grams," so expect it to be harsh. Early buzz is oustanding, and the flick won Best Actor (Tommy Lee Jones) and Screenplay at Cannes (along with a Palme D'Or nod for Jones). Also with Barry Pepper and Dwight Yoakam.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Any other time of year, this would be the 500lb gorilla (excuse the reference). $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Maybe a Best Actor nod for Jones. And they tend to like their actors-turned-director. Still, I don't see this being on their radar.
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MASTER OF THE CRIMSON ARMOR (a.k.a. THE PROMISE)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Fairly fakey-looking Wuxia epic from the director of "Farewell My Concubine."
WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of the cheesy-looking fx, this is China's submission for Best Foreign Language Film, so at least they have confidence in it. It's also the most expensive Chinese film to date, which make those fx even more boggling.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they could pick a title, it might do better. $600,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm not seeing the Weinstein Co. Oscar Engine revving up the way it usually does, so I'm not so sure.
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THE PRODUCERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember that movie "The Producers" which became a musical? Now it's a movie again.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty good, which is not surprising given the smart choices. One, hiring Susan Stroman, who won 5 Tony Awards (two for directing and choreographing this on Broadway) to direct. Two, having Mel Brooks do the screenplay with Thomas Meehan who collaborated with him on "To Be or Not to Be" and "Spaceballs" (and who's been tapped to write the next movie-t0-musical-back-to-movie transfer "Hairspray"). Three, getting Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick back on board after their succesful Broadway run as the leads in this. Four, adding Will Ferrell to the mix as Franz Liebkind, the wacky Nazi.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't really know why they're releasing this limited. Sure, Kong is an issue, but this is really a different demo. Regardless, it should do well. $87mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I think that might be the reason we're looking at a limited release. They may want to go wide in January, when there's less competition. Anyway, look for Screenplay (Adapted this time, when it won in '68 it was Original), and some acting nods.
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DECEMBER 21-28
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CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2: THE CHEAPERING (12/21)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The family goes on vacation and competes with Eugene Levy's family, which is really a metaphor for Steve Martin and Levy competing for who's selling out more lately.
WILL IT SUCK?
In an evil genius masterstroke, they've replaced the original director with the guy who did "The Pacifier" and "Bringing Down the House." They've kept the same screenwriter who, it pains me to remind you, also did "Just Married." Remember that?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has Big Holiday Hit writ large. $139mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but I wouldn't mind seeing Martin co-host with Chris Rock, just to be different.
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FUN WITH DICK AND JANE (12/21)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake of the 1977 comedy in which a married couple turns to a life of crime to make ends meet.
WILL IT SUCK?
I'm a big Jim Carrey fan (well, post "Ace Ventura 2," anyway), so I have slightly high hopes for this already which are raised by the pairing of two interesting comedy schools. One comes in the form of the director, who also worked on "Monk" and "Galaxy Quest." We'll call that the Tony Shalhoub School of Gentle Irony. A couple of the writers, including Judd Apatow, have their feet in "Freaks and Geeks," "The 40-Year Old Virgin," and "Strangers with Candy." We'll call that the Twisted School of Subversive Absurdism. Both schools seem at home with the material. And, finally, to lower our hopes slightly is a writer from "Stealing Harvard."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Don't know that audiences are still feeling the Carrey love and after "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" they may feel that this is more of a re-tread than it actually is. $56mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
As a rule, remakes don't make waves. Especially if their predecessors didn't. ("The Producers" notwithstanding).
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THE RINGER (12/23)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded in order to fix the Special Olympics. Of course he does.
WILL IT SUCK?
Cartman was able to make this funny for, like, 20 minutes on "South Park." I'm not sure Johnny Knoxville can pull it off for 90 minutes, Brian Cox or no. Still, I give the writer credit for working on a lot of "Family Guy's" and note the executive producer-ship of the Farrelly bros. as a potentially benefitial influence.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
More dumb-ass comedy from "Grandma's Boy" the following week, but this should be able to carve out a small niche in the meantime. $12mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm thinking if "Daltry Calhoun" can't make it, this won't either.
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HOODWINKED (12/23)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Little Red Riding Hood" gets the "Rashomon" treatment in this animated tale.
WILL IT SUCK?
Not much is known about the writer/directors (all three of them), but the premise is intriguing. The Weinsteins thought enough of it to pick it up at Cannes and release it at the end of the year with, apparently, every other film in their arsenal. Good voice talent, including Anne Hathaway, revisiting the fairy tale spoof genre after "Ella Enchanted," Patrick Warburton, Andy Dick, Glenn Close, Xzibit, & Chazz Palminteri.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If the Weinstein Co. can get the advertising up, this could do quite well. I'm not convinced that'll happen. $39mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's eligible for a nod, but it remains to be seen if the Weinsteins can get it on the radar in time.
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RUMOR HAS IT (12/25)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Jennifer Aniston discovers that she might be the progeny of the characters who inspired "The Graduate." In a metaphysical, socio-political sense, I suppose that could be true.
WILL IT SUCK?
The firing of director Ted Griffin early on and his replacement by Rob "I Haven't Made a Good Movie in Ten Years" Reiner was a little disheartening. But the screenplay is still Griffin's (and really, that's his strength - "Matchstick Men, Ocean's 11") and as for the rest, well, I guess it 's a clever idea, even if it started as a joke in "The Player."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got a better shot than the second frame of "Family Stone." Seriously, though, I don't know how many Jennnifer Aniston fans resonate with "The Graduate," or vice versa. $33mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Depending upon how much of Griffin's original screenplay remains, there could be a nod in there for him somewhere.
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WOLF CREEK (12/25)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another one of those crazy-psycho-tortures-unsuspecting-travelers deals.
WILL IT SUCK?
This has the unusual gorefest cache of a Grand Jury nod at Sundance.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A clever bit of counter-programming. Unfortunately "Bloodrayne" and Eli Roth's "Cabin Fever" follow-up "Hostel" (also about a torture factory) show up the very next week. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but is anyone else freaked out that "torture-fest" is becoming it's own horror sub-genre?
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THE WHITE COUNTESS (12/21)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ralph Fiennes plays a blind nightclub owner in 1930's Shanghai trying to track down the wizard who defeated him 13 years ago...no, wait, just the blind nightclub owner part.
WILL IT SUCK?
The last (sniff) Merchant (pour some out) and Ivory film. Features the screenwriter behind one of their best-received efforts, "Remains of the Day." Sadly, though, early buzz is not so good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Merchant/Ivory has not been a money powerhouse for a while. And in this crowded a field, it could have issues. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Outside of sympathy votes on behalf of Merchant, the reviews would need to improve considerably. Otherwise, Fiennes' more likely Actor nod scenario involves "The Constant Gardener."
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MUNICH (12/23)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Eric Bana goes after the Palestinian terrorists who killed hostages at the 1972 Munich Olympics.
WILL IT SUCK?
As if it weren't enough to have Spielberg on board (and, admittedly, for a lot of people it isn't) they went and threw in Tony "Angels in America" Kushner to do the screenplay. Add to that Bana, new 007 Daniel Craig, and Geoffrey Rush and you're talking about a project that doesn't fuck around.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Again, it's strange to see this as a limited release. I can't think of the last time a Spielberg film was let out that way. Still, the dark subject matter will lend to a smaller b.o. than, say, "War of the Worlds." And a lack of stars won't help much, either. I'm thinking this is the sort of film that will get more critical than financial love. Maybe that's why they went limited. $78mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Some Oscar pundits see this as the only surefire nod-magnet. Look for Picture, Director, Actor, Supporting Actor, and Adapted Screenplay. Probably Score and Cinematography while you're at it.
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CASANOVA (12/25)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Heath Ledger plays the legendary lover.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Not surprising given director Lasse Hallstrom's track record (regardless of late mishaps such as "An Unfinished Life" and "The Shipping News").
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The star power of Ledger helps, but there are more high profile indies around. $9mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's conceivable, but those misfires of late may have taken Hallstrom off Oscar radar for a while.
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THE NEW WORLD (12/25)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Terence Malick's "Pocahontas."
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, how do you feel about Terence Malick? Me, I think "Badlands" is one of the best movies ever made, whereas "The Thin Red Line" is beautiful, but overrated. (Haven't seen "Days of Heaven." Hang my head in shame.) So I've got mixed feelings about this one. However, if there's one thing Malick does right every time, it's casting: Colin Farrell, Christian Bale, David Thewlis, Roger Rees, and Noah Taylor are all on board.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The two main draws here are Malick and Farrell. With Malick, you're up against Spielberg and Woody Allen, both of whom have bigger followings. But Farrell's a bigger star than anyone in either of those flicks (and post-"Batman" Bale's no slouch, either). This gives "The New World" a fighting chance, especially if nods are forthcoming. $37mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'd say it's fifty/fifty. If they do, it'll be for Direction, Screenplay, Cinematography, and, surpisingly, the most likely Acting nod is rumored to go to a newcomer in this field of well-knowns: Pocahontas herself, Q'Orianka Kilcher.
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MATCH POINT (12/28)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Woody Allen goes all Hitchcocky in this tale of a man with one woman too many in his life.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz on this has Allen back in form, and not just better-than-"Anything-Else" form. We're talking "Manhattan" and "Annie Hall" here, folks.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
DreamWorks needs to start hyping this now. It's going to be busy enough once awards season is in full swing. If they do, this is positioned to have a shot, even in a crowded field. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER THIS AT OSCAR TIME?
Talk about getting it in under the wire. With four days to spare, DreamWorks releases this with a qualifying run. Look for Screenplay, at least.
Next month: Half the movies you just read about get their actual wide release. And which sequel is less necessary, "Underworld: Evolution" or "Big Momma's House 2"? The answer won't surprise you.
-- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:02 AM
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December 01, 2005
True Jingle Bell Rock
While Falwell continues his inane "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign," whoever owns this house has enough Christmas spirit for us all. [Thanks Catch.]
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December 01, 2005
The 10 Best Books of 2005
The New York Times just announced their top 10 books of 2005. We're delighted to see our favorite author, Haruki Murakami make the list. Read Robert Lanham's review of the book, which appeared in Nylon, afte the jump. And feel free to add your own selections in comments.
Fiction
KAFKA ON THE SHORE
By Haruki Murakami.
Alfred A. Knopf, $25.95.
This graceful and dreamily cerebral novel, translated from the Japanese by Philip Gabriel, tells two stories - that of a boy fleeing an Oedipal prophecy, and that of a witless old man who can talk to cats - and is the work of a powerfully confident writer.
ON BEAUTY
By Zadie Smith.
Penguin Press, $25.95.
In her vibrant new book, a cultural-politics novel set in a place like Harvard, the author of ''White Teeth'' brings everything to the table: a crisp intellect, a lovely wit and enormous sympathy for the men, women and children who populate her story.
PREP
By Curtis Sittenfeld.
Random House, $21.95. Paper, $13.95.
This calm and memorably incisive first novel, about a scholarship girl who heads east to attend an elite prep school, casts an unshakable spell and has plenty to say about class, sex and character.
SATURDAY
By Ian McEwan.
Nan A. Talese/Doubleday, $26.
As bracing and as carefully constructed as anything McEwan has written, this astringent novel traces a day in the life of an English neurosurgeon who comes face to face with senseless violence.
VERONICA
By Mary Gaitskill.
Pantheon Books, $23.
This mesmerizingly dark novel from the author of ''Bad Behavior'' and ''Two Girls, Fat and Thin'' is narrated by a former Paris model who is now sick and poor; her ruminations on beauty and cruelty have clarity and an uncanny bite.
Nonfiction
THE ASSASSINS' GATE
America in Iraq
By George Packer.
Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $26.
A comprehensive look at the largest foreign policy gamble in a generation, by a New Yorker reporter who traces the full arc of the war, from the pre-invasion debate through the action on the ground.
DE KOONING
An American Master
By Mark Stevens and Annalyn Swan.
Alfred A. Knopf, $35.
A sweeping biography, impressively researched and absorbingly written, of the charismatic immigrant who stood at the vortex of mid-20th-century American art.
THE LOST PAINTING
By Jonathan Harr.
Random House, $24.95.
This gripping narrative, populated by a beguiling cast of scholars, historians, art restorers and aging nobles, records the search for Caravaggio's ''Taking of Christ,'' painted in 1602 and rediscovered in 1990.
POSTWAR
A History of Europe Since 1945
By Tony Judt.
The Penguin Press, $39.95.
Judt's massive, learned, brilliantly detailed account of Europe's recovery from the wreckage of World War II presents a whole continent in panorama even as it sets off detonations of insight on almost every page.
THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING
By Joan Didion.
Alfred A. Knopf, $23.95.
A prose master's harrowing yet exhilarating memoir of a year riven by sudden death (her husband's) and mortal illness (their only child's)
Murakami on the Shore
It's fitting that Kyoto-born author, Haruki Murakami, would have two distinct public identities. After all, the characters inhabiting his genre-bending novels routinely live mysterious parallel existences.
Murakami is a best-selling celebrity in Asia. He's also routinely panned by Japanese critics uncomfortable with the success of his metaphysical mysteries, not to mention his protagonists' fascination with Western pop culture.
In America, critics have compared Murakami to Pynchon, Hemingway, and Hammett. Despite meager sales, locating a bookstore where his masterpiece The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle isn't a Staff Pick would be a daunting task. He has what every author dreams of; critical and popular success, only on two separate shores.
His latest, Kafka on the Shore (translated by Philip Gabriel) is Murakami's most heartbreaking novel to date. It’s also his weirdest. Populated by talking cats, Hegel-quoting prostitutes, and a strange dude who calls himself Colonel Sanders, the novel follows parallel plot lines involving a 15-year-old runaway and an elderly man who's one part Forrest Gump, one part Buddha. As I said, it's weird. Thankfully, part of Murakami’s charm is his ability to make the fantastic seem normal. Real.
Structurally, the book is reminiscent of his double-plotted detective spoof, Hard-Boiled Wonderland. Nevertheless, Kafka is more intimately linked to Underground, Murakami's nonfiction examination of evil via the sarin gas attacks on the Tokyo subway.
An ambitious and moving novel, Kafka on the Shore is also deeply flawed, often slipping into head-scratching allegory and failing to tie together disjointed pieces. That said, Murakami (and his fans) seem forgiving, if not inspired by the humanity that resides in imperfections. In a revealing chunk of dialogue about a Schubert sonata, Murakami writes "works that have a certain imperfection to them have an appeal for that very reason -- or at least they appeal to certain types of people."
Exactly.
--Robert Lanham from Nylon
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November 09, 2005
To do tonight: Sarah Silverman premiere at Galapagos
Check out an advance screening of Jesus is Magic tonight at Galapagos. FREE
L Magazine and Galapagos Art Space present
The Williamsburg Film Series
FREE Sneak Peak 35mm movies!
Find out more here.
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November 04, 2005
November 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic
In a month that begins and ends with polemics about the Gulf, will anyone notice? Can Harry Potter save Hollywood from an oversimplified news story that won't die, I mean, the slump, the horrible, horrible slump? And is there even the slightest chance that "Rent" won't suck? The answers to all that and more, in this month's preview…
(OK, I'll tell you right now, "Rent's" gonna suck.)
NOVEMBER 4
CHICKEN LITTLE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Disney can live without Pixar. Oh, the pitch of the film? Animated chicken declares that the sky is falling...in alien invasion form. Yeah, I know, that's a much more believable pitch.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's from the guys who wrote "Brother Bear," so, yes. And from the director of "The Emporer's New Groove," which wasn't awful, but still. Nice voice talent, though: Zach Braff, Catherine O'Hara, Don Knotts, Joan Cusack, Amy Sedaris, Harry Shearer, Patrick Stewart, Adam West, Fred Willard, and Steve Zahn.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Zathura" could be an issue the following week. And after the abysmal returns for "Valiant" and the less-than-stellar performance of "Wallace & Gromit," the kid flick scene seems dicey. $27mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm thinking you're gonna need bigger guns than "Brother Bear" to play at that level.
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JARHEAD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember the first Iraq war? It's about that.
WILL IT (WELCOME TO THE) SUCK?
From Director Sam Mendes, who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. After "American Beauty" and "Road to Perdition," the man is starting to establish himself as the king of the intimate epic. Not quite a modern day William Wyler, but it could happen. Screenwriter William Broyles Jr, on the other hand, had a hand in the "Planet of the Apes" remake. He also has "Apollo 13" and "Cast Away" to his credit which, while being strong films, don't seem quite on the level of what this is trying to achieve.
Regardless, the cast is stellar, including Jake Gyllenhaal, Jamie Foxx, Peter Sarsgaard, Chris Cooper, Sam Rockwell, and Dennis Haysbert.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Anticipation for this film is fairly high, and I think it will deliver. $76mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This is practically designed for such a feat. And with distance from the election and record unease with the current war, nobody's gonna be afraid to rain down nods. Look for Foxx, Gyllenhaal, and maybe (keep your fingers crossed) Sarsgaard, to get some love, along with Mendes for Best Director and Broyles for Best Adapted. Best Picture? Let's see what happens with "Syriana."
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THE MATADOR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"The Whole Nine Yards," indie-style.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, which is ironic considering the cheesy-as-hell trailer, which really does make it look like "Nine Yards Redux" with Pierce Brosnan in the Bruce Willis role and Greg Kinnear in the Matthew Perry role. Do you suppose those are the indie equivalents?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is one of the more high-profile indies, but the marketing campaign could be a bust. You can't sell wacky comedy to the art house crowd unless it's, like, French or something.
This is one of the first trailers to bear the new Weinstein Bros. logo (although it also has the Miramax insigna) so it'll get a healthy marketing push, but if they try too hard to make it look suburban-friendly to draw a larger crowd, they'll just end up alienating their hard core following and disappointing their potential recruits. $30mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Way outside shot for Brosnan.
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I LOVE YOUR WORK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Giovanni Ribisi plays a movie star who becomes a stalker (while being stalked by Jason Lee). Adam Goldberg directs.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is bad. Also not comforting that it took this long to get distribution (although plenty of good films take time). Decent cast, though: Judy Greer, Vince Vaughan, Christina Ricci, Elvis Costello, and Nicky Katt all join Ribisi and Lee.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The underrated comedian niche will be overtaken by Sarah Silverman the following week. This week, it'll need better reviews. $600,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Adam Goldberg's most Oscar-worthy work was in "Dazed and Confused," and look how that turned out.
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THE DYING GAUL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Campbell Scott, Patricia Clarkson, and Peter Saarsgard in a movie about a screenwriter (Saarsgard) who tries to sell a gay-themed script to Campbell, only to have to change certain key elements (guess which ones). Betrayal, adultery, maybe even murder ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Directing debut of screenwriter Craig Lucas ("Longtime Companion," "Secret Lives of Dentists"). Nominated for a Grand Jury prize at Sundance, but since has gotten very mixed buzz. Still, the thought of seeing these three indie heavyweights share screen time is tempting.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Strand needs to amp up the marketing on this one. I don't think awareness is where it needs to be. If the arthouse crowd gets a wind of this especially in strong gay markets, it could at least start off well before word of mouth broke or saved it. $2mil.
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NOVEMBER 11
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ZATHURA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Jumanji" in space.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is actually pretty good. Like "Jumanji" (same author) the premise is a little cheesy but, like "Jumanji," not terrible and, handled well, could be pretty entertaining.
Here John Favreau ("Elf," "Made") is at the helm and seems capable of delivering the goods, especially with 50% shooter David Koepp ("Spider-man," "Lost World") writing with help from the guy who wrote the Power Rangers movie (which is a good or a bad thing, depending on your point of view).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's a little movie called "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" that might drum up some kid business the following week (and a kid's film called "Chicken Little" the week before) but other than that, this should be fine. $61mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This film eschews CG (for the most part) in favor of old school fx, so don't be surprised if it makes a run for that category.
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DERAILED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Blackmailer Vincent Cassel just won't leave that poor adulterous couple (Clive Owen, Jennifer Aniston) alone.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. In spite of a cheesy trailer, which tries to pull the "Red-Eye" trailer rope-a-dope "aw it's a nice romantic comedy oh, no, he's got a gun!" schtick, this has Mikael Hafstrom (Best Foreign Film nominee "Evil") at the helm and "Collateral" scribe Stuart Beattie penning the screenplay. The combo of Owen and Cassel should almost be as much fun as the combo of Xzibit and RZA.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't know that anticipation is gonna be high enough. This is one of the first titles out of the Weinstein Bro. company and it's unclear just how much marketing muscle they'll weild. Plus, there's nothing in the trailer to make this look like anything other than a run of the mill thriller, which might only bring in medium bucks with Owen and Aniston as the draw. $34mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
"Closer" this ain't.
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GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"50 Cent Mile"
WILL IT SUCK?
Arguments about 50 Cent himself aside, putting his story in the hands of master director Jim Sheridan is a genius move, right up there with having Curtis Hanson tell Eminem's tale. Although the writer of "8 Mile", or any of Sheridan's previous efforts for that matter, isn't here, a key writer for both "The Sopranos" and "The PJ's" is and, really, isn't this story just a combination of those?
And the cherry on top? Terence Freakin' Howard.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Note to marketers, the poster of 50 Cent with the baby is gonna get you less complaints than the poster of him with a gun. On the other hand, the one with him and a gun is getting you more free press, so what do I know?
Anyway, the 50 Cent following will come out en masse to greet him, even in a drama. Look for a strong opening mitigated by the release of "Harry Potter Cent" the following week. Also, it will be interesting to see who more people come out to watch, 50 Cent or Johnny Cash ("Walk the Line" opens the following week as well). $46mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Sheridan loses nods when he leaves his home turf. All he got for "In America," which many consider to be his best work, was a screenwriting nom. And Curtis couldn't direct Eminem to more than a (rather surprising) Best Song Award. Likely nothing here for Fiddy.
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BEE SEASON
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Family drama centered on a spelling bee.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, with the Jewish mysticism angle turning a few folks off. Still, if you like Richard Gere and/or the directing duo's previous effort, "The Deep End," you might want to check it out. Or, if you're like me and you barely remember that there was a movie called "The Deep End" (it had Tilda Swinton and Goran Visnjic), you might not care so much.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the second biggest kid on the indiewood block (after "Pride and Prejudice") this week. $9mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If the reviews improve dramatically, maybe an Adapted nod or something for Gere, but I doubt it. If they wanna spice up the event, though, I say make every presenter spell a really hard word.
SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Pseudo-sketch comedy/stand-up concert flick from Sarah Silverman.
WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz is overwhemlingly positive for this raunchy (I had to verify my age before I could watch the trailer) flick. Plus, it has Bob Odenkirk, so sign me up.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
After "Bee Season" and "P&P," probably the most anticipated indie release of the week. Also has the support of "The Aristocrats'" success. $6mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
"The Aristocrats" first.
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PULSE (KAIRO)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another J-Horror flick(apparently that's what the kids call the scary Japanese imports these days), this one with the internet as the menace instead of phones and videotapes.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz says no. Apparently this takes the ghost story and adds a little philosophical/technical isolation theme for kicks. Might as well see it now before the American remake with Veronica Mars.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, the remake is when most people will actually hear about this flick. $600,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Considering this came out in 2001, not so much.
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DUANE HOPWOOD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Leaving Atlantic City." With David Schwimmer as Nicolas Cage.
WILL IT SUCK?
Writer/director Matt Mulhern is kind of an x-factor. But he's from Philly so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. A bigger problem is Schwimmer. I don't know that I'm convinced he can pull of the alcoholic dad bit, but I give him props for branching out. Early buzz is fair.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Too small to get a decent release. Though it's nice to see another "Friends" alum go indie. $200,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
An unbelievably good performance from Schwimmer would land him an Independent Spirit nod.
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GOOD MORNING, NIGHT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dramatization of the real-life kidnapping and assasssination of Italian political leader Aldo Moro.
WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of praise abroad, criticism here is harsh.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, confusion with "Good Night, and Good Luck" won't help, and neither will the fact that this is an extremely crowded weekend for indies. $400,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Italy's already made its choice for Best Foreign submission, and it ain't this.
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PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Darcy. Some chick. An inheritance, probably. Didn't you read this in school?
WILL IT SUCK?
Actually, it's quite good. It's no BBC version, of which I watched all 5 hours straight, thank you very much. But Donald Sutherland does a better job than expected and Keira Knightley runs away with the lead.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It should do handsomely, at least in indie dollars. $33mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Look for Keira to make a Best Actress run.
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TAKE MY EYES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Domestic abuse drama from Spain.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unbelievably good press and a shitload of international awards, including a near sweep of the Goyas (Spanish Oscars). Probably doesn't suck.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Without a bigger marketing push or at least a move to a less crowded weekend, I don't see all the good reviews in the world helping much. $300,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
2003 release date.
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NOVEMBER 18
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HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tri-wizard Tournament, Hormones, and Voldemort all make an appearance.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. The big factor here is new director Mike Newell. Ever since Chris Columbus jumped ship, the franchise has been shuffling helmers. So far (with a sample size of one) this has worked. Alfonso Cuaron brought a real visual flair and cohesiveness to installment number three. However, Newell isn't known so much for his visual style as for his sometimes mediocre romantic comedies ("Pushing Tin"). But anyone who can make both "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and "Donnie Brasco" probably has the range to take this on.
On a much more positive note, Steve Kloves is back doing the adaptation again, which is more important than ever as (a) many fans consider this to be the best novel in the series and (b) it's as long as the Bible. On an even more positive note, Kloves has been tapped to adapt "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime."
Cool casting continues, with additions ranging from Brendan Gleeson to the lead singer of Pulp (and some Radiohead members) in a cameo as a band. Oh, and perhaps the most perfect casting in the series yet with Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All of this movie's potential competition (with the exception of the ballsy "Walk the Line," which isn't really competition anyway) have evacuated this weekend. A lot of talk has been made of the box office slump. As of a month or so ago, Hollywood was about $250 million shy of having its second best year ever. Watch this film single-handedly make that happen. $251mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The usual slew of music and visual effects nods.
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Walk the Line
WALK THE LINE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Johnny Cash bio-pic.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good. Like, better-than-"Ray" good. I've always thought that Joaquin Phoenix, who plays Cash, was underrated, so this may be his moment to shine. And writer/director James Mangold had me since the underrated "Copland," and this might make up for "Kate and Leopold," as much as anything could.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only movie with the cajones (or perhaps the demographics) to open against "Potter." The following week, a smorgasbord of films could offer a challenge, but the anticipation for this one is actually pretty high. Johnny Cash fans, unite! $75mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Definitely Phoenix. Likely Reese Witherspoon, who plays June Carter. Maybe Mangold (more likely for Adapted Screenplay than Director, though).
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BREAKFAST ON PLUTO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In Neil Jordan's latest, a transvestite prostitute named Kitten (Cilian Murphy) goes in search of his mother in turbulent 70's London.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, not so good, in spite of Jordan's track record. This is more of a critic's lament, as audiences tend to put it up in "Crying Game" territory. No one, however, is complaining about Murphy's performance. Good supporting cast: Liam Neeson, Brendan Gleeson, Stephen Rea. There's a freakin' Dalek in the trailer, so I'm sold, but most people need more.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Whereas the previous weekend, every single indie film known to man is opening, virtually nothing else but this enters the arthouse circuit this week. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Without better reviews or box office, Murphy will be forgotten.
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NOVEMBER 23
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RENT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Adaptaion of the Tony Award winning musical in which, according to "Team America," "Everybody's got AIDS!!!"
WILL IT SUCK?
How many things are wrong with this project? Maybe not 525,600, but let's see.
1. It's Revolution Studios. That right there should be the first and last nail in the coffin, but there's more.
2. The guy who directed this directed "Stepmom."
3. The guy who helped adapt this wrote "Christmas with the Kranks." (Same guy as reason number two, btw. Chris Columbus).
4. It's PG-13.
The only thing they did right, far as I can tell, is to keep most of the original cast. That's about it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's hard to keep a crap musical adaptation down. But not impossible. "Phantom of the Opera" couldn't rely on its fan base to overcome bad reviews, and neither, I suspect, will this, even with a wider, more fortuitously timed opening. $52mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Not unless it's about a billion times better than expected.
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YOURS, MINE AND OURS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Cheaper by the Dozen-and-a-Half"
WILL IT SUCK?
Hey, the director had the dedication to helm both "Scooby Doo" movies.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Good placement. Thanksgiving weekend. It sure would be embarrasing, though, if the movie this were ripping off had a sequel coming out. Oh, right. Well, "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" doesn't come out until December 21st, so, this should be safe. I really wish I were making that last part up. $76mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Worst Punctuation. Isn't there supposed to be a comma after "Mine?"
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THE ICE HARVEST
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Quick Change" in Wichita.
WILL IT SUCK?
A lot depends upon which Harold Ramis shows up to direct, the one who did "Groundhog Day" and "Caddyshack," or the one who directed "Stuart Saves His Family" and "Club Paradise." Early buzz seems to indicate the former. John Cusack and Billy Bob Thornton might even make up for "Pushing Tin," especially with Oliver Platt there to help.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Cusack dark comedies like "Grosse Pointe Blank" tend not to do that well, and Harold Ramis dark comedies like "Analyze This" have the full support of Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro. $28mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I dream of the day when Cusack starts taking on roles again that could lead to this eventuality.
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JUST FRIENDS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ryan Reynolds in a fat suit.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hey, the director had the dedication to helm both "Cruel Intentions" movies.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not too much competition, though "Ice Harvest" and the second frame of "Harry Potter" will nip a bit at the demo. The bigger problem is Reynolds, who couldn't close with "Waiting..." $14mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but I think one celebrity should be chosen at random each year, and put in a fat suit to present.
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IN THE MIX
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Usher plays a DJ-cum-bodygaurd to a mafia princess.
WILL IT SUCK?
I repeat, "Usher plays a DJ-cum-bodygaurd to a mafia princess." And though director Ron Underwood has had a long and varied career, I'm guessing this will be more "Adventures of Pluto Nash" and less "City Slickers."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Who do you think has more fans, Usher or 50 Cent? $17mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Okay, one more time for the cheap seats, "Usher plays a DJ-cum-bodygaurd to a mafia princess."
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SYRIANA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
George Clooney in a fat suit. No, actually, he gained the weight himself for the lead in this "Traffic"-esque expose of the oil industry.
WILL IT SUCK?
When I say "Traffic"-esque, I ain't just whistling Oscar-bait. Same writer, Stephen Gaghan, who also directs here. That should actually be a little bit of a concern, since the last time he did that we ended up with "Abandon," but I think this will be different. Clooney is joined here by Matt Damon, Chris Cooper, Jeffrey Wright, and Tim Blake Nelson. In terms of potential, this is the one to watch.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think it's a mistake to open this limited. This has a strong enough cast and pre-release buzz to open against any of this week's wide releases. It can certainly clean the floor with its limited release competition, but that's still a wasted opportunity. $36mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Depending on how the politics start shaking out over the next few months you could be looking at Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, Best Director, and Best Picture nods.
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THE LIBERTINE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The Earl of Rochester was a 17th century poet whose biographers often close with the phrase "riddled with syphillis." This is Johnny Depp's take on a man who liked to drink, screw, and occasionally write poems.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, and you can't complain about the cast, which also includes Samantha Morton and John Malkovich.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Syriana's" gonna be the 400lb indie gorilla this weekend, so everyone else will have to fight for table scraps. This will get most of them. $5mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
With the old Miramax pushing this, yes. With the new Miramax pulling the strings, it's hard to say. On the one hand, the Academy likes Depp. On the other hand, will a far more high profile turn in "Willy Wonka" confuse the issue?
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STREETS OF LEGEND
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Fast and the Furious" with, like, really low production values.
WILL IT SUCK?
Won a cinematography award at Sundance a couple years back. That's probably because they strapped digital cameras onto souped-up cars and actually drove them at 140mph. As far as story, acting, or any of that crap, the buzz ain't so hot.
Still probably better than "The Fast and the Furious."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The bottom of the barrel this week in terms of exposure or star power. Lions Gate will do their best, but it's a hard sell. $200,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The Indie Spirit Awards gave it a few nods back in da day. I don't think Oscar's gonna come a-knockin' now.
Next month, we'll actually be able to confirm or refute your claims about King Kong "not havin' shit" on you.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:57 AM
| Comments (0)
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October 12, 2005
Spielberg "creates" the "future of cinema"
Two things:
A. We doubt you invented "it" yourself
B. What the hell is "it"
[From ContactMusic] Hollywood movie mogul STEVEN SPIELBERG has invented technology he calls "the future of cinema" - and he promises the new film experience will suck audiences into the heart of the action...
He tells the Hollywood Reporter, "A good movie will bring you inside of itself just by the sheer brilliance of the director/writer/production staff.
"But in the future, you will physically be inside the experience, which will surround you top, bottom, on all sides.
"I've invented it, but because patent is pending, I can't discuss it right now."
God knows he needs to redeem himself after the inane War of the Worlds
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:56 AM
| Comments (4)
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October 10, 2005
The October 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Actually made it to the Toronto Film Festival this year, so I've got a little more info than usual. Of course, I only made it to half so my insight won't help at all with our first two selections, which were both at the fest.
OCTOBER 7
IN HER SHOES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Secret grandmother (Shirley MacLaine) forces two estranged sisters (Toni Collette, Cameron Diaz) to get along.
WILL IT SUCK?
Of course not. It was filmed in Philadelphia. The real reason to have hope, though, is the director, Curtis Hanson, who's been on a roll since "L.A. Confidential." Doesn't hurt that the writer has "Ever After" and "Erin Brockovich" under her belt. And Toni Collette kicks ass. Early buzz is pretty good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Wallace & Gromit" poses a bit of a problem and then you've got "Elizabethtown" sucking the chick flick air out of the room the next week. $25mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Preliminary but soft buzz for Diaz, maybe MacLaine.
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WALLACE & GROMIT: THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's a Wallace & Gromit movie. Who cares what the plot is?
