by Dave Thomas

Lucky Number Slevin

I don’t know which is more disturbing; that there is a fourth Scary Movie, or that it’s likely to be the month’s highest grosser. Since April begins on Saturday, this month's new releases officially begin next Friday, but hey, this is a movie preview. If you're itching to see a new release this week, you can check out the new Lynchian high school noir, Brick.

April 7

THE BENCHWARMERS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Three grown men (David Spade, Rob Schneider, and Jon Heder, so I use the term loosely) take on a bunch of little league teams all by their lonesome.

WILL IT SUCK?
Well, you've got the director of Saving Silverman and the writers behind Grandma's Boy up in here. Granted, that same director did Happy Gilmore, but did I mention Beverly Hills Ninja, National Security, and Problem Child? This is not a film festival you want to attend.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Fans of stupid comedy will have much more to rejoice about the following week, when Scary Movie 4 takes the stage. In the meantime, this will sate them, though I doubt Spade and Schneider combined will equal Heder's draw. $49mil.

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PHAT GIRLZ

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
They are girlz. They are phat. And overweight.

WILL IT SUCK?
I have no idea. But what's curious is the writer/director is newcomer Nnegest Likké, who is young, black, female, and not the slightest bit overweight. For shame. Seriously, though, how many young, black, female directors can you name? (Actually, even if I remove only one of those adjectives, I bet you're still confined to one hand).

Also, if you like Mo'Nique, she's one of the girlz in question, and Raven Goodwin, whom you might remember as the really cool kid from Station Agent (or, far more likely, from Everybody Hates Chris) makes an appearance. Plus: Eric Roberts alert!

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little bit of demographic competition from Take the Lead, but it should have a core following of, well, phat girlz, or really anyone fed up with body image fascism. Not that any of that helped Real Women Have Curves make bank. $14mil.

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TAKE THE LEAD

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Mad Hot Banderas

WILL IT SUCK?
Newcomer writer and director, though the director has done plenty of music videos which, in this case, is appropriate. The trailer, I have to admit, looks a lot better than it should.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This probably has about as much star power as anything else opening wide this week. Still, I see it as an uphill battle. $26mil.

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LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
I Can't Believe It's Not A Guy Ritchie Movie!

WILL IT SUCK?
Given that Guy Ritchie movies suck now, we should be thankful something has come along to take their place. Early buzz is very good, placing this above director Paul McGuigan's calling card Gangster No. 1. The writer did a bunch of Karen Sisco episodes which, apparently, was the bomb.

The cast looks promising, with Ben Kingsley, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu, and Stanley Tucci, but lead Josh Hartnett still has to prove himself to me (though Sin City wasn't a bad start).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's not very much like it out there, but this isn't the sort of movie that usually makes very much money regardless. $32mil.

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FRIENDS WITH MONEY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One of four female friends suddenly makes less money than her cohorts.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good-but-not-great, with critics a little more impressed than audiences. In the ranking of writer/director Nicole Holofcenter's oeuvre, this is coming in at third out of three. I liked Lovely & Amazing, but it wasn't the sort of film that left me thirsty for more. Still, those four friends are Joan Cusack, Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, and Catherine Keener.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should have a strong opening with little competition and a strong pre-release buzz dating back to Sundance, but next week two fairly high-profile indies will bloody up the waters. $15mil.

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ON A CLEAR DAY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Old British guy swims the English Channel.

WILL IT SUCK?
Think Waking Ned Devine or The Full Monty. If you liked those, you'll probably like this, according to early buzz - and the trailer seems precisely the same.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Think more Waking Ned Devine than Full Monty. $1mil.

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WHEN DO WE EAT?

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
For those of you wondering when someone would finally make a movie in which somebody slips their father a hit of ecstasy at a Passover Seder, your long wait is over.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is fairly good in spite of a cheesy trailer (this is an inexpensive acid trip), but you gotta love the premise. I'd like to think that between this and the imminent Keeping Up with the Steins (about competitive Bar Mitzvah's) that we're seeing the dawn of a new genre, the Jewish holiday comedy. Stay tuned for Herschel's Wacky Purim in July.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Although the concept is novel, I don't know that it's being put in front of enough eyeballs to reach a critical mass. $1mil.

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April 14
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SCARY MOVIE 4

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
On tonight's episode of Mad TV, I mean, in this installment, they make fun of more movies.

WILL IT SUCK?
At some point, someone will do a post-mortem on the ZAZ team that brought us such classics as Airplane and Top Secret! and figure out what happened. Of the two members present for this sequel, David Zucker and Jim Abrams, neither has done anything of note since Naked Gun 21⁄2, and that's pushing the definition of "of note." Still, if you liked Scary Movie 3...oh, what's the point?

Full disclosure: I caught the last half of Jane Austen's Mafia! the other night - laughed my ass off.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think anything with quite this much appeal will be out for a while. $90mil.

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THE WILD

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Madagascar

WILL IT SUCK?
I'm not kidding. It's really just Madagascar from Disney instead of Dreamworks. The plots are more similar than Deep Impact and Armageddon. And like those two, one clearly has lower-tier stars. This one. Kiefer Sutherland takes the lead along with Eddie Izzard as some kind of animal, I'm going to guess a squirrel. And I've given up on the presence of great actors like Izzard saving these films. Freakin' Ricky Gervais was in Valiant.

But really, these things come down to writing. The four writers on this project include scribes from The Santa Clause 2 and Snow Dogs. But hey, the director's nickname is Spaz. You gotta give 'em that.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't see this having quite the impact of its predecessor, which may be why Disney is releasing this in the spring, with nary a kid's film in sight, instead of the summer. $51mil.

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HARD CANDY

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A sort of revenge tale involving a potential pedophile and his teen prey.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good, which is nice given how easily this could slip into exploitation.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It has two higher-profile indies to deal with, and its subject matter might be a bit much, even for indie audiences. Then again, Lionsgate has grown to become a marketing force. $5mil.

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THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The story of pin-up girl Bettie Page.