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. You've got the same team, essentially, that put together the shorts that made these two and the first feature from Aardman Animations, "Chicken Run," which proved the formula could work for more than 15 minutes at a time. Early buzz is strong.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's nothing to really challenge this, and anticipation is fairly high. $107mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
All of the W&G shorts have been nominated and two have won. On the other hand, "Chicken Run" didn't get squat, so that part might only work for 15 minutes at a time. Can stop motion make it into the Best Animated category?
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WAITING...
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Caddyshack" for waitstaff.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is actually pretty good. The "Clerks" concept should apply well here, and Ryan Reynolds is the heir apparent to Jason Lee, now that the latter has gone network. Anna Farris, Justin Long, and Luis Guzman should make for decent support.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A lot of the same crew who would be into this, strangely, would also be into "Wallace & Gromit." Still, a good minimal opening is likely, with a small but dedicated pocket of waiters and waitresses looking for their due. If the quality is what advance audiences indicate, it could also have legs. $19mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The caterers will.
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TWO FOR THE MONEY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Wall Street" with bookies. Pacino is Douglas, McConaughey is Sheen.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say at first. Director D.J. Caruso did "Salton Sea," but he also did "Taking Lives." But then something happens that teeters this in the direction of suck. The writer did "Freejack" (which, like this, stars Renee Russo). If you don't think that script had the subtlety requisite for a "Faust" redux, you might wanna skip this.
But hey, Gedde Watanabe is in this! Long Duck Dong! (Or, as I more fondly remember him, Michael Keaton's Japanese counterpart in "Gung Ho").
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not too much direct competition, and as "Sahara" proved, the McConaughey train will not stop. $53mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
McConaughey's last shot at Oscar glory was "A Time to Kill," and the Academy didn't bite.
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THE GOSPEL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Well, not the entire Gospel. More like just a retelling of the prodigal son at a modern church. Lots of gospel (the music genre) stars as well.
WILL IT SUCK?
Other than the somewhat repetitively named "Trois" trilogy, there's not much in writer/director Rob Hardy's repertoire to cull from. If you like gospel music, you'll probably be entertained. Hezekiah Walker & Delores Winans are up in here along with music from Yolanda Adams and Kirk Franklin. The actual film, from the trailer at least, looks fairly movie-of-the-week.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
After the success of "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Woman, Thou Art Loosed," everybody's all like "Oh, black spiritual flicks are the shit. They'll always make money. It's an underserved audience." Am I gonna jump on that bandwagon? Yes, I am. $51mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Dude, even "The Passion" only got a couple of nods. And that had white people in it.
----------------------------------
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Divorce dramedy from the guy who co-wrote "The Life Aquatic."
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is strong from critics. Audiences, not so much. Writer/director Noah Baumbach ("Kicking and Screaming" - not the Will Ferrell one) won the two most appropriate awards at Sundance, directing and writing.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Second frame of "Capote "may be an issue. This week it has to deal with the also-strong-advance-buzz-plus-George-Clooney "Good Night and Good Luck" (also with Jeff Daniels). $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
A nod for Laura Linney could happen. A screenwriting nod isn't out of the question, either.
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GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Murrow vs. McCarthy
WILL IT SUCK?
Extremely positive buzz so far. Shitload of awards at Venice. Look for this to be George Clooney's triumphant return to directing (after he said he'd never do it again following his fantastic debut, "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"). David Strathairn is Murrow and Clooney, Robert Downey Jr, and Patricia Clarkson all have supporting roles. McCarthy is played by McCarthy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Second frame of "Capote" could be a problem, but after that, the coast is clear. $17mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
By all rights they should, but I've got a sneaking suspicion this'll get the "Shattered Glass" treatment. Plenty of critical kudos, and not a single nod.
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OCTOBER 14
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ELIZABETHTOWN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Orlando Bloom goes back home after his dad dies and after losing his employer 1 billion dollars. Meets Kirsten Dunst and cutesiness ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
It'll come a lot closer than most Cameron Crowe films. This underwhelmed at Toronto. Easily Crowe's weakest effort. It's not without the charm of many of his flicks, and the final, final act almost saves it. But it seems to suffer from being underdone, even sloppy. Far too many songs. Far too little focus. Less of the authenticity that seems to permeate so much of his previous work.
Note: Buzz has it that Crowe is re-editing this post-Toronto and prior to release - so there's still hope. I could imagine a re-edit helping immensely, but it would have to be a pretty serious revision.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This still has the most audience-friendly profile around, minus "Wallace & Gromit," which will obviously skew younger (but not that much younger - the tweenies love the Bloom). $48mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
All the editing in the world won't get this to "Almost Famous" or even "Jerry Maguire" Oscar levels.
----------------------------------
THE FOG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake of the John Carpenter horror classic about a fog that kills.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's Revolution Studios so, yes, absolutely, 100%. In addition, you should keep in mind this is directed by the same master of horror who directed the "Can't Touch This" video. Also on board, the writer of "The Core". But, if you want to know what Clark from "Smallville" and Shannon from "Lost" would look like in close proximity to one another, shrouded in fog, here's your chance.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Doom" becomes a bit of an issue the following week. This week, "Elizabethtown" takes some of the female audience, but there's plenty left for this. $52mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The only Revolution Oscar wins so far have been for "Black Hawk Down." This is not that.
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DOMINO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
True story of female bounty hunger Domino Harvey.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is a bit of a dilemna. On the one hand, the movie rather famously skips over it's main character's sexuality, a recently deceased main character to boot. So notions of trampling on the memory of the dead come to mind. On the other hand, those involved claim Harvey saw a lot of the film before she died and was quite satisfied, so...
Moral quandaries aside, there's a lot to be psyched for here. Tony Scott films are usually shallow, but very entertaining, not to mention gorgeous. And here he's teamed with writers who could actually bring some depth to the proceedings. The screenplay comes from Donnie Darko writer/director Richard Kelly (so that's where he's been). The story comes from Kelly and "Last Seduction" scribe Steve Barancik. Plus you've got Keira Knightley as Domino, with support from Christopher Walken, Delroy Lindo, Mickey Rourke, and Jerry Springer as himself.
I just hope at some point in the film, somebody says "Domino, motherfucker!"
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In a unique position. Is it an action film? A bio-pic? There's nothing like it, but does anyone want to see what it is? For the most part, yes. $52mil. (Just a popular number this week.)
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Rourke gets a nom, it'll be for "Sin City." If Knightley gets a nod, it'll be for "Pride and Prejudice."
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WHERE THE TRUTH LIES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth play a famous 50's singing duo who's past comes back to haunt them when a journalist (Alison Lohman) researches an unsolved murder.
WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of Atom Egoyan's strength as a director, early buzz is not so favorable. The critics are more harsh than the audiences, but "Sweet Hereafter" this is not.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Egoyan has a devoted following, but his movies rarely make a lot of dough. Bacon and Firth might help bring in the lay-deez. $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Without better reviews, no.
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INNOCENT VOICES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Some kids have to choose between summer camp and getting a job. Other kids, like ones in El Salvador in the 80's, have to choose between joining the army or the rebels.
WILL IT SUCK?
Audiences love it, critics hate it. That's the buzz so far. Keep in mind, while slumming in Hollywood, director Luis Mandoki gave us "Angel Eyes" and "Message in a Bottle." But here he's on his home turf, or at least home language.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Word of mouth or no, it's going to need better reviews to get traction. $100,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That opportunity has come and gone. This was Mexico's submission to last year's race.
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EVIL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Boarding school is hell. Especially in Sweden.
WILL IT SUCK?
I'm gonna guess no if for no other reason than this actually got nominated for Best Foreign Film at last year's Oscars and won the Swedish Oscars for Best Film. Keep an eye on director Mikael Hafstrom. He helmed Clive Owen's upcoming thriller "Derailed."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Beyond the Oscar, not very high profile, and runners up in that category rarely make bank, much less 7 months after the party's over. $100,000.
WILL ANYBODY, UM, I GUESS NOT...
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OCTOBER 21
----------------------------------
SHOPGIRL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Boy meets girl. Older man meets same girl. Boy rides the bench.
WILL IT SUCK?
No. Very good romantic comedy from the pen of Steve Martin. Clare Danes is fabulous as the shopgirl in question. And Martin and Jason Schwartzman are outstanding as the men vying for her affections.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Elizabethtown" is an issue. But if this gets better buzz... $42mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This is the kind of sweet, clever comedy that routinely gets ignored by the Academy.
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DOOM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Watch your best friend play "Doom," which occasionally cuts to The Rock for some reason. Seriously, watch the trailer and tell me that's not the premise.
WILL IT SUCK?
Director Andrzej Bartkowiak has been on a downward spiral ever since the underrated "Romeo Must Die". Since then, he's brought us "Exit Wounds" (sucked, but had a cool DMX song) and "Cradle 2 the Grave" (practically unwatchable, but had an even cooler DMX song). This time, he doesn't even have Jet Li to fall back on (and, as of yet, no confirmation of any DMX songs, cool or otherwise). The script comes from one newcomer and the guy who wrote "Final Analysis" and "Return to Paradise." But he also wrote "Arachnophobia" and that's kind of like "Doom." Right?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Doom" is like geek Spanish fly. There will be no way to keep the fanboys at bay opening weekend. But that's just opening weekend. Once the hatin' begins, there's no way to stop that either. Look for a verrry sharp dropoff. $56mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Even if there were a Best Video Game Adaptation category, "Resident Evil" would stand a better chance.
----------------------------------
NORTH COUNTRY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Story of a historic sexual harrassment suit in a mining community.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is from "Whale Rider" maestro Niki Caro, and stars Charlize Theron in the lead, with support from Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson (taking the Ed Norton role from his own "People vs. Larry Flynt"), Sean Bean, Sissy Spacek, and character actor fave Xander Berkeley. Early buzz is strong.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If only it weren't so crowded. $35mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
You bet your ass. Look for Theron to score another Best Actress nod, and for Caro to be the third woman ever nominated for Best Director.
----------------------------------
STAY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ewan McGregor tries to stop Ryan Gosling from killing himself, and there's some weird "Stir of Echoes"-type shit thrown in as well.
WILL IT SUCK?
You'd think that director Marc Forster ("Monster's Ball," "Finding Neverland") and writer David Benioff ("25th Hour", um..."Troy") could come up with something that would produce a better trailer, but maybe that's marketing's mistake. You can't complain about the cast, though, which also includes Naomi Watts.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's a horror glut this time of year, and "from the director of 'Finding Neverland'" isn't really going to help. $36mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but can we give Gosling a retroactive Oscar for "The Believer?"
----------------------------------
DREAMER: INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Seabiscuit" with, uh, a, um, it's just "Seabiscuit."
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is split, which is not surprising when you know that the writer (who also directed this time) also penned "Coach Carter" and "Summer Catch." Somewhere in between those two, presumably, lies this. Also, there's The Dakota Fanning Factor. She just creeps some people out.
Do you really need to say "Inspired by a True Story" in the title? I suppose that's better than "Dreamer: Inspired by Some Shit I Smoked Last Night." Actually, I'd probably watch that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Zorro" provides a little competition next week, but this should do okay. $62mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I think a lot more consistent reviews have to pour in before that happens.
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KISS KISS, BANG BANG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Babes, bullets, and post-modern references from the once and future master of the action comedy, Shane Black.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hell, no. This is one of the funniest films of the year. Sends up noir and buddy action films while being an excellent example of both. Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer are excellent and play off each other well (but it's Downey's voice-over narration that nearly steals the show). Everything you hoped Black could pull off after the decline of "Lethal Weapon" into "Last Boy Scout" into "Long Kiss Goodnight."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
They have to stop moving around the release date. First it was September, then November, now October. They also have to come up with a better trailer. If things stay as they are, I don't see anticipation being high enough for a decent opening. Also, this is a major studio release (Warner Bros.), but it's limited. My guess is they're trying to build word of mouth. If they can get their shit together, I think that might actually work. $60mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
There is a little buzz surrounding Downey Jr. I think that's optimistic, though well-deserved. I'd be even happier to see a screenplay nod for Black, but I think that 's equally unlikely.
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USHPIZIN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
An Israeli Orthodox Jewish couple's faith is tested by two unexpected guests.
WILL IT SUCK?
This was a huge critical success in its native Israel, where it won an Israeli Oscar for Best Actor (and nods for screenplay and supporting actor). Early buzz here is positive as well.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A huge commercial success in Israel as well. But that don't mean much here, where Israeli cinema is only just now starting to get noticed in the art houses. $50,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Israel decides to submit it, which seems likely, it's got a shot at Best Foreign.
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KIDS IN AMERICA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kids vs. Principal
WILL IT SUCK?
Absolutely. Just watch the trailer. The only reason this movie got made is because of Nicole "Reflected, um, Glory?" Richie, who plays one of the cheerleading teens, of course. The writer/director wrote not for "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," which might even be respectable depending upon the season, but instead wrote for "Sabrina the Animated Series" and "Honey I Shrunk the Kids." Not the movie. The TV show. Yeah, there was a TV show.
And if you're wondering what happened to George Wendt, he's here. Sigh.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This could have Paris Hilton in it and it still wouldn't make much bank. $5mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No. No, no, no, no. No.
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BARELY LEGAL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kids try to make a porn.
WILL IT SUCK?
Almost certainly. But I am curious to see what the director of "First Kid" (not to mention "Beethoven 3 & 4") does with this material.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it even shows up on the radar, I'll be very impressed. $600,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but since when is limited release the preferred venue for teen sex romps?
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EMMANUEL'S GIFT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about a man with one leg who cycles across Ghana, a place where the disabled are either killed or shunned for life.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is positive. For those of you not down with the Winfrey, be warned that Oprah narrates.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This could have the kind of sleeper effect of the "Penguins." I say this because Oprah will likely rally her troops on TV. Still, we're not talking penguin bucks here. $3mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I could see it making a run for doc gold.
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WASABI TUNA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like a gay "Midnight Madness."
WILL IT SUCK?
Very mixed reviews here. Critics are calling it a camp classic, while early audiences find it horrific. That's a reversal of the trashy comedy review dynamic we usually see. But to look at the trailer, it does kind of seem like a genuinely funny SNL sketch that goes on way too long. And that's not just because of Tim Meadows' presence. Oh, and Anna Nicole Smith is in it. As herself. Maybe that's what sinks it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Gay comedies have a hard enough time of it with good word of mouth. $100,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Tim Meadows might win an award for Longest Suffering.
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OCTOBER 28
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THE WEATHER MAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Character study with Nicolas Cage as a weather man in Chicago.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz compares this favorably to "American Beauty." Michael Caine should help. And having Gore Verbinski at the helm should make for a decent look, as he brought a little extra visual depth to genre flicks like "The Ring "and "Pirates of the Caribbean" (and the movies themselves didn't suck, either).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Who's gonna have time for a character study when Zorro's about? Even on the drama front, the far more high profile "Jarhead" opens the following week (from the guy who actually directed "American Beauty"). $37mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That's precisely why this was delayed from the spring. Look for Cage to make another run at Oscar Number Two. Maybe Caine, as well. Waaaaay outside shot for Verbinski, but I doubt it.
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SAW II
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
More sadistic games from everyone's favorite indie serial killer, Jigsaw.
WILL IT SUCK?
They were unable to keep the original writer and director except in exec producer capacity, with a relative newcomer on board to direct from his own screenplay (co-written or touched up at least by the original screenwriter). Not a good sign. But hey, Donnie Wahlberg! How about that?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Problem is, "Saw" turned off as many people as it turned on in its initial run, so you're going to lose that curiosity factor and be left with the die hard fans. $32mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Goriest Poster (Before They Were Forced to Change It). It's one of those technical awards they hand out at a "previously held ceremony."
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PRIME
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Psychoanalyst (Meryl Streep) finds out her patient (Uma Thurman) is dating her son (Some Guy You've Never Heard Of).
WILL IT SUCK?
This is from writer/director Ben Younger, who had the same credits on "Boiler Room." This doesn't seem like it could be nearly as good as "Boiler Room," but you never know.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think the cast, premise, or trailer is gonna be enough to draw audiences away from other fare, like "Zorro," which has a surprisingly high female demo.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's conceivable that either Thurman or (shockers!) Streep give Oscar-worthy performances here, but I don't see it happening just yet.
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THE LEGEND OF ZORRO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Just when he thinks he's out (and with a kid) they pull him back in.
WILL IT SUCK?
Usually adding a kid to the mix is a surefire way to jump the shark, be it series or franchise. And Martin Campbell is really not my favorite director, although the one thing he did do that I liked was the first Zorro, so... To boot, they've thrown some pretty serious writing talent at this. You've got a couple of "Alias" regulars, plus two of the guys responsible for "Shrek" and "Pirates of the Caribbean." That's practically overkill for a movie like this. And I like it.
Plus, you've got one of my favorite villain character actors, Nick Chinlund, up in here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Its biggest challenge comes from "Chicken Little" the following week, and even that's not a surefire hit. $112mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Most Unnecessarily Delayed Sequel?
----------------------------------
THREE...EXTREMES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Three short horror films, three Asian directors. Takeshi Miike ("Audition"), Fruit Chan ("Made in Hong Kong"), and Chan-Wook Fucking Park ("Oldboy").
WILL IT SUCK?
The premise of this collection is about as intimidating as the film itself must be. Three of the most hard-core independent Asian directors given free reign and encouraged to make their product "extreme" (and not in a wimpy Mountain Dew way). Advance buzz is quite good, with Fruit Chan's "Dumplings" segment getting the most acclaim from festivals so far. And that's the one buy the guy I've never heard of. And not for nothing, but the scariest horror trailer of the year by far.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is a very niche genre. Sadly, a lot of these guys don't get noticed until their films are remade for American audiences. $800,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Which country would submit it?
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SOMERSAULT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Chick falls for some guy. Complications ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Won a crapload of Australian awards, including a near-sweep of the Australian Film Institute Awards. Early critical buzz is strong.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With a Sony Pictures Classics pushing it, maybe. With Magnolia Pictures, it's a tougher sell. $100,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Even though they have different words for "beer" than us, I don't think Australia qualifies for the Foreign Language Film category.
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PARADISE NOW
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A drama about suicide bombers. I'm sure that won't ruffle any feathers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Promises to be a challenging work. Already received serious praise at Berlin, and getting mad critical buzz here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The good folks at Warner Independent are no dummies. They'll parlay the controversy surrounding the film (once the controversy itself has been hyped - I predict column inches in the NY and LA Times for starters) into dollars. $7mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
A little too hot button I think.
Next month, Harry Harry Potter, y'all!
-- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:56 PM
| Comments (2)
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October 06, 2005
The Third Degree of Kevin Bacon
So we were listening to Howard Stern this morning — yes we admit it, we like him — when guest, Kevin Bacon, began to plug his new movie, Where the Truth Lies. Turns out the MPAA thought it was too sexy for an R rating, so they assigned it a much-maligned NC-17. Bacon appealed and ended up going with an Unrated instead of an NC-17. What disturbed us was his account of meeting with the MPAA where two clergy were present to discuss his appeal. Since when is the church directly involved with rating movies? Additionally troubling, acording to Bacon, The Today Show cancelled his appearance because of the MPAA decision. None of the other morning shows will talk to him either, according to his account. We have no idea if the movie (whose screenplay is written by Atom Egoyan) will be any good, but here's our review: GO SEE IT. If only to give a big fuck you to the MPAA and Today.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:38 AM
| Comments (7)
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October 03, 2005
Our favorite new curse word: Bush Packer
Bush Packer: It's the noun form of Bush Packing. It's a catch-all term that simply means a spineless, unethical, dickhead
Bush Packer is a more adult term than fudge-packer,
More cogent than douchebag
More politically correct that pig fucker
In short, we love the term Bush Packer.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 01:39 PM
| Comments (0)
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September 22, 2005
The Notorious H.O.F.
We don't know what's more bizarre, the fact that Hoff wants to rap or that Ice-T and Hoff are close friends. God help us if P.Diddy decides to join forces with Tony Danza. The last thing we need is another East Coast/West Coast rivalry.
[From Annanova]
Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff's first hip-hop album.
The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles and are said to have struck up a close friendship.
Hasselhoff has had some success as a singer, releasing seven albums. He's also said to be very popular in Germany.
Ice-T, who was one of the first real hip-hop stars in the late 1980s, said: "The man is a legend. And we are going to show a whole new side of him."
The rapper is said to be convinced that the 51-year-old for Knight Rider and Baywatch actor can take on the biggest names in rap, reports The Sun.
Ice-T added: "He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff - I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 12:18 PM
| Comments (4)
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September 20, 2005
The Journey of the Curly-Haired Author Over Retard Land
The First Amendment Project is hoping to raise some scratch for free speech via an Ebay auction. Winners get to have their names included in upcoming literary works by Stephen King, Rick Moody, Dorothy Allison, and many more. This sounded like a great idea until we read what the staggeringly pretentious Dave Eggers was offering.
[Via Gawker] The winner will be featured in a strange illustrated story I'm working on called The Journey of the Fishes Overland. The winner, or someone of her/his choosing, will be encountered by the traveling fish in question, as they travel over land. It could also be a family, a house, an address, whatever. I get to decide why the fishes see this person/place, and what’s said by/to or done by/to the person/place. This story will be finished and published in the fall. That name/s have to be tasteful and undisruptive to the narrative. I reserve the right to refuse using a name I find offensive.
Would it be an affront to free speech to bar The Journey of the Fishes Overland from being written? Check out the auction here. Sounds like a cool and creative way to raise money for a great cause.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:58 AM
| Comments (2)
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September 08, 2005
September 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Everything is Illuminated
I think the movie world (because, as we all know, it's one cohesive beast) is trying to make up for the sins of summer by offering up a relatively decent fall. At least in limited release.
SEPTEMBER 9
THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Man is accused of negligent homicide in the exorcism of a young girl. I think I saw this on "Law & Order" once.
WILL IT SUCK?
Although the genuinely creepy trailer makes this out to be the next "Exorcist", the story is based on a far more human tragedy. In 1976 an epileptic girl was misdiagnosed as it were with demon possession and the ensuing exorcism killed her. This story apparently takes a Rashomon-like approach to the incident, with Tom Wilkinson as the accused and Laura Linney, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Campbell Scott, and Colm Feore along for the ride. Unfortunately, the last horror movie to the writer/director's credit is "Urban Legends: Final Cut".
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, I think people will be a little more interested in "The Man" this week. Then, the following week, you have two far more traditional horror escapades, "Cry_Wolf" and "Venom", entering the fray. $11mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but I think Tom Wilkinson should get some props for channeling Dan Hedaya in "Batman Begins".
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THE MAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sam Jackson is black. Eugene Levy is white. Watch the trailer and tell me that is not the pitch of this film.
WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, my, yes. If you couldn't gather that from the trailer, just remember that this is from the director of "Flubber" and co-penned by a "Troop Beverly Hills" scribe. Can you believe the British co-anchor from "Best In Show" co-wrote this as well? I guess that's how Levy got involved.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unfortunately, the whole white-guys-are-funny-when-juxtaposed-with-black-folks thing isn't as played out as it should be. "Bringing Down the House", anyone? $26mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Not until there's an award for cashing a paycheck.
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GREEN STREET HOOLIGANS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Frodo becomes a soccer hooligan.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty good. Got mad love at the Malibu Film Festival, and if you can make it there, you can make it in Malibu. Besides, after "Sin City", I'd buy Elijah Wood as a ninja, much easier a soccer stomper.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"An Unfinished Life" is the only serious indie challenge this week. Otherwise, the field is clear. $6mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No. But between this, "City", and "Everything Is Illuminated", Elijah's laying some groundwork.
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AN UNFINISHED LIFE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's J-Lo! And she's in an indie!
WILL IT SUCK?
Preliminary buzz is not good, which is surprising when you consider that Lasse Hallstrom ("Chocolat," "Cider House Rules," "What's Eating Gilbert Grape") is pretty consistent and is backed here by Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman, and Josh Lucas.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is being given a push worthy of a cohesive Miramax, which will help. Also, the combined following of J-Lo, Redford, and Freeman will bring out an adult demographic that usually goes untapped. $26mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Bob and Harvey certainly hope so. I think that's why they're actually bothering to give this the time of day, even though it's technically fire sale material. But the poor reviews make an Oscar run unlikely for anyone here. It's "The Shipping News" all over again.
-------------------------------------
COTE D'AZUR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Family has sexual awakening while on holiday. Think wacky comedy, not Skinemax.
WILL IT SUCK?
Audiences seem to like this more than critics, though Berlin gave it an award. From the writing/directing team of Martineau and Duscatel, which will mean something if you've seen "The Adventures of Felix", but if you haven't, like me, you'll just say, "Huh?"
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Premieres at numerous gay and lesbian film festivals will give this some traction with the queer cinema crew, but not much else. $400,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Queer Cinema and the Academy still aren't on speaking terms.
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CURANDERO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"I don't practice Santeria...oh, no, wait, I do."
WILL IT SUCK?
This is written by Robert Rodriguez, who hasn't really penned horror before (remember, he only directed "From Dusk Til Dawn"). Other than that, not much is known about the director, Eduardo Rodriguez, except that he's not related to Robert.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Dealing with the horror in theaters the following week will be hard enough. If, in fact, this is a part of the Weinstein Co. (post-Miramax Bob and Harvey's new venture), it's in good shape, as the brothers will want to pimp the hell out of their first efforts. Still, it's a hard sell. $3mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Horror and the Academy still aren't on speaking terms.
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SEPTEMBER 16
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JUST LIKE HEAVEN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Mark Ruffalo falls for Ghost Reese Witherspoon.
WILL IT SUCK?
God help me, this might actually be good. The only reason I say this...well, there are two, technically...has nothing to do with the trailer, which makes this look like a painful waste of talent - especially Jon Heder and Donal Logue. The reason there is {gulp} hope for this is Mark Waters, director of two other films which should have sucked horribly - "Mean Girls" and the "Freaky Friday" remake. And to hear very preliminary buzz, it looks like he may have done it again. It doesn't hurt that one of the "Friday" screenwriters is on board along with the guy who co-wrote "Rain Man".
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Mark Waters doesn't just play to critics. And even a poorly reviewed Witherspoon romcom ("Sweet Home Alabama") makes bank. "Flightplan" will, however, be a mitigating circumstance the following week. $128mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
They don't love Waters that much.
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PROOF
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Gwyneth Paltrow plays the daughter of a renowned but kinda nutty math professor who fears that she, too, may have the squirrel-bait gene.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good-but-not-great, though with David Auburn adapting his own play with the help of Rebecca Miller (who can relate to having a famous dad - call him "Art"), and John "Shakespeare in Love" Madden directing Paltrow again with Hope Davis, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anthony Hopkins in tow, you'd expect more great.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This makes a little more sense as a limited release. Will have to fight chirpier romance "Heaven" and downer drama "Lord of War" for the adult demo. Lack of clarity on Miramax jurisdiction here doesn't help. $27mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's already got a Tony and a Pulitzer. Madden directed Paltrow to a win once before. It stands to reason he could at least get her a nom. Then again, mighty Miramax was pulling the strings for "Shakespeare". This time, who knows?
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LORD OF WAR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
I never thought I'd mention this movie twice in the same year, but think of the rest of "Deal of the Century" (the last ten minutes were "Stealth").
WILL IT SUCK?
First off - Coolest. Poster. Ever. Andrew Niccol bought enough good will with me by writing "The Truman Show" to get me to overlook "Gattaca" and "S1m0ne", both of which he also directed. Here he's pulling double duty again, but I'm willing to give him another chance, especially with the trimmings of Nick Cage, Ian Holm and a decent trailer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It'll probably come in second when it opens, and drop off rapidly in the face of "Flightplan" the following week. Us cynical types tend to show up the first weekend, then crawl away to our blogs. $37mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Nick Cage gets nominated this year, it'll probably be for "The Weather Man".
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VENOM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sadly, not about the Spider-Man villain. Some teens get chased by some thing in Louisiana.
WILL IT SUCK?
Let me count the ways. Director Jim Gillespie ("I Know What You Did Last Summer" - that's how good this will be if things go "well") also did the largely-considered-unreleasable Stallone thriller "D-Tox". The writers have more video games to their credit than movies, though in this case that's strangely appropriate - the movie is based on a video game that never made it to market. Actually, the most positive thing I can say about this movie is that two of the writers worked on "The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay", often hailed as one of the best movie-to-video-game adaptations of all time. That would be very encouraging - IF THIS WERE A VIDEO GAME!
Well at least Johnathan Jackson and Method Man have finally found a project to do together.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Apparently, September is the new October. We've got "Exorcism" the week before, "Cry_Wolf" this week, and "Flightplan" (not horror, but still) the next. Seeing as all of those have had trailers out long before this one, "Venom" has far too much catching up to do. $18mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
After dissing Method Man in "How High", how can you expect the Academy to show him love now?
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CRY_WOLF
WHAT'S_THE_PITCH?
After inventing an internet myth, high school kids start getting killed in, wouldn't-cha know, the same way they do in the myth.
WILL_IT_SUCK?
In the interests of full disclosure, I should probably mention the director and writing team behind this also did a short film in which a friend of mine was heavily involved. The movie was actually really good (it's called "Tower of Babble" if you want to try and track it down) and that gives me hope for this, which I would otherwise just dismiss because the track record of films with internetty titles ("swimfan," "feardotcom") is pretty shitty.
HOW_WELL_WILL_IT_DO?
The second frame of "Exorcism" will not be kind, nor will "Flightplan" the following week. But this'll kick "Venom"'s ass. $33mil.
WILL_ANYBODY_REMEMBER_IT_AT_OSCAR_TIME?
Not_so_much.
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EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Elijah Wood looks for the woman who saved his grandfather's life during the Holocaust.
WILL IT SUCK?
The key here will be to balance the quirky comedy (yup, it's a comedy) with, you know, that other thing. By some accounts, first time writer/director Liev Schreiber (adapting the acclaimed novel) pulls it off. I can see Wood being able to carry the film. The trailer gives the feel of "Garden State" in the Ukraine. However, the poster makes Wood look like his character in "Sin City", which makes me think he's looking for this woman so he can kill and eat her.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Second frame of "Unfinished Life" is trouble, as is the first frame of "Thumbsucker" (never mind Wood being in competition with himself from "Hooligans"). It seems almost unfair to throw "Corpse Bride" into the mix, but it'll be in limited release, too. And then you've got "Oliver Twist" and "History of Violence" the next week. Crowded. $8mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Wood gets a nom, it'll be for this, but most of the buzz is surrounding newcomer Eugene Hutz in a supporting role and maybe Schreiber for Adapted Screenplay.
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THUMBSUCKER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
About a kid who tries to stop sucking his thumb with support from an all-star cast including Keanu Reeves, Vince Vaughan, Vincent D'Onofrio, and Tilda "Suddenly I'm in Every Movie This Year" Swinton.
WILL IT, UM, SUCK?
Buzz is pretty solid, though audiences don't seem as taken as critics. Still, the lead, newcomer Lou Taylor Pucci, won awards at both Sundance and Berlin for his performance. I like the cast and the trailer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a nice rep to carry it into a crowded weekend. Still, "Corpse Bride" will obscure most indie fare, and heavy hitters come up to bat the following weekend, making holding on to an audience a tricky proposition. $6mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Maybe an Indie Spirit Award for Pucci.
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THE THING ABOUT MY FOLKS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dad (Peter Falk) goes on road trip with Son (Paul Reiser) after Mom (Olympia Dukakis) walks out.
WILL IT SUCK?
The buzz is surprisingly good given the schmaltzy-ass premise and trailer. However, the screenplay comes from none other than Reiser himself, who also wrote 17 episodes of "Mad About You". On an unrelated, random-casting/U2 trivia note, U2 tour manager Dennis Sheehan has a cameo as a tackle shop owner. Yeah, I'm obsessed.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Just too crowded for something like this to get noticed, especially in Indiewood. $3mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Not for the kind of dough this'll make.
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HELLBENT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Your typical slasher flick, but gay.
WILL IT SUCK?
Holding the banner as the First Gay Horror Flick is no easy calling, but by most accounts this succeeds. I gotta tell ya, the poster's creeping me out already - nothing that sharp should be that close to someone's eye. If he is gay, writer/director Paul Etheredge-Ouzts must certainly know horror, having grown up that way in Fort Worth, Texas.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The plethora of horror doesn't help (and since it's set on Halloween, couldn't they have released it on Halloween, when there are actually fewer horror films to compete with?), but this is the kind of niche flick that given the right push and word of mouth could turn into a surprise cult hit. $1mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I believe we've already covered the Academy's feelings on these genres.
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KEANE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy tries to cope with the loss of his missing daughter - except maybe he doesn't have a daughter and he's totally nuts.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not so good, it apparently has little to offer except a compelling premise, one touched on in "The Forgotten" and next week's "Flightplan".
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With a similar notion using a much bigger star the following week and nothing stronger than Magnolia Pictures pushing the marketing, this will get buried. $100,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Much as I'd love to see Damian Lewis ("Band of Brothers") get some props, it ain't gonna happen for this.
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SEPARATE LIES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tom Wilkinson tries to cover for his wife when she and her lover kill a guy by accident. Not so much hilarity ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is the directorial debut of Academy Award Winning screenwriter Julian Fellowes ("Gosford Park"). He wrote this, too, so we're in good hands. Plus Emily "I used to be in everything" Watson and Rupert Everett are along for the ride as the wife and lover. Early buzz is positive.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Fox Searchlight would do well to move this. They have the marketing muscle to push this but in this crowded a field even they could get their ass handed to them. $800,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Maybe if they released this later and it made more money.
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TIM BURTON'S CORPSE BRIDE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy accidentally gets married to a dead chick. Like you've never done that.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, Tim Burton knocked it out of the park this summer with "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and here he's teamed again with screenwrtier John August who's working with a writer from "Nightmare Before Christmas" and "Edward Scissorhands". Great voice talent, including Johnny Depp, Albert Finney, Helena Bonham Carter, Richard E. Grant, Danny Elfman, Jane Horrocks, Christopher Lee, and Deep Roy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only thing that I don't get is why is this being released limited the week before it's goes wide. Are they trying to create word of mouth? It's created. The anticipation for this film is high. It can only get worse. In any case, this is sure to run up a huge per screen average and win the limited release battle for its weekend, and will likely give "Fightplan" a run for its money the following weekend in wide release. $73mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Excpect plenty of technical noms, perhaps in competition with "Charlie".
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SEPTEMBER 23
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FLIGHTPLAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Lady loses her child on a plane, but then no one remembers seeing the child get on. Sound familiar?
WILL IT SUCK?
Apparently it's okay to be afraid to fly again. With this and "Red Eye", the plane-thriller genre (which, at the moment, consists of these two films and an episode of "The Twilight Zone") is just gonna, um, take off (I apologize). Anyway, we've got Billy Ray of "Shattered Glass" fame co-screenwriting here, which would give me more confidence if he hadn't also written "Color of Night". Jodie Foster rarely wastes her time and here she's joined by "Glass" alum Peter Sarsgaard, so there's a lot to root for.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is pretty much gonna run the table. Mitigating factors include "Corpse Bride" and the fact that audiences may be all planed out after "Red Eye". $96mil.
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ROLL BOUNCE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"You Got Roller-Served."
WILL IT SUCK?
The biggest strike this has against it, and it's a formidable one, is that it's from the writer of "Beauty Shop." Take that away, though, and you've got Malcom D. Lee at the helm, who's two for two ("Undercover Brother," "The Best Man"), and Chi McBride, Charlie Murphy, and Nick Cannon (who looks like he'll be funnier in his five minutes here than in all of "Underclassman") in supporting roles.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The black audience is not being catered to this month, so target demo acquired. Other than that, though, I don't know how much air is left to breathe after "Flightplan" and "Corpse Bride" take their lungfulls. $39mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but I'd like to see Lee's trajectory continue this way.
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DEAR WENDY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kids form a gun club. Madness ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. It's directed by Thomas Vinterberg, helmer of the most lauded of Dogme flicks, "The Celebration". And to keep the Dogme streak going, it's written by Lars Von Trier. Early buzz doesn't have this being nearly as good as either artist's best work, but still damn compelling. Check out Jamie Bell expanding his indie cred and straying further still from "Billy Elliot" territory.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has to deal with an even higher profile meditation on violence ("A History of Violence") and bunch of kids ("Oliver Twist") both in the same week. $200,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If "Dogville "can't get love with Nicole Kidman and a cast of thousands, this won't register at all.
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OLIVER TWIST
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Roman Polanski's version of the Dickens classic. Make your "get him away from those kids" jokes now.
WILL IT SUCK?
As a director, Polanski's formidable. And here he's teamed up again with "Pianist" scribe Ronald Harwood. To top it all off, you've got Ben Kinsley as Fagin. Early buzz is unanimously up.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Its biggest challenge comes from "A History of Violence". The audiences for these two may be different enough for that not to make much of a difference, however. Still, Dickens can be a hard sell. $33mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Let's see. Polanski? Kingsley? Dickens? Maybe there's an outside chance.
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DALTRY CALHOUN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A sort of "Happy Gilmore"/"Big Daddy" morph where Johnny Knoxville has to suddenly take care of a 14 year old girl. And play golf, I think.
WILL IT SUCK?
Chances are it will be better than "The Dukes of Hazzard", but that's not saying much. The thought of Knoxville in an indie written and directed by a first-time female helmer is intriguing, though.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Intriguing to me, I should say. I don't know that most Knoxville fans are going to want to watch him in a flick that doesn't involve him setting his cock on fire or something. $300,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Let's just say this is a better path to that ultimate goal for Johnny than, say, "Walking Tall."
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A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Well, first Thag hit Grock with a bone. Then Grock threw a rock at him. Then came the Dark Ages...Oh, this history? Um, some guy in a diner defends himself and it turns out he may have used to be some sort of killer. So, anyway, after the Dark Ages...
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very, very, very good. This is being hailed, at least on IMDB, as David Cronenberg's greatest achievement yet. Critics are loving it, too. Based on a graphic novel without being a superhero tale, not unlike "Road to Perdition". Think of it as a realist graphic novel adapatation movement. I'm sure I can come up with a better name, but it's a fresh zeitgeist.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Capote" may be an issue the following week, but this week it has Cronenberg's following to take on "Oliver Twist". $22mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's about time Cronenberg got some props, and with the buzz that this has been getting, it's not entirely out of the question.
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SEPTEMBER 30
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THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Geez, no pressure! Shia LeBeouf takes on a golfing champ. Based on the historic 1913 US Open.
WILL IT SUCK?
This has a lot going for it in the context of being a Disney film. Disney + LeBeouf = "Holes". Disney + Sports = "Miracle," "Remember the Titans," "The Rookie". On top of that, you've got Bill Paxton directing his sophomore effort, after knocking "Frailty" out of the park. Yes, the screenwriter did "Fantastic Four", but he's adapting his own novel here, so maybe we're in luck.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has about as good a chance as anything else opening wide this week. "Wallace and Gromit" will demolish it the following week, but it might make it as high as two if "Flightplan" holds on to the top spot for its second frame. $65mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Disney sports excursions almost never get Oscar love, but it would be nice to see LaBeouf or especially Paxton get some props.
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SERENITY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Rent the first (and only) season of "Firefly." Then it will all make sense.
WILL IT SUCK?
Did you like "Firefly"? A bunch of people did. I was sort of on the fence. Regardless, I love writer/director Joss Whedon and have incredible faith in him as a scribe. The best of "Buffy" and "Angel" combined strong dialogue and strong action, two items which almost never come packaged together in modern entertainment. Hopefully this can do the same.
Whedon has been cleverly sneak peeking this here and there for a while now to build buzz. The result? Audiences absolutely love it. Critics are split down the middle.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The rabid fan base might help this open well. Still, that wasn't enough to keep the show on the air. On the other hand, I can think of another cancelled sci-fi series that turned into a thriving franchise. $48mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No Emmy, no Oscar.
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INTO THE BLUE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"The Fast & the Soaked."
WILL IT SUCK?
I'm just gonna throw this out there. You see if it grabs you or not. Jessica Alba in a swimsuit for two hours. Anything? Same question, Paul Walker. Huh? Your response to that should pretty much determine whether or not you wanna see this film, because that's probably the most it'll have to offer. This was delayed from the summer. It wasn't even dropped into August. That means MGM (or whatever's left of it) didn't feel it could compete with "The Cave." Oh, and it was written by the guy who wrote "Torque."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Crap just isn't the commodity it used to be ("Stealth," "Supercross"). Still, one should never underestimate the power of Paul or Alba. Or Paulba. $20mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but ten bucks says they let Alba present.
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THE PRIZE WINNER OF DEFIANCE, OHIO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember when Julianne Moore played a 1950's housewife? No, that other time. Well, she does it again here, playing a woman based on a real-life jingle writer who worked out of her home while raising many, many kids.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's an interesting story. I'm sure there's a whole article to be written on the notion of companies relying on consumers for jingles and how that acclimates to today's contentious interactive media environment, but I'm guessing that's not the thrust of this drama. And acclaimed writer/director Jane Anderson ("Normal") working with Julianne Moore seems a solid bet. But here's what makes me nervous. Even though this is a DreamWorks production (and the notion of a limited DreamWorks release is intriguing in and of itself) it's coproduced by, wait for it, Revolution Studios. Can their influence, even secondary, ruin an otherwise laudable project? The last time they tried to do "prestige" we ended up with "Mona Lisa Smile". Here's hoping all they did was get coffee for DreamWorks.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Julianne Moore is probably a comparable name to Philip Seymour Hoffman in indie circles, so this could give "Capote" a run for its money, except more people have heard of the guy Hoffman's playing. $16mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I don't think the Academy will nominate Moore a third time for playing this role. Then again, I didn't think they'd do it twice in the same year ("The Hours," "Far From Heaven").
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CAPOTE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Philip Seymour Hoffman plays Truman Capote in a flick focusing on the writer's investigation into four murders in Kansas that led to his book "In Cold Blood."
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. Just hearing Hoffman as Capote is chilling. Early buzz is good. Chris Cooper offers support as a local sherriff and Catherine Keener takes on the key role of Harper Lee.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't know that people are all that interested in Truman Capote or "In Cold Blood." On the other hand, the buzz surrounding this and Hoffman's performance could make them interested. On yet another hand, George Clooney's directorial take on another famous news figure (Edward R. Murrow) comes out the following week. $14mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This could be Hoffman's year...for a nod. (Can you believe that hasn't happened yet? To this day I can't fathom him not getting a supporting nom for "Almost Famous.")
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MIRRORMASK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Labrynth" with a hell of a lot more CG.
WILL IT SUCK?
Audiences are a little more on board with this flick than critics, but even the critics who like this are down on the story, which is odd when you consider the major selling point of this piece is that's it's the first movie written by famed fantasy author Neil Gaiman. Still, looking at the trailer, which is unusual, granted, it looks like something that's supposed to look cool rather than something that actually looks cool.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although anticipation is relatively high for this, I don't think the audience for it is an indie, art-house crowd. They might actually do better to go for a wide release. $500,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Maybe some technical awards.
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DUMA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "Lassie," but with a cheetah.
WILL IT SUCK?
I have it on good authority (a friend in Chicago who's seen it already) that this, in fact, does not suck, and that is the opposite of suck, which is to say quite good. The fact that the first 15 reviews in at Rotten Tomatoes have placed this at 100% seems to bear him out. But if he's wrong, I'll send you his e-mail address.
Probably doesn't hurt to have "The Black Stallion" and "Never Cry Wolf" director Carroll Ballard on board, along with Hope Davis and Campbell Scott.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This does sort of stand out in the otherwise heavy drama of the season. Warner Bros. would be well advised to play up the whole "March of the Penguins" nature angle and try to turn this into another sleeper hit. Don't know if it'll work, though. $4mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
"Black Stallion" got two nods, but had Coppola singing its praises.
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LITTLE MANHATTAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Continuing the "Mad Hot Ballroom" tradition of things being cuter when kids do them in New York, two tykes fall in love in Manhattan.
WILL IT SUCK?
Written by one of the "Wimbledon" scribes and directed by another. There are worse romantic comedy pedigrees, I suppose. Bradley Whitford plays the dad, if that does it for ya.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Lost in the shuffle. $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but Bradley Whitford deserves some sort of Bradley Whitford Award.
Remember how I was all psyched about the return of Shane Black last month? Well, that's been delayed to next month, and I'm still psyched. But not nearly as psyched as I am for the return of Nick Park, Cameron Crowe, George Clooney, and, God help me, Zorro. -- Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:28 AM
| Comments (1)
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August 29, 2005
Time's 50 Coolest Websites 2005
Time has posted their 2005 Best of the Web list. It is highly irrelevent -- where's Technorati? Where's Gawker? Where's Bookslut or Huffpost? Where's the porn? -- but we were happy to see that some of our favorites like Flavorpill and Go Fug Yourself made the cut.
Click here for the complete list.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:34 AM
| Comments (4)
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August 19, 2005
Flying Spaghetti Monster
Cakehead has an hilarious story satirizing the Intelligent Design nonsense. Read about the Flying Spaghetti Monster here.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 04:39 PM
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August 19, 2005
Blue States Lose
Blue States Lose may be embarassingly derivative of Vice magazine's Do's and Don'ts, but it's still pretty damn funny. After enjoying it for weeks now, we've finally decided to give them a shout out. Their number one entry this week had us howling. Check it out here.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 04:25 PM
| Comments (0)
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August 10, 2005
Best NY Cafeteria
Vote on Cakehead:
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 04:17 PM
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August 08, 2005
Sarah Silverman Jesus Is Magic Trailer
Click image for quicktime trailer. We love you Sarah, despite the whole Jimmy Kimmel thing. [Thanks to Lindsayism.]
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 12:32 PM
| Comments (3)
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August 04, 2005
August 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Welcome to the month of the Miramax fire sale, wherein Harvey and Bob release all the crap they've been holding back before they leave Disney for good in September. Other than that, it's your usual batch of not-ready-for-prime-time summer releases.
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AUGUST 5
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THE DUKES OF HAZZARD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Just some good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm with that Confederate Flag on top of their car.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, did you like "Super Troopers?" Jay Chandrasekhar, who directed that, is on board here. Not only that, most of the fifty or so writers credited with this adaptation are from that project as well. In a way, it seems appropriate. In another way, isn't anyone from the original TV show still alive to write this?
I guess the casting makes sense, though the original rumor of Paul Walker as one of the Dukes and Britney Spears as Daisy Duke is, well, about as appropriate. And Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg is ultimately a less, erm, controversial choice than Anthony Anderson, which I think would've been a hoot n' a holler, regardless.
Still, I don't think we're looking at even a "Starsky & Hutch" level interpretation here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I can't believe no one's taking on the Dukes. $48mil.
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2046
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Wong Kar Wai ventures into sci-fi.
WILL IT SUCK?
As you might expect for a Wong Kar Wai flick, the buzz is pretty solid. Combines elements, literally, of his previous works (entire characters in some cases). Got every award "Kung Fu Hustle" didn't get at the Hong Kong Film Awards plus a crapload more at international fests. Also features Tony Leung and Zhang Ziyi fresh from "Hero."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The Wong Kar Wai following isn't enough to sustain this during one of the busiest indie weekends of the year. $3mil.
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BROKEN FLOWERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "High Fidelity" if one of those chicks fathered Cusack's child and he had to figure out who.
WILL IT SUCK?
Did I mention that Cusack in this case is Bill Murray and Stephen Frears is Jim Jarmusch? Now, critics are balking a little at the fact that this is more mainstream than usual for Jarmusch, but that hasn't stopped it from getting raves, being the top rated of all the filmmaker's triumphs on IMDB, and winning, oh, the Grand Prix at Cannes.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Focus Features knows how to market Bill Murray. As a result, this could end up being one of Jarmusch's highest-grossing films to date. As far as the Jarmusch faithful go, tickets to an advance screening in Philly were gone in hours (no, I didn't get in). While this might not go quite as far as "Lost in Translation," and may receive a little grief from "Pretty Persuasion" the following weekend, it'll still be a very happy camper. $22mil.
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THE CHUMSCRUBBER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dark comedy that starts with a friend's suicide. I said dark comedy.
WILL IT SUCK?
Mixed reviews so far, and a very unusual cast. You've got Jamie Bell from "Billy Elliot," Glenn Close, Allison Janney, Rita Wilson, William Fichtner, Rory Culkin, Ralph Fiennes, Carrie-Ann Moss, Lauren Holly, John Heard, and Jason Isaacs. Haven't seen a trailer yet, but seems like the kind of film that looks better than the reviews would indicate.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If I were this film, I would have wanted to come out last weekend, with virtually no competition and not the same weekend as releases from two major indie directors and one weekend before another dark comedy. But Newmarket can be very effective with pitching unusual material (see "Monster"). $2mil.
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SAINT RALPH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid runs the Boston Marathon as a symbolic miraculous gesture on behalf of his ill mother.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but audiences seem to like it. I know, I was hoping it was the long-awaited sequel to "King Ralph," too, but it could still be good. Campbell Scott looks like he'll be fun as Ralph's priest/mentor.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The presence of Scott (and a couple of other recognizable faces, like Jennifer Tilly) plus the push of a mini-major like Samuel Goldwyn could have given this a slight edge back in May, but in a crowded time like this it'll be lucky to break a mil. $750,000.
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SECUESTRO EXPRESS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kidnapping thriller in Caracas.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but writer director Jonathan Jakubowicz seems an interesting one to watch. His first short, "Distance," screened at a lot of big festivals and takes place on 9/11 and apparently takes an intriguing direction from there. He did a doc prior to that about Jewish WWII refugees coming to Venezuela (his home). We'll see if this breaks him, critically.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It probably won't break him commercially. This is part of the Miramax fire sale. $1mil.
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JUNEBUG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
City girl goes to the country to visit her new beau's relatives. Wacky tension ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is split. Critics love it, audiences hate it. What's interesting is that most of the positive buzz centers on a supporting role. Amy Adams performance as the sister of said beau is drawing raves (and won her an award at Sundance). Also on board (as the happy couple) are Embeth "I was in 'Schindler's List' AND 'Army of Darkness'" Davidtz and Alessandro "I was in 'Face/Off' AND 'Laurel Canyon'" Nivola, both of whom I like.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
What is with the first weekend in August? There are simply too many movies. Half of these could have moved to the previous weekend and eliminated most of their competition. This will probably fall on the lower end of the spectrum. Mid-level indie stars, critical acclaim that does not match word of mouth, and a two-day head start that I don't think will make much difference. I would've released this in the late fall, when an Oscar campaign for Adams might have helped. $400,000.
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AUGUST 12
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DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
If I have to explain this to you, then you're probably the target audience.
WILL IT SUCK?
Again, if I have to tell you…
I think the only reason they hired the director is because his name is, I shit you not, Mike Bigelow.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they liked it before… On the other hand, "Dukes" should fill the dumb comedy niche for at least two weekends, so, this could be in trouble. $26mil.
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THE SKELETON KEY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kate Hudson vs. voodoo.
WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are really split on this one, and frankly, you can kind of see it coming. Poor Iain Softley. First he directs "Backbeat," a promising, if flawed, film. Then he goes on to "Hackers" and "K-Pax." And then he has to deal with that unnecessary extra "i" in his first name. And screenwriter Ehren Kruger. He did "The Ring," but he also did "The Ring 2." And "Scream 3." And "Reindeer Games." So you can see how this would swing both ways. And, finally, this has Peter Sarsgaard, which is the one unadulteratedly positive thing I can say about it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Don't be surprised if this exceeds expectations. It's far from horror and major blockbuster releases, unlike "Dark Water" before it. It has to deal with "Red Eye" the following week, but it has the bigger star. $38mil.
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FOUR BROTHERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Twice as good as "Two Brothers." Okay, nobody remembers that movie? Mark Whalberg and three other guys who were a lot cheaper to cast avenge the death of their adoptive mother.
WILL IT SUCK?
This looks like one of those flicks that would be a guilty pleasure on cable on a Saturday afternoon. Director John Singleton lost all credibility with "2 Fast 2 Furious," and it's going to take more than producing "Hustle and Flow" to win it back. This could help, but one of the writers has "The Watcher" to his credit. You know, the movie with Keanu Reeves as a serial killer? Yeah, that one.
Still ya gotta love casting Josh Charles, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Andre Benjamin, and Terence "I am everywhere" Howard. How much do you want Andre to rap with Whalberg?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
People love the Marky Mark. $61mil.
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THE GREAT RAID
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Based on a true story. Benjamin Bratt leads troops on a raid of a Japanese prison camp in WWII that was really, really…um…great.
WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are split. John Dahl is a strong director. He gave us "The Last Seduction" and "Rounders" and made "Joyride" ten times better than it should have been. On the other hand, I've seen the trailer, and I'm just not feeling Bratt as a military leader. Also, this is a part of the Miramax fire sale, having been delayed for two years. Not a good sign.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think there is an audience for this, but to release it on a crowded weekend before an even more crowded weekend suggests that Miramax is only interested in getting this out the door. They won't pimp it like they usually do. $20mil.
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ASYLUM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Good girl falls for bad boy. Well, wife falls for mental patient working on dilapidated asylum next door.
WILL IT SUCK?
I think critics will be as split on this as they were on David Mackenzie's last film, "Young Adam." This won't have naked Ewan McGregor (although, really, what film doesn't have naked Ewan McGregor?) but it will have a clothed Sir Ian McKellan as a sort of narrator, and a screenplay co-written by Patrick "Closer" Marber.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Young Adam" didn't do that well, and this one is lacking Little Ewan. $100,000.
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PRETTY PERSUASION
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Schoolgirl accuses her teacher of sexual harassment to get famous. It's a comedy.
WILL IT SUCK?
Critics seem to be split as to whether this is exploitative or clever, and audiences are no more consistent. You've got a director from "Veronica Mars" who somehow also did upcoming Nick Cannon vehicle "Underclassman" and a relative newcomer writer. James Woods, Evan Rachel Wood, Ron Livingston, Selma Blair, and Jane Krakowski should make things interesting.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is probably going to be one of the higer profile indie releases this month. And Jane Krakowski and Evan Rachel Wood practically making out in the trailer probably won't hurt. $10mil.
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GRIZZLY MAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about a guy who spent his life defending Grizzlies until he was killed by one of them.
WILL IT SUCK?
From legendary director Werner Herzog, whose highest-rated IMDB film is actually a documentary about Kuwait. This one is getting raves and won an award at Sundance. Looks creepy as hell, and the reviews seem to bear this out. Should be fascinating.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is being released by The Discovery Channel, so it'll be interesting to see how they market a theatrical run. I think this might do better with Lion's Gate at the helm touting it as the next "Open Water." Either way this has to overcome "Pretty Persuasion" and a crapload of second frames from the previous week. $100,000.
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AUGUST 19
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VALIANT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Chicken Run" rip-off, er, movie in which CG pigeons, that have nothing to do with "Chicken Run," even though they're British, fight in WWII delivering vital messages while trying to evade the "Falcon Brigade." I think that last part is made up.
WILL IT SUCK?
Did I mention there were "resistance mice?" But again, nothing to do with "Chicken Run." Early buzz is actually pretty good, and I have to admit this has the strongest cast of virtually any film this summer. Ewan McGregor, Tim Curry, Jim Broadbent, Hugh Laurie, John Cleese, John Hurt, and…wait for it…Ricky Gervais! (By the way, Ewan is on his way to winning the Jude Law Ubiquity award for this year. This is his SECOND lead in a CG animated film - third if you count Star Wars - in 2005.)
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Maybe just a wee bit of competition from "Brothers Grimm" next week, but that's about it. As much as I would like to see a non-Pixar Disney CGI flicks fall flat on its face, this will pretty much run the table. $117mil.
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RED EYE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Nick of Time" on a plane.
WILL IT SUCK?
Good cast. Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy, Brian Cox. Wes Craven is a "master of horror," but truth be told, he's made a lot of crap ("Deadly Friend" is only the tip of the iceberg). But paired with a good writer, there's a shot. In this case, it's a bloke who wrote the "Halloween" episode of "Buffy."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sandwiched between "Skeleton Key" and "The Cave," but with a better trailer and more marketable pitch than either, not to mention the boost McAdams and Murphy received from "Wedding Crashers" and "Batman Begins" respectively. $82mil.
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THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Steve Carell is a 40 year-old virgin.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is from "Freaks and Geeks" writer/director Judd Apatow who co-wrote the script with Carell, himself a writer on "The Drew Carey Show" (and did you know Carell used to voice one of "The Ambiguously Gay Duo?") "Anchorman" co-star Paul Rudd is also in the mix.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As much of a flop as it will probably be, "Deuce Bigalow" cannot be discounted here, even in its second frame. The hard R here isn't mitigated by big stars, as with "Wedding Crashers." Positive buzz should still help, however. $21mil.
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SUPERCROSS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Okay, you know the dirt bike chase from "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle?" Imagine two hours of that.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of "Meet the Deedles." Do I really need to say more? If you like your WB, you'll get your fill of "One Tree Hill," or UPN and "Reba," or Fox and "Skin" (wow) or just bad movies with the "Texas Chainsaw" remake - actors from each are here. I'm gonna guess they're going for a young demographic. Oh, and one more link to "Charlie's Angels 2" - Robert Patrick.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Teenybopper audience will flock to "Undiscovered" the following week. $38mil.
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ROMANCE AND CIGARETTES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
John Turturro directs a musical starring James Gandolfini. That's not the plot. He really did it.
WILL IT SUCK?
Will you look at this cast? Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Kate Winslet, Steve Buscemi, Christopher Walken, Mandy Moore (building on her indie cred from "Saved"), Mary Louise-Parker (speaking of "Saved"), and Eddie freakin' Izzard! Turturro's previous writing/directing efforts haven't been home runs, but this certainly seems more unique.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Pretty Persuasion's" second frame might be a bit of an issue, but this has the star power to take all comers. $12mil.
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REEL PARADISE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A lot of people have never heard of John Pierson, but they do know who he broke into the mainstream - Spike Lee, Michael Moore, and Kevin Smith, just to name a few. What I didn't know is that he took his family to the most remote movie theater on Earth - the Meridian on an obscure Fiji island - and ran it for a year. Steve "Hoop Dreams" James made a doc of it.
WILL IT SUCK?
Solid reviews. And why not? Here you have a fantastic doc filmmaker (James also did the heartbreaking "Stevie") covering a legendary film figure in a completely exotic locale with a unique premise. I've seen some of the clips, and one of the first fascinating bits to emerge is the fact that indie guru Pierson programs "Bringing Down the House" and "Jackass" as much as or more than "Rabbit-Proof Fence" or "Bend It Like Beckham."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Me and like five other people are psyched about the John Pierson and/or Steve James element. $100,000.
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AUGUST 26
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THE BROTHERS GRIMM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"A Bug's Life" or "The Three Amigos" with magic and monsters instead of locusts and banditos.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, and it doesn't help that this is yet another part of the Miramax fire sale. On the other hand, it's a Terry Gilliam joint, and he seems well suited to the material. Heath Ledger and Matt Damon should be passable as the Grimms and Jonathan Pryce, Monica Belluci, and Peter Stormare will make decent adversaries. Ehren Kruger writes, but we've already discussed the ups and downs of that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Biggest stars of the weekend. The following week, "Transporter 2" might outclass it with smaller stars. $73mil.
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THE CAVE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Cole Hauser and some folks fight creatures beneath the surface of the Earth. They do not however, attempt to drill to the center of the Earth, so they're already ahead.
WILL IT SUCK?
Morris Chestnut and Cole Hauser are good actors, but they often make poor choices ("Anaconda 2," "Papparazzi"). Newcomer writers and director. But the only factor to consider, really, is the presence of Daniel Dae Kim, so it must be seen.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All sorts of creatures this week ("Brothers Grimm") and next ("A Sound of Thunder"), so it might be tough for this to stand out. $17mil.
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THE CONSTANT GARDENER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ralph Fiennes investigates the death of his wife (Rachel Weisz) in Africa.
WILL IT SUCK?
They had me at "Directed by Fernando Meirelles." That's the guy who did "City of God" which is just, like, the best movie ever made! Seriously, it's awesome. So why did they team him up with the guy who wrote "Goldeneye?" Also, this is based on a John Le Carre novel and, nothing against him, but his films don't always make the most exciting fare - "The Russia House," "The Tailor of Panama." Am looking forward, however, to Pete Postlethwaite and Bill Nighy in supporting roles.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Think of it like an early Oscar release. I would have pushed further into the fall, when a title with the word "gardener" in it might put more butts in seats, unless it's "The Gardener Who Is Constantly Kicking Your Ass!" Now that's a summer title. $24mil.
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UNDISCOVERED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A group of young hopefuls tries to make in that crazy, topsy-turvy Mecca that is Los Angeles.
WILL IT SUCK?
Meiert Avis, of several U2 videos (including the gorgeous "All I Want Is You") directs for reasons beyond explanation. The trailer looks like it should be followed by the words "This Fall on Fox!" Ashlee Simpson lends a hand. With Fisher Stevens, Peter Weller, and Carrie Fisher on board, "Rediscovered" seems a better title.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't know that the Ashlee following is what it used to be. $31mil.
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THE MEMORY OF A KILLER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Two cops try to track down a killer with Alzheimer's.
WILL IT SUCK?
Has won multiple international awards, including a near sweep of the Belgian Oscars, which are named after Joseph Plateau, the man who discovered persistence of vision. Have you stopped reading yet?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sony Pictures Classics is good at marketing international fare, but I don't think the timing will be kind. $800,000.
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DIRTY DEEDS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid has 12 hours to complete a series of outrageous (dare I say "dirty?") deeds.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably the most curious thing about this "American Pie-ish Comedy," besides the fact that it's an indie, is that the production company is a bunch of baseball players, including Jason Giambi, so clearly they need the money.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not nearly as much as any one of these guys makes in a year. $300,000.
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ETERNAL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Some chicks will do anything to look young. Like bathe in the blood of 650 virgins. Like you've never done anything crazy.
WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz, not so good, but if you need your Sapphic bloodsucker fix, I'm pretty sure "Vampire Lesbian Kickboxers" is out on DVD by now.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Three words: Straight-to-DVD. $200,000.
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THE BAXTER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Romantic comedy plot #4. Man has to choose between two women.
WILL IT SUCK?
The main spin here isn't so much the plot as it is the generator, writer/director/star Michael Showalter, a driving force behind such fare as "The State," "Stella," and "Wet Hot American Summer." Also features Peter Dinklage, Michelle Williams, Paul Rudd, and Showalter regular Michael Ian Black.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A comedian with a somewhat larger following has a limited release coming out the next weekend ("Margaret Cho: Assassin"), but the "State/Stella" crowd might come in handy. $300,000.
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Next month should be a blast for fans of Joss Whedon, Terry Zwigoff, Lasse Hallstrom, and Tim Burton. But my eye is on the return of Shane Black.
-- Dave Thomas
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August 02, 2005
Nardwuar vs Cross
Nardwuar has an hilarious new interview with David Cross available for download. It's just shy of an hour long and funny as hell. Cross proves once again that he's hands down the funniest comedian working. [via BrooklynVegan]
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July 20, 2005
Farewell Scotty
James Doohan dies at 85.
Read the obit here.
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July 19, 2005
Whole Foods Grill Man puts Soup Nazi to shame
Cakehead has a great entry on free food samples in New York. She shares our fear of the fish griller who hands out samples at the Whole Foods in Union Square:
You can always count on the fish griller to be lining up plastic ramekins filled with swordfish or wild salmon. But we warned. If you take seconds, he will hate you. Really, with him you can do no right. If you ask what he's cooking he'll grumble the answer. If you cower in fear, afraid to ask what you're eating he will say accusingly, "Don't you want to know what you're eating?"
Other free sample suggestions include the free wine at Astor Wines and Spirits everyday from 5-8. Read the whole article here.
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July 13, 2005
Spanking the Donkey: Dispatches from the Dumb Season
We were glad to see our friend Matt Taibbi on John Stewart last night. He's a funny, articulate guy and was a great guest. His book, Spanking the Donkey is in stores now. Check it out. It's a hilarious gonzo-style documentation of his journey on the 2004 campaign trail. A great read. Click here to get a copy.
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July 12, 2005
July 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
The second half of July actually looks promising; a Townes Van Zadt flick, The Aristocrats, and Lollapalooza with cum shots. Here's the full rundown:
OPENING JULY 15
• CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's Michael Jackson-esque take on "Willy Wonka."
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, they've got screenwriter John August on board, and the last time he worked with Burton, they ended up with one of either's best works, "Big Fish." This, on the other hand, is a remake, and Burton's luck with remakes hasn't always been spot on ("Planet of the Apes.") However, if you look at this strictly as an adaptation, we're back to "Big Fish," which was a novel. Indeed, word on the street is that this sticks much more closely to the book than "Willy Wonka," and the fact that they're keeping the original title shows you that they're keepin' it rea'.
Johnny Depp should be fun regardless and honestly, Burton rarely missteps.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A lot of indirect competition ("Fantastic Four's" second frame, "Bad News Bears" the next week) but nothing in their face. Anticipation is pretty high, and Depp has proven he can open a summer flick. $121mil.
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• WEDDING CRASHERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan crash weddings to get laid. What more do you need to know?
WILL IT SUCK?
There's a new clique in town. The Wilson Brothers, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughan, and every now and then the Steve's from The Daily Show and maybe Jason Bateman. It's turning out quite well, actually, with more "Dodgeball's," "Anchorman's" and "Old School's" than "Kicking and Screaming's" or "Bewitched's". (Okay, maybe just Ferrell ain't pullin' his weight lately).
Anyhoo, the latest entry into this oeuvre looks dicey. You've got director David Dobkin, who did "Shanghai Knights" with Wilson (not perfect, but Wilson was funny). The writers are newcomers, and that could go either way. On the other hand, you've got Vaughan and Wilson, arguably the funniest of the crew, in the lead with cameos from Ferrell and, well, they're not listed but I'm sure most of the other gang will show up. And then you've got the ace in the hole. Christopher Fuckin' Walken as the Secretary of the Treasury. Not to mention Rachel "Mean Girls" MacAdams as the love interest. Good times.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
People like this crew. Heavy anticipation. Comedies (usually) do well in the summer. $85mil.
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• HUSTLE & FLOW
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's a basic sitcom plot. Our protagonist must get his demo in the hands of "Mr. Big" before the clock runs out. It just happens that in this case our protagonist is a pimp.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely, though the IMDB rating is inexplicably low for winning the Sundance Audience Award and drawing over 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. First of all, this was the deal to end all deals at Sundance this year. It broke the record for most money paid for a flick ever. Paramount and MTV films shelled out $9 million and a movie deal for producer John Singleton in order to get the distribution rights for this one.
As if that weren't faith enough, they're releasing it on a Wednesday, a head start usually afforded only big budget fare like "Batman Begins" (although, these days, even "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" benefits from that strategy). What I've seen of it so far looks great, with the now ubiquitous Terence Dashon Howard (also in "Crash" and "Four Brothers" this summer alone), DJ Qualls, and Anthony Anderson on board.
A note about another award this won at Sundance. Best Cinematography. It went to Amy Vincent. If there's one area in the film industry in which women are underrepresented (and there are many) it's cinematography. In fact, up until this moment, I couldn't really name ANY female cinematographers. (I can only name maybe ten male ones, but still). Anyway, I'm just saying it's nice to see the props, is all.
By the way, I looove the title of writer/director Craig Brewer's next screenplay - "Step in the Name of Love."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Hard to say. It might have been a mistake to release it wide. Will mainstream audiences be turned off by the fact that the main character is a pimp? Will they relate to crunk? Will they choose this over a slightly creepy Johnny Depp or charming lotharios Vince and Owen? Probably not. I would've done a platform release myself. Gone for a "Napoleon Dynamite" run. But hey, we'll see. $45mil.