WILL IT SUCK?
Critics are very split on this one. All I know is, the last time director Mary Harron got together with writer Guinevere Turner, we got American Psycho, and that's all right with me. Plus, you get supporting performances from Lili Taylor and David Strathairn. Gretchen Mol has the lead, which inspires me for less than artistic reasons.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the biggest fish in the pond this weekend. Has a better lead-in than Kinky Boots, which is really only now starting to advertise. $8mil.

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KINKY BOOTS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
How can we save the shoe factory? Make boots for transvestites. Duh.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is positive but not overwhelmingly so. It is, however, a chance to see Chiwetel Ejiofor in what looks to be a career-making performance as the transvestite who inspires our hero to retool the factory. One of the Calendar Girls writers is on board here, too.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The heat for Ejiofor off of Inside Man might be really well-timed. $4mil.

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SOMERSAULT

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Woman falls for some guy. Complications ensue.

WILL IT SUCK?
Won a crapload of Australian awards, including a near-sweep of the Australian Film Institute Awards. Early critical buzz is strong.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Too many bigger fish from bigger studios this week. $500,000.

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LA MUJER DE MI HERMANO

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
If you know Spanish, it's about as clear as Snakes on a Plane, but the upside is a chick falls for her husband's brother.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mild, and the whole thing looks like the most generic of tales, just told in Spanish. Turn on Unavisión if you don't feel like leaving the house.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I can see Lionsgate trying to snowball this into the next El Crimen de Padre Amaro. $2mil.

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PREACHING TO THE CHOIR

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One brother's a hip-hop artist, the other's a preacher! Wackyness ensues?

WILL IT SUCK?
Pretty much newcomers all around, though one writer did Club Dread. The guy who plays Mr. Eko on Lost is in it. Yeah, that's still not enough for me.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably about the same audience as The Second Chance, which came out in February and you've probably forgotten already. $500,000.

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MOUNTAIN PATROL: KEKEXILI

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Villagers vs. poachers in Tibet.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty outstanding, and numerous international accolades sweeten the pot.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unfortunately, international kudos rarely translate into American dollars. $250,000.

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MY FIRST WEDDING

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Rachel Leigh Cook stars as a woman who mistakenly confesses a fantasy to some guy who then poses as a preacher and I think there's a wedding in there somewhere.

WILL IT SUCK?
Hard to say. Early buzz isn't great, and everyone involved has pretty much made movies very few people have heard of before.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Having Rachel Leigh Cook in your film really isn't enough to launch it, which is sad considering I'm pretty sure I couldn't get Rachel Leight Cook to be in one of my films. $100,000.

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THE SISTERS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
More or less based on Chekov's Three Sisters, with Maria Bello, Mary Stuart Masterson, and Erika Christensen in the lead roles.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, what little there is, is fairly good. Chekov, surprisingly, often translates well onto film.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The much more high profile female ensemble Friends with Money will be in its second, expanded frame at this point, not to mention the four billion other indies out this weekend. $1mil.

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April 21
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SILENT HILL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Based on the popular video game, Radha Mitchell loses her daughter and has to search through Spookytown to get her back.

WILL IT SUCK?
You've got Christophe Gans, who brought the mad atmosphere to Brotherhood of the Wolf, at the helm. Roger Avary, who helped pen a little film called Pulp Fiction, has a co-writing credit. Could be the first non-sucky video game adaptation.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No horror competition. No video game competition. $52mil.

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AMERICAN DREAMZ

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Political satire from the brothers Weitz.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not good if you listen to critics and pretty good if you listen to audiences. Paul Weitz has taken the leads from his previous efforts (Hugh Grant from About a Boy and Dennis Quaid from In Good Company) and made them co-leads here. He's also assembled an outstanding supporting cast including Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Judy Greer, Shohreh Aghdashloo, John Cho, and Jennifer Coolidge. With all this talent, I was hoping for a more unanimous endorsement.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will audiences abandon this for the broader comedy of R.V. the following week? Are they all that receptive to satire in the first place, even when accompanied with good buzz? $46mil.

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STICK IT

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
You'd think with that title that this would be the political satire. But, no. This is about gymnastics. Get it?

WILL IT SUCK?
The only ray of hope here is that the writer/director brought us the screenplay for Bring It On, a film about ten times better than it should have been. Unfortunately, in the time since then, she's contributed to the screenplays of The Truth About Charlie, First Daughter, and Aquamarine, so her credibility's damn near shot. Here's hoping this pulls it out of the mud.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little competition from Silent Hill for the young 'uns. And I don't know that Jeff Bridges is going to be a selling point for the tweeners. $19mil.

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THE SENTINEL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Michael Douglas has only 24 hours (okay, he might have more) to stop a Presidential assissination plot while Kiefer Sutherland goes all Tommy Lee Jones on his ass.

WILL IT SUCK?
There is potential for greatness here. Well, goodness at least. Director Clark Johnson hit a triple last time out with the better-than-expected S.W.A.T. and screenwriter George Nolfi is capable of either Timeline or Ocean's 12 levels of delivery. (I should probably clarify that I, unlike many, actually liked Ocean's 12). But hey, this has David Rasche (Sledge Hammer!, himself) as the President. How can you not like that?

HOW WELL IT DO?
It's unclear how fanciful political fare will do when the all-too-real United 93 hits theaters the following week (also, I shit you not, with David Rasche). For this weekend, though, the main competition is 24. $56mil.

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STANDING STILL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
One of those wedding-cum-college-reunion type deals that goes all wacky when secrets come out yadda, yadda, yadda.

WILL IT SUCK?
Interesting cast, includin Amy Adams, James Van Der Beek, Ethan Embry, Colin Hanks, Aaron Stanford, Mena Suvari, Xander Berkeley, and Roger Avary. Early buzz is mixed, and little is known about the writers or director.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they can leverage the cast (especially the Oscar-nod-hot Adams) they might get past the boring title. $2mil.

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IN HER LINE OF FIRE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Secret Service agent (Mariel Hemingway) vs. non-descript rebel jungle fighters in South America to save the Vice President (Keith David). Who wouldn't vote for a David Rasche/Keith David ticket? Seriously?