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• HAPPY ENDINGS
Interconnected LA Stories from the Master of Snark - Don "Opposite of Sex" Roos. Keep in mind, the title is in the context of a massage parlor.
WILL IT SUCK?
Mixed reviews so far. At least they like it better than "Bounce." It's probably good that you don't remember Roos' wide release follow up to "Opposite of Sex." Which is probably what brought him back to the indies.
The cast is outstanding. Lisa Kudrow (who was awesome in "Sex"), Steve Coogan, Bobby Cannavale, and Maggie Gyllenhaal, among others.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is one of the bigger July indies. $3mil.
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• THE WARRIOR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
When will hitmen learn? If you try to leave the business, your former employers will hunt you down like a dog. In this case, it's the local muscle for an Indian warlord, and the hunt goes through the Himalayas.
WILL IT SUCK?
Seems to be getting some complaints for being too "simplistic," but other than that there are raves galore, including a Golden Hitchcock award, and you know that's gotta be good. Also won Best British Film at the BAFTA's.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If this were the old Miramax distributing, I'd say it has a shot. But which Miramax is this? Harvey's or Disney's? That uncertainty alone is crippling. $300,000.
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• MEMORIES OF MURDER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another serial killer. Also based on a true story. This one in Korea.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. So much positive buzz for this film and director, it's kind of ridiculous. Now I wish I hadn't missed it at the Philly Film Fest (where I saw "Cronicas.")
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
And in the final coincidence, this is another Palm Pictures release. Too bad. $100,000.
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OPENING JULY 22
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• THE ISLAND
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson find out they're organ mills for their human original counterparts. This is where all that clone research is heading! Soylent Green is people! It's peeeeeeee-puuuuuuuulllllllll!
WILL IT SUCK?
I have as much against the Michael Bay oeuvre as the next guy. But at the end of the day, my secret shame is an inability to change the channel when "Bad Boys II" is on. Still, every time I remember that he's directing "The Transformers," I cry silent, little tears. Silent, little tears.
That having been said, you've got some "Alias" writers up in here, though it's possible the idea was stolen from some guy who wrote a story called "Clonus." You'll know what I mean if you get that e-mail, which insists that it's not spam, leading me to believe that it's spam.
They've also thrown better acting talent than necessary at this. The aforementioned leads plus new baddie go-to Sean Bean, Djimon Hounsou playing a heavy for once, Michael Clarke Duncan, and my newly crowned best. Character. Actor. Ever. Steve Buscemi.
I think this will be better than your average Bay suckfest.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a nice distance from "Four" but has to deal with "Stealth" the very next week. This, however, will be marketed much more aggressively. $128mil.
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• BAD NEWS BEARS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake with Billy Bob Thornton as the coach.
WILL IT SUCK?
Normally, I'd say "yes" out of hand. It's a remake, one, of a kid's film, two, that I don't remember liking that much in the first place, three. However, it's directed by Richard Linklater, one, with a script from the "Bad Santa" team, two, and starring that film's bad Santa, three. Not to mention that Linklater has already proven himself in this genre with "School of Rock." And the trailer's hilarious.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
You've got "Wedding Crashers" the week before and "Sky High" the following week. Not kid's films, per se, but it's getting a little crowded. $23mil.
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• THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sequel to "House of 1,000 Corpses" in which the crazy family from that flick goes on a killing spree while on the run from The Man.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is actually kind of good. Far better than it was for "Corpses." Put simply, if you liked "Corpses," you'll like this.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This far removed from "Land of the Dead," there's nothing like it in theaters. Even with "Land of the Dead" this is probably several notches up on the gore factor. A limited, but dedicated audience. $16mil.
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• LAST DAYS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"The Passion of the Kurt." Gus Van Sant's take on the last hours of a Cobain-ish Seattle rocker.
WILL IT SUCK?
Gus just keeps getting weirder and weirder. First he goes all experimental on us with "Gerry." Then he, well, I guess this isn't much weirder than that, but expect a lot of long pauses without anything actually happening. Early buzz is very mixed. This is NOT "Finding Forrester."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Director-wise, this is about as high profile as it gets in limited release this month. And the Kurt following may help. $2mil.
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• THE EDUKATORS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A group of young anarchists go around fucking up people's homes until they run into someone who's actually home when they do it. Hilarity/tragedy ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very, very, very good. Mad props from a bunch of international fests. And everyone I talked to who saw it at the Philly fest loved it. Also, keep an eye on lead Daniel Bruhl whom you might know from "Goodbye, Lenin," but whom I recognize from "Ladies in Lavendar" because "Goodbye, Lenin" hasn't arrived from Netflix yet.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little under the radar now, but if IFC can pick up the pace, there's hope. $2mil.
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• 9 SONGS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy reflects on a relationship he had with this chick. Flashbacks include lots of sex and some really cool bands.
WILL IT SUCK?
Funny story. There's actual fellatio here. And ejaculation. And penetration. Michael Winterbottom has decided to push the envelope. He also threw in performances by The Dandy Warhols, Franz Ferdinand, and Super Furry Animals, among others. It's kind of like Lollapalooza with cum shots.
Critics have not been kind.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's hard to say which will get a more limited release, this or "The Aristocrats," which also has no official rating from the MPAA. Neither will actually make money. $25,000.
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• NOVEMBER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Courtney Cox loses her boyfriend in a tragic robbery. Grief ensues. Then it gets weird. Like, conspiracy theory weird.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is kind of harsh. Interesting to note, though, that this also won the Sundance award for cinematography (the year before "Hustle and Flow") and, again, it was a female cinematographer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The obvious mitigating factor here is Cox. This is her first real indie lead (and her first lead in general). If Sony Pictures Classics knows how to market that fact (and they do) this should do well. On the other hand, this is being released at the wrong time, and not just because of the title. This would do far better in the fall on a less crowded weekend. $400,000.
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OPENING JULY 29
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• STEALTH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's basically the last ten minutes of "Deal of the Century." What? You've gotta be kidding me. I'm the only one who remembers that flop? It had Chevy Chase, Sigourney Weaver, and Gregory Hines! Hines takes a flamethrower to a car! How can you forget that?! It was directed by William Fuckin' Friedkin! Fine. Obviously none of you had HBO when you were a kid. Anyway, at the end of the film Hines flies against a prototype airplane that's completely robotic. Replace Hines with Jamie Foxx, Josh Lucas, and Jessica Biel.
WILL IT SUCK?
From consummate "meh" action helmer Rob Cohen. See, here's the difference between Michael Bay and Rob Cohen. Michael Bay films are almost uniformly bad, but most of them contain at least one or two iconic, amazing shots. Rob Cohen films aren't usually as bad, but they aren't neatly as visually memorable. I don't know which I'd rather sit through.
That having been said, this is written by the guy who wrote "Big Trouble in Little China," which would make me happier if that weren't the same guy who wrote "Home for the Holidays."
The really scary part is that Richard Roxburgh has a role, probably as a villain. Nothing against him, I think he's a fine actor, but he's the kiss of death for action films. He was the main baddie in "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and "Van Helsing." That's two summers in a row he's torpedoed. Will somebody please think of the children!?!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Problematic. Second frame of "The Island." Not good. "Dukes of Hazzard" the following week. Even worse. "Sky High" this week doesn't help, though this will fare better. $76mil.
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• MUST LOVE DOGS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Romantic comedy with Diane Lane and John Cusack. And some dogs.
WILL IT SUCK?
Looks to be mediocre at best. I can't complain about the cast, but this is from the writer/director of "Dad." "Dad," people.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Admittedly, there's no romcom in sight. Will that be enough? I don't think so. $44mil.
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• SKY HIGH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Not so much an "Incredibles" rip-off, though there is a family of superheroes, as a what-if-Professor-X's-school-for-the-gifted-were-a-wacky-sitcom-setting exercise. Or, if you prefer, Hogwarts for superheroes. With far worse special effects.
WILL IT SUCK?
Cheesy premise aside, the trailer's actually pretty funny. However, the director brought us not only "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo," but "Surviving Christmas" as well. The writers have worked on "Kim Possible," but really, I need more.
Keep an eye out for Dave Foley and Bruce Campbell in supporting roles.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little trouble from "Bad News Bears" the previous week but much more, I think, from "Stealth" this week. I don't know that you're gonna get enough of a family turnout especially when this seems to be going for a broader, comic-booky audience. $10mil.
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• NIGHT WATCH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sort of a Russian "Highlander."
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are a bit mixed, and so is the trailer. Part of it looks cool as shit, the other, cheesy as hell. If pulled off right, could be the next "Matrix" or "Lord of the Rings." If not, could be the next "Underworld." Um, besides the "Underworld" sequel, that is.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If the reviews hold up, could be this summer's "28 Days Later." Either way, it's already made its money back by being the highest grossing film in Russian history, beating out the likes of "Spider-Man 2" and "Lord of the Rings." The other two installments are a given, as the trailer points out. $32mil.
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• THE ARISTOCRATS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Over 100 comedians telling the same dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty…dirty, dirty joke.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is an extremely funny, extremely offensive movie. You WILL find something in here to offend you. At the same time, I laughed so hard I cried. Which is sort of the point. The joke itself is designed to allow the comedian to add his or her own (usually horrifically offensive) spin to it. To give you an idea how offensive, ThinkFilm is not submitting this to the MPAA. They know if they did, they'd have the first film to receive an NC-17 without benefit of violence or nudity.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Like "9 Songs," the ratings issue will bury it. However, unlike "9 Songs," I see an extremely bright future for this on DVD. $600,000.
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• BE HERE TO LOVE ME: A FILM ABOUT TOWNES VAN ZANDT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In spite of the title, actually a film about Roger Van Norton, a contractor from Des Moines.
Or a profile of famed (well, among musicians) songwriter Van Zandt.
WILL IT SUCK?
Fascinating story. Suffered from depression and alcohol. Fell off a building to see what it was like. Okay, maybe this is fairly typical "Behind the Music" fare, but it's still interesting. Interviews with Willie Nelson, Emmylou Harris, and Steve Earle, among others.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Again, the curse of Palm Pictures, but I'll give them props for volume and taste (they also distributed the Tom Dowd doc). $50,000.
August promises to be just as bad as every other August but I don't care because the latest from Fernando "City of God" Meirelles is coming out and that's enough for two months.
-- Dave Thomas
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July 11, 2005
Movie Review: The Island
The Island Opens everywhere July 22
Starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson
Directed by Michael Bay
"Our favorite scene involves some none too subtle Bush bashing...."
Movie Review by Robert Lanham
Against our better judgment we went to see a sneak preview of Michael Bay's The Island. Our desire to see Scarlett Johansson in a tight, space-age jump suit outweighed our instinct to avoid another film by the fool who brought us Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, The Rock, and Bad Boys II. Michael Bay is arguably the lamest director in Hollywood. Not to mention the biggest frat boy in Hollywood.
Thankfully, since we shelled out 12 bucks per ticket after the Fandango surcharge, we were pleasantly surprised by Bay's latest creation. In fact, The Island, may not be the film of the year, but it's sure to be the blockbuster of the year. Sorry, Batman. The Island is better.
The Island takes place in the not-too-distant future and features set pieces reminiscent of 2001 and THX 1138. A contaminated atmosphere has caused people to seek shelter in a sterile and contained "utopian" facility. It’s a Brave New World where their actions are monitored Big Brother-style. Though completely detached from nature and the outside world in their sterile chambers, the white track-suited masses find meaning and hope in the form of a random lottery. Lottery winners are granted the freedom to be relocated to a tropical paradise known simply as The Island; the last remaining place on Earth where the atmosphere has not been contaminated. Strangely, lottery winners are announced by a breathy-voiced woman who looks like she just returned from a threesome on a seedy porn set.
As is to be expected from a Michael Bay movie, The Island is a loud, in-your-face ride that prefers spectacle to subtlety. Nonetheless, the pacing is always perfect and it never fails to be exciting. It’s a blockbuster in every sense of the word and is notably smarter than Bay’s other bonehead movies. And of course, Johansson is ridiculously cute.
The Island's sci-fi themes aren't exceptionally original—you'll notice similarities to Logan's Run, Blade Runner, The Matrix, and Gattaca—but the packaging is beautiful and unexpected. The movie never slows down enough to allow McGregor and Johansson to develop any chemistry, but they are serviceable and believable in their roles.
As the movie progresses, it deviates into a more conventional action film. But thankfully Bay is able to show some restraint and avoids his normal embarrassing testosterone-driven dialogue. With the exception of a joke about the word "dude" that would be a perfect concept for a Coors Light commercial and a stupid line about never trusting a woman with a credit card, Bay's frat boy antics are kept largely in check.
On the downside, The Island makes a shameless spectacle of its product placement. At points, the advertisements nearly kill any suspension of disbelief the film is able to generate. The opening scene includes a close-up on a pair of Pumas. From that point on, everything from Cadillac, to Michelob, to Aquafina are shamelessly plugged. In fact, the product placement is so over-the-top it ultimately becomes a running gag. An entire scene is framed around McGregor and Johansson making a video-enhanced call in a phone booth embroidered with a Microsoft Logo. They even search for an address using Microsoft search software. Bay’s attempt to ironically embrace his sponsors is campy, but his eagerness to cash in ultimately detracts and becomes obnoxious.
Our favorite scene involves some none too subtle Bush bashing. While watching a press conference on television with one of Earth’s future presidents, McGregor glances over and states "he's an absolute idiot." Wow, Mr. Bay. Maybe you're not the frat boy we had you pegged as being after all.
The Island's Official Site
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July 07, 2005
Hipster Zombie Nerds vs D&D Nerds
This makes us want to move to Montreal. [From The Scourge]
Right, so there are a colony of nerdy D&D-playing medeivalists who gather in Mount Royal Park every Sunday to run around screaming and slapping each with swords made of duct-taped iron bars and shields made out of the lids of recycling bins. Shit, there are even dudes with nerf arrows, flails, battle axes and big fuckin’ hammers. One guy had on an entire suit of chain mail armor.
Anyway, a cabal of local hipsters decided that this Sunday was going to be different. This Sunday, the hipsters were going to dress up like zombies and come marching out of the woods to engage the nerds in glorious battle. We were there to witness and record the hilarity that ensued:
The post on Scourge has prompted some great comments. Here's our favorite:
the circle will be complete when the nerds dress as travelers from the future (twilight zone style) and warn the hipsters that their own collective fantasy is just as irrelevant to history as D&D combat club. the hipsters will react with indifference,and continue bolstering their egos, getting soon to go out of style tattoos and working on post-ironic record collections. the nerds, feeling vindicated, will return to the park to happily vent their own feelings of self loathing by beating up friends with nerf swords.
See the rest of the photos here.
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June 25, 2005
Billy Graham Opening Night Report: Jesus is in the TV.....
Christian Breakdancers at Flushing Meadows
We checked out opening night of the Billy Graham crusade last night with Cakehead. We may be sinners, but who can resist the evangelical freakshow of a self-proclaimed religious crusade. Highlights include us heckling a few teens holding "God Hates Fags" signs and seeing the Christian breakdancers pictured above. But Cakehead captures the crusade's strangest moment best:
My favorite part of the evening was when they had the alter call. Billy said something along the lines of, "if you are open to making Jesus your personal Savior come forward towards me." Then he said, "if you are in one of the satellite sections (where people could only watch Billy on the big screen monitors) walk towards the television screen." The idea of these hungry christians walking towards a tv screen for salvation really cracked me up. Is this not perfect material for a zombie movie?
Read Cakehead's full account here
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June 22, 2005
AFI's top 100 Film Quotes
The AFI just released their 100 best film quotes. We can't believe they excluded Fight Club's "My God... I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." Here's the top 25. Add your favorites in comments.
1. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Gone with the Wind, 1939
2. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." The Godfather, 1972
3. "You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." On the Waterfront, 1954
4. "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." The Wizard of Oz, 1939
5. "Here's looking at you, kid." Casablanca, 1942
6. "Go ahead, make my day." Sudden Impact, 1983
7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." Sunset Blvd., 1950
8. "May the Force be with you." Star Wars, 1977
9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." All About Eve, 1950
10. "You talking to me?" Taxi Driver, 1976
11. "What we've got here is failure to communicate." Cool Hand Luke, 1967
12. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning." Apocalypse Now, 1979
13. "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Love Story, 1970
14. "The stuff that dreams are made of." The Maltese Falcon, 1941
15. "E.T. phone home." E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, 1982
16. "They call me Mister Tibbs!" In the Heat of the Night, 1967
17. "Rosebud." Citizen Kane, 1941
18. "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" White Heat, 1949
19. "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Network, 1976
20. "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Casablanca, 1942
21. "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." The Silence of the Lambs, 1991
22. "Bond. James Bond." Dr. No, 1962
23. "There's no place like home." The Wizard of Oz, 1939
24. "I am big! It's the pictures that got small." Sunset Blvd., 1950
25. "Show me the money!" Jerry Maguire, 1996
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June 17, 2005
Everything is Illuminated, the Movie
That's right, believe it or not they've turned Jonathan Safran Foer's book into a movie. It stars Elijah Wood no less....you know, the guy who will come to hate the nickname Frodo more that Rob Reiner loathes Meathead. Here's a taste of reader of depressing books' review: [Via Gawker]
after the screening, we were given 'grade' sheets
where it asked us if the ending should be changed, if anything should be changed, if there was anything we didn't like and how to change it so we would like it
i wanted to punch someone in the face
but i wasn't sure who exactly
you can read the whole review here.
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June 03, 2005
The June 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
High Tension
Remember how I said that there would only be one good movie this month? I forgot about a movie that would be starting two days shy of the July 4th weekend. So maybe, just maybe, you'll see two good blockbusters this month. ("Cinderella Man" doesn't count. It's a prestige picture. It's supposed to be good.) And, as usual, the indie fare looks a little more promising.
June 3
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Divine Teen Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood"
WILL IT SUCK?
The cheese factor is here in full force. Director Ken Kwapis' best-reviewed film on IMDB is "Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird." Writers Delia Ephron and Elizabeth Chandler have between them "Michael," "Mixed Nuts," "Someone Like You..." and "What a Girl Wants," though, to be fair, "A Little Princess" is in there somewhere as well.
Two points for casting. Alexis Bledel and Amber Tamblyn, both from well-respected TV series, are among the leads, as is America Ferrera, from the superior "Real Women Have Curves." She also plays Thunder Monkey in "Lords of Dogtown," which may be the best character name ever.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is pretty much on its own as far as teen-girl-fare goes. A little competition from those who'll swoon over "The Lords of Dogtown," but not much. Combining the following of Bledel and Tamblyn along with the book upon which this is based doesn't hurt. $68mil.
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CINDERELLA MAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A man is bitten by a radioactive fairy tale character and acquires super-powers, like the power to have one magical evening away from his nagging stepsisters.
Actually, more like "Seabiscuit" with boxing instead of horseracing.
WILL IT SUCK?
Writer Akiva Goldsman has done good of late - "I, Robot," "A Beautiful Mind." But he still has a ways to go to make up for "Batman and Robin" and "Lost in Space." Here he teams up again with director Ron Howard, who has a rep for making good, but not necessarily great, films. Here they both team up again with Russell Crowe, who's just a great actor.
Add Renee Zellwegger, Paul Giamatti, Craig Bierko, and the real question isn't so much "WILL IT SUCK?" as "Will it be Oscar-worthy?"
Early buzz is good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It'll probably have "Seabiscuit"-like success as the lone "prestige" flick of the summer. $121mil.
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LORDS OF DOGTOWN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Fakey version of doc "Dogtown and Z-Boys."
WILL IT SUCK?
The writer, Stacey Peralta, who directed the doc, was actually one of the original Z-Boys (surfers who went on to revolutionize skateboarding). Director Catherine Hardwicke is hot off "Thirteen" and knows her teen drama. From the trailer, the tacked-on love story seems, well, tacked-on, but other than that, it should be a fun, if predictable, ride.
Keep an eye out for Peralta making a cameo as a director for "Charlie's Angels." That is, if you have any idea what he looks like.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, if this were still (as was originally the plan) David Fincher's next project, a larger male demo would be involved. It'll still draw the skateboarding faithful, but you'll have to split the Heath Ledger/Emile Hirsch groupies between this and competing tween-girl-fare "Pants." And "Pants" has a two-day head start. $57mil.
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APRES VOUS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
One guy saves another from suicide but becomes interested in the girl that the suicidee was about to kill himself over.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. The lead, Daniel Auteuil, was hilarious in "The Closet," and was nominated for a Cesar for his performance here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Higher profile indies are gonna squash this. $800,000.
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ROCK SCHOOL
(Held over from April)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Documentary about a guy who runs a rock school. Not to be confused with "School of Rock," except that it's kind of the inspiration for it.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, though watching the trailer it's a little creepy to see a real life version of Black actually yelling at little kids.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Newmarket can play up the "School of Rock" connection (and good reviews), fairly well. $2mil.
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MILWAUKEE, MINNESOTA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Mentally challenged ice fishing prodigy (you read that right) gets taken for his winnings by some unsavory characters.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed although this cleaned up at Cannes and the Seattle Film Festival, among others. Randy Quaid in an unusually dark role should be interesting and hey, look, Bruce Dern!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Again, higher profile shit will drown this. $600,000.
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June 10
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MR. AND MRS. SMITH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
L.L. Cool J. gets married. Too obscure? How about this? Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are top assassins who happen to be married to each other but have no idea what their significant other really does for a living (cue scratching record sound)...until they're hired to kill each other.
WILL IT SUCK?
I've got some bad news. The guy who wrote "xXx: State of the Union" is also writing the third X-Men film. He also wrote this, which will now likely suck, but I'm much more upset about the X-Men thing.
That having been said, Doug Liman usually gives good movie. And he's pulled in at least one actor from each of his previous efforts. Vince Vaughan from "Swingers," (who's hilarious in the trailer). William Fichtner from "Go." Adam Brody from "The O.C." (Liman directed the first two episodes, who knew?) And Matt Damon from "The Bourne Identity." He plays Brad Pitt. Okay, there's no one from "The Bourne Identity," but you have to admit that the rest is pretty neat.
It'll still suck.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This will pretty much own the weekend. If it weren't for "Batman," it would own the month. $140mil.
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THE ADVENTURES OF SHARK BOY AND LAVA GIRL IN 3-D
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid daydreams about superheroes who actually come to life and take him on a great adventure. I can't tell you how long I thought it was "Larva Girl." That would've been totally different. Also, the title reminds me of Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl from "The Simpsons," but that's totally different, too.
WILL IT SUCK?
Robert Rodriguez's kids' films have become increasingly cheesy, and this looks like a giant leap cheesier. I know I underestimated "Spy Kids" and Rodriguez's writing efforts (here enhanced by his son) are usually solid, but man is that one underwhelming trailer. I don't care, really. I just found out there's going to be a "Sin City 2," so I'm happy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It has the advantage of being pretty much alone in the kid-friendly world at this point in the schedule ("Madagascar's" in its third frame), and Rodriguez's kids' films usually do well, even at their cheesiest. But "Herbie" isn't too far off. $86mil.
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HIGH TENSION
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
French slasher import in which a woman fights back against the killer who wiped out her friend and her friend's whole family.
WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz on this is straightforward NC-17 gore. I remember missing this at SXSW two years ago, partly out of fear. I'd want to see it more if the reviews were more consistent. Critics are fairly split, but the overall buzz is positive. Dimension liked it enough to tap the writing/directing team to do a remake of "The Hills Have Eyes."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Horror fans aren't looking for perfection, just the goods. If the buzz maintains that this is the real deal, there will be no draw like it until the end of the month when "Land of the Dead" bows. Lion's Gate stands to make a killing and continue to solidify its small-budget horror niche. $22mil.
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THE HONEYMOONERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Although it's kind of clever to recast "The Honeymooners" w/ an all-black cast, I stand by my conviction that only Ed Norton should be allowed to play Ed Norton.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is the first of three TV-to-movie adaptations to come out this summer, and none of them look good. We still have "Bewitched" and "The Dukes of Hazzard" to look forward to, but for now we can hope that the better angels of "Coming to America," which produced two of this film's scribes, will win out over "Agent Cody Banks 2," from another contributing writer's resume. There are five writers in all.
Interesting casting. Cedric the Entertainer (Ralph) is usually funny, but even he couldn't save "Johnson Family Vacation." Gabrielle Union (Alice - I don't remember her being THAT hot), John Leguizamo, Eric Stoltz, and Jon Polito should keep it interesting, but probably won't.
I think this will be "meh" at best.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not so much with the urban comedy on the horizon, so this has a got a clear demo shot. Cedric pulled in around $30mil. for "Vacation." Expect about the same for this. $33mil.
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HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dude, it's a Hayao Miyazaki movie ("Princess Mononoke," "Spirited Away"). Even if I tried to explain the plot to you, it wouldn't make any sense when you actually saw it, so just enjoy the ride.
WILL IT SUCK?
As I said, it's a Hayao Miyazaki movie, and they just don't suck. On the other hand, I can usually never make heads or tails of them, so if you're a plot nazi like me, you might wanna skip this. Visually, though, it's bound to be stunning.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not like there's a glut of anime in theaters. Miyazaki usually does well by Disney, and vice-versa. $11mil.
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PARINEETA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bollywood musical somehow finding purchase on our shores.
WILL IT SUCK?
I can tell you that author Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay's works have been adapted many times, so it's probably compelling source material. The songs look...okay. The most interesting thing about this (besides the fact that Bollywood musicals almost never get released here in anything but a retrospective) is that one of the screenplay credits is a "dialogue" credit. I'm beginning to wonder if more American films shouldn't have dialogue specialists (I suppose many already do, see Tarantino's work on "Crimson Tide" - but not enough).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
How many Bollywood enthusiasts do you know? That's what I thought. $90,000.
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5X2
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ten. Just kidding. Francois Ozon's latest does the "Eternal Sunshine" thang with the backwards relationship but not so much with the sci-fi.
WILL IT SUCK?
Ozon ("Swimming Pool," "8 Women") usually gives good movie. Early buzz is mixed, but generally positive. The actress playing the woman in the relationship has received mad love so far, including an award at Venice.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
After the success of "Swimming Pool," Ozon should be an easier sell to American audiences, even if they've seen this gimmick before. $6mil.
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THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A friar investigates the accidental deaths of five strangers on a bridge with hopes to prove that they all deserved their fates, thus proving the existence of God. Based on the Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Thornton Wilder.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is kind of meh, and here's the thing. A movie with Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel, Kathy Bates, F. Murray Abraham, and Jim Sheridan (!) based on a Pulitzer Prize Winning novel, you would think that this would (a) be a fall Oscar-buzz release and (b) come out sooner given that it was finished last year. What's more, Fine Line, the company distributing it, no longer exists. I smell a forced release.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Fine Line can play up the huge cast and the lofty pedigree, they could get some opening weekend love (even if it turns into hate weekend two), but without a fully operational Fine Line there to promote it, I don't think that's going to happen. $2mil.
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June 17
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BATMAN BEGINS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Batman origin story. Can you believe there's never been one?
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Director Christopher Nolan has knocked at least two out of the park already ("Insomnia," "Memento") and can bring the noir. Writer David S. Goyer is a little more problematic. He gave us two bad and one good "Blade" flicks and a bunch of other crap. (I've heard that "Dark City" is good, but no one's raving about "Crow: City of Angels"). However, when teamed with a good director (and, in this case, co-screenwriter) he can bring the bad-ass.
Conceptually, I'm on board. They've brought in overlooked characters like Ra's Al Ghul and Lucius Fox and cast winners all around - Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson, and Rutger Hauer. And Bale can bring the brood as Batman, though I think my friend's theory about needing someone who can appear bumbling as Bruce Wayne (the key to his secret identity remaining a secret) is important. I also like that they've attempted to ground this in a real-ish world, with all of Batman's implements originating as abandoned military projects and the presence of a world outside of Gotham.
I'm not crazy about Katie "no, really, I'm fucking Tom Cruise, seriously guys" Holmes making an appearance as a character who (a) ain't in the original comics and (b) is a most likely unnecessary love interest in an already loaded story. On the other hand, you'll be hard pressed to find an origin story without a love interest. But it rarely helps.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even if it only did as well as "Batman and Robin," it would still clear $100mil. Think about that for a sec. Anyway, this is going to do much better. $256mil.
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THE PERFECT MAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Hilary Duff vehicle in which Hilary invents a man for her newly single mother to be with a la Bart and Mrs. Krabappel on that episode of "The Simpsons," without the malicious intent.
WILL IT SUCK?
The most interesting thing here is the casting. TV notables Heather Locklear, Amy Acker, Caroline Rhea, and Chris Noth (presumably reprising his role as the perfect man from "Sex and the City," just in a Duff-friendly way) pitch in, with an appearance from "Queer Eye's" Carson. Plus Dennis De Young plays a Dennis De Young impersonator. Surely that alone is worth the price of admission.
From the director of the Hilarrific "Cinderella Story," and the writer behind "The Princess Diaries" and, sadly, "The Princess Diaries 2."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the only thing you could put up against "Batman," except maybe a Lindsay Lohan vehicle - no, wait, that's next week. $11mil.
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MY SUMMER OF LOVE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sort of a highbrow "Wild Things," with two young women going all "Heavenly Creatures" on Paddy Considine.
WILL IT SUCK?
Won a crapload of awards in Britain, including Best British Film at the BAFTA's. Paddy Considine ("In America") is da bomb, but let me put this in terms that Jeff from "Coupling" might understand...British Lesbians!!!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Focus needs to get the word out on this one. Half the people who went to see "Swimming Pool" were NOT Ozon fans. $2mil.
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HEIGHTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
24 hour soap opera in New York. Sadly, not a remake of the Fox TV smash which spawned "How Do You Talk to an Angel?" (Now we'll never know the answer to that question!)
WILL IT SUCK?
Dude, everybody in this trailer looks like someone else. Lead Elizabeth Banks looks like a cross between Parker Posey and Gretechen Mol, Jesse Bradford looks like Ron Livingston, the director, who has a small part, looks like Paul Bettany, and James Marsden doesn't look anything like the guy who plays Spike on "Buffy," but his name is really close. Of course, none of that is relevant.
This is adapted from a well-received Amy Fox play by Fox herself and by most accounts (more critics than audiences) is the good shit.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Sony Pictures Classics plays up the fact that Glenn Close has a supporting role (which they will) and maybe the fact that this is a Merchant/Ivory production (which they haven't), this could get competitive, especially with good reviews in tow. $10mil.
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ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Quirky indie romantic drama.
WILL IT SUCK?
This was the darling of both Sundance AND Cannes this year, so probably not. Watch for it to make headlines with its explicit depictions of teen sexuality. Oh, and "Deadwood" fans should check out John Hawkes in the lead.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
IFC has got to get the word out on this one. No other indie this summer is likely to have the critical momentum (or controversial potential) of this one. $2mil.
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June 24
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HERBIE: FULLY LOADED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Herbie" remake with Lindsay Lohan at the wheel.
WILL IT SUCK?
First off, let me just tell you my favorite moment from the trailer, in which Lindsay tells Herbie that another car he's checking out is "a little young for him." At that moment, I would pay cash money for Herbie to be voiced by Bruce Willis.
Anyhoo, it's kind of depressing just how much talent has been thrown at this one. The director of the decidedly NOT G-rated "D.E.B.S." is helming Justin Long, Michael Keaton, Matt Dillon, Breckin "Remember how promising I was in 'Road Trip' and 'Clueless'" Meyer, and the aforementioned pop star, who I think is actually a talented comedic actress. As if that weren't enough, Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, who seemed to abandon "Smallville" this season, one hopes in pursuit of something better, were apparently script-doctoring this.
So why am I not psyched with all this talent surrounding a project? How about a craptacular trailer that makes it seem like this was written by the guys behind "The Pacifier," "Taxi," and...wait for it..."The Country Bears?" How about the fact that this actually WAS written by those guys. How about the idea that this company will bring out the worst in Gough/Millar, who also scripted "Showtime?"
There's a 1 in 100 chance that this will pull a "Freaky Friday" and be a billion times better than it has any right to be, but I'm not holding my breath.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Bewitched" obviously skews older, but will still take part of this crowd. "Batman's" second frame skews more male, but again, older. And Duff can't hold a candle to Lohan lately, especially in a second week. I think the real kicker here is that this is the sole G-rated wide release of the season (even "Madagascar" was PG). Hellooo families! $111mil.
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LAND OF THE DEAD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In the latest installment to George A. Romero's "Dead" series, the world has been taken over by zombies and the human minority struggles to stay alive in a walled city housing a stratified society.
WILL IT SUCK?
Folks, this is George A. Romero. Zombies be his shit.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only potential crossover here is with "Batman" the week before and "War of the Worlds" the following week and that's not so much competition as something else they'll see. And "High Tension" will have already petered out. $59mil.
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BEWITCHED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Meta-remake of the TV show in which Will Ferrell plays the guy who plays Darrin, who needs to find a co-star and ends up with a real-life witch (Nicole Kidman).
WILL IT SUCK?
Here's the thing about writer/director Nora Ephron. "Silkwood" and "When Harry Met Sally" are fabulous. "Mixed Nuts" and "Hanging Up" are not. Guess which ones she co-wrote with her sister Delia. Guess who she co-wrote this with. On the other hand, Adam McKay, who co-wrote "Anchorman," is also on board here, so let's hope for the best.
The supporting cast is also encouraging. Michael Caine (is there anyone he isn't mentoring this summer?), Jason Schwartzman, Stephen Colbert AND Steve Carrell, Michael Badalucco, Amy Sedaris...Nick Lachey also makes an appearance, but don't let that get you down.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Kicking and Screaming" revealed chinks in Ferrell's armor, but throw in Kidman and the TV show following and I don't think that will matter. $96mil.
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YES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Love affair between two foreigners living in London.
WILL IT SUCK?
The real buzz here is going to revolve around the fact that the foreigners are an American woman and a Lebanese Muslim man. There are definite "time to heal" undertones in the flick according to early reviews, which are very mixed. You've got Joan Allen and Sam Neill in the mix, which is a plus, and you've got writer/director Sally Potter ("Orlando") in the creator's chair. Oh, and the whole thing is in iambic pentameter.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This needs to get some traction, though it has a little bit of time. There are articles to be written about the "time to heal" angle and whatever positive buzz was generated at Telluride, even if no awards were handed out. $2mil.
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RIZE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about "Krumping," a dance form you have to see to comprehend. I'll give you a hint, the trailer starts with the words "The images in this film have not been sped up in any way."
WILL IT SUCK?
After you see the trailer, you go "Holy shit that looks cool!" So probably not. Also, director David LaChappelle (let the confusion start now) has been following this for a while, back to when it was called "Clowning" and was a response to the Rodney King riots, so expect a significant political angle as well. This could be June's must-see doc.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The buzz isn't there yet, but Lion's Gate is no slouch. I'm already seeing billboards in Philly subway stations. My guess is they'll target urban centers, and I think it'll work. $7mil.
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MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
About a new penguin dance that you have to see to comprehend. Actually, it's exactly what the title suggests, a shitload of emperor penguins march over an assload of ice to meet their mate.
WILL IT SUCK?
Look, I love nature docs. I thought "Winged Migration" was off the hook. So you might not want to take my word for it. However, early buzz is strong, and Morgan Freeman narrates, and I could listen to him read microwave directions for 90min. So it's win/win.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Winged Migration" had revolutionary camera techniques and a kick-ass trailer. This has a bunch of fuckin' penguins. (Actually, the trailer's pretty cool, too). Not quite as much of a sensation, is all I'm saying. $200,000.
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June 29
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WAR OF THE WORLDS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tom Cruise & Dakota Fanning vs. aliens.
WILL IT SUCK?
OK. Here's the thing. I love Spielberg. So, again, you'll have to take all this with a grain of salt. I'll start with what makes me nervous, just to be fair. First off, this is a remake, and Spielberg's history with remakes, however brief ("Always") is not positive. Also, he's going with writer David Koepp here, who shoots about 50%. For every "Spider-man" he'll give you a "Snake Eyes." He delivered "Jurassic Park" for Spielberg, good summer fare at best. He also delivered "Lost World," considered by many to be one of Spielberg's worst efforts.
Now here's what gives me confidence. It's Spielberg. He hasn't made a movie I've truly disliked since...well, I've never seen "Always," did that suck? I usually find at least something I like. Hell, even "1941" has camp value.
Trailers have been outstanding, dating back to the first teaser which directly quoted the original text (which you must read). The alien machines, what little we presumably see, look awesome, and the fact that we probably won't see much is a good sign. And Spielberg's previous sci-fi collaboration with Cruise is one of my favorites (of course, that had Scott Frank at the keyboard).
On the other hand, if this starts out with another Dakota Fanning voiceover a la "Taken" (which Spielberg produced), I think I'll cry.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The best friend this movie has (besides Cruise and Spielberg) is the July 4th weekend. Spielberg hasn't been knocking them out of the park like he used to. But the timing is such that with all the marketing they've been throwing, this'll own the biggest weekend of the summer (with a two day head start). And that may be enough. $278mil.
Next month is a lot more interesting, if only because there's a lot of stuff that isn't so quickly dismissible as crap or laudable as the next "Spider-Man 2." What will Tim Burton make of Johnny Depp-cum-Michael Jackson as Willy Wonka? Will "Stealth" be more "Blue Thunder" or "Airwolf?" Will "The Island" break the streak of crappy, crappy Michael Bay films? Can Richard Linklater make TWO good kid's films? All this and two excellent docs as the summer marches on...
by Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:23 AM
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June 01, 2005
Ding Dong Song (You Touch My Tra-La-La)
This video has evidently been out for a while. We don't know how we missed it. It's definitely not work safe, but we don't know what's more offensive, the nudity, the music, or the dancing. Watch it here.
From MTVAsia
Gunther & The Sunshine Girls are set to have the biggest hit this summer with their debut single, "Ding Dong Song (You Touch My Tra-La-La)." The catchy bubblegum dance track is totally infectious.... 29-year-old Gunther is from Sweden, where "Ding Dong Song (You Touch My Tra-la-la)" is already a huge smash. The accompanying music video has also been the most requested clip on Swedish TV for weeks. Even UK indie darlings Franz Ferdinand performed an acoustic version of the "Ding Dong Song" for Dutch radio.
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May 29, 2005
Phone Ring Tone Tops Coldplay
FROM AP
A cell-phone ring tone appeared set to top the British singles chart Sunday, outselling the new single by the band Coldplay by nearly four to one, a music retailer said.
"Crazy Frog Axel F," a ring tone based on the sound of a revving Swedish mo-ped, is the first tune being used on mobile phones to cross into mainstream music charts, said Gennaro Castaldo, a spokesman for HMV, the British music retailing chain.
Coldplay had hoped to go straight to No. 1 on this Sunday's British singles chart with its new song, "Speed of Sound." But by Saturday, it appeared that the ring tone - which is available for digital download and as a compact disc single - would prevail, said Castaldo.
The ring tone was expected to replace the Oasis tune "Lyla" as the No. 1 hit on the list released Sunday by the Official UK Charts Co. The weekly singles chart, which has been released since 1952, is based on the sales of 5,600 retail shops across Britain.
While "Crazy Frog" and other ring tones do not appear to be much of a hit among adults, so many youngsters are personalizing the sound of their cell phones that such digital music could change world music markets.
"Music purists might not be too happy at the prospect of the "Crazy Frog" outselling Coldplay, but it shouldn't come as that much of a surprise when you consider its huge novelty appeal and the massive amount of exposure it is currently getting," said Castaldo.
The ring tone is based on a song that was recorded in Sweden nearly a decade ago by 17-year-old Daniel Malmedahl, using the high pitched revving of a two-stroke motorcycle, The International Herald Tribune reported Saturday.
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May 19, 2005
Black Metal email correspondence
Our friend Pete sent us this one and we had to share:
E-mail exchanges between Lance, the King of Black Metal from Gary, Indiana (aka Dave Hill) and Mathias, a Norwegian black metal guy. [Gary is some Brooklyn writer in on the stupidity of these morons] An excerpt:
okay, let me break it down for you. first of all, i don't think anyone who is truly into black metal would start an e-mail by saying "hi!" you are not working at a smoothie shop buddy, you are representing black metal. pull yourself together! i should know- i'm the king of black metal...do you guys have stickers? you should put them up around town and maybe put something under the band's name that says "definitely not a bunch of pussies"
click here for more
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May 18, 2005
David Cross Reviews ButterFat 100
David Cross has an hilarious list of fake reviews on Pitchfork, a clever attack on their inane skewering of him as a "nauseatingly smug... giant fucking asshole." Cross proves once again he's the funniest man alive.
"May I suggest listening to Elegant Nuisance by ButterFat 100. With this, their second album since signing with Holive Records, ButterFat 100 return to their psychobilly/emo core roots. Let its volcanic rapture overwhelm you like a 19th century hand-woven blanket made of human hair might have done back in the days when they enjoyed such things."
go to pitchfork [thanks to Kevin at Catch for bringing this to our attention]
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May 17, 2005
The Rock Snob's Dictionary: An Essential Lexicon of Rockological Knowledge
Finally, a book has come along that can help explain some of those Chuck Eddy reviews we read in the Voice. Does anyone really understand Check Eddy when he says things like "tribal-drummed neo-no-wave," "electro-punk robo-scuzz," or strangest of all "80s post-hardcore pigfuck hard-rock." We're not making this up.
Or how about this impenetrable Eddy prose:
So on the eve of Hitler's birthday I'm pulling out old Laibach and Enigma records in horror of the papacy's return to that old Oberammergau catechism, and I reach for the most seminal goth-rock number of all. It's on The Yardbirds Great Hits (Epic, 1977, one vinyl disc, liner notes by Ira Robbins), and the album cover's got reams of ticker-taped That Was the Year That Was headlines, and there the unexpected words were, (accidentally?) next to the title of the 'Birds Gregorian high-mass stained-glass pagan-pop plaint "Still I'm Sad" (later covered by Boney M): "Pope Paul VI makes a 'peace pilgrimage' to Istanbul." Eerie ...
The Rock Snob's Dictionary will hopefully shed some light. It's funny and informative and, best of all, thorough. Here's a quick excerpt:
 Albini, Steve. Self-consciously difficult Chicago-based record producer who chafes at being called a producer, insisting that he merely "records" bands; best known for having produced-er, recorded-Nirvana’s studio swan song, In Utero, and for issuing snarky comments to the press when some of the album's uncompromisingly raw songs were later remixed by other producers. Albini, who pushes the bounds of hard-rock iconoclasm by wearing glasses and having short hair, enhanced his outsider cred by playing guitar in the not-very-good hardcore bands Big Black, Rapeman, and Shellac.
Rewards repeated listens. Euphemistic phrase employed by rock critics to confer value upon a dubious musical work that, given the reputations involved, has to be better than it sounds.
Seminal. Catchall adjective employed by rock writers to describe any group or artist in on a trend too early to sell any records.
But come on.... Shellac rules
Check out the book website. They have some funny excerpts and blog updates including a Snob List vs. Honest List of favorite records for the two authors. ("The first list being the albums that you'd honestly take to that desert island for your listening enjoyment, the second list being the albums that you'd claim to be taking to impress other Rock Snobs.") We listed them after the jump:
FOR STEVEN DALY
HONEST FAVORITES
1. Young Americans, David Bowie
2. Nils Lofgren, Nils Lofgren
3. The Harder They Come, original soundtrack
4. The Hissing of Summer Lawns, Joni Mitchell
5. Parade, Prince
6. The Documentary, the Game
7. Funky Dory, Rachel Stevens (import only)
8. Ultimate Dolly Parton, Dolly Parton
9. J to Tha LO! The Remixes, Jennifer Lopez
10. Quadrophenia, the Who
SNOB SUBSTITUTES
1. Jobriath, Jobriath (reissue with liner notes by Morrissey)2. Like Flies on Sherbet, Alex Chilton
3. Arkology, Lee "Scratch" Perry (box set)
4. Not the Tremblin' Kind, Laura Cantrell
5. Inspiration Information, Shuggie Otis
6. When the Revolution Comes, the Last Poets
7. The Vogue Years, Francoise Hardy (import only)
8. More a Legend Than a Band, the Flatlanders
9. Mutantes Ao Vivo, Os Mutantes
10. Ogden's Nut Gone Flake, the Small Faces
FOR DAVID KAMP
HONEST FAVORITES
1. Revolver, the Beatles
2. Imperial Bedroom, Elvis Costello & the Attractions
3. Unearthed, Johnny Cash (boxed set)
4. English Settlement, XTC
5. Warehouse: Songs & Stories, Husker Du
6. Circle in the Round, Miles Davis
7. The Soft Bulletin, the Flaming Lips
8. Quadrophenia, the Who
9. White Light/White Heat, the Velvet Underground
10. Al Green's Greatest Hits, Vols. 1 & 2, Al Green
SNOB SUBSTITUTES
1. Grievous Angel, Gram Parsons
2. Brian Jones Presents: The Pipes of Pan at Jajouka, the Master Musicians of Jajouka
3. The Bells, Lou Reed
4. Pacific Ocean Blue, Dennis Wilson
5. Young Loud & Snotty, the Dead Boys
6. I Don't Know (What the World Is Coming To), Bobby Womack
7. Born to Be with You, Dion
8. Musings of a Creekdipper, Victoria Williams
9. Rough Mix, Pete Townshend & Ronnie Lane
10. ( ), Sigur Ros
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May 06, 2005
The May 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Well, "Revenge of the Sith" is finally coming out. And if that's the most we have to look forward to this month, it's going to be a sad, sad time.
We're highly skeptical, but Variety gave the new Star Wars flicker a glowing review. Hollywood Reporter reviews it here. One more from Coming Soon. Here's the rest of this month's films below:
MAY 6
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ridley Scott film about the Crusades. Great timing, huh?
WILL IT SUCK?
Main thing to keep in mind here is Ridley Scott, who turned even "Gladiator" into better-than-expected but not quite Best Picture worthy fare. I mean come on people "Traffic" was released that year. The screenwriter has been tapped to do three upcoming huge releases, including "Jurassic Park IV" (yes, there's going to be a 'IV'), Scorcese's "Infernal Affairs" remake, and "Tripoli." So Hollywood, at least, has confidence in him.
Casting is interesting. In keeping with the law that says that Orlando Bloom must not appear in a modern setting, he has the lead. Jeremy Irons and Liam Neeson should be fun to watch (although I can happily wait to see Liam in "Batman Begins," instead). And Ed Norton appears in a mask.
Actually, I don't think this is going to be very good. But it's going to look great.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The R is going to hurt a bit, but "House of Wax" is R, too, so....
Other problems include the second frame of "Hitchiker's" this week and the one-two comedy punch of "Monster-in-Law" and "Kicking and Screaming" the following week. It's gonna be hard to sell the Crusades with those options. Still, it's a Ridley Scott epic, and even "Black Hawk Down" made over $100mil, and that was in the winter. $104mil.
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HOUSE OF WAX
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Paris Hilton gets whacked. What more do you need to know?
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably. This is from Dark Castle, the Joel Silver/Robert Zemeckis shingle that brought you "Gothika," "Thirteen Ghosts," and "Ghost Ship." Almost all remakes, and not very good ones at that. Also, they bring the mad gore. Now, Elisha Cuthbert's in this, but, then again, I must remind you of the gore, the suckiness, and the Paris Hilton who, even if she does get waxed (and not in a good way) will still be alive for part of the film. On the other hand, "Gilmore Girls" fans rejoice (or lament if you care about their cred) for Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki's presence in this mess.
This comes from the twin brother writing team that brought you "Baywatch: Nights," which is strangely appropriate.
I will say this, however...this is the first Dark Castle trailer that actually looks scary.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's no horror fare per se for it to contend with, but the second frame of "XXX: State of the Union" and even "Hitchhiker's" could be a bit of a drag. Still, horror refuses to be put down this year, no matter how much it sucks. $81mil.
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CRASH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Not a remake of the David Cronenberg film with the Mint Charlie. Oh, I hope there are no Mint Charlies. Instead, "Short Cuts," Paul Haggis-style.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's a cast of thousands talking about race. What's not to like? You've got Matt Dillon, Thandie "where are my eyebrows?" Newton, Don Cheadle, Brendan "underrated" Fraser, William Fichtner, Ryan "also underrated, but maybe not as much" Phillipe, Sandra "Look, I'm in an indie" Bullock, and Ludacris. I hope he still has those big arms from that Spike Jonze video.
Early buzz is good but not as good as Haggis' last piece, "Million Dollar Baby," or as all the hip critics spelled it earlier this year "M$B." Here Haggis directs as well.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It could stand to have a bit more advertising if Lion's Gate truly intends to open it wide. If not, the high profile cast should be more than enough to get it through the indie waters. In wide release, though, it might drown. $32mil.
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JIMINY GLICK IN LALAWOOD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Martin Short plays one of his annoying characters for an entire movie.
WILL IT SUCK?
If, like me, Martin Short has jumped the shark for you, the only point of interest here might be the setting - the Toronto Film Festival. Also, there are some decent-looking cameos/actual roles - Jan Hooks, Linda Cardellini, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kevin Kline, Steve Martin, Kurt Russell, Kiefer Sutherland, and Forest Whitaker.
Defintely not enough to get me interested. Early buzz is not good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not so much that it's up against anything (except itself). The show didn't really have all that big a following. And they're not exactly pushing this indiewise. And when the studio pushing it has the title of the movie in its name (Lalawood LLC, I shit you not) you know you're in trouble. Still, even fucking "Clifford" made some dough. $8mil.
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MYSTERIOUS SKIN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The latest from Gregg Araki. Two teens grow up in a small town, one of them believing he was abducted by aliens as a boy. Rebellion/angst ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is probably the best-reviewed Araki ("The Doom Generation," "Nowhere,") film yet, which isn't saying much since his earlier films weren't all that well received. Still he's built up a following, and so far they seem satisfied. The casting is kind of interesting. Michelle Trachtenburg takes a break from "Eurotrip" fare to get her indie feet wet. Probably a good move. And "potato face" from "24" makes an appearance as well. And Billy Drago! He's back! In indie form!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Big indie releases the following week plus a push from a relatively small company (the Philly-based TLA) and the fact that Araki movies don't usually do all that well anyway could compromise the big grosses. $300,000.
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BROTHERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
One brother goes off to war. The other stays behind with his sister-in-law. One brother is presumed dead. Guess what happens next. Guess who isn't really dead.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is actually pretty good. The performances are being highlighted. This is from the screenwriter of "Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself," which explored similar themes, and was also kind of slow. The fests seem to love it anyway.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Again, the following week is a problem, but this week, good buzz and good promotion from Focus (who usually does right by their pictures) should help, though not much. $600,000.
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FIGHTING TOMMY RILEY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"M$B" with a guy. So I guess that makes it "Rocky."
WILL IT SUCK?
This really does have a "Rocky" feel. Right down to the fact that the guy who wrote it stars as the boxer. Other than that, it feels like a low-budget, DV knock-off of "M$B."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is going to have its ass handed to it. Even by the small features. $250,000.
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MODIGLIANI
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Modigliani (remember him?) takes on Picasso in an art competition in Paris.
WILL IT SUCK?
The early buzz is so bad it's not even funny. On the other hand, audiences seem to like it. Put another way, it's got zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes, but 7 out of 10 on the IMDB. Go figure. Andy Garcia plays the lead, so if you want to see him do his impersonation of Alfred Molina in "Frida," check it out.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although this has the biggest star of the limited releases this week, it's also got one of the smallest distributors and weakest critical momentum, so, don't expect much bank. $500,000.
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TWIN SISTERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Twins sisters are separated at a young age. One goes to live with a rich aunt in Holland. The other becomes a Nazi farmhand. Then they get back together.
WILL IT SUCK?
This was one of the Best Foreign Film nominees at this year's Oscars. The advance buzz is outstanding.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Without Miramax pushing them, none of the above would mean crap. On the other hand, Miramax is kind of busy right now, so I don't know if they'll be giving this their full attention. $600,000.
MAY 13
MONSTER-IN-LAW
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Hanoi Jane belittles Jenny From Tha Block in an attempt to keep her from marrying her son, That Guy From Alias.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's not the most original idea to come across the plate. "Meet the Parent" comments aside, the trailer manages to rehash the allergic food reaction schtick from "Hitch" and "Along Came Polly" - twice. Director's okay. He did "Legally Blonde" and "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" so I guess he's on good footing here. It's probably a better idea on paper than in execution, but whatever puts food on Will Arnett's plate is fine by me.
Incidentally, Jane Fonda's last role was (as you'll hear many times when this comes out) 15 years ago in "Stanley and Iris" with Robert DeNiro, who also recently played an embarrassing father-in-law along with icons Barbara Streisand and Dustin Hoffman. So I think we can look forward to all the great 70's stars playing annoying, quirky parents in the future. Look for Robert Redford to play Sean William Scott's dad in "Meet the Founder of the Sundance Film Festival" and Al Pacino to play Amanda Byne's senile grandpop with mechanical hands in "Grandfather Claws."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Laugh all you want (please laugh, they beat me when you don't) but that intense dramatic acting legend cum wacky sitcom-character bit made "Meet the Fockers" the second most successful live-action (thank God for Shrek and Nemo) comedy of all time. Let me say that again. "Meet the Fockers," not "Airplane," not "Some Like It Hot," not "Animal House," not even freakin' "Half-Baked," no "Meet the Fucking Fockers" is the second-highest-grossing live-action comedy ever made (behind, er, "Home Alone"). Let's take a moment.
Okay, that having been said, there is hope. It'll be a good fight between this and "Kicking and Screaming" to see who grabs the comedy cajones of the Mother's Day crowd. Oh, did I say Mother's Day? Yeah, there ya go. New Line ain't dummies. At least Anakin will slice this up a little next week. $189mil.
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KICKING AND SCREAMING
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
All sorts of family conflict going on here. Will Ferrell coaches a kids' soccer team against a team coached by his dad (Robert "I will act with everyone eventually" Duvall) and featuring his son (a role somehow not played by Dakota Fanning).
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not good. This is what happens when you add the raw power of the director of "How High" (Bob Dylan's non-Wallflowers son, as it happens) with the writing acumen of the team that brought you "Space Jam" and BOTH "The Santa Clause" movies. Ironically, the trailer's actually kind of funny.
Now if this were a remake of the 1995 slacker comedy "Kicking and Screaming" with Eric Stoltz... it still probably wouldn't be a good idea.
But I would pay to see Eric Stoltz coach a soccer team.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will Ferrell is a BFD, which from now on will stand for "Big Fucking Draw." "Monster-in-Law" will be a problem, but there's enough comedy pie (and enough diversity in the demo's for each) to go around. For now. Next week, pickings get slimmer, and the moviegoers who didn't plan ahead and are boxed out of "Sith" screenings will have to choose between this and "Monster-In-Law" (and a couple of other movies, but we'll get to that later). I'm thinking that crowd is more Will Ferrell than Jennifer Lopez.
Even with that, however, the combined power of J-Lo and J-Fo will bury W-Fe over time. $75mil.
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UNLEASHED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Jet Li escapes the clutches of Bob Hoskins who's been training him like a fighting dog for years. Morgan Freeman takes him in and teaches him how to be human.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, with audiences liking it more than critics. Looks to me like some cool action scenes (Yuen Woo Ping did the fight choreography, so I'm there regardless) buffered by some boring, sappy tonight-on-a-very-special-Blind-Morgan-Freeman-Show filler. Luc Besson writes, but whatever good will he bought with "The Professional" and "Nikita" he spent on "Kiss of the Dragon." and "The Transporter." Speaking of the latter, same director here and, yes, there will be a sequel which I can only hope will be called "Transporter 2: Still Transportin'."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Of the two non-comedy releases this week, this has the advantage. People get psyched for Jet Li films. Oscar-fresh Freeman doesn't hurt, either. $80mil.
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MINDHUNTERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
As I said over a year ago when this was first supposed to come out, it's about an elite group of profilers who have to hunt one of their own when he or she starts targeting them.
WILL IT SUCK?
This movie is so old ("How old is it?") that it was nominated for a Golden Trailer Award LAST year. The trailer is actually pretty good (though the last shot gives away too much). The premise is intriguing - but here are two strikes against it. One is director Renny Harlin who pretty much makes everything suck. He's like the Revolution Studios of directors. Then you have the writer Wayne Kramer, who did a decent job with "The Cooler" but is saddled with a co-writer who did "Glimmer Man" and, less of an indictment, "Constantine." Oh, Andrew Kevin Walker, where art thou?
In spite of all that, this is actually getting good reviews. It's had plenty of time to gather them.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Dimension seems to have so little faith in this that it failed to release it in January '04 as originally planned. As if to add bad timing to injury, they're releasing it against three much higher profile pics. I'm surprised they didn't just say "Fuck you, Renny!" and release it against "Sith." Still, if it's as good as the early adopters say, it might grow a cult following. $34mil.
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LAYER CAKE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Just when he thinks he's out, cocaine "businessman" Daniel Craig gets dragged back into the business by his boss. The directing debut of the guy who produced "Lock, Stock" and "Snatch."
WILL IT SUCK?
No worries, mate. It's quite good. Read my review here. The short version is that this is in the same vein as the good Guy Ritchie movies (and not the evil one) but with a little more of the serious and a little bit less of the funny - but that's a good thing in this case.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Of all the limited releases this weekend (or most others in May), this is arguably in the best shape. It's got a good lead-in, tight trailer, although it could stand to have a little bit more of a push from Sony Pictures Classics. $7mil.
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MAD HOT BALLROOM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Dancebound."
WILL IT SUCK?
No. Saw this one, too. Gotta love the Philly Film Fest. Anyway, it's good stuff. Not as deep as say, "Hoop Dreams" or even "Spellbound," but entertaining nonetheless.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This might actually be in a better position than "Layer Cake." People love the kiddie docs. This could be this summer's "Spellbound." $6mil.
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CRAZY LIKE A FOX
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Roger Rees (Robin Colcord or Lord John Marbury, if you prefer) goes crazy. But it's all to save his farm, so it's okay.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Totally new writer/director. It's Roger Rees, so he should be fun. I tell you what, though, if they ever make a movie version of that 80's series "Crazy Like a Fox," I'll be there. Or if they make a movie about how Rupert Murdoch is totally fucking insane.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In a sea of unkowns, it's equally unknown. $250,000.
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KINGS AND QUEEN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A separated couple reunites after one of the couple's father dies. Oh, and one of them is mistakenly locked in a mental institution.
WILL IT SUCK?
Nominated for a shitload of Cesar Awards. American reception a little more lukewarm, but still positive overall.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Much higher profile indies out there right now. $200,000.
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SAINT RALPH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid runs the Boston Marathon as a symbolic miraculous gesture on behalf of his ill mother.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but audiences seem to like it. I know, I was hoping it was the long-awaited sequel to "King Ralph," too, but it could still be good. Campbell Scott looks like he'll be fun as Ralph's priest/mentor.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The presence of Scott (and a couple of other recognizable faces, like Jennifer Tilly) plus the push of a mini-major like Samuel Goldwyn could give this a slight edge. $2mil.
MAY 20
STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Alienation and mother issues drive ambitious youth to become totalitarian dictator. Kind of like "Pink Floyd: The Wall" with lightsabers.
WILL IT SUCK?
This faces the same challenges the other two faced. George Lucas writing the screenplay and George Lucas writing the screenplay. Why, oh, why couldn't he let Frank Darabont have the reins? Or Lawrence Kasdan? But, noooo….
At least there's less potential for suck here. There's little or no Jar Jar (we hope). There's less focus on romance, since Anakin's has to end. In other words, Lucas can focus on what he does best - action. Although early word from him is that this is a very dramatic script.
I will admit, however, that just watching the rehearsals of the fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan got me psyched. Although what I'm really looking forward to is watching Palpatine throw down.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sucking won't get in the way of this making money. "Phantom Menace" was far worse than "Attack of the Clones" and made over $100mil. more. Of course, that points in the direction of this doing worse, since it will probably be better than "Clones." However, I think this will better meet audience expectations (greatly tempered expectations) and so generate positive, as opposed to disappointed, word of mouth, and help this land somewhere between its predecessors. $350mil.
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DOMINION: A PREQUEL TO THE EXORCIST
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Yet another movie about the events leading up to the original. This time Paul Schrader's original footage sees the light of day.
WILL IT SUCK?
When we last left the Prequel Saga, Schrader's version lay on the cutting room floor, replaced by splatterrific Renny Harlin's vision. But it's okay, they told Schrader, your version will be on the DVD.
As it turns out, not so much.
So Schrader screened his version in Brussels, got himself some buzz to go with his pity whuffie, and Morgan Creek reconsidered. And they were so contrite that they agreed to release it in a limited capacity up against "Star Wars III."
All of this could mean nothing if the movie still sucks. Early buzz is that this is much better, though that's not much of an accomplishment. The original (can we even call it that?) scored a whopping 11% on Rotten Tomatoes.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, if Morgan Creek keeps up the monster ad campaign they've been running so far, I think you, me, and three other people might know about this. $17mil.
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SEX, POLITICS, & COCKTAILS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy goes gay.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz really isn't that good, but the trailer's kind of funny.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The bigger queer-themed indie release is coming out next week. Without better reviews, this one could stagnate. $500,000.
TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE
(Held over from last month)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Legendary cinematographer Haskell Wexler's son turns the camera on his dad. Art-as-therapy ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good to mediocre. But it might be worth it just to see the guest list. Everyone from George Lucas to Sidney Poitier weighs in.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If ThinkFilm pushes this with the film lover's crowd, and I mean name-drops shamelessly, they could draw a crowd. Still don't see that happening, though. $250,000.
MAY 27
THE LONGEST YARD
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Inmates vs. guards in this remake of the football classic.
WILL IT SUCK?
Director Peter Segal does okay with Sandler films. "Anger Management," "50 First Dates." These are among the "meh" titles in the Sandler oeuvre. Actually, anything other than the first two and "Wedding Singer" is kind of a wash.
It'll be nice to see him work with Chris Rock, but Rock's never really been that great in movies. He's a creature of stand-up.
Other cast notables include Burt "I'm starring in my own remake" Reynolds, James Cromwell, William Fichtner, the camp value of Steve Austin and Brian Bosworth, Sandler stand-by's Allen Covert and Rob Schneider (and if he says "You can do it!" one more fucking time I'm going to kick him in the balls eight times).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
According to the polling data on Movies.com, people are almost as psyched for this as they are for "Sith." Sandler is a VERY BFD. He's gotta deal with the second frame of "Sith" and the release of "Madagascar," (which means that Rock's competing against a more family-friendly version of himself). No mean feat. But if anyone can do it... (I'm watching you, Schneider. Don't!) $127mil.
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MADAGASCAR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A lion, a hippo, a giraffe, and a zebra walk into a bar, er, out of a zoo and end up stranded on Madagascar.
WILL IT SUCK?
There are two kinds of DreamWorks CG animated features. "Shrek" movies and "Shark Tale." With its outdated cultural references (they're singing "I like to move it, move it" in the trailer) this is probably going to be "Zoo Animal Tale." Good cast though: Chris Rock, Ben Stiller, David Schwimmer, Andy Richter, Cedric the Entertainer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is very good timing on DreamWorks part. Most films are avoiding the wake of "Sith," but they realize that this darker chapter won't fill the void of kid's films the way "Phantom Menace" did. And, parents aren't going to take their kids to a Sandler film when there's a perfectly good cartoon out there. And the following weekend ain't got jack. $210mil.
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A LEAGUE OF ORDINARY GENTLEMAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Who cares? It has to be better than "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen."
WILL IT SUCK?
Actually, it's about bowling. Specifically, the efforts of middle-aged bowlers to get the TV public interested in the sport again. The trailer is hilarious. Early buzz is strong. It may not be "Murderball," but it should be pretty damn good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has a fairly good buzz behind it. If Magnolia can capitalize on that, this could make a splash. But they haven't really done that so far. $5mil.
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SAVING FACE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A young Chinese-American woman is faced with the prospect of coming out to her mom, who is suddenly outcast and on her doorstep in New York.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Do you like Joan Chen? She's the mom. That's all I got.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With Sony Pictures Classics behind it, this should fare well. Unfortunately this is the summer, and foreign indie dramas aren't the biggest draw these days. $400,000.
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BOMB THE SYSTEM
(Also held over from last month)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A graffiti artist declares war on the NYPD.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. Good reviews. Neat premise, minus the slight "Gleaming the Cube" w/ graffiti vibe.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Needs a bigger marketing push than it's currently getting from Palm pictures, who, imho, fumbled "Gunner Palace," which should have been one of the biggest indie stories of the year so far, but wasn't. That doesn't bode well for this, which could otherwise make some bank given the dearth of films about, well, graffiti. $250,000.
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PURE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Well, the synopsis has to do with a little kid discovering that his mom's addicted to heroin. The trailer, however, looks like an Eternity commercial.
WILL IT SUCK?
This comes from the director of "Hideous Kinky," which, if you've seen it, might explain the Eternity commercial. Early reviews are mixed, but generally good. Keira Knightley does her indie thing, if that does it for you.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Too small, unless they play up that Keira angle. Even then...$2mil.
There's one good movie coming out next month. Save your pennies.
by Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:45 AM
| Comments (0)
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April 27, 2005
Brangelina?
Damn you Access Hollywood. We were flipping to see if Pat O'Brien had returned yet from his coke and hooker binge (he's on The Insider but we get confused since they're essentially the same show) and heard the souless blonde autumaton, Nancy O'Dell, utter the word Brangelina. That's right, Access Hollywood coined a combination of Brad and Angelina who are rumored to be an item. It was bad enough having to endure the inane "Bennifer" thing. Don't put us through six months of "Brangelina." We never run gossip stories and could care less if Pitt and Jolie are an item. We just want the cutesy tabloid name combos to stop. If you want to give Brad and Angelina a print-friendly name, at least come up with something more interesting like Jo-Pitt, Brangenital Warts, or simply, The Pretty Fucking Stupids.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 07:35 PM
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April 24, 2005
Donnie Darko follow-up cast announced
The Rock? What the fuck? From ComingSoon.net
Cherry Road Films and Darko Entertainment announced today that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will star opposite Seann William Scott ("American Pie" films, The Dukes of Hazzard) and Sarah Michelle Gellar (The Grudge) in the science-fiction thriller Southland Tales for writer-director Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko). Sean McKittrick will produce under the Darko Entertainment banner he co-founded with Kelly. Cherry Road principals Bo Hyde and Kendall Morgan will produce. Executive producers are Matthew Rhodes and Judd Payne of Persistent Entertainment, Bill Johnson and Jim Seibel of Inferno Distribution, and Oliver Hengst of Academy Film Gmbh.
Principal photography is slated to begin on August 1 in Los Angeles. Cherry Road Films has officially greenlit the picture with co-financing from Universal Pictures International, Inferno Distribution and Wild Bunch, with Universal distributing in most foreign territories through the UIP banner, and Wild Bunch distributing in France, Benelux, Spain and Switzerland. Richard Klubeck of UTA is representing on the domestic front.
Southland Tales is an ensemble piece set in the futuristic landscape of Los Angeles on July 4, 2008, as it stands on the brink of social, economic and environmental disaster. Johnson will star as Boxer Santaros, an action star stricken with amnesia whose life intertwines with Krysta Now (Gellar), an adult film star developing her own reality television project, and David Clark (Scott), a Hermosa Beach police officer who holds the key to a vast conspiracy.
"Dwayne, Seann and Sarah each have an adventurous spirit and I am honored that they have put their faith in me," said Kelly. "The film is going to be a strange hybrid of the sensibilities of Andy Warhol and Philip K. Dick."