WILL IT SUCK?
The director did Leprechaun 3 and 4, the sequel to The Omega Code, and, the best-title-ever TV flick Atomic Dog. So when I say this is going to be deliciously bad, you know what I mean.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
On DVD? Fantastic. $100,000.

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WASSUP ROCKERS

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
This latest slice of fringe from Kids director Larry Clark focuses on LA Latino skate punks.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but Clark is at least in familiar territory.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Familiar territory for Clark is also low box office. $500,000.

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April 28
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UNITED 93

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The true story of flight 93 which, on 9/11, crashed when hostages tried to retake the plane.

WILL IT SUCK?
There is no other director I'd trust this particular project with over Paul Greengrass (Bloody Sunday, The Bourne Supremacy). See, he did Bloody Sunday, which was a documentary-real dramatization of the tragic shooting of protesters by British soldiers in Derry, Ireland in 1972. It's gripping stuff, handled dispassionately, yet inspiring great passion. The fact that this is to be a real time account of a real event of tragic brutality suggests a similar treatment might be appropriate.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
To me the question isn't whether or not Greengrass is equal to the task so much as is the audience even remotely ready for such a blunt retelling? It's one thing to approach the topic obliquely (War of the Worlds) or even in a fictionalized, dramatic account of a real story from the day with movie stars like Nicolas Cage (Oliver Stone's upcoming World Trade Center). But to have a no-name cast shot in a cinéma vérité style will basically put the audience on the plane. That's a much less removed experience. Bloody Sunday the movie didn't happen until thirty years after Bloody Sunday the tragedy. It's only been five for this.

On the other hand, of the four planes, I think this is the one audiences are most prepared to revisit.

Ultimately, I think audiences will be more comfortable getting in an R.V. with Robin Williams (and the following week jumping over a couch with Tom Cruise). $40mil.

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AKEELAH AND THE BEE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Spellbound: The Narrative Feature

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. There actually will be a Spellbound narrative feature, but this beat them to the punch. Laurence Fishburne can bring the mentoring to undeveloped minds (Searching for Bobby Fischer, The Matrix), and whenever he appears in a film with Angela Bassett, it's usually a good thing (Boyz N the Hood, What's Love Got to Do with It?).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Maybe a little competition from Hoot the following week, but the bigger problem is that these kinds of films never do that well. $15mil.

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R.V.

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Are We There Yet, Robin?

WILL IT SUCK?
Has Barry Sonnenfeld directed anything good since Get Shorty? I didn't think so. And the writer brought us Daddy Day Care and The Shaggy Dog. Not good times. It looks so bad that the fact that both Tony Hale and Will Arnett of Arrested Development are in it does nothing for me.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The success of The Pink Panther, not to mention Big Momma's House 2, suggests that audiences don't really care how good the comedy is as long as a big star is attached and people fall down a lot. $63mil.

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WATER

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A girl is locked away in a temple in Varasani, India for brides whose arranged-marriage-husbands die before the wedding.

WILL IT SUCK?
Let me tell you something about writer/director Deepa Mehta. By most accounts, she hasn't made a bad film, and this is considered to be her best. Not to mention the fact that she had to fight Hindu fundamentalists who tried to burn down her sets in order to make the thing, so one hopes after all that it doesn't up and suck.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I have to say that while I'm impressed that Fox Searchlight is opening this wide, I don't know that that's going to help. $6mil.

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KILLER DILLER

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Halfway house folks are turned into a blues band. Note: Not The Blues Brothers.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but I do like me some Lucas Black (Friday Night Lights, Jarhead, and, sadly, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Bigger indie fish on the horizon, and not a huge company backing it. $250,000.

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THE DEATH OF MR. LAZARESCU

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
You know Mr. Lazarescu? Yeah, he dies.

WILL IT SUCK?
This indictment of the Romanian health care system has won numerous international awards, including the Un Certain Regard award at Cannes. Early buzz is outstanding.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has a better shot at a good opening than Killer Diller, but not by much. $750,000.

Next Month: Let’s get this summer started right. Let’s get this summer started quick-ly. Will Brett Ratner make me cry? And we see what may be the year’s best poster. It involves Al Gore, indirectly.

-- Dave Thomas

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:28 AM | Comments (1)

A big thanks to Kevin for manning the FREEwilly controls for the past three weeks. Without further ado, we'll immediately lower the bar with a post about the upcoming Samuel Jackson film Snakes on a Plane. From Hollywood Reporter:

This month, New Line Cinema's "Snakes on a Plane," which wrapped principal photography in September in Vancouver, went back before the cameras for five days of additional shooting at the Lot in Los Angeles.

The second round of filming .... came about because of intense and growing fan interest in the movie...

"Snakes" stars Samuel L. Jackson as an FBI agent who has to fight a planeload of snakes unleashed by an assassin bent on killing a witness in protective custody. Sight unseen, the movie has grown from something of a joke into a phenomenon slithering untamed throughout the Internet.

It all started with the provocative and buzzworthy, if also reductive, title. New Line picked up the script in turnaround from Paramount Pictures in March 2003 -- in the wake of Sept. 11, terror-on-a-plane movies had fallen out of favor. And even within New Line, there were skeptics who viewed "Snakes on a Plane" as nothing but a simple programr with a "stupid title."

After Jackson came on board as the star, the title was upgraded to the more generic "Pacific Air Flight 121." ...

"Who wants to be in a movie called 'Snakes on a Plane'?" asked one talent agent at the time, seeming to echo the studio's concerns.

Movie fans... seized upon the title and started spontaneously creating fan sites, blogs, T-shirts, poems, fiction and songs. The title itself, sometimes abbreviated as "SoaP," has emerged as Internet-speak for fatalistic sentiments that range from c'est la vie to "shit happens."

Jackson publicly endorsed the move. "That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title," Jackson told entertainment site Collider.com. He added, "You either want to see that, or you don't."

New Line execs, concerned that it is too early to discuss the movie, declined comment. But sources now insist the studio never abandoned the "Snakes" title in the first place and that "Pacific Air" was just an internal working title.

In any event, "Snakes"-ophiles already were hard at work. Chris Rohan of Bethesda, Md., created an elaborate, R-rated audio trailer that lovingly mocks the title and movie. "It's a genius title," Rohan said. "It's so stupid it's great. It invites satire, but it's something you just love. It's something I can't explain. You either get it or you don't."

The audio bit uses a Jackson sound-alike shouting, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Soon, the growing legion of fans added their voices as they demanded that that phrase also appear in the movie.

Apparently, the studio got the hint. When Ellis assembled Jackson and others for the recent shoot, the filmmakers added more gore, more death, more nudity, more snakes and more death scenes. And they shot a scene where Jackson does utter the line that fans have demanded.

Those involved with the film said the reshoots weren't prompted by fans but rather by the existing footage that already was a hairline into R territory. Within the studio, the thinking was, "We're already going to get an R, why not go all the way?" But the filmmakers do concede that the Jackson line will be in the movie for the sake of the fans.

This video on the satiric Snakes On a Blog is not to be missed. And here's a funny audio trailer. We can't wait to see the film. It comes out this summer.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:22 AM | Comments (6)

by Kevin K.

The much-ballyhooed graphic-novel-turned-film V for Vendetta isn't the only provocative, politically-charged entertainment opening tonight in NYC. You can also add the Pumpkin Pie Show's "Junta High" to the list:

Celebrating its tenth year, the Pumpkin Pie Show is a rigorous storytelling session amplified by its own live soundtrack. In junta high, Clay McLeod Chapman, a New New Stuff 2005 favorite, crafts a Sweet Valley-styled high school for terrorists where cheerleaders double as suicide bombers and guidance counselors are taken hostage by the A/V club. Holy causes worth dying for galvanize school spirits, blood is shed on the football field every Friday night and the Hungry March Band fervently plays on.

Original music written and performed live by the Hungry March Band.

Think of it as Elephant X 10 plus tubas.

Performance Space 122
150 First Ave., NYC, 212-477-5288
March 16 - 26
Wednesday-Saturday at 8:30 p.m.
Saturday and Sunday at 4:30 p.m.
$20 ($10 Members)

RELATED: A look back at Vanity Fair Contributing Editor James Wolcott's review of V for Vendetta. The film opens tonight at 10PM at several NYC theaters followed by the muffled sounds of wingnuts' heads exploding throughout the country.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:09 AM | Comments (6)

by Kevin K.

In one of the weirder web phenomenons we've stumbled upon in a while, a painting called "Bear Surprise" by NYC's renowned musician/actor/artist John Lurie has picked up a rabid cult following in Russia. The high-traffic blog Preved! features a vast array of Photoshopped versions of the painting and the image of the bear has even made its way onto everything from posters to t-shirts (here, here and here). If anyone out there speaks (or is) Russian and can give us more insight into how in the hell this all started, please leave us an explanation in comments.

(More art by Lurie can be found here.)

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 07:54 AM | Comments (61)

by Dave Thomas

When you find out what’s coming out this month, you’ll be glad that February is short.

FEBRUARY 3:

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember the beginning of “Scream?” Okay, that for 100 minutes.

WILL IT SUCK?
"The clichés are coming from inside the house!" If the fact that Simon “Tomb Raider” West is at the helm doesn't fill you with confidence, I don't know what will.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think audiences are just gullible enough to give this a shot in spite of the cliché, but regardless “Final Destination 3” will blow this out of the water the following week. $33mil.

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SOMETHING NEW

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Black chick dates a white guy. That's new, right?

WILL IT SUCK?
Time will tell if this is more “Love Jones” or “Booty Call,” but with a writer who's worked on both “Everybody Hates Chris” and “Whoopi” on board, either could happen. If you've been looking forward to another flick from that chick from “Alien vs. Predator” or the dead gay guy from “L.A. Confidential,” here you go. Seriously, though, you can't beat Donald Faison for your comic relief.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
An onslaught of new films next week will minimize the impact of this, which will already be compromised by “When a Stranger Calls.” $24mil.

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THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Tommy Lee Jones (in his directorial debut) takes on a corrupt border patrolman in an effort to return a corpse to Mexico.

WILL IT SUCK?
From the writer of “Amores Perros” and “21 Grams,” so expect it to be harsh. Early buzz is oustanding, and the flick won Best Actor (Tommy Lee Jones) and Screenplay at Cannes (along with a Palme D'Or nod for Jones). Also with Barry Pepper and Dwight Yoakam.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Delayed (or perhaps released only in LA for Oscar consideration) from December, and I can't blame them. It was very crowded. Here it can breathe, even if it's Oscar chances are shot. $3mil.

A GOOD WOMAN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Scarlett Johansson and Helen Hunt in a period piece catfight.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed to bad, with audiences liking it better than critics. That's too bad, since Wilde adaptations usually produce good films. Also, in their heyday, either Hunt or Johansson could have carried a film like this on their own.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If I were Lions Gate, I'd move to the following weekend, which is even less crowded indie-wise, to take full advantage of their star power. $2mil.

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SUITS ON THE LOOSE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remember “Nuns on the Run”? Okay, replace the nuns with Mormon missionaries. Get it?

WILL IT SUCK?
It's a pretty take-it-or-leave-it premise. The trailer isn't horrible, and neither is the early buzz. Neither are all that great. I think "meh" would be an achievement for this film.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think anyone knows about this and I don't think anyone's going to find out. It's kind of like a murder in the desert. $750,000.

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TAMARA

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
What if “Carrie” were really fucking hot?

WILL IT SUCK?
They have the opening clip up at IGN. It looks awesomely bad. When this comes out on DVD, have your friends over.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they could ride that whole "awesomely bad" wave they could probably suffer a wide release. As it is, I don't think a limited release is going to engender much goodwill. $1mil.