Also joining the project are most of the key crew from Donnie Darko, including director of photography Steven Poster ASC, production designer Alexander Hammond, costume designer April Ferry and editor Sam Bauer. Critically acclaimed artist and producer Moby will compose the music for the film.
In addition to the feature film, an expanded version of Southland Tales will be presented as a nine-part interactive experience with the prequel saga to be published as six separate 100 page graphic novels, each written by Kelly. The graphic novels will be released over a six month period early next year leading up to the film's release with the feature film comprised of the story's final three chapters. In addition, the film's official website will be one of the largest and most elaborate ever designed for a feature film. "The graphic novels will work in tandem with the website, creating a more epic multimedia experience for those interested in taking the plunge," added Kelly.
Be sure to check out the bizarre website
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:58 AM
| Comments (9)
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April 20, 2005
America!
This is either the worst video of all time or the best. Click here now. You must see this.
Wing is pretty priceless too. Click here to hear her ABBA and Beatles covers.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:22 AM
| Comments (7)
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April 05, 2005
April 2005 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
After three months of some of the worst major releases Hollywood has ever had to offer (only four major releases have received a "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes so far this year), we finally have something to rejoice about. The month begins and ends with two of the most widely anticipated adaptations in recent memory. And there's some good stuff in between, too (though most of that's coming from the indies).
April 1
SIN CITY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's "Sin City." Either you know, or you don't. But in an effort to be an equal opportunity geek, I'll tell you that this is an anthology based on the popular, gritty Frank Miller comic.
Now, just wait until "Sim City" comes out next month. That's gonna be a motherfucker!
WILL IT SUCK?
How can I put this delicately? This is the fan-boy spooge-fest of the year. And not just because of Jessica Alba in a stripper/cowgirl outfit. Though that helps. No, the geeks have been waiting for this for years and to have Frank Miller not only sign off on it but co-direct it (in a move which cost co-director Robert Rodriguez his DGA membership) is the ultimate endorsement.
Plus you have the amazing visuals, exhibited in one of the most addictive trailers in recent memory. Rodriguez isn't fucking around. He's clearly committed to the look of the graphic novel and the story arcs as well. Not so much with the happy endings here.
Frank Miller writing makes me a little nervous. He did pen the "Robocop" sequels, after all. But here he's working from his own material and Rodriguez has the screenplay credit (although I'm more impressed with Rodriguez as a director than a screenwriter), so there's hope.
Bottom line, if all goes well I think this could redefine the comic book movie once and for all. The early reviews, mostly from geeks, seem to bear me out.
Oh, and I haven't even started with the cast or Tarantino's guest directing slot. But to name a few...
Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Michael Clarke Duncan, Carla Gugino, Michael Madsen, Clive Fucking Owen, Mickey Rourke, Nick Stahl, Rutger Hauer
Damn.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Virtually no direct competition. "Beauty Shop" has a head start, but will be playing to a completely different crowd. The only thing playing against this is the R-rating and the decidedly downbeat endings. That just means a hundred mil instead of two hundred. $110mil.
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LOOK AT ME
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Daughter has famous Dad who hardly pays attention to her. Body issues ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hardly. This won the screenplay award at Cannes. Gotten a lot of other accolades as well. Trailer is funny as hell, which is impressive seeing as the one-liners are being delivered in another language. Critcs are taken.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got some higher profile indies to contend with from the week before, including "Ballad of Jack and Rose" and "D.E.B.S." This week shouldn't be too much trouble. But the following week "Kung Fu Hustle" opens and dominates the indie scene. $4mil.
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DUST TO GLORY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Documentary about a race. Think "Hidalgo" but with dune buggies and dirt bikes instead of horses.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are positive. Trailer looks thrilling as hell. 1000 miles across the Baja desert with Mario Andretti, Steve McQueen's son, and others. In a rocket-powered, monkey-navigated...okay, it's not that exciting, but it's pretty cool. Also, this is from the director behind "Step Into Liquid," so you know he knows his extreme sports.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As before, the week prior and the week after could be an issue, but this is the only home-grown indie entertainment this week. Like "Step Into Liquid" before it, this will probably do better on DVD. $4mil.
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CONTROL (or by it's cooler Hungarian spelling) KONTROLL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Did you know that Budapest has a huge subway system? Wouldn't it be cool to set a movie there? You should get on that. Oh, too late.
WILL IT SUCK?
Huge accolades so far. Critics love it. Audiences love it. Film festivals really love it. Apparently a little bit of comedy, a little bit of horror (a serial killer's m.o. involves pushing at, um, inopportune moments), and a whole lotta atmosphere.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The problem is buzz. This is the sort of film that could generate a crapload, given the right marketing. But "Oldboy" the week before and "Hustle" the week after already have far more buzz than this. That could hurt when it counts. $400,000.
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April 8
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SAHARA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Matthew McConaughey and Steve Zahn search for buried treasure in the Sahara. And by buried treasure, I mean toxins that are wiping out the ecosystem. Based on the novel by Clive Cussler.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. That's not surprising given the pedigree. Clive is apparently none too happy with the adaptation. One wonders if he's a little gunshy given that this is the first adaptation of one of his novels in 25 years. (The first was "Raise the Titanic" in '80). McConaughey doesn't guarantee suck, but he doesn't deliver a surefire hit, either. And Zahn, God bless him, has graced many films that squandered his talent. Ditto Delroy Lindo and William H. Macy, who also make appearances.
The director is son of the beloved Disney CEO-for-a-few-more-months Michael Eisner, Breck. So everyone wants him to fail. He does this with the same writing team for whom he helmed the straight-to-cable "Thoughtcrimes," which wasn't exactly good, but was kind of neat anyway. There are two other writers attached, and one wonders just how many writers it takes to adapt a Cussler novel, and why one of them is the guy who did "Lara Croft: Cradle of Life," and then we get back to why Clive might be pissed.
By the way, did you know that the name of the main character, Dirk Pitt, on whom a potential franchise from this film might be based, is a registered trademark? I'd put in the little "r" but I don't know where to find it on my computer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has got issues. Second-week buzz from "Sin City" will come into play. Next to that, this film will look like a pussy. Plus, if you put a weak actioner against a strong romantic comedy, the romantic comedy will win. Even the second frame of "Hitch" was able to put down "Constantine," which is arguably stronger than "Sahara." And the romantic comedy in question, "Fever Pitch," even rhymes with "Hitch." Not good times. $14mil.
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FEVER PITCH
WHAT'S THE SECOND HALF OF THE TITLE?
Girl (Drew Barrymore) falls for guy (Jimmy Fallon) who has a thing for the Red Sox. And yes, they did change the ending of this last fall.
WILL IT SUCK?
Don't let anyone fool you. The Brothers Farrelly are good filmmakers. Here, though, they take a time out from screenwriting and let the near-vaudevillian schtick of Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandell (recently redeemed by "Robots") take the lead. But the real star here is Nick Hornby, who hasn't had a bad adaptation yet ("High Fidelity," "About a Boy," the original "Fever Pitch").
In spite of "Taxi," I kind of like Jimmy Fallon. And Barrymore is romcom gold, so, this should work.
Oh, and keep an eye out for Ione Skye. Remember her?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's actually very well positioned. They can kick "Sahara's" ass. "Amityville" won't be a scream the following week, even with vaguely similar demographics. "Beauty Shop" might be a little bit of a pinch, but Barrymore is more of a proven b.o. draw than Latifah, who will already be in her second frame. The least amount of money a Barrymore romcom (unless you count "Poison Ivy," which I thought was fucking hilarious) has ever pulled in is $55mil, and that was for "Never Been Kissed," for crying out loud. $119mil.
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EROS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's porn, but it's classy so you can watch it. An anthology of erotic tales from Soderbergh, Wong Kar Wai, and Michaelangelo Antonioni (and just a touch of Almodovar).
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is kind of lukewarm, which is surprising given the raw talent involved. But if you wanna see Robert Downey, Jr. and Gong Li get it on (not with each other), hellzapoppin'!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Kung Fu Hustle" is gonna hand it it's ass. But the Soderbergh faithful will show up, as will the smaller number of Wong Kar Wai fanatics. I'm not sure anyone remembers who Antonioni is anymore. Which is kind of the point. The film is said to be Kar Wai and Soderbergh's homage to him. $3mil.
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WINTER SOLSTICE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Family drama with Anthony LaPaglia as a dad who knows exactly where his kids are. On the lawn, where he left them when he kicked them out of the house.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, though scant, is good. Strong cast. LaPaglia, Allison Janney, Ron Livingston. And the boys playing the sons couldn't look more alike - Aaron Stanford and Mark Webber.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's nothing here that really jumps out and says "see me!" It has, arguably, a better known cast than any other indie this week, but no strong selling points, unless the raves really start rolling in. $5mil.
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KUNG FU HUSTLE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Hard to explain. Suffice it to say, period pic with some really cool, over-the-top, kung fu and musical numbers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. It was nominated for (but didn't win) virtually every Hong Kong Film award known to man. It has huge critical and audience support. It's from Stephen Chow, acclaimed director of "Shaolin Soccer," and is considered (on the IMDB anyway) to be his best effort yet.
A kung-fu filmmaker I know sent out an e-mail to his mailing list for the sole reason of endorsing this picture.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nothing as big this week. Next week comes Todd Solondz' latest effort, but it shouldn't be too much competition. Here's hoping Sony Pictures Classics can handle this better than Miramax did Chow's previous effort. This is the second director they've poached from the Weinsteins. Zhang Yimou jumped ship after "Hero" was delayed for two years and released "House of Flying Daggers" with Sony Pictures Classics instead. $8mil.
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SMILE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Girl goes to a new country to help out other kids with cleft palates. Learns more about herself, yadda, yadda, yadda...
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Little is known about the writer/director. The premise, and trailer, seem kinda cheesy, but could be good. The presence of Sean Astin as a mentor is more curious than alluring.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's really not going to be able to handle the competition. $2mil.
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BOMB THE SYSTEM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
More Mark Webber! (Yeah, I'm not entirely sure who that is, either). This one's about a graffiti artist who declares war on the NYPD.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. Good reviews. Neat premise, minus the slight "Gleaming the Cube" w/ graffiti vibe.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Needs a bigger marketing push than it's currently getting from Palm pictures, who have yet to really push last month's "Gunner Palace," which should be one of the biggest indie stories right now, but isn't. That doesn't bode well for this, which could otherwise make a killing given the dearth of films about, well, graffiti. $250,000.
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April 15
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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake of that movie about that house that makes people go cuckoo.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, if it's as good as the last one, then, yes, it will suck. Quite horribly. The original story (and by story, I mean purported hoax) is actually very creepy. And if they stick to that, it could make for an unsettling film. On the other hand, this is from the same screenwriter who rewrote "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" two years ago. Did you like that?
One bright note. This could be a career jumpstart for Ryan Reynolds, who gets to show if he has acting chops playing the guy who something something. Goes crazy? Don't mind if he does!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has the advantage of no genre competition in sight (and no other wide releases when it opens). And a little bit of a following for Reynolds. But I don't think this quite has the cache of "Massacre" (or the hot teen cast) so it might have trouble finding the same audience. We're still talking fairly mad bones here. $53mil.
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HOUSE OF D
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
David Duchovny writes, directs, and stars in this flick in which his character flashes back to his past, including Tea Leoni playing his mom (weeeird) and Robin Williams as his mentally handicapped friend.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it's not getting the "auspicious debut" treatment from critics or audiences, but it's not overly reviled either. Duchovny has a good track record writing and directing a couple of decent "X-Files" episodes, but the trailer leaves plenty of room for cheese. But, hey, Erykah Badu has a major role - that's kinda neat, huh?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I wouldn't want to open against Todd Solondz, but other than that, the indie coast is clear. $3mil.
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ROCK SCHOOL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Documentary about a guy who runs a rock school. Not to be confused with "School of Rock," except that it's kind of the inspiration for it.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, though watching the trailer it's a little creepy to see a real life version of Black actually yelling at little kids.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If Newmarket can play up the "School of Rock" connection (and good reviews) quite well. $2mil.
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STATE PROPERTY II
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Philly crime drama. Continues the saga begun in "State Property," which no one's ever heard of yet still made $2mil at the box office.
WILL IT SUCK?
Interesting note. One of the main characters is named "Beans" and he's an imprisoned crime lord being played by Beanie Sigel an actual imprisoned Philly criminal/rapper who shot his scenes before going to jail (he's dropping a new album while in the joint, btw). But the even more sensational aspect is that this is the final (and only) film appearance of ODB.
The first "State Property," got a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I'm not holding out much hope for this one.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Lion's Gate scored an out-of-nowhere hit with "Diary of a Mad Black Woman," earlier this year and may do the same again here. The first one made a bundle completely under the radar. This one's getting MTV ink. $10mil.
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PALINDROMES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Abortion and the same character played by multiple actors. More gentle comedy from Todd Solondz.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's Solondz. So it's going to be different than anything you've ever seen before. Also, pretty harsh. He's like a suburban Neil LaBute (well, pre-"Nurse Betty," anyway). Early buzz is mixed to not-so-good. Actually, audiences seem to like it better than critics, which is rare for a Solondz film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In the indie world, this will be the 400lb gorilla. Better reviews would help, however. Should do at least as well as his debut, to date his most successful film. $5mil.
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THE YEAR OF THE YAO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Doc about Yao Ming. Voiced by his interpreter, but how cool would it be if it were voiced by Robert Evans? "Am I tall?" "Yes" "Am I Chinese?" "Almost definitely!" "Did I come to America?" "Sure" "Did I love her?" "Maybe." "Would I do it again?" "In a heartbeat." "Do I like chili?" "Who knows?" "What's the capital of Albania?" "I'm not sure, but I'm going to find out for you."
WILL IT SUCK?
How could it? It stars Shaq. After "Kazaam," "Steel," and "Blue Chips," how could he go wrong? Early buzz is along the lines of "entertaining but not terribly deep." So if you like the Yao, queue up.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It faces some stiff competition and this is the sort of thing that sports fans tend to just rent on DVD or watch on ESPN. $300,000.
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April 22
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A LOT LIKE LOVE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"When Ashton met Amanda"
WILL IT SUCK?
It's an Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy. I bet you thought you'd have to go a month without one, but you were wrong. The one ray of hope here is the director, Nigel Cole, who helmed the outstanding "Calendar Girls." Of course, this isn't written by the same bloke, so...
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's not much romcompetition, but the Ashton set may be sated with surprise hit "Guess Who," (and how much of that was Ashton and how much of that was Bernie is still up for debate). If it wasn't Ashton, I'm thinking Amanda Peet doesn't have the draw of Mac. $16mil.
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THE INTERPRETER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Nicole Kidman's an interpreter at the UN who overhears an assassination plot. The rest of the movie is given away in the trailer.
WILL IT TRADE FOOD FOR OIL (Y'KNOW, UNSCRUPULOUSLY)?
Well, it's got some talent. Sydney Pollack directs, though his political intrigue lately has been less "Three Days of the Condor" and more "The Firm." Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn are very talented, but, um...actually, that's all, they're a plus here. The real hope is Scott Frank and Steve Zaillian, two extremely strong screenwriters, coming together to battle the less extremely good three other writers on the project. The trailer does not suggest that anyone this talented is working on the project.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The timing is a little off. So is the rating. I'm not saying that a political thriller has to be an R, but it feels a little weird for it to be a PG-13. Though Hitchcock would have made them all PG, so what do I know? This also feels like more of a fall release, as opposed to the week before summer. Again, that might work to its advantage. Most of these factors will just end up canceling each other out, producing a middling performance, given the budget. $75mil.
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KING'S RANSOM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Ruthless Black People"
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, Anthony Anderson, who plays the lead, is very funny, but has an annoying habit of showing up in some very unfunny movies. Ditto supporting actor Jay Mohr. Donald Faison has a better track record, but he's only really been in "Clueless." Regina King's fun, too. What's less inspiring is that this seems like a rehash of "Ruthless People," with the husband as the fake kidnapee. So everyone in the trailer seems like they're trying to do a version of the schtick their counterparts in the previous, better film, pulled off flawlessly.
Even more depressing is the thought that there was once a project called "King's Ransom," which was to be the first American collaboration between John Woo and Chow Yun Fat, but never got off the ground. I don't know if this is what it morphed into, but the reminder stings.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The quality of an Anthony Anderson undertaking has never had anything to do with its box office. That doesn't change the fact that two films will pretty much wipe everything off the map the following weekend. Not much time to rake in the moolah. $19mil.
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THE GAME OF THEIR LIVES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Miracle," but about soccer so no one really gives a crap.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but it would be interesting for US soccer fans (all five of us) to see how the Americans trounced the British in the 1950 world cup. Especially since this is from the writer/director team behind "Rudy" and "Hoosiers." Doesn't hurt that Wes Bentley leads and Patrick Stewart narrates.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not saturated in competition, but "Enron's" gonna be a bigger deal this week, and on any week there's just not that much of a crowd for soccer or Wes Bentley (at least not until DVD). $4mil.
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MADISON
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Jesus and his son Darth Vader try to save their town by entering a speedboat race. Okay, it's Jim Caveizel and Jake Lloyd, but man, it's going to take a while to outrun those roles.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not good. This is one of many pre-"Passion" projects Caviezel has done to suddenly find post-"Passion" release.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Caviezel's name was unable to make "Bobby Jones" work, and that actually had some good reviews. $300,000.
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ENRON: THE SMARTEST GUY IN THE ROOM
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Pretty much what you'd expect. The story of the unraveling of one of the biggest white collar criminal conspiracies of our time. Based on the bestseller by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. Trailer looks fascinating. Director did "Trials of Henry Kissinger," so you know he's not afraid to go after sacred cows (not that Enron every really had that). Actual corporate audio and video are a plus.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This'll be the last really big indie release of the month. Just saying "Enron" will get most art house goers into seats. $7mil.
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TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Legendary cinematographer Haskell Wexler's son turns the camera on his dad. Art-as-therapy ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good to mediocre. But it might be worth it just to see the guest list. Everyone from George Lucas to Sidney Poitier weighs in.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If ThinkFilm pushes this with the film lover's crowd, and I mean name-drops shamelessly, they could draw a crowd. Don't see that happening, though. $250,000.
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April 29
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dude, if you haven't heard of this, I don't know what to tell you.
WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, most mercifully no. It looks like they actually handled this right, even if it took 20 years to do so. The original screenplay comes from an adaptation by Adams himself, and any tinkering was done by "Chicken Run" scribe Karey Kirkpatrick, so a similar sense of humor should prevail. Jay Roach, who was signed on to direct for a long time (and is a decent comedy director - just a different kind of comedy) shifted to producer and handed over the reigns to a more obscure British comedy director, so here's hoping that helps.
The real masterstroke here, however, is the casting. Could there be a more perfect Arthur Dent than Martin Freeman (of "The Office" fame)? And Mos Def as Ford Prefect is inspired outside-the-box casting. And how about Sam Rockwell as Zaphod Beeblebrox? Zooey Deschanel as Trillian? Warwick Davis as the body and Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin? Right down to supporting characters like Slartibartfast (Bill Nighy), they seem to have nailed it.
I love it when a plan comes together.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Hitchhiker's" is easily one of the most popular sci-fi series in history. Those fans are pretty much a lock. I don't know how easily the rest of the world can be charmed, though if they get hooked by the brilliant meta-trailer, displaying the Guide's entry on "trailers," then a shared sense of humor will be more important than not really recognizing any of the stars. $147mil.
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XXX: STATE OF THE UNION
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
It's like "Seven Days in May," but suckier. Ice Cube replaces Vin Diesel (who was too busy doing "The Pacifier") as the Bond for a new generation (sigh) in this sequel to "30," which for some reason is not called "31," defending the US from a military coup.
WILL IT SUCK?
Let's get this out of the way right now. It's a Revolution Studios film; of course it's going to suck. But beyond that, let's look at the other reasons it might suck.
Actually, that's the main one. Director Lee Tamahori is a halfway decent action helmer (I actually liked "Die Another Day." And if they really want the Bond aesthetic, there ya go.) Ice Cube is a decent actor, though he has a weird penchant for picking stronger comedies ("Barbershop," "Friday,") than action films ("Torque," "Ghosts of Mars,"). Though "Three Kings," is a notable exception.
This will not be "Three Kings."
Sam Jackson is a national treasure, and as wonderful as it was to hear him utter the line "It's a small price to pay to put foot to ass for my country" in the first one, that won't help save this. (In fact, will we ever get a line as rich as "Bitches, come!" again from this franchise?) Willem Dafoe should make a nice villain, but he played the bad guy in "Speed 2," too. Actually, the only cast member to really get excited about is Xzibit. I can't wait for the scene where he pimps Ice Cube's ride. Actually, that would make a much better movie.
The one reason I want to hold out hope for this picture is that the screenwriter is responsible for more of this summer ("Fantastic Four," "Mr. and Mrs. Smith,") and some of the next ("X Men 3"). To quote that maitre d' in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," - "I weep for the future."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
You couldn't ask for less of a crossover between these two films. No one is going to be torn between "Hitchhiker's" and "XXX2." They'll each kill in their respective demographics. I think "Hitchhiker's" will kill for a little bit longer, however. $127mil.
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3-IRON
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
House-squatter meets young woman whose life is in need of a change. They may or may not play golf.
WILL IT SUCK?
Good reviews so far. Won four awards at Venice. From the guy who did the acclaimed "Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...and Spring."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, if they can market the whole "From the writer/director of..." thang, they should be in good shape. At least until the following week when "Crash" becomes the big indie story. $3mil.
Next month, the film with the most potential to suck or be great is one in the same. And no, I'm not talking about "The Longest Yard" remake, though that comes close. No, I'm talking about a movie that I would have called "Sith Happens."
by Dave Thomas
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:19 AM
| Comments (8)
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March 03, 2005
March 2004 Movie Preview
Gunner Palace
Ever since they moved "Kung-Fu Hustle" out of this month, a lot of the pizzazz has just left. Still, the addition of "Oldboy" should satisfy my badass Asian cinema fix. As for the rest, well, um, it's better than February!
M A R C H 4
THE PACIFIER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Vin Diesel goes all "Kindergarten Cop" in an attempt to revive his career. Can a "Jingle All the Way" remake be far behind? Sindbad's available!
WILL IT SUCK?
You know, it's about time we put together the director of "Bringing Down the House" with the writers from "Taxi" (movie, not acclaimed TV series). So, yeah, it's gonna suck. As if the presence of Vin wasn't enough of a hint. You know what else? There used to be a time ("Boiler Room," "Pitch Black," "Iron Giant") when Diesel's presence was a good sign. Sigh.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The previous week "Man of the House" is going to be a bit of an issue. Even more of an issue will be "Robots" the following week. Still, this doesn't have any direct competition when it opens, so the curse of Diesel shouldn't be too prevalent. $58mil.
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BE COOL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sequel to Elmore Leonard Yarn cum-Vehicle-for-Travolta-to-Capitalize-on-Pulp-Fiction-Persona "Get Shorty." Chili Palmer goes hip-hop.
WILL IT SUCK?
First of all, take a look at the cast: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, The Gay Rock, Andre 3000, Cedric the Entertainer, Vince Vaughan, and Harvey Keitel. Now look at the director. No, really look at him. Look into his soul. Actually, I just want to point out that F. Gary Gray has made some good movies ("The Italian Job," "The Negotiator".well, it wasn't good so much as it didn't particularly suck) and has all sorts of connections to the world of hip hop so should bring a distinct POV to the material.
None of that changes the fact that the script comes from the guy who wrote "Analyze That." Seriously. Why would you bother bringing together a cast like this with a halfway decent director and then throw in the writer from "Analyze That" (not even "Analyze This"!)? That's like building a Ferrari body and putting in the engine from a Gremlin.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Hostage" will be a little bit of a challenge the following week but "Robots" will be the bigger issue across the board. Still, with a cast like this and fond memories of "Get Shorty," there should be something here for everyone, especially with a PG-13 rating. $100mil.
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THE JACKET
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Adrian Brody is either crazy or traveling through time. No, he's not Bruce Willis.
WILL IT SUCK?
I'm sorry, did Adrian Brody just blow your mind? No, really, did he? Critics can't seem to agree. Some think it's ingenious, others not so much. Given that one of the writers did the body-switching classic "Dream a Little Dream," I'm inclined to err on the side of the latter group (regardless of my forbidden love for that film).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although "Cursed" fills a not-altogether-different niche the previous week, the audience's appetite for anything even remotely resembling horror has been insatiable lately, so look for this to open well, even if the glow doesn't last. $33mil.
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GUNNER PALACE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
This is the true story of a bunch of soldiers, picked to live in Uday Hussein's bombed out palace, and have their lives taped, and find out what happens when countries stop being polite and start getting, well, violent.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very, very good. And with so little "real" news coming out of Iraq, it's hard not to be curious to see things from the soldier's perspective.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not to be rude, but I kind of wish a larger company was handling this, because I feel like it deserves a wider audience than will probably hear about it. But who knows, maybe Palm Pictures will seize the opportunity and have their first big hit with this one. It certainly has the potential to be a water-cooler film. But without the marketing muscle of a Miramax (who'll be releasing "Dear Frankie" the same week) it might not get the buzz it needs to produce. The following week, two far heavier indie hitters enter the fray - Sony Pictures Classics and Fox Searchlight. $1mil.
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DEAR FRANKIE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Mother lies to her son about their absent father. But it's for a good cause.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is supposedly very, very good. It's at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes (w/ only 8 reviews, mind you) and doing very nicely on IMDB, thank you very much. It's won a couple of small film fest awards and even got a BAFTA nom.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Miramax mysteriously didn't show this at Sundance 2004. The delay suggests a lack of faith in the marketability of the product (though there could be other explanations). In any case, it's not clear they'll throw their full weight behind this. That plus a lack of star power could mean trouble. $1mil.
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WALK ON WATER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Israeli queer cinema gets another notch in its belt from the director of "Yossi and Jagger." This one's about the hunt for a Nazi war criminal.
WILL IT SUCK?
Getting mostly good reviews so far. Nominated for numerous Israeli Oscars (but only won ones relating to sound for some reason). Not quite as popular as "Yossi and Jagger."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Marketed well, this could pull in the gay community in most major cities. That'll be the main audience since there are no real stars. $250,000.
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THE BEST OF YOUTH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The best years of, well, two guys lives. Chronicle of an Italian family that doesn't rhyme with Morely Own.
WIILL IT SUCK?
At six hours, it's probably a lot more like "The Box Set of Youth," but audiences and film festival juries (not to mention the Italian Oscars) are hailing it as a masterpiece. A really, really, long masterpiece.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Up against a bunch of films in English with a quarter of the running time, so, you do the math. $300,000.
M A R C H 1 1
THE KINDER, GENTLER PASSION OF THE CHRIST
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Same great passion, with only 90% of the violence!
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, I didn't think the first one sucked, but that's a matter for debate in another column. In this column, let me just say that without that extra ten seconds of scourging, the film will fall flat on its face. You can't lose the scourging. The scourging's your heart.
Actually, I'm sure the re-edited version will be just fine and as off-putting to the people who didn't wanna see it in the first place.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it weren't for "Robots," I'd say this'll probably hit number one when it opens. Keep in mind, it's dropping on Good Friday. Mel's no dummy. Still, expect a fairly steady decline to follow a surprisingly-high-for-re-release opening. $40mil (just in re-release, catapulting it to the number six slot for all time US gross over "Spider-Man" from where it currently resides at number nine behind "Spider-Man 2" - weird, huh?)
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HOSTAGE
(Delayed from January)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bruce Willis vs. home invaders. With a twist. Several, it seems. Most of which are given away in the trailer.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. This is based on a novel, which is usually good news for a thriller (as long as it's not Grisham). The writer has done some good ("Die Hard 2") some bad ("Money Train") and some meh ("Bad Boys"). One of the producers has done a modicum of outstanding work, including "Saving Private Ryan" and "A Simple Plan" and a wealth of crap along the lines of "Virus" and "Speed 2: Electric Boogaloo."
Finally, the director has graduated from the world of video games, having done "Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow" and the upcoming "Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory." Mark my words, you're going to see many more directors come up from that world. It's gonna be to this decade what music videos were to the 90's for director breeding.
Also throw into the mix the fact that Miramax is distributing, and they hardly ever do thrillers, much less star-driven wide-release ones.
Anyway, I'd say it's a fifty/fifty shot. It's neat, however, to see Willis graduate from man on the inside ("Die Hard") to the guy on the other end of the walkie/cell phone.
Finally, the delay would cause more concern, if it weren't for the fact that it takes "Hostage" out of a month known for craptastic cinema.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's arguably in a worse spot now than when it was head to head with "Assault on Precinct 13." "Robots" will leave virtually no prisoners in its wake, and whatever's left will be eviscerated by "The Ring 2" the following week. $35mil.
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ROBOTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Wacky misadventures of CG animated robots, one of whom is voiced by Robin Williams. From the makers of "Ice Age."
WILL IT SUCK?
First of all, kudos to the casting director. Ewan MacGregor, Greg Kinnear, Mel Brooks, Drew Carey, Jim Broadbent, Jennifer Coolidge, Paul Giamatti, Dan Hedaya, Jamie
"Son of the Mask Made Me a Whore" Kennedy, Conan O'Brien, and Stanley Tucci. All of that almost makes up for Halle Berry.
Now, when we say from the "makers" of "Ice Age," we really only mean the directors and studio, which is not a bad thing. But they don't have the writers, which is the heart of most animated films (and by "animated," I mean "virtually all"). What they have is Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandell who, along with their funny names, have written some very funny scripts, most notably one-liner-fest "City Slickers." However, if you look at their whole record, they bat about .500 ("Father's Day," anyone? When you can't bring the funny with Robin Williams AND Billy Crystal on board, something's very wrong.) The other writers (there are four in all) did "S.W.A.T." which was, y'know, okay.
It won't be "Ice Age," but it'll be funny.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is essentially the follow up to a $176 million dollar hit, and its biggest competition is a guy getting flogged in Aramaic. The term "slam dunk" comes to mind (and not in a prelude-to-war sort of way). $210mil.
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THE UPSIDE OF ANGER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Joan Allen tries to put her life back together after her husband leaves her and her four daughters. But here's the real newsflash: Kevin Costner's in this one, and he plays.wait for it.a retired baseball player!!!! Holy shit!!! Oh, you should see the look on your face. It's priceless.
WILL IT SUCK?
Dude, check out who's playing Joan Allen's daughters: Keri Russell, Erika Christensen, Alicia Witt, and Evan Rachel Wood. All Joan has to do is put these chicks into a modeling agency and her problems are solved!
Early buzz is good, though writer/director Mike Bender's track record isn't. (Hint: His best-known film is "Blankman," which, in his defense, he didn't write.)
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Actually, this could be a clever bit of counterprogramming. There's no real romantic comedy around, and certainly nothing filling that all-too-rare adult romantic comedy niche (and, no, I'm not talking about "Hitch" or "Along Came Polly," - think "Something's Gotta Give" or "In Good Company"). This, more than the cosmic appropriateness of Kevin Costner playing progressively older stages of baseball player will put butts in seats. Not a lot of them, mind you, but some. $18mil.
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IN MY COUNTRY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sam Jackson stars in a drama centered around the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings in South Africa. I can't wait for the line, "Say apartheid again! I dare ya! I double dare ya, motherfucker!"
WILL IT SUCK?
Not if it has that line in it! Unfortunately, it probably doesn't. In fact, this is kind of considered to be the second worst John Boorman film, right above "Exorcist II: The Heretic." That guy's just gotta stay out of Africa.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With reviews this crappy, not so well. $700,000.
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MILLIONS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Two little kids find some stolen money and try to do something good with it. From the director of "28 Days Later," so they spend it all on zombies.
WILL IT SUCK?
Not only is this from the director of "28 Days Later" (and "Trainspotting" and similarly-premised "Shallow Grave") but this is from the writer behind "24 Hour Party People," so I'm pretty much sold. Early reviews are fairly solid.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Fox Searchlight has already got the publicity machine rolling on this one with an amiable trailer. Still, you can't exactly market a kid's film with the line "from the director of '28 Days Later'." I mean, that works for me, but very few other people. $5mil.
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DOT THE I
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Two guys pursue some chick who's having doubts about getting married to one of them.
WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are split on this one, though audiences seem to like it. Apparently there are some twists and turns here that make this more of a thriller than straightforward romantic triangle. Plus, it has uber-actor Gabriel Garcia Bernal, who cannot be stopped. He cares not for nominations! He'll continue to work, no matter what. God bless that man.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Innovation (the film company behind this one), get on the ball here! You've got Bernal, one of the hottest indie actors around in a rare English-speaking role. Pimp that shit! I haven't heard hide nor hair about it yet `lest I looked for it. If it continues thus, bad news for the b.o. $100,000.
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THE BOYS AND GIRL FROM COUNTY CLARE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A Ceili music competition in '60's Liverpool. I know, I know. It's about fucking time.
WILL IT SUCK?
By most accounts, yes. But hey, it's got O'Brien from "Star Trek" and that chick from The Coors.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The UK film everyone will be watching this weekend will be "Millions." $900,000.
M A R C H 1 8
THE RING 2
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
More "World's Deadliest Home Videos.'
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. DreamWorks has made some smart moves here. First they hired back writer Ehren Kruger, who redeemed himself from "Reindeer Games" with his near-flawless adaptation of the original Japanese horror film. Next, they brought on the director of said film to direct the American version of his own sequel (Yes, there's a Japanese "Ringu 2." This is a remake of a sequel, not just the sequel to a remake - confused yet?) And, of course, they brought back Naomi Watts and that creepy kid (what do you mean "which one?" - oh, I guess they're both creepy). They've also added Gary Cole and Sissy Spacek, who was getting her creep on back when Naomi was, like, eight. This is going to rock.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's unstoppable. In a year when even crappy horror has made a dime, this is the jewel in the crown. $141mil.
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ICE PRINCESS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Think "The Cutting Edge." Now dumb it down a little.
WILL IT SUCK?