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WHAT THE BLEEP!? - DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

WHAT'S THE BLEEPIN' PITCH?
Remember “What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?”, the wacky indie sensation from the good folks at The Ramtha School of Enlightenment? Think of this as a Director's Cut.

WILL IT BLEEPIN' SUCK, YOU MUTHABLEEPER?
Well, the first one didn't exactly get great reviews, so I'm thinking adding an hour and a half of same won't help.

HOW BLEEPIN' BLEEP #$*! BLEEPITY SHITFUCKER!!!
The first one made almost $11mil. I don't think lightning will strike twice, even with all-new crappy animation. $6mil.

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FEBRUARY 10
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FIREWALL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Harrison Ford must break into his own bank's security system when his family is taken hostage.

WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, yes. Think “24” with a bigger budget and smaller brain.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's a crowded weekend, and while there are no suspense thrillers per se, there's horror (“Final Destination 3”), comedy (“Pink Panther”), and family (“Curious George”), all of which tend to do better than suspense thrillers. $31mil.

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FINAL DESTINATION 3

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Death is on the move. This time it stalks the survivors of a roller coaster accident.

WILL IT SUCK?
If you liked the first two, you'll probably like this one. They've brought back the original writing/directing team behind the original, Glen Morgan and James Wong, who were so sublime on “The X-Files” and so not once they hit the big screen.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Believe it or not, this franchise has been seeing diminishing returns domestic. Don't expect that to change anytime soon. $41mil.

------------------------------------------

THE PINK PANTHER

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
It hurts. Steve Martin takes over for Peter Sellers in this remake. That should be encouraging, but it's really not.

WILL IT SUCK?
There's going to be a post-mortem on this someday and it's going to be fascinating. First off, we've got Shawn Levy, he of “Cheaper by the Dozen “and “Just Married” at the helm. That sets us up for a certain kind of movie. Namely, sucky. However, our writing staff consists of Steve Martin, who knows from funny, and Len Blum, who penned two of the quintessential Bill Murray comedies of the 80's, “Meatballs” and “Stripes”.

How can these writers produce something that, from the looks of the trailer, will be impossible to sit through? Not to mention the fact that it was delayed from August, already a dumping ground, to February, August's ugly stepsister.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Having seen how well crap like “Big Momma's House 2” can do, it's hard for me to completely dismiss this. $79mil.

------------------------------------------

CURIOUS GEORGE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
George is a chimp. He is curious. It's not “Chinatown,” people.

WILL IT SUCK?
Oh, most assuredly. I count 11 writers, not all of them credited, mind you. Brian Grazer, wonderful when bringing us adult entertainments like “Friday Night Lights,” sucks balls when bringing us children's entertainment like “The Grinch” and “The Cat in the Hat.”

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
No children's competition around for miles. $63mil.

------------------------------------------

NEIL YOUNG: HEART OF GOLD

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Neil Young concert movie.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, and why not? It's Neil Young. And he's doing stuff. Emmylou Harris is up in there, too. Jonathan Demme, no stranger to the concert film (“Stop Making Sense”), directs.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Some people would say Neil isn't worth two documentaries (Jarmusch did “Year of the Horse” back in '97), but that's not who this is targeting. $250,000.

------------------------------------------

LONDON

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Jason Statham (sporting a shitty hairdo) does the romantic dramedy thing.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. And I should clarify the plot. It's really Chris Evans doing the romantic dramedy thing. Statham is just his wacky friend. The film also features Dane Cook playing a character called "Cockblocker," so I'm all in. As for the rest of you, I'd wait for more buzz.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is a bit of a wild card, but I don't see it going further than cult hit at best. $7mil.

------------------------------------------

THROUGH THE FIRE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Hoop Dreams” a la ESPN.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz isn't so good, but there's not much to go on. If you like the drama of high school-cum-NBA basketball and think an appearance by LeBron James might make the film, check it out.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is ESPN movies first theatrical release, so I'm guessing the people who watch that station are gonna know about it. That's not a small amount. $8mil.

------------------------------------------
FEBRUARY 17
------------------------------------------

FREEDOMLAND

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ah, Julianne Moore and her missing children. This one gets abducted during a carjacking. Or was he?

WILL IT SUCK?
Sorry if I find it difficult to discuss any film starring Sam Jackson that does not involve SNAKES! On a PLANE!!! Motherfucking SNAKES on a motherfucking PLANE!!! Sam Jackson plays the detective investigating the case of the missing child who may or may not have been taken when Moore was or was not carjacked by a black man. Racial tensions ensue.

So who do you call when you want to document this with an artistic mix of socio-political insight and sensitivity. Norman Jewison? Spike Lee? Matthieu Kassowitz? No, wait, I've got it! The guy who directed “Christmas with the Kranks!” Yeah, let's get that guy!

So, Joe Roth, head of Revolution Studios who, of course, are ramping this one up to suck, is at the helm to add that special Revolution taint to the proceedings. The trailer, I will admit, actually looks pretty good, and I credit all of that to Richard Price, who adapted his own novel. If there's anything good here, it's probably coming from him, cos' God knows Roth can suck the life out of any actor he puts on the screen (“America's Sweethearts”).

My only hope comes from the fact that Revolution has been shuttered. But there are still, like, 7 more movies under their current contract with Sony. Strangely, “Snakes on a Plane” is not one of them.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's hard to say how these controversial films will do, especially if they're not all that controversial. $26mil.

------------------------------------------

EIGHT BELOW

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
“Not Without My Sled Dogs!”

WILL IT SUCK?
Sorry, I'm just distracted by the trailer which shows one of the stranded sled dogs snatching a bird right out of the air! That's right. The bird's all like "You're not gonna get me. I can fly!" And the dog's all like "Let's hear you say that from inside my mouth, bitch!" That scene alone (and the one where they fight the seal) is gonna make this worth it. I can tell.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Paul Walker (Did I mention he was in this? Sorry, unless you can snatch a bird out of the air in mid-flight with your teeth, you're gonna get overlooked here.) will be competing with himself when “Running Scared” comes out the following week, and after “Into the Blue” even showing him topless can't gaurantee an opening. What do you think happens when you put him in a parka? $19mil.

------------------------------------------

DATE MOVIE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Okay, remember “Scary Movie?” Do the math.

WILL IT SUCK?
As the trailer points out in its sole clever moment, this is from two of the six writers on “Scary Movie.” What else have they done? How about “Spy Hard?”

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I hate to admit it, but even when they totally suck, those “Scary Movies” bring in the green. $72mil.

------------------------------------------

NIGHT WATCH

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sort of a Russian “Highlander.”

WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are a bit mixed, and so is the trailer. Part of it looks cool as shit, the other, cheesy as hell. If pulled off right, could be the next “Matrix.” If not, could be the next “Underworld.”

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If the reviews hold up, could be the next “28 Days Later.” Either way, it's already made its money back by being the highest grossing film in Russian history, beating out the likes of “Spider-Man 2” and “Lord of the Rings.” The other two installments are a given, as the trailer points out. $18mil.

------------------------------------------

WINTER PASSING

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Coming home story where Zooey Deschanel tries to get her dad (Ed Harris) to cough up some love letters he wrote so she can get them published (cos he's a famous recluse author or something).

WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed but hey, look, it's Will Ferrell! And he's in an indie! And Ed Harris looks like Edgar Winter. Other than that, nothing much here stands out, besides the fact that Zooey Deschanel rocks on principle.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Certainly has the best cast of any indie opening this week, but word of mouth is slim. “Tsotsi” offers slightly better buzz the following week. $1mil.

------------------------------------------

THE SECOND CHANCE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
"Well we're movin' on down..." Pastor at fancy white church gets demoted to poor black church.

WILL IT SUCK?
Sony is releasing this under its new Christian-themed film label, Triumph (named not, I think, after the insult comic dog, but that would be pretty funny). Going on the basis of the history of low-budget Christian-themed films (“The Omega Code,” anyone?) it's not usually a rich pot (and I say that as a Christian). Still, all the players here are x-factors, so you never know.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they market this with an eye towards advance sales in churches à la “End of the Spear,” they might do well. $10mil.

------------------------------------------

BATTLE IN HEAVEN

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
There's some convoluted plot in here about a kidnapping gone wrong, but all anyone seems to be able to talk about is the graphic sex.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews, not so good. But hey, graphic sex!

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Graphic sex, as it turns out, is available for free on the interwebs. $100,000.

------------------------------------------
FEBRUARY 24
------------------------------------------

MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sequel to the breakout hit “Diary of a Mad Black Woman.”

WILL IT SUCK?
Tyler Perry slides into the director's chair on this one. Will that be enough to save it from the doldrums of the previous installment's reviews? Probably not, but on the surface it looks like this will be more accessible and better acted. The success of the original seems to have bought the sequel some star power - Maya Angelou, Blair Underwood, Cicely Tyson (I said "some"). Madea still creeps me out, though.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The following week, “Dave Chappelle's Block Party” will be the "urban" hit. But this week, it's all about Madea. $56mil.

------------------------------------------

ULTRAVIOLET

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Futuristic dystopia with butt-kicking action - does the plot actually matter?

WILL IT SUCK?
Four years ago, a guy named Kurt Wimmer wrote and directed a movie called “Equilibrium.” It bombed and didn't score too hot with critics, either. However, over time, more people saw it, loved it, and recommended it. Eventually I saw it, too, and you know what? They're right. Now, in the same sci-fi action genre (looks like it takes place in the same future, just with color) Wimmer's back. So yeah, I'm psyched. Doesn't hurt to have Nick Chilund on board as the heavy, and the return of William Fichtner (he was in “Equilibrium”) as...who cares, he's in it.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Though the Wimmer faithful will be lining up, most folks'll write this off as an “Aeon Flux” knock-off, especially with Milla Jovovich playing an ass-kicking genetically enhanced mutant for the 17th time. Still, this will do far better than “Equilibrium.” $51mil.

------------------------------------------

RUNNING SCARED

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Paul Walker plays a mobster (hee) who has to track down a hot gun.

WILL IT SUCK?
Did you read the part where Paul Walker is a mobster? Actually, this is from the guy behind “The Cooler,” and as such has fairly good advance buzz. Still, when I think of “Running Scared”, I think of the awesome 1986 comedy with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines, and nothing is going to replace that.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Never mind the fact that Paul Walker from “Eight Below” is competing with this Paul Walker this week, you have “Pulse” and Dave Chappelle knocking this out of the water the following week. $9mil.

------------------------------------------

DOOGAL

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A little “Ice Age,” a little Season Four of “Smallville” (a hunt for magic stones), and a whole lot of cheap-ass computer animation.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early reviews are mixed, but European. That is to say that this was a cult British TV hit in the 60's, so without that context, it's hard to say what American audiences will think. Now, I will say it's kind of neat that Tom Baker (the Fourth Doctor, yo!) is the voice of the villain and that Jon Stewart and Kevin Smith are apparently lending their talents as well. But that's not enough to get me in the theater. Dude, “Valiant” had Ricky fucking Gervais and it still sucked.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little early to say if “Aquamarine” will be a challenge the following week as it will likely skew older. And I've learned not to underestimate the power of The Weinstein Co. when it comes to kiddie fare. “Hoodwinked,” depending upon who's numbers you trust, opened better than “Glory Road.” $51mil.

------------------------------------------

TSOTSI

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
South Africa, home of gangbangers.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very strong, though some audiences don't seem as impressed. Audiences in Toronto, however, gave it their highest honor - the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival (over some stiff competition). Also got an Oscar nod for Best Foreign Flick.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This will be the first test of the "new" Miramax, sans Weinsteins. My guess is they'll do pretty well. And films that win at Toronto tend to have better half-lives than films that win at another presitgious, snowy fest. $3mil.

------------------------------------------

UNKNOWN WHITE MALE

WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Doc about a guy with retrograde amnesia.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty good, as is befitting a film that got a Grand Jury nod at last year's Sundance. Fascinating topic.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Can Court TV take on the new Miramax? $500,000.