Frankly, you could do worse than a writer from "Scrubs" and "Spin City." And the supporting cast is halfway decent - Kim Cattrall and Joan Cusack. But the lead is Michelle Trachtenburg, and I've got issues with her dating back to "Buffy," which she Yoko-ed up for the rest of us. (Actually, I don't blame her, but her appearance coincided with the crappy writing).
So I guess this might not be half bad. I can't believe I just wrote that. Damn.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think most of the tweenies are going to go see "The Ring 2" instead. $18mil.
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MELINDA AND MELINDA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A plot is approached as a comedy and as a drama. The movie alternates between each.
WILL IT SUCK?
Once again, Woody Allen has assembled a tres nifty cast. Will Ferrell, Chloe Sevigny, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Johnny Lee Miller, Wallace Shawn, and Steve Carell among others. And the premise is kind of intriguing. Early buzz is favorable.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is going to be the big indie release of this weekend, and with Ferrell's presence, might get a little bit of a push, but the truth is, most of Woody's flicks just don't do that well. $5mil.
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STEAMBOY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Anime set in Victorian-era London.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it took ten years to make, is the most expensive Anime ever, and is from the writer/director of "Akira," so it's going to look as cool as shit. However, the early buzz is pretty middling.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, the Otaku are gonna go apeshit at first, but when the word of mouth gets around, favor will drop off sharply. $500,000.
M A R C H 2 5
MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
No, really? Are you sure? Do you wanna try that again? Don't you mean "Speed 3"? I could kinda see there bein' a "Speed 3." Y'know, on the Space Shuttle? Or maybe "Demolition Man 2." Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock were together on that, too. No? Miss Congeniality, huh? How about "More Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood?" Huh? Still Congeniality? You're sure you wanna go with that? Hmmm..
(2 hours later)
Really!?!
WILL IT SUCK?
Look, I saw the first "Miss Congeniality." And by "saw" I mean it was on in the background on, like, TBS or something while I was working. It wasn't that bad. But a sequel? Come on, how about "3 Weeks Notice" or "Forces of Nature, Too!" Speaking of her rendezvous w/ Ben Affleck, one of the writers behind it (and "Two Weeks Notice" for that matter) is back. Of course, he co-wrote the original "Congeniality," so that only makes sense. They couldn't get the original director however, so they got a guy who specializes in Tim Allen fare ("Joe Somebody," "The Santa Clause," "Jungle 2 Jungle" - yes, you can make "Jungle 2 Jungle" and still get work).
The cast is probably the only promising thing about this. There's Regina King, who's slummed in sequels before ("Legally Blonde 2") and Diedrich Bader, who knows how to bring the funny. Shatner and Caine return. Bratt, too busy doing, um, "Catwoman," does not. And Kubiac's in it, dude! Kubiac!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's fair competition this week with comedic concoction "Guess Who." But Sandra Bullock trumps Bernie Mac. $94mil.
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GUESS WHO
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
OK. Get this. We're gonna do a remake of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" But here's the twist. Instead of a black guy trying to marry into a white family, it'll be the other way around. This thing writes itself. All that's left is to cast it.
Well, who is the black Spencer Tracy of our day? Bernie Mac, right? And the black Katherine Hepburn? Someone you've never heard of before, of course. Now, here's the kicker. The white Sidney Poitier (and if I've said this once, I've said it a thousand times) is Ashton Kutcher.
Anyone else never want to go to the movies again?
WILL IT SUCK?
Don't get me wrong. I like Bernie Mac. I actually think he's a good choice to play the dad. But at least give him something to work with, people! And I'm not talking about Ashton. I'm talking about the writers from "Serving Sara," "Stealing Harvard," "I Spy," and "National Security" (of which the latter two had interracial leads - maybe that's how they got the job).
The director did "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and "Barbershop 2," but with this much stacked against you, you're gonna have to do a helluva lot better than that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Never mind "Armed and Fabulous," this flick's got much more to fear from "Beauty Shop" with Queen Latifah (who, I'm sorry, wasn't available I guess for the Katherine Hepburn role or something?) the following week. Actually, the combined power of Mac and Kutcher's draw should make for a significant opening, even if overshadowed by the competition. $58mil.
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D.E.B.S.
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sexy young thangs get recruited to be secret agents. Cheeky lesbian overtones ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Sadly, I missed this at the Philly Gay and Lesbian Film Fest, but the buzz on it was that it's satiric fun in the vein of "Mean Girls." And you gotta love Michael Clarke Duncan as the Charlie to these Angels. Still, early reviews are mixed.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No real clear competition. If it can get some better reviews, it might just take off. $15mil.
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THE BALLAD OF JACK AND ROSE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Little ditty, `bout Jack and Ro-o-ose. Father and a daughter, growin' up in Canada-land. Jack gets sick, has to call on Catherine Keen-er-er. Rose she gets jealous, goes bat-shit crazy. Yeah, I know it doesn't rhyme.
WILL IT SUCK?
Who knows? But it's bound to be controversial. See, there are some undertones of incest there and that's, y'know, controversial. In any case, early reviews are mixed. The one bright spot here is that it's Daniel Day Lewis' return to film for the first time since 2002. Okay, I guess it wasn't that long this time.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's hard to spin incest controversy. I'm not sure if that will increase or decrease sales, so IFC might avoid that angle altogether. In any case, Lewis will be a draw, but I think more people are gonna be in the mood for "D.E.B.S." $6mil.
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OLDBOY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Guy is held prisoner for fifteen years then released, all for no reason. He goes tear-ass on his captors, but may still be a pawn.
WILL IT SUCK?
Grand Jury Prize at Cannes. Already in the IMDB top 250 (at 107, no less). I think it's safe to say it doesn't totally suck. On the other hand, one should be warned that one best go in with a strong stomach, according to buzz.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A quality film that deserves a wide audience? It'll crash and burn. However, the buzz might help and Tartan Films, um, okay I've never heard of them before but I'm sure they can.yeah, it'll bomb. But you'll get to see the whole thing again when Justin "Better Luck Tomorrow" Lin remakes it in 2006. I'm not kidding. Justin, I love ya, but you're above remakes, seriously. (And so are you Scorsese. Don't think I don't know about your remake of "Infernal Affairs.") $100,000.
M A R C H 3 0
BEAUTY SHOP
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Barbershop," but with chicks.
WILL IT SUCK?
I don't know how the people making the trailer for this movie forgot to add, "From the director of `Honey' and the writer of `Glitter'."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Queen Latifah's a big draw. This movie has a little bit to fear from the second frame of "Miss Congeniality 2," but not much. The head start on the weekend probably won't hurt. $79mil.
That's all for this month. Next month? Two words. "City" and "Sin." Not in that order. Also, some sort of guide for hitchhikers and the long dreaded sequel to "XXX" which, sadly, is not called "XXXI." Yup, the summer movies are starting in April now.
Dave Thomas
http://travelindave.blogspot.com
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:36 AM
| Comments (1)
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February 17, 2005
Dynamite Soundboard
We all know that Napoleon Dynamite got robbed by the Academy. It was clearly the best movie of the year. Ok, maybe it wasn't. But it was damn funny. If you're a fan, this soundboard of clips is essential:
Napoleon Dynamite Soundboard
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:08 AM
| Comments (9)
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January 31, 2005
February 2005 Movie Preview
Assisted Living
What does it say that the most curious thing to note about this month's releases is the presence not once, but twice, of Cicely Tyson? If you guessed "it's a slow month," give yourself two points.
FEBRUARY 4
BOOGEYMAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid grows up to face the boogeyman in his closet from years before. Somehow this is not based on a Stephen King novel.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is the second release from Sam Raimi's "Ghost House" shingle. But don't be fooled. Sam doesn't have nearly the track record as a producer that he does as a director. On the other hand, this has Xena.
The director did that miserable "Get Carter" remake with Sly and the main writer (who did story and screenplay) used to write for "Tarzan." But, um, how about that Lucy Lawless, huh? And you know acclaimed actress Zooey Deschanel? No, she's not in this. But her little sister is! That's something, right?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got no competition this week or the next, but from the previous week "Hide and Seek" and "Alone in the Dark" will be breathing down its neck. Ghost House's previous film, "The Grudge," did very well but that was near Halloween with Sarah Michelle Gellar. This, not so much. $33mil.
THE WEDDING DATE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
There are three rules for a male escort. Never take a check. Never start a land war in Asia. And never, ever, fall in love. Dermot Mulroney is the escort. Deborah Messing is the chick passing him off as her beau at her sister's wedding. Guess which rule gets broken.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of "How to Deal." For some reason that's not mentioned in the toxically generic trailer. Here's hoping that the talented Messing eventually gets a jump-start into movie stardom - I just don't think this is gonna do it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It shouldn't do too badly upon opening, but the following week "Hitch" will suck up all the romcom oxygen in the room. $33mil.
RORY O'SHEA WAS HERE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
No, really he was. He says you owe him money.
Disabled kid moves into home for the disabled and raises hopes of other disabled kids with his irreverent, wacky ways.
WILL IT SUCK?
Pretty unanimous positive buzz here. Nominated for a crapload of Irish Oscars, and won one for screenplay. That's impressive since this is from the screenwriter of "Goldeneye" (and the upcoming Fernando Meirelles movie, for which I'm much more psyched since he's the guy that did "City of God" - but we'll talk about that another time). The director did "East is East," which is also supposed to be good. Trailer's pretty funny.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should do well upon opening. The following week the field starts to get a little crowded with "Bride and Prejudice" and "Inside Deep Throat." Expect modest success. $5mil.
NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "Party of Five," but in Japanese.
WILL IT SUCK?
Very good buzz on this one, which got an acting award at Cannes and a Palme D'Or nod to boot. It's Japan's submission for Best Foreign Flick Oscar (it didn't make it), so they believe in it. Unlikely to suck.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Without that Foreign Film nod, the indie onslaught of the following week will be even tougher to weather. $900,000.
ASSISTED LIVING
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Stoned-out janitor gets mistaken for nursing home resident's son.
WILL IT SUCK?
Grand Jury winner at Slamdance. Notable for it's mix of real life and fiction elements, it was shot at an actual nursing home with real staff and residents. Buzz is generally positive.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Cowboy Pictures is not a very big name. And this will be up against some heavy hitters the following week. $500,000.
THE NOMI SONG
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Missing musical number from "Showgirls."
Or pseudo-doc about underground New Wave figure Klaus Nomi.
WILL IT SUCK?
Won the Best Doc award at the Berlin Film Festival. Other than that, little is known. Do you like the underground New Wave scene of Greenwich Village in the '80's? I'll bet you do.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Palm Pictures is in the same league as Cowboy Pictures. Repeat "heavy hitters" spiel. Add in the fact that "Assisted Living" will probably have a few more articles written about it. $100,000.
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FEBRUARY 11
HITCH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"How to Be a Playa…But a Nice, Family-Friendly One" Will Smith pimps Kevin James' mojo.
WILL IT SUCK?
Director Andy Tennant has brought us both "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Ever After," so this could go either way.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"The Wedding Date's" second frame is going to be a mild drain on the audience for this one, but Will Smith is a little better known than what's-her-face from "Will and Grace." Tennant does well with a star (see Reese Witherspoon's "Alabama" gross). $106mil.
POOH'S HEFFALUMP MOVIE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
If you can't figure it out from the title, I'm not going to explain it to you.
WILL IT SUCK?
If you can't figure it out from the title… This is from the seasoned Disney sequel writers behind "Piglet's Big Movie," "Lion King 1.5," "Jungle Book 2," and a producer from "The Return of Jafar." So the only surprise here is that this isn't straight-to-DVD.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Well, it faces huge competition from the limited release of "Inside Deep Throat." Other than that, the coast is clear. Actually, "Because of Winn Dixie" looks to be equally sickeningly cute the following week, and "Son of the Mask" might actually skew too young for the target demo here. Still, the Pooh movies have a ceiling. $24mil.
INSIDE DEEP THROAT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The story of "Deep Throat." The movie, not the informant.
WILL IT…NEVER MIND
There's a weird continuity between this and directors Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato's last big doc, "The Eyes of Tammy Faye." The line-up looks interesting. John Waters, Gore Vidal, and Norman Mailer all weigh in. I'm curious to see if the issue of star Linda Lovelace's rather contentious relationship with the film, revolving around sexual assault allegations will make the cut, but as the film focuses more on the cultural phenomenon rather than the behind-the-scenes drama, chances are not so much. Either way, should be fascinating.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's up against nothing similar and it's got Brian Grazer backing it. Still, it's got an NC-17 rating which is the financial kiss of death. That, however, didn't stop "The Dreamers" from collecting a few papers. $3mil.
BRIDE AND PREJUDICE
(Delayed from December)
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bollywood adaptation of the Jane Austin classic.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. The musical numbers look great. This is the latest from "Bend it Like Beckham" writer/director Gurinder Chadha, reteamed with her "Beckham" co-writer Paul Mayeda Berges. So expect the same quality here, except that critics are saying the dialogue isn't up to par. Also, keep an eye out for Mike White as a bellboy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The odds are a little more in its favor now that it's been moved. It's gotten mild buzz and isn't up against Oscar-contender heavyweights. Still, a better critical buzz would help. $4mil.
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FEBRUARY 18
CONSTANTINE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Keanu Reeves vs. demons.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it's from the writers of "The Glimmer Man" and "Suburban Commando," so what could go wrong? Seriously, why are they trying to make it look like "The Matrix Repackaged"? It's not like "Revolutions" got much love. The "Hellblazer" comic upon which this is based got much love, but this probably won't.
Still, ya gotta love Tilda Swinton, Djimon Hounsou and Shia LeBouf slumming it (Rachel Weisz cannot claim to "slum" after having been in the "Mummy" sequels - I liked them and all, but they're not exactly "Orlando" or "Amistad"). I guess it's a little early to claim Shia's slumming, but he was so good in "Holes" that it just feels that way.
And Peter Stormare as Satan? I am so there.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The second frame of "Hitch" shouldn't be underestimated here, but Keanu still has a huge following and there's nothing remotely like this on the horizon. $91mil.
SON OF THE MASK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
{Unable to summon the strength to actually write anything in response to that question, the writer simply utters a long, mournful groan.)
WILL IT SUCK?
Two words: CGI Baby. It marked Ally McBeal's shark jump, and that's where this one starts. So, Alan Cumming, I will pay you not to be in this. Too late.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is one of those ideas that's just stupid enough to work. However, there's plenty of other stupidity to compete with. "Because of Winn Dixie" looks to be just about as stupid this week, and "Man of the House" brings the wacky the following week. Not good for Jamie Kennedy. $37mil.
BECAUSE OF WINN-DIXIE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Lassie Come Home…Oh, Wait, There You Are!"
WILL IT SUCK?
Wayne Wang. In ten years, you've gone from "Smoke" to "Maid in Manhattan." And now this. Well, the novel upon which it's based is pretty well-regarded and Dave Matthews is apparently a perfect choice to play a singing pet store owner in this girl-meets-dog tale. But the trailer looks about as cheesy as can be. This will have to work very hard to not suck.
Cicely Tyson: 1 of 2.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's kind of a family-friendly-heavy time. You've got "Son of the Mask" and the second frame of "Heffalump" to deal with. This will cut into grosses. And I don't think the Matthews crowd can be counted on for this one. $39mil.
TURTLES CAN FLY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Family drama set on the Turkey/Iraq border on the eve of invasion. The first film out of Iraq since said invasion.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. Iranian Writer/Director/Producer Bahman Ghobadi has a decent rep. He won two awards for this film at the San Sebastian Film Festival. Early buzz is very good. And, in spite of the hokey title, just the cache of a Middle-Eastern perspective on things is enticing.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If IFC can get off their butt and start marketing this as "the first film out of Iraq since the war began" it might do very well. But I haven't heard any of that yet. $800,000.
SCHULTZE GETS THE BLUES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
A man named Schultze, um, gets the blues. Actually, he develops an interest in Zydeco, but that's kind of the same thing.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz says no. This German import has swept up at various festivals and is now coming here, much like the titular character. I said "titular."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition, but still, you gotta start hawking the story of a Zydeco enthusiast pretty early in the morning to get people to come, and I haven't seen anything yet. $400,000.
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FEBRUARY 25
CURSED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Feature film version of short-lived series with that guy from "Wings."
Actually, werewolf movie from the "Scream" team.
WILL IT SUCK?
There was a time when it seemed Kevin Williamson could do no wrong. "Scream" was a hit and the first season of "Dawson's Creek" seemed relatively intelligent, if a little whiny. And then came "Teaching Miss Tingle." It was all downhill from there. Now he's back, reteamed with Wes Craven for a werewolf film. Except there were production delays and then a release delay of over a year. Not good signs. And the trailer is sort of "meh." With a really fake-y looking CGI devil dog to boot. Sigh.
However, the cast is stellar and might just make for an interesting boondoggle of a movie. You've got Scott Baio, Craig Kilbourne, and Lance Bass playing themselves (in more ways than one, perhaps, simply by appearing in this). Two, count 'em, two stars from "Arrested Development" (Portia De Rossi and Judy Greer). Christina "I survived 'Prozac Nation'" Ricci, Joshua Jackson, Michael "Lex" Rosenbaum, Robert Forster, Scott Foley…the list goes on an on and…actually, that's about it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's a creepy vibe going already at this point with the second frame of "Constantine." Then the following week "The Jacket" will be giving people goose bumps. The trailer isn't really playing up the humor, but even if it were, there's "Son of the Mask" the week before and "Man of the House" this week. (If they make a sequel to "Man of the House," I really hope they call it "Son of the Man of the House").
It would be pretty cheesy for me to say this film were cursed, so instead I'll call it "blessing challenged." $52mil.
DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Um, pretty self-explanatory. But what sets the woman in question off is her husband running off with her best friend. Anger and, presumably, journal entries ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. This is based on a popular stage play of the same name and it has the same writer so, whatever made it so popular is likely to still be there. The cross-dressed grandma is kind of freaking me out, though. Very mannish. (See the trailer).
Cicely Tyson: 2 of 2.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
An interesting (and potentially profitable) subgenre is beginning to emerge. The low-budget, low-profile black adaptation. Last year's "Woman, Thou Art Loosed" very quietly made a tidy profit on a pre-existing popular title - in that case, a self-help book well-known in black circles from a black preacher. This (with the same lead actress, no less) looks to capitalize on that success. It'll be interesting to see if it does. The fact that this is opening wide suggests that Lion's Gate believes that it will. $7mil.
MAN OF THE HOUSE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Mr. Congeniality." FBI agent Tommy Lee Jones babysits cheerleaders/witnesses.
WILL IT SUCK?
First of all, it's Revolution Studios, so abandon all hope ye who enter here. Second of all, it's from the director of "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" and…wait for it…"Life or Something Like It," "The Mighty Ducks" and, God help us, "Holy Man." He also did "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead," which, depending on how late it is and how much alcohol/pot/crystal meth you've had, could be a good thing.
The writers have brought us everything from "Intolerable Cruelty" to "Destiny Turns on the Radio" and given the latter I'm gonna guess the better parts of the former came from the Cohen brothers.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Like most Revolution Studios films this will do far better than it deserves until "The Pacifier" comes out the following week to up the stoopid ante. $35mil.
UP AND DOWN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Interweaving plots include a childless couple, an abandoned immigrant baby, and soccer hooliganism. And a pawnshop. With a den of thieves. Who sell the baby. To the childless couple. It's a rich tapestry.
WILL IT SUCK?
This was the Czech submission to the Academy for Oscar consideration for Best Foreign Film so, at least they liked it (even though the Academy didn't).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With the nom, better. $600,000.
Actually some cool stuff to look forward to in March. The sequel to "Shaolin Soccer," a team of crime-fighting lesbians, a sequel to one of the few good horror films of this decade, what happens when Woody Allen directs Will Ferrell, 20th Century Fox's animation wing's follow-up to "Ice Age," and another Elmore Leonard novel with a kick-ass cast.
All of this will be balanced by the release of "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous." That is not a misprint.
Dave Thomas
http://travelindave.blogspot.com
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:43 AM
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January 21, 2005
The King of all Censors Steps Down
NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael Powell will resign from the agency he has led for four years, sources told CNN.
A senior government official says Powell, a member of the FCC since November 1998 and the chairman since early 2001, will announce his resignation later Friday. His term on the commission runs through 2007.
FCC spokesmen were not immediately available for comment, though one person in the press office said a new release is anticipated.
Powell has been a relatively high-profile chairman of what had generally been a quiet regulatory agency before his tenure. He has pushed for increased fines for obscenity and indecent content by the nation's broadcasters and backed a change in media ownership rules that allowed for greater consolidation by the industry's largest conglomerates.
In September the FCC fined Viacom (Research), which owns CBS, $550,000 for the 2004 Super Bowl half-time show in which Janet Jackson's breast was briefly revealed during a musical number. The media conglomerate is challenging that fine.
Viacom agreed in November to pay a record $3.5 million to settle a number of complaints involving alleged indecent comments on its radio stations, including remarks by its most popular radio personality, Howard Stern.
Partly to get away from FCC oversight, Stern has signed a contract to move to satellite radio provider Sirius (Research) in 2006. On his show Friday, Stern cheered reports that Powell would be leaving.
"Thank God he's gone," he said. "This is a great day in broadcasting."
Powell had pushed for a large increase in the fines that the FCC can levy on broadcasters found guilty of indecent content, saying that the current allowable fines constitute the cost of doing business for the station owners.
Powell was originally appointed to the FCC by President Clinton before being given the lead of the agency by President Bush. The Atlanta Journal Constitution speculated late last year he is interested in a run for governor of Virginia, although he had declined to comment on his plans when questioned by the press several times last year.
In an August 2003 interview with CNN, Powell said he wanted to stay with the agency during this time of technological change.
"I have a lot more that I'd like to do. It's a great agency, it's an amazing time in technology for the country. So I'm going to be here for a little while," he said then. Asked to define "a little while," Powell said, "Well, that I don't know yet, but certainly we're going to at least be here for many, many, many more months to come."
Not all the controversies involving Powell have been on high profile issues such as obscenity and media ownership. He has pushed to shift TV stations from the current analog broadcasting spectrum they've used since the invention of television onto more efficient digital broadcasting.
But station owners have balked at making the investment necessary for the change before many viewers have the televisions that can receive the new signals. Powell conceded in September Congressional testimony that the 2006 deadline is likely to be pushed back to 2009.
Powell is the son of Colin Powell, the retiring Secretary of State. Before joining the FCC, Powell served as chief of staff of the Justice Department's Antitrust Division, and as a policy adviser to Vice President Dick Cheney when Cheney served as Secretary of Defense during the administration of President George H.W. Bush.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:49 AM
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January 13, 2005
Michael Paulus - Skeletal Designs
From Artist Michael Paulus' Website:
"A character study of 22 present and past cartoon characters.
Animation was the format of choice for children's television in the 1960s, a decade in which children's programming became almost entirely animated. Growing up in that period, I tended to take for granted the distortions and strange bodies of these entities.
I decided to take a select few of these popular characters and render their skeletal systems as I imagine they might resemble if one truly had eye sockets half the size of its head, or fingerless-hands, or feet comprising 60% of its body mass.
Each character resides on a translucent, hinged panel. When the panel is lifted the character's skeletal structure is revealed giving each a certain validity and glimpse into its origins. Each panel is hand-drawn with archival ink and covered with an acrylic/acetate transparency.
The photos of Hello Kitty on the site give an accurate idea of what the actual, assembled pieces look like---with the hinged translucent cover both closed and open. The rest of the characters shown on the site are approximations of what the transparency overlay looks like since I don't have actual photographs of all of them."
see the full collection here
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 03:53 PM
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January 12, 2005
"Mysterious" man named Boraq from Kazakhstan visits Roanoke
We love you Ali G.
From Roanoke Times:
No one knows for sure who he was, that Middle Eastern man in an American flag shirt and a cowboy hat who was supposed to sing the national anthem at a rodeo Friday night in the Salem Civic Center. But he sure shook up this town before leaving in a hurry.
Introduced as Boraq Sagdiyev from Kazakhstan, he was said to be an immigrant touring America. A film crew was with him, doing some sort of documentary. And he wanted to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" to show his appreciation, the announcer told the crowd.
Speaking in broken English, the mysterious man first told the decidedly pro-American crowd - it was a rodeo, of all things, in Salem, of all places - that he supported the war on terrorism.
"I hope you kill every man, woman and child in Iraq, down to the lizards," he said, according to Brett Sharp of Star Country WSLC, who was also on stage that night as a media sponsor of the rodeo.
An uneasy murmur ran through the crowd.
"And may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq," he continued, according to Robynn Jaymes, who co-hosts a morning radio show with Sharp and was also among the stunned observers.
The crowd's reaction was loud enough for John Saunders, the civic center's assistant director, to hear from the front office. "It was a restless kind of booing," Saunders said.
Then the man took off his hat and sang what he said was his native national anthem. He then told the crowd to be seated, put his hat back on, and launched into a butchered version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" that ended with the words "your home in the grave," Sharp said.
By then, a restless crowd had turned downright nasty.
"If he had been out there a minute longer, I think somebody would have shot him," Jaymes said. "People were booing him, flipping him off."
Rodeo producer Bobby Rowe, who by then had figured out that he was the victim of some kind of hoax, had the man escorted out of the civic center. Rowe told him that he and his film friends had best leave right then.
"Had we not gotten them out of there, there would have been a riot," said Rowe, who has been bringing his Imperial Rodeo Productions to Salem for years.
As his wife, Lenore, put it: "It's a wonder one of these cowboys didn't go out there and rope him up."
Saunders agreed. "I was concerned for his personal safety," he said.
Once the film crew members and their star realized the severity of the situation, Bobby Rowe said, "they loaded up the van and they screeched out of there."
After apologizing to the crowd for being duped, Rowe was left to wonder who pulled such a hoax, and why. Months ago, he was approached by someone from One America, a California-based film company that was reportedly doing a documentary on a Russian immigrant, Rowe said.
The outfit asked if Sagdiyev could sing the national anthem at the rodeo in Salem. After listening to a tape, Rowe said sure.
By Saturday afternoon, Jaymes had observed that Sagdiyev looked a lot like the title character of "Da Ali G Show," a Home Box Office production that often catches its guests and audiences unaware and then records their reaction to "shock value" material such as Friday night's performance.
The show has a character named Borat from Kazakhstan, according to the HBO Web site.
Jaymes said she recalls that one of the five cameras was turned on her and others on stage, as if to catch their reactions.
"I looked at Brett and said, 'Why do I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad "Saturday Night Live" episode?'" Jaymes said.
As Rowe prepared Saturday for a second night of the rodeo, he was playing it safe on who would sing the national anthem.
"It'll be a tape," he said.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:47 AM
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January 06, 2005
January 2005 Movie Preview
I know January is usually the prime dumping ground for Hollywood fare (their version of "Take Out the Trash Day"), but man, they aren't even trying anymore. The indie world has basically taken the month off, and the rest, well, see for yourself...
January 7
WHITE NOISE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
What's that voice you hear buried in the static on your radio? It's your long-dead loved one! And they're really bored because apparently all they have to play with in the afterlife is a ham radio.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is from the director of the attempted reboot of "Doctor Who" in the states, and maybe only a seasoned fan can tell you why it was a bad idea to cast Eric Roberts as The Master, but it was. Better yet, the writer penned "Let's Talk About Sex," a movie which spawned the single greatest two-word review since "Shit sandwich," namely "Let's not."
And then there's the theatrical teaser, which bridges the gap between scary and annoying in about two seconds. Here's how it goes, as recorded by my up-to-the-second responses.
"Hey, that's kind of creepy."
"Yeah, I guess that's kind of weird."
"Okay, I get it, she's already dead."
"That guy's voice is a little too deep and scary for its own good. I mean it sounds like he's trying really hard to be scary. Does he sound like that when he's ordering fast food? He must freak out drive-thru attendants. Announcer: 'I'd like a hamburger!' Attendant: 'Don't hurt me!'"
"Oh, my God, is this preview still going on!?"
"Hey, it's Michael Keaton. Remember how good he was in 'Night Shift' and 'Mr. Mom' and, hell, even 'Desperate Measures' was better than the crap he's been putting out lately. I mean, 'First Daughter'?!? What the fuck is that?"
"Wow, this is going to suck."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition, but not much appeal. Then again, "The Forgotten" did well with a hokey preview. $20mil.
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THE UNDERCLASSMAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember that episode of "21 Jump Street" where those guys had started a chop shop but they were really wealthy so why were they stealing stuff? I might be confusing two different episodes here, but pretend that Ioki is Nick Cannon and you're on the right track here.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, if you cast Cannon in a movie directed by the guy who did, well, nothing you've ever heard of but he directed an episode of "Fastlane," so he's okay in my book, and written by the guys behind "Van Wilder" and "The Girl Next Door," you'd get this. Wait, where are you going?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Marketed well, this could do better than "White Noise." Which isn't saying much. $32mil.
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January 14
ELEKTRA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Any movie who's synopsis includes the line "saved from her near-death experience by ninja collective The Order of the Hand" gets my vote. Bottom line: Jennifer Garner goes tear-ass on some motherfuckers.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. Yeah, I said it. Look, you've got Marvel uber-producer Avi Arad on board, and the only Marvel property he's made suck is, well, "Daredevil." But you'll notice the curious lack of any reference to that film in the previews for this one. They won't even say "from the producers of 'Daredevil'" even though this film is a spin-off from that one. In fact, when the two films see each other at parties, it's very awkward.
But give Arad credit for the "Spider-Man" and "X-Men" franchises, each of which have elevated the notion of a film based on a comic book above the status of "money-grubbing" and into the realm of "hey, this is escapist, and it doesn't suck!" Give director Rob Bowman credit for the "X-Files" movie (you can do it). And give writer Zak Penn credit for contributing, well, something to the "X2" screenplay (I don't know, maybe he got David Hayter coffee or something, but he's listed as a screenwriter).
Okay, maybe I'm expecting a little much, but it's a weak fucking month, people.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The action ramps up next week with "Hostage" and "Assault on Precinct 13," but they may cancel each other out, plus this will probably have what they probably won't: a PG-13 rating. That and Jennifer Garner's cleavage. $103mil.
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RACING STRIPES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
You'll believe that a zebra can be a racehorse and have the voice of Frankie Muniz. (As if you didn't believe that already).
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it's got David Spade as a horsefly. How about that, huh? Yeah, it looks pretty stupid. And just the fact that it's coming out in January makes it suspect. But, hey, it's got Snoop Dogg as…wait for it…a dog.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think even the kids are gonna prefer "Elektra" or even "Coach Carter" to this this week and "Are We There Yet?" the next. Still, it's kiddie fare with no direct competition, so, $41mil.
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COACH CARTER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Lean on Me….While I Make This Jumpshot"
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, not so good. And here's why. In spite of Samuel L. Jackson spouting tough love wisdom in that inimitable style of his that makes it sound like he could kick your ass with his voice, this is still written by the forces behind "The Perfect Score" and "Summer Catch." It's also directed by the guy who did "Swing Kids" (and though he also directed "Save the Last Dance," that still doesn't make up for "Swing Heil!").
Rick Gonzalez is back as another youth finding salvation through sports (see "The Rookie") so if that does it for ya, hellzapoppin!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I get the feeling a lot of parents will take their kids to see this movie since it stresses the importance of academics over sports. Or maybe I'm an idealist. Either way, I think it will pose a threat to "Racing Stripes" on the whole family demographic. Regardless, "Are We There Yet?" will obliterate it the following week. $26mil.
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LES CHORISTES
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
French "Dead Poets Society" with music. Or, I guess, French "Mr. Holland's Opus." Pick your wacky-yet-inspirational teacher cliché.
WILL IT SUCK?
You'd think it'd be good, what with beating out "A Very Long Engagement" as France's submission for Best Foreign Film (actually that was a releasing snafu, but still) and early buzz is good from audiences and The Hollywood Foreign Press saw fit to nominate it for Best Foreign Language film, but even with all that, it can't scrounge consistent critical support. Early buzz from them is that this is too cheesy, which is shocking considering that almost never happens with this genre.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No real competition, but needs more press. With Miramax calling the shots, though, that shouldn't be a problem. $8mil.
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APPLESEED
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another dystopian anime future. Whee!
WILL IT SUCK?
This is based on the popular manga from the guy who did "Ghost in the Shell." Early buzz is pretty good, but no one seems totally blown away.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No real competition, but even less advertising than "Les Choristes." And no Miramax. Still, a healthy otaku following can't hurt. $1mil.
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January 21
ARE WE THERE YET?
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kids try to make life hell for mom's new beau Ice Cube as he drives them to be with her during the holidays.
WILL IT SUCK?
Remember when Ice Cube was in NWA? Remember when he cut his acting teeth on such fare as "Friday," "Boyz N the Hood," and "Three Kings" as opposed to, say, "Next Friday," "Ghosts of Mars," and the upcoming "XXX2?" This is what Revolution Studios does to you, people! It's nice to see that Jay Mohr will be in this as well. The further he can get from "Last Comic Standing" the better. But Revolution will ruin him, too. Just wait.
Oh, and they've gotten a director for this one who specializes in holiday comedy fare. He directed "Jingle All the Way." That had Sinbad. Let that be a warning to you, Cube! He also directed Cube's fellow "Boyz" alum Cuba Gooding, Jr. in "Snow Dogs." Are you paying attention, Ice?!?
I fucking hate Revolution Studios.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All of the ranting and Revolution-hating in the world won't stop this from making money. Say what you will (and I do), Revolution is really good at hitting singles and doubles (though almost no home runs to date) and that's enough, sadly, to keep you in the game. With almost no family competition ("Racing Stripes" won't be able to hold this back) this looks to clean up. $61mil.