Next month: Two of the best films I saw at Toronto are coming out; plus "V for Very Good Advance Buzz" and (finally!) "A Scanner Darkly." I guess what I'm saying is, March will be much better, folks, don’t give up on movies just yet.

-- Dave Thomas

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:31 AM | Comments (4)

This video of Britney's hubby, Keven Federline, jamming in the studio is too wonderful to not share. Check it out here.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:46 AM | Comments (1)

LOOKING FOR COMEDY IN THE MUSLIM WORLD

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Albert Brooks is hired by the government to be the title.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is not so great. Apparently, he doesn't find it.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The return of Steven Soderbergh next week will overshadow this. This week, bad buzz might move people to the more serious "Why We Fight." $1mil.

-----------------------------------

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
More fun with that guy who looks like the lead singer of Creed and Kate Beckinsale as a werewolf/vampire hybrid and straight-up vampire, respectively.

WILL IT SUCK?
They have pretty much the same crew in front of and behind the camera again so expect the same level of quality as the original. Which is to say, yes, it will suck, but not terribly so.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think this will pull a "Saw II" and outdo the original thanks to DVD sales expanding the audience for the franchise. $87mil.

-----------------------------------

WHY WE FIGHT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember when Eisenhower warned us against the military/industrial complex? This doc looks out how that all worked out for us.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is quite good, claiming this is even better than the documentarian's previous effort, "The Trials of Henry Kissinger."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Higher profile indies the following week, and it's unclear whether or not audiences are ready for a head-on discussion of war, though "Syriana" returns indicate they're at least ready to hear about oil. $2mil.

-----------------------------------
January 27
-----------------------------------

ANNAPOLIS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"An Officer and a Gentleman." Really, there's no twist. That's basically what it is.

WILL IT SUCK?
I would call this an enourmous waste of director Justin Lin's ("Better Luck Tomorrow") considerable talent, except his next project is just that ("The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift"), so I have to call this something else. How about "serviceable?" That's what the writer's last project ("Out of Time") turned out to be.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think between this and "Tristan and Isolde," James Franco will split his own demo. $23mil.

-----------------------------------

BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
I'm not sure I really need to say.

WILL IT SUCK?
Fear not. They got the screenwriter of the original back! And they added the director of "Malibu's Most Wanted!" Are you crying yet?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, the first one was a hit. Fortunately, we've had five years to forget that fact. $46mil.

-----------------------------------

NANNY MCPHEE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Think "Nanny 911" with magical powers.

WILL IT SUCK?
The reigning queen of starring in her own adaptations, Emma Thompson ("Sense and Sensibility," "Wit") pulls double duty once again. This time she is the titular Nanny. And having the director of "Waking Ned Devine" on board doesn't hurt. Early buzz is good, but it'll have to be pretty damn great to be as awesome as her turn as Nanny G on "Cheers."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't think the trailer is doing it any favors. $25mil.

-----------------------------------

TRISTRAM SHANDY: A COCK AND BULL STORY

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
An extremely post-modern adaptation of the "unfilmable" Laurence Sterne novel "The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman."

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is extremely good. It looks like director Michael Winterbottom is back in his "24 Hour Party People" playground with Steve Coogan once again narrating directly to the camera. He's got the screenwriter from that film back as well. Good times.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Bubble" will provide some competition, and I may be the only one who's been yearning for a philosophical follow-up to "24 Hour Party People." $200,000.

-----------------------------------

BUBBLE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The plot involves a murder at a toy factory, but the point is that Steven Soderbergh has a bunch of non-actors act. Hence, the naturalism...we hope.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but generally positive. This is from the screenwriter of "Full Frontal," considered by many to be Soderbergh's worst effort. If nothing else, though, expect this to be on the experimental side of his oeuvre.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
That's the question. The real story here is the release. This is coming out simultaneously in theaters, on DVD, on an HD Cable Network, and I think in cave drawings as well. Will this experiment prove successful or will Steven Soderbergh single-handedly destroy theatrical distribution? Or will the fact that it's an experimental Soderbergh film negate the fact that there's anything unusual about the release at all since those generally don't do well to begin with? $3mil.

-----------------------------------

IMAGINE ME & YOU

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember how I said there were two films with a fiancée falling for another woman this month? Here you go.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is split with the meme being that this is too straight for the queer eye and too queer for the straight eye. But hey, Anthony Stewart Head! Giles, man! Yeah, that's still not enough.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The above problem could leave this as a film without a demo. $2mil.

-----------------------------------

Next month: Joe Roth and Lars von Trier both give us their takes on race relations. Which do you think will be more incendiary? And you have one month to watch "Equilibrium" and discover why maybe you should get psyched for "Ultraviolet."

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:15 PM | Comments (0)

Evidently there is a Goth Eucharist at a church in Cambridge. We didn't even know there was such thing as a Cambridge Goth, much less a church. [From Ananova (Thanks JR)]

The candlelit Goth Eucharist services feature a specially written liturgy and music from bands like Depeche Mode, Joy Division and the Sisters of Mercy.

Rev Ramshaw said: "As Goths there is a broad sense of an outlook of life that focuses on the bad things.

"The point of the service is that we all get desperate at times. We all get knocks and sometimes life seems hopeless.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)

We love you Andy. Best line from his new blog: "Is someone injecting me with twinkie cream whilst I slumber?" [via BKvegan]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:17 PM | Comments (0)

Needless to say, this strike sucks. And can we trust Bloomberg to facilitate some type of resolution? We can't even trust him to wear the right jacket. He walked across the WINDY Brooklyn Bridge in 25 degree weather wearing a lightweight leather jacket. No hat. No scarf. His mom would be mortified.

Oh well, if you're taking the day off, check out our shopping guide and skip the cold walk into Manhattan.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 08:59 AM | Comments (25)

You were always essential counterpoint to NPR. We'll miss the show. Fuck our reactionary FCC.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:23 AM | Comments (2)

by Dave Thomas

Scarlett Johansson in Woody Allen's Match Point

It's that time of year again, when studios shove anything they think has a hope in hell of an Oscar nod into the final 31 days of eligibility. That, and "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." This month brings us new movies by Woody Allen, Terence Malik, and Peter Jackson [whose King King was just reviewed here]

December 2

AEON FLUX

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand reunite from their "North Country" days to tell another story of sexual harrasment, this one set 400 years in the future, involving skimpy clothes and gun battles, and no actual sexual harrasment charges of any kind.

WILL IT SUCK?
Well, they picked the right director. Karyn Kusama helmed "Girlfight," and there's certainly going to be a lot of that. When it comes to the writers, however, I would have shot higher than the duo behind "The Tuxedo."

The addition of "Hotel Rwanda's" Sophie Okonedo to the cast should enusre and all-around waste of talent.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Should see halfway decent numbers. Has a significant following and no direct action competition for miles. $67mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Not even with three nominees in the cast.

------------------------------------

TRANSAMERICA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Road trip flick with Felicity Huffman as a post-op M2F transsexual taking her son to California.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is strong, and with Huffman in the lead, that's no surprise.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The following week, a bigger sexual coup will take the stage, but the following Huffman has garnered from "Desperate Housewives" might come in handy. $10mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Huffman's a near lock for a nod.

------------------------------------

THE KID & I

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Kid with cerebral palsy wants to be an action star so, of course, he teams up with Tom Arnold.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty bad. Director Penelope Spheeris directed, as the cringetastic trailer happily points out, "Wayne's World," but that's not a get-out-of-jail-free card for "The Beverly Hillbillies" or "The Little Rascals." Tom Arnold did the screenplay.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even if this has bigger stars (including a supposed cameo from Jamie Lee Curtis and The Guvernator) than most limited releases this weekend, it's still a limited release, and not exactly appealing to the right crowd for a limited release. Not that it would do much better wide. $1mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If Henry Winkler can't get an Emmy for playing a schlub on "Arrested Development," he won't get an Oscar for playing one here.

------------------------------------

FIRST DESCENT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"March of the Snowboarders"

WILL IT SUCK?
Do you like snowboarding? That's pretty much the only criteria for this snowboarding doc. If not, I don't see it holding much interest for ya.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Very strong appeal to a very niche audience. $1mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Did not make the list of eligible documentaries.

------------------------------------

BE HERE TO LOVE ME: A FILM ABOUT TOWNES VAN ZANDT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In spite of the title, actually a film about Roger Van Norton, a contractor from Des Moines.

Or a profile of famed (well, among musicians) songwriter Van Zandt.

WILL IT SUCK?
Fascinating story. Suffered from depression and alcohol. Fell off a building to see what it was like. Okay, maybe this is fairly typical "Behind the Music" fare, but it's still interesting. Interviews with Willie Nelson, Emmylou Harris, and Steve Earle, among others.

Early buzz is good, in spite of being delayed from July.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Palm Pictures not so much with the heavy promotion, but I'll give them props for taste (they also distributed a Tom Dowd doc). $50,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Even if it had made the list, it would have had to compete with the higher profile "Devil and Daniel Johnston," also about a troubled musician.

------------------------------------
DECEMBER 9
------------------------------------

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The "other" epic fantasy classic.

WILL IT SUCK?
I've got pretty high hopes for this one. You've got Andrew Adamson directing, one of the driving forces behind the "Shrek" movies. You've got writing support from him and writers from "Life and Death of Peter Sellers" (and "In My Country," but what are ya gonna do?).

You've also got Tilda Swinton as The White Witch, which, apparently, is a good thing (I've never read the books). And with voice support from the likes of Rupert Everett, Ray Winstone, and Liam Neeson, it looks like we're in for a fun ride.

By the way, did you know that J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis knew each other? Actually, if you're a fan at all of these series you probably did. Never mind.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If it weren't for Mr. Kong, I'd call this the hit of December. As it is, it'll still make much bank. $273mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This seems very much like a spoiler for me. I could see it getting ignored completely or taking it all (minus acting), but little in between.

------------------------------------

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Gay cowboys!!!

WILL IT SUCK?
Not at all. Caught this at Toronto and lemme tell ya, it's one of the best movies of the year. And for a guy like Ang Lee to surpass himself is quite a feat.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's a busy time for indies regardless, but I wouldn't wish anyone to have to open against "Memoirs of a Geisha." That having been said, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger have a decent following, and Focus isn't slacking on the press. $15mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If all goes well, it could be up for Cinematography, Director, Adapted Screenplay, a Best Actor nod for Ledger, and Picture.

------------------------------------

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Pretty much what the title indicates.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, but just barely. With Rob Marshall (Chicago) at the helm, you'd expect that at least. With screenwriters from "Practical Magic," you might not expect much more. The cast, however, fuggeddaboutit: Gong Li, Ken Watanabe, Michelle Yeoh, and Zhang Ziyi as the geisha herself.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little bit of competition from "Brokeback" this week and "Three Burials" the next, but nothing this crew can't handle. $54mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
What this may lack in strong reviews it will make up for in box office. Look for Director and Actress/Supporting Actress nods. Maybe Picture.

------------------------------------

MAREBITO

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
J-Horror about a guy with a camera obsession who takes in a naked, bloodsucking nymph he finds in a parallel universe.

WILL IT SUCK?
The movie is just as random as the premise makes it sound. It's a little bit scary at times, but that's about it. And at no point does it even attempt to make sense. Which, if you've seen a lot of J-Horror, shouldn't be a shock.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
December just isn't the time for Japanese horror flicks. $600,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I think it would be neat if Japan submitted a horror film, but this year they picked a movie with Beat Takeshi as a brutally abusive drunk which, from what I've heard, is a hell of a lot more harrowing than any ghost-in-the-machine flick.

------------------------------------

MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Judi Dench opens an all-female nude revue in 1930's London.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, but not overwhelming. Still, it's Stephen Frears ("High Fidelity," "Dirty Pretty Things," "Dangerous Liasons"), so I'm in. Adding to the Dame Denchiness is Bob