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HOSTAGE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bruce Willis vs. home invaders. With a twist. Several, it seems. Most of which are given away in the trailer.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. This is based on a novel, which is usually good news for a thriller (as long as it's not Grisham). The writer has done some good ("Die Hard 2") some bad ("Money Train") and some meh ("Bad Boys"). One of the producers has done a modicum of outstanding work, including "Saving Private Ryan" and "A Simple Plan" and a wealth of crap along the lines of "Virus" and "Speed 2: Electric Boogaloo." Finally, the director has graduated from the world of video games, having done "Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow" and the upcoming "Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory." Mark my words, you're going to see many more directors come up from that world. It's gonna be to this decade what music videos were to the 90's for director breeding.
Also throw into the mix the fact that Miramax is distributing, and they hardly ever do thrillers, much less star-driven wide-release ones.
Anyway, I'd say it's a fifty/fifty shot. It's neat, however, to see Willis graduate from man on the inside ("Die Hard") to the guy on the other end of the walkie/cell phone.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's facing competition this week from "Assault on Precinct 13" and from the previous week in "Elektra." Of the three, however, this does have the biggest name. If they start advertising early enough ("Elektra" has a big head start), they might be able to take more advantage of that fact. $40mil.
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ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake in which good cop (Ethan Hawke) stands off against bad cop (Gabriel Byrne, natch) staging a siege of said precinct in order to kill sort-of-good-maybe-bad gangster (Laurence Fishburne).
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, chances are it won't be as good as the original, which is highly regarded (as far as John Carpenter films go). But it should at least be as good as "The Negotiator," which isn't saying much, but it's the same screenwriter and the plot, as imagined this time around, seems virtually identical (just without the, y'know, negotiator). The only thing really to look forward to is John Leguizamo's crazy hair (see the trailer).
PS: The next Carpenter remake will be "The Fog." I shit you not. I can't wait til they remake "They Live" with an even LONGER fight between Keith David and Rowdy Roddy Piper.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Against "Hostage," not so well. They should have released this a week later. $33mil.
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MILK AND HONEY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Couple out on the town disintegrate during one night in New York. Kind of like a really depressing "Out of Towners."
WILL IT SUCK?
Did you like "Virgil Bliss?" Have you even heard of "Virgil Bliss?" It's this director's debut feature, and it received raves. This one's not getting unanimous advance love, but it, too, seems well-liked. And Hal Hartley did the music for some reason.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition, but the lack of awareness on this title makes "Les Choristes" look like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." $100,000.
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BEAUTIFUL BOXER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "Kickboxer," except imagine if Van Damme were Thai, and a transsexual. Based on a true story.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good. Won some fests. And you gotta admit, that's one of the more intriguing premises of this month. Yes, I know, "White Noise," the dead are talking. But are they transgendered kickboxers? I didn't think so.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Could do well with the right buzz and strong word of mouth campaign. They're doing a limited release in San Fran and if the gay/lesbian/transgender vote catches on, a similar push in NY and LA, with accompanying press, could lead to decent indie b.o. in a fairly thin field. But that's a lot of "if's". $500,000.
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January 28
HIDE AND SEEK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dakota Fanning's got a new, creepy imaginary friend. Dad Robert DeNiro gets caught in the crossfire, and tries to figure out if he or Dakota has been in more films in the past year.
WILL IT SUCK?
If only they would say in the trailer, "From the director of 'Swimfan'," I think this would get a lot more business.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Talk about crappy timing. This week it's got another paranormal thriller, "Alone in the Dark," to contend with, and the very next week "Boogeyman" opens. Neither of these present a threat per se (and this one definitely has the star power) but all at once? Release "Assault" this week, "Hide and Seek" the previous week. How hard is that? Also, DeNiro doesn't do well in thrillers (see "Godsend"). $15mil.
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ALONE IN THE DARK
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Weird paranormal goings-on with Christian Slater. Based on the popular (until this comes out) video game.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, with Tara Reid, Christian Slater, and Stephen Dorff on board, what could go wrong? Actually, I'd love to see Christian and Stephen try to out-Jack-Nicholson each other. Plus, this is from director Uwe Boll, who has no less than three more video game adaptations in the works. He made this one based on the strength of another video game adaptation. Which one? I'll give you a hint. It's #30 on the IMDB's bottom 100. That's right. "House of the Dead."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All right. Since it's a video game, it probably has some action, no? This brings it into competition with not only "Hide and Seek" on the horror front, but also "Assault" and "Hostage" from the week before (not to mention "Boogeyman" the following week). So what does that all mean? "House of the Dead" grosses might look good by comparison. $5mil.
See what I mean? They just phoned this month in. Next month doesn't exactly make this one look good, but it's not far off. The simultaneous release of "Constantine" and "Son of the Mask" alone may create a vortex of suck so strong that no other movies get released as a result.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:42 AM
| Comments (2)
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December 15, 2004
Gang of Four reform, dates to be announced
Every time you hear a band like The Rapture, Bloc Party, or the Futureheads described as having a post-punk angular sound, remember who did it best; Gang of Four:
From ManchesterAcademy.Net
"For years promoters and fans have begged them. Now Gang of Four, the definitive punk-funk, post-punk agitators, have finally acquiesced to public demand. They have reformed in their original line-up, and will play a limited number of shows around the UK in the New Year.
The band, icons and inspiration for many of the world's biggest acts (REM, U2, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers), and who perhaps more than any other, serve as direct stylistic antecedents of today’s guitar heroes (step forward Franz Ferdinand, Futureheads, The Rapture, Radio 4, Liars et al), have not been seen in this formation since 1981. Jon King (vocals), Andy Gill (guitar and vocals), Dave Allen (bass) and Hugo Burnham (drums) had by then been responsible for 1978’s epochal "Damaged Goods" debut EP, as well as the genre-defining "Entertainment" album (1979) and its follow-up "Solid Gold".
Since then there has never been a time when ‘ Natural's Not In It' and ‘Love Like Anthrax’ haven’t sounded like some of the most vital and coldly passionate records ever made, but recently the band who always sounded 20 years ahead of their time have finally found the world catching up and catching on. Consequentially, it is most timely that Andy Gill has come out from behind the producer’s chair of such globe bestriding rock behemoths as The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Killing Joke, Futureheads, Michael Hutchence, Bono, Jesus Lizard, to once again strap on his trusty Stratocaster."
If you are going to be in the UK:
January
23 Manchester Academy
24 Leeds University
25 Bristol Academy
27 Birmingham Academy
28 London Shepherd's Bush Empire
(Thanks Alexander - for the find)
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:37 AM
| Comments (4)
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December 07, 2004
The First Amendment Project
The First Amendment Project: Fox vs. Franken
Directed by Chris Hegedus and Nick Doob
Premieres December 7th, 9:00pm on Sundance
Directed by Chris Hegedus and Nick Doob. FOX vs. Franken looks at the story behind Fox Television's legal efforts to halt publication of Al Franken's book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. Beginning with Franken's comic account of his inspiration in writing the book, the film mixes humor with its lucid account of the case's First Amendment underpinnings.
(Thanks to the peeps at Gawker for the reminder)
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 04:32 PM
| Comments (2)
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December 03, 2004
Mcrorie - Man of the Year
The Man, the myth, the Band - MCRORIE!
This is the time of the year when people began announcing their Man of the Year awards. Let us be the first of surely many to announce MCRORIE-One Man Live! as our choice.
This one man band wears eight custom designed sensors on his shoes, two midi keyboards on his hips, and sings lead vocals, harmonies, and solo instruments with his voice.
In short, Mcrorie rules. Check out his home page to see him and hear him in action.
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:37 AM
| Comments (10)
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November 30, 2004
And you thought Emeril sucked.....
FROM ALLHIPHOP.COM
Trick Daddy recently finished taping a cooking show pilot for MTV. If the show is picked up, the rapper said he would invite his peers to participate on the program. "You know a lot of n**gas think they know how to cook," Trick told AllHipHop.com. "I'ma show you how n**gas f**k up & burn eggs. And have the shells in them."
For the full story log on: http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=3806
Posted by freewilliamsburg at 07:51 PM
| Comments (0)
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November 30, 2004
The December 2004 Movie Preview
by Dave Thomas
Well, it's been a full year now that I've been doing these previews at Freewilliamsburg. It seems (and was) only a year ago that I predicted that "The Last Samurai" would make $133mil. Fortunately, I only overshot it by $20mil, and nobody guessed that these previews are full of lies, lies, horrible lies! Um, until I said that, I guess.
OPENING 12/3
CLOSER
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Really attractive people cheat on each other.
WILL IT SUCK?
Director Mike Nichols has a knack for couples behaving badly ("The Graduate," "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf").
Lately he's been cutting his teeth on cable adaptations of famous plays ("Wit," "Angels in America"). Just as well. This script comes Patrick Marber's adaptation of his own award-winning play.
The cast is solid, too. Jude Law (FIVE!), Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, and Clive Owen play the shuffled couples. Actually only Jude and Clive give me any hope here, but having uber-producer Scott Rudin on board helps.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Opening wide with no competition should ensure a nice debut. However, the cast isn't that strong. Julia in a supporting role ain't the same thing as Julia in a lead (The sole exception being "Ocean's 11," which kind of had a few other big names). The following week, fortunately, big openings "Blade" and "Ocean's 12" won't produce direct demographic competition, but the base for this flick won't necessarily have grown much, either. Oscar buzz could help a little in the long run. $27mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Jude's often sure Oscar bait, but the real buzz here is for Clive Owen.
I AM DAVID
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kind of like "Finding Nemo" in reverse, except it's a real boy in search of his mom from whom he was separated as a Western European refugee. And there's no wacky companion. Okay, it's not really like "Finding Nemo" at all.
WILL IT SUCK?
Audiences seem to like this tearjerker much more than critics, who find it maudlin and predictable. That's too bad, considering that "Freaks and Geeks" scribe and director Paul Feig is helming here his adaptation of the Anne Holm novel. Jim Caviezel is here as well, for about ten minutes, as is Hristo Shopov, whom you may remember as Pilate to Caviezel's Christ. Here he plays someone called "The Man." That can't be a coincidence.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"House of Flying Daggers" will most likely kick its ass. Family fare is more difficult to push in art houses. $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Although kiddie star Ben Tibber has been getting a little festival buzz, the only Jim Caviezel-related fare that might get Oscar attention already come and gone. I'm talking, of course, about "Bobby Jones, Stroke of Genius."
HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Andy Lau and Takeshi Kaneshiro try to track down suspected revolutionary Zhang Ziyi. Shaw Bros.-style ass-whuppin' from the director of "Hero" ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is how long it took for Miramax to release Yimou Zhang's "Hero." He had time to write, shoot, and get a distribution deal with Sony Pictures Classics for this flick. The plus for us is two Yimou kung fu classics in the same year. This is looking to be almost as well received as "Hero." It's already garnered wide critical and audience acclaim as well as attention at the Chinese Oscars, which are called the Golden Roosters for a reason I'll let you figure out (hint: the first ones were held in 1981).
Andy Lau ("God of Gamblers," "Infernal Affairs") and Zhang Ziyi should be awesome, as usual. And though I've never seen a Shaw Bros. movie, I understand that they are fundamental to the way kung fu flicks evolved and that this film is, in many ways, a tribute to them.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With all the advance buzz and the sheer lack of true competition, this should do well. Especially if they hawk the whole "Hero" connection. $25mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Since the Oscar options for "Hero" are so limited (it's already been nominated for and lost the Best Foreign Film Oscar), the hopes turn to this movie, China's entry for Best Foreign Film. It's good for that and maybe Best Director, depending how thin that category ends up being.
OPENING 12/10
OCEAN'S TWELVE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Instead of three casinos, this time it's three cities - Paris, Rome, and Amsterdam. I'm gonna guess they'll steal something from the Louvre, the Vatican, and then maybe a shitload of hash.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. You've got the whole cast returning, and they were awesome the last time. You've got sweet additions in Catherine Zeta-Jones and, more importantly, Vincent Cassel, who's long overdue for a breakout American role. Soderbergh is returning, but the one x-factor here is the lack of Ted Griffin, the master scribe behind the first "Ocean's 11." (And by that, I mean the master scribe behind the first remake of "Ocean's 11"). His witty dialogue made the original, and without him, they'd better find a serious writer to fill his shoes. Thankfully, they've enlisted the services of one George Nolfi, who also wrote…wait, this can't be right…"Timeline!" They're giving this to the guy who wrote fucking "Timeline!?!?!?"
I take it back. It's going to suck horribly.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Okay, maybe it will only suck moderately, but even if it's terrible it'll open well. Going up against "Blade Trinity" isn't ideal (especially with that film's two-day head start) but the combined power of Clooney, Pitt, Roberts, et al, will be more than a match for Snipes and that guy from "Van Wilder." The following week, "Lemony Snicket" will give it a trim, but it'll still hold on to the top five for most of the holiday season, if it's even halfway decent. $205mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If "Ocean's 11" couldn't get any traction with Ted Griffin writing, it's not gonna get any with "Timeline" guy writing. Seriously, "Timeline?" What the fuck?
BLADE: TRINITY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Blade v. Dracula
WILL IT SUCK?
Hee. David S. Goyer, who wrote all three, is taking a stronger hand here, directing and producing. That's not necessarily a good thing. He wrote the second installment, which was fantastic, but he also wrote the first which was, well, incoherent. Now, so far, the third looks promising with one of the best trailers of the year. Goyer has at least shown that he has the visual panache to pull this off. And interesting casting in the form of Ryan "Van Wilder" Reynolds as a vampire hunter who seems to be channeling Jason Lee and roles for Eric Bogosian and Parker Posey adds to the curiosity factor. However, whatever little early buzz there is isn't encouraging.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This would have done better in August, when it was originally supposed to be released. Against "Ocean's Twelve," it's gonna have problems, even with a two-day head start (it drops Wednesday, Dec. 8th). "Lemony Snicket" the following week isn't exactly a demo challenge, but it's gonna suck up a lot of the box office, especially if this can't find the word-of-mouth that helped its immediate predecessor. And don't count out Adam Sandler in "Spanglish" as an audience magnet. $73mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Well, the academy does like it when you stay in character off set (which Wesley apparently did). Of course, I don't know if they like it if that requires you to go around killing vampires. I do, but they probably don't.
THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bill Murray vs. a shark, wacky crew in tow.
WILL IT SUCK?
Come on, this is writer/director Wes "Bottle Rocket/Rushmore/The Royal Tenenbaums" Anderson we're talking about here. Admittedly, he's not teamed up with co-writer Owen Wilson this time, but his new co-writer did the well-regarded "Kicking and Screaming." In addition, Owen's still in the cast, along with Noah Taylor and Willem Dafoe and a host of others. And, of course, Murray's back, in his third outing with Anderson. The trailers look hilarious. Early buzz is this is on a par with "Tenenbaums."
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Until the end of the month, when "Phantom of the Opera" goes inexplicably into limited release, this will be the limited release of the season. And by the time "Phantom" does its thing, this flick will have opened wide. It could probably stand to begin wide, but against the competition it would face any weekend this month, a platform release is a wise choice. $60mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I don't think Oscar's gonna give Bill another chance, and I'm guessing this won't have the gravitas of "Tenenbaums," so a nod for Anderson probably isn't in the offing either. However, Oscar does respect comedy when it comes to supporting noms, and so far the funniest thing about the film looks to be Willem Dafoe as a member of Murray's crew.
OPENING 12/17
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Based on the popular children's series of books, this follows the story of the Baudelaire orphans and their evil guardian Count Olaf (Jim Carrey) who tries to steal their fortune.
WILL IT SUCK?
Director Brad Siberling doesn't exactly have a spotless record. He made "Moonlight Mile," "Casper," and "City of Angels." I'm not sure I'd trust him with truly Burton-esque fare such as this. The writer, Robert Gordon, is even more problematic. He did "Galaxy Quest," which was underrated, but he also did "Men in Black II," which sucked almost relentlessly. The flick's husband/wife producing team Walter F. Parkes & Laurie MacDonald have as many "Twister's" as they do "Catch Me If You Can's" to their credit.
Jim Carrey, as usual, will probably be outstanding. Ditto Meryl Streep, Bill Connolly, Jude Law (SIX!), Catherine O'Hara, Jennifer Coolidge, Cedric the Entertainer, and Luis Guzman. Nice cast, but can it save us from potentially uneven directing and crappy writing? The trailer gives me hope.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nicely. There's no family fare (although this is a shade darker) with name celebrities for a while. "Meet the Fockers" will be a big draw the following week, but not on exactly the same demo. "Spanglish" presents a similar scenario this week, but won't have the usual Sandler appeal. This should be the big moneymaker of December. $273mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Think technical awards like production design. Long shot supporting nom for Carrey since he plays, like, fifteen different characters.
THE AVIATOR
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Leo DiCaprio as Howard Hughes with Martin Scorsese directing.
WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. You don't need me to tell you that Scorsese is a great director. You might need me to tell you that Leo's a decent actor if you haven't seen "Catch Me If You Can" or "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" John Logan, the screenwriter, can bring the epic characters ("Gladiator," "The Last Samurai") and this is especially up his alley after his work on the underseen HBO pic "RKO 281" about the making of "Citizen Kane." The epic figure there, of course, was Welles (and Hughes actually worked with RKO for a time). Keep an eye on Logan, as his next project is an adaptation of "Sweeney Todd."
The casting of Cate Blanchett, Kate Beckinsale, and Gwen Stefani (yes, Gwen Stefani) as Katherine Hepburn, Ava Gardner, and Jean Harlow respectively does not fill me with awe. On the other hand, I am looking forward to turns from John C. Reilly, Ian Holm, Willem Dafoe, and Jude Law (SIX!!!)
This will hopefully be what "Gangs of New York" should have been - the next great Scorsese film. Early buzz is pointing in that direction.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The good news is he's not opening against "Ocean's 12" or "Meet the Fockers." The bad news is he's opening against "Lemony Snicket's" drawing whatever parents might have made an opening weekend of it and "Spanglish" which is bound to also be a fairly strong adult draw. Don't look for a particularly robust opening, but if the Oscar buzz is there, look for it to stick around for a while and make its money slowly. $81mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Count on it. Leo for actor. Scorcese for director. Logan for screenplay. At least.
SPANGLISH
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Adam Sandler and Tea Leoni are married and have a kid, but all is not well in the Leoni/Sandler household. Spanish maid comes in and makes it all better.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. James L. Brooks tends to do well, especially when he writes, produces, and directs, as he does here. His one misstep when playing all those roles ("I'll Do Anything") is a textbook case of Hollywood mismanagement, so it's arguably not even his fault. Adam Sandler does well when challenged (okay, the one time it happened in "Punch Drunk Love,") so should perform admirably here. And Tea Leoni, um, she was good in "Bad Boys"?
It'll be nice to see "Talk to Her's" Paz Vega get a chance at a crossover hit and Cloris Leachman get another go round at striking comic gold. Mostly, though, I'm just looking forward to Brooks' uncanny ear for dialogue.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
They're actually marketing this pretty shrewdly. On stations like Comedy Central, this is billed as a Sandler vehicle. Other networks, like CBS, have spots that play up the family angle. Smart marketing usually results in a nice opening weekend, and against any flick other than "Lemony Snicket" that might be the case. Still, word of mouth may help bridge the gap a little. That, and potential Oscar buzz. $52mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's probable. Most of Brooks other exploits ("Terms of Endearment," "Broadcast News," "As Good As It Gets") got serious Oscar attention. Even Adam Sandler's a possibility here.
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Chick "Rocky." Hillary Swank as Rocky. Clint Eastwood, who directs, as Mickey. Morgan Freeman as…Paulie, maybe?
WILL IT SUCK?
Eastwood knows how to direct. At best he gives us "Mystic River" and "Unforgiven." At worst, well, "Blood Work" didn't totally suck, right? Freeman's also a lot of fun to watch. I'm not sure what to expect, though, from pseudo-newbie writer Paul Haggis, who adapts this from a series of F.X. Toole short stories. His only known credits come from TV, where he won an Emmy for an episode of "Thirtysomething," but wrote more regularly for "Due South" (you know, that show about the mountie). I'm not expecting another "Mystic," but early buzz is extremely good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Clint will have to compete with Kevin Spacey on the director/actor front this weekend. Warner Bros. needs to advertise more if they wanna catch up to the buzz his flick and "The Sea Inside" already have going into the same weekend. $12mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
After a recent screening, Swank is considered a near lock for a nom and Clint's being fitted for a directing and acting nom. Haggis isn't out of the question for screenplay, either.
THE SEA INSIDE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
True story of a quadriplegic who fights for the right to die. For thirty years.
WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. Director Alejandro Amenabar ("Abre Los Ojos," "The Others") appears to have really come into his own. On the IMDB, this is his highest-rated movie yet. He's re-teamed with co-writer Mateo Gil, who helped him churn out the aforementioned scripts. Now, I wasn't crazy about "Ojos" but I really liked "The Others," which hinted at his potential to handle heavy drama. And by all accounts Javier Bardem, who plays the lead here, is the man, so the initial positive buzz is probably justified. That, and it took home Jury, Actor, and Best International at Venice.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This week it should be a pretty fair fight with "Baby," but the following week "The Woodsman," with even more troubling subject matter (and potentially more buzz) may pose a threat. The other "Sea" movie this weekend is the real problem, however, as it will likely suck up all the air in the room. $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Count on Bardem to be a contender. Maybe Amenabar for director with a screenplay nod for him and Gil.
BEYOND THE SEA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bobby Darin bio-pic. Kevin Spacey, who also directs, plays Darin.
WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz on this is fairly strong. Spacey stacked the deck with a bunch of writers, including Paul Attanasio, who did well with real-life characters in "Donnie Brasco" and "Quiz Show." He also included James Toback, who, not so much with the great screenplays (although he did contribute to the "Bugsy" script). Spacey's directing acumen was honed on "Albino Alligator," and little else. His acting, on the other hand, isn't even a question. Even if it's just him doing Darin karaoke for two hours, it'll probably be entertaining. Still, he's got a lot of recent missteps ("Life of David Gale," "United States of Leland," "The Shipping News") to make up for here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Spacey hasn't generated dollars recently. It'll take more than just his name to open this. However, in limited release, that may not be as much of a problem. Good critical buzz may translate into good word of mouth that Spacey's still got it. $20mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The surefire musical bio-pic nominee here is Jamie Foxx. But Spacey's still an option.
OPEN MY HEART
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Italian film in which prostitute older sister bosses around shy younger sister as they vie for some dude.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not promising, although there's very little to go on. This is basically the Giada Colagrande show. She writes, directs, and stars in this as the younger sister. Unfortunately, that's all I know about her since this is her debut film. Got a little love from some international fests, but this doesn't look to be a breakthrough.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Without a name, in this field, poorly. $40,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Italy's already picked their Oscar submission and this ain't it.
OPENING 12/24
MEET THE FOCKERS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand join the "Meet the Parents" franchise as Mr. and Mrs. Focker.
WILL IT SUCK?
Not in a "Christmas with the Kranks" sort of way, no. Look, I know many people swear by "Meet the Parents" (as in "By 'Meet the Parents,' I swear I shall avenge you!") but I don't roll like that. I think it was a good movie. Funny. But not, like, "Airplane" funny. Not even "Old School" funny.
Now I say all this with the assumption that "Meet the Fockers" will run along the same lines, and there's reason to believe so. Same director (Jay Roach, who I'm a little miffed to report has been tapped to direct "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy." Was Terry Gilliam monumentally busy? Or tied to a tree?). Mostly the same writers. With the exception of Owen Wilson (who's absence will be, I predict, noticeable) same cast plus one great actor and one good one (I'm not sold on Streisand as a goddess). And the trailer looks to cover the same territory.
So you'll probably get the same treatment you got at the hands of the original. Except that the script wasn't really finished when they started shooting. That's always a good sign.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only serious competition this faces is from "Lemony Snicket," which will already be in its second frame. "Phantom of the Opera" could pose a threat, but will be in limited release. Plus, this gets a two-day head start. It'll probably end up being a contest between this and "Snicket" to see who gets the highest December gross. "Snicket" will win. $210mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Well, they do love Babs, but not that much.
FAT ALBERT
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Sort of like "Pleasantville," except instead of characters stepping into a TV show, they step out of one. Oh, and it'll suck. That's another difference.
WILL IT SUCK?
I believe we covered that already. Pop quiz, what do Chris Rock and Bill Cosby have in common? Both are great at writing stand-up, not so much at writing feature films. "Leonard Part 6" anyone? I would rather watch Bill stand there and talk about "Fat Albert" for two hours than have him write a movie where Albert and the gang come to life to help out some inner city kid. Not that I have anything against inner city kids, just sucky movies.
And Joel Zwick, man, what's up? You directed "Big Fat Greek Wedding." You had redeemed yourself from directing "Second Sight" (y'know, that wacky caper with Bronson Pinchot as a psychic helping John Larroquette crack a case?). What happened?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In a sense, this doesn't have much competition. The other comedies opening this weekend don't exactly have a huge black demographic in mind (though it won't just be white folks going to see "Meet the Fockers"). If it sucks, however, it won't be able to coast on being the only family fare in town, cos' "Snicket" will still be playing right next door. $85mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If there was a stand-up movie category, "Himself" would've won it. But this, no.
FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Plane crashes in the desert. Instead of eating each other, the survivors opt to rebuild the plane.
WILL IT SUCK?
They've got a hell of a screenwriter in Scott Frank ("Out of Sight" "Minority Report") to remake the original (which, by most accounts, is a classic). He's teamed up here with Edward Burns (writer/director of "She's the One" and "The Brothers McMullen") who apparently is cool now with just screenwriting even if he's not directing or in the cast.
Director John Moore ("Behind Enemy Lines") can bring the airplane-affiliated action and the cast (Dennis Quaid, Giovanni Ribisi, Tyrese, Sticky Fingaz, Hugh Laurie) is, um, diverse. This should actually be pretty cool, although I admit to being a sucker for all that MacGyver-style, we're-gonna-build-a-plane-out-of-gum-wrappers-and-socks shit.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
With a PG-13 they're probably going for a nearly family crowd but they're gonna get their asses handed to them by the second frame of "Snicket" and the first frame of "Fockers." Earlier in the season would have been better for them, I think. $51mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The original had Richard Attenborough and James Stewart and could only scrounge up a Best Supporting Actor nod (for neither of them) and a Best Editing nod - no wins. It's unlikely that this will fare better.
DARKNESS
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Cold Creek Manor" with teens.
WILL IT SUCK?
The early buzz is mixed. Anna Paquin usually makes strong choices, and here she stars with Lena Olin, who I'm told is quality. It's been nominated for a few international awards. It should be noted, however, that this has been moving around for two years before its pick up and release by Dimension. Actually, I first posted this preview in June, but they decided to move it again. On the other hand, after the improbably successful delay of "Hero," I can't second-guess Miramax's (or any of their subsidiaries') decision to delay anything. Except that I probably still will.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's no horror competition (unless you count "Blade," which you shouldn't) and I wouldn't be surprised if there actually were a closet Christmas horror audience. Not a big one, though. $2mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No.
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake of "The Phantom of the Paradise," relocated to an opera house. Oh, I can't fool you. Yeah, this is that Andrew Lloyd Webber thing.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's Andrew Lloyd Webber. That alone should make up your mind for you one way or the other. Me, I'm not a huge fan. He co-wrote this adaptation of his hit musical with Joel Schumacher, who wrote another musical adaptation. Can you guess what it is? That's right. "The Wiz." So, make of that what you will.
Joel is directing as well, which, if you've seen "Batman and Robin" shouldn't come as much of a surprise. Really, it might have been better if they sang.
But before you write this off, remember that blogger/pundit/critic David Poland, who tends to be fairly prescient about these things, thinks that unless "The Aviator" exceeds expectations, this will actually win Best Picture.
Yeah, I thought the same thing when I read that. Namely, "Guh?!?"
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Can someone explain to me why this is in limited release? Why aren't they taking the "Fockers" head on? This is an event picture! Well, for whatever reason, they've opted to platform this baby, perhaps expecting word of mouth to build momentum into what's sure to be a weak January. In any case, this will dominate the art houses until it gets its multiplex legs. If it's as good (Oscar-wise) as Poland intimates, that should translate into serious dollars in the long run, a la "Chicago." $171mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Before, I would have said no, but if Poland's on target, and he usually is (he was frighteningly accurate about Fox's domination of the summer b.o.) look for this in most major categories including (gulp) Schumacher for Best Director. We might as well start getting used to those words all being in the same sentence early.
THE WOODSMAN
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kevin Bacon plays a former pedophile who's paid his debt to society and is now trying to rebuild his life. Kind of like "Sling Blade." But with a pedophile.
WILL IT SUCK?
God bless Newmarket. They've become the new Lion's Gate. See, Lion's Gate used to distribute the films other indies were afraid to touch ("Dogma," "American Psycho"). Now that LG is doing the horror thing ("Open Water," "Saw," "Cabin Fever" - maybe they're the new Dimension?), Newmarket is handling titles like "Donnie Darko," "The Passion of the Christ," "Monster," and this.
That having been said, audiences aren't quite as taken with this flick as critics. This comes from "Monster's Ball" producer Lee Daniels, so expect a bit of a hard edge (as if the subject matter didn't tell you that already). Also from that film, Mos Def looks to continue his impressive acting spree as a police sergeant on Bacon's case. Writer/director is a newcomer, so it's hard to say, but my guess is this is going to be pretty good.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Phantom of the Opera" will clearly be the larger profile limited release, but it's almost unfair to compare the two since it isn't even an indie. Ultimately, though, it's not "Phantom" that will do this in. I think the subject matter is just going to be too hard a sell, especially without an artsy name like Almodovar attached. $5mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If the academy can get around the subject matter, which is a big if, Bacon has a shot at a nom.
BRIDE AND PREJUDICE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Bollywood adaptation of the Jane Austin classic.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. The musical numbers look great. This is the latest from "Bend it Like Beckham" writer/director Gurinder Chadha, reteamed with her "Beckham" co-writer Paul Mayeda Berges. So expect the same quality here. With more music. Also, keep an eye out for Mike White as a bellboy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably not the best time to release this. It's got a much higher profile musical to compete with upon opening, and the second frame of "Beyond the Sea" isn't entirely unrelated. This might have made a better summer sleeper like "Beckham." $3mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Only room for one musical this year.
IN THE REALMS OF THE UNREAL
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Documentary about Henry Darger, who was a janitor by day, visionary artist by night.
WILL IT SUCK?
It's a fascinating subject. When the guy died, he left behind a 15,000-page manuscript for a children's book. Writer/Director Jessica Yu has done a couple of well-received docs so far ("The Living Museum," "Breathing Lessons: The Life and Work of Mark O'Brien"), and early buzz indicates that this will continue in that tradition. Her best-known work, however, is probably the "Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail" episode of "The West Wing."
Oh, and Dakota Fanning can now be officially described as "ubiquitous." She narrates the doc.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Notice how you haven't heard of Yu's other docs? Same deal here. On top of that, competition is way too stiff. This'll get buried. $200,000.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Her "Breathing Lessons" won Best Short Doc in '97 and this is one of the twelve eligible docs for next year.
HOTEL RWANDA
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
True story of Paul Rusesabagina, a hotelier in Rwanda who sheltered refugees during the genocide of '94.
WILL IT SUCK?
Having seen it I can tell you that, no, it doesn't. Don Cheadle is fantastic as Rusesabagina, and the story is compelling. My only regret is that they didn't make it more violent. A strange complaint, but a PG-13 film about genocide can come off as overprotective. That, and the screenplay sometimes falters. Still worth checking out.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I know MGM/UA's got issues at the moment, what with not existing and all, but they need to do a better job of promoting this if they want box office and/or Oscar buzz. If they proceed as they have, they'll get some press, but not much. $12mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Outside shot for Cheadle.
OPENING 12/3
IN GOOD COMPANY
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Topher Grace gets to boss around Dennis Quaid, and date his daughter.
WILL IT SUCK?
Good casting. Along with Topher and Dennis you've got Scarlett Johanssen as the daughter and Marg Helgenberger, Philip Baker Hall, David Paymer, and Selma Blair along for the ride. More importantly, you've got "About a Boy" writer/director Paul Weitz taking what would otherwise be a bad Disney movie premise and, hopefully, turning it into a surprise year-end charmer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Serious competition. "Merchant of Venice" and "The Assassination of Richard Nixon" will be a problem. Plus there's all the crap from the week before. On the other hand, good word of mouth leading into a typically weak January could, over time, generate maybe half the success of "About a Boy". $22mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
There's a modicum of Johanssen talk, but a nom for her would more likely come from "A Love Song for Bobby Long."
THE ASSASSINATION OF RICHARD NIXON
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Get used to the phrase "What, too soon?" Sean Penn plays a guy who plans to kill Nixon by crashing a commuter plane into the White House. Told you. Based on a true story.
WILL IT SUCK?
Mixed reviews so far. Great cast, though. Naomi Watts reunites with her "21 Grams" co-star and Don Cheadle is up in here as well along with a Michael Wincott cameo. And this was penned by "Tadpole" writer Niels Mueller, who also directs. Still, the buzz is that the plot's a little thin and the pace a little slow. "Taxi Driver" this ain't.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The eternal struggle of the indie film. Is the subject matter so harsh as to be off-putting to anyone or not harsh enough to be considered worthy of the art house? This is a tough call. I think Penn's presence will be enough initially, but without solid word-of-mouth, it'll be hard for this to get traction. $3mil.
WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
With better buzz and b.o., maybe. As it is, probably not.
THE MERCHANT OF VENICE
WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Anti-Semitism, Shakespeare-style. For those of you unfamiliar with this work, Shylock loans money to a guy who can't pay it back so, remember Greed in "Se7en"? Yeah, it's like that.
WILL IT SUCK?
I like how critics tiptoe around this play, calling it "troublesome" or "difficult" as if it were some coke-addicted actor. Look, this one was anti-Semitic and, not for nothing, but "Taming of the Shrew" was chauvinist. Deal with it. That having been said, this adaptation has a lot going for it, artistically. Michael Radford directs, and this is supposed to be his best work since "Il Postino." Al Pacino plays Shylock (and, apparently, plays the shit out of the role), Jeremy Irons plays Antonio, a | 
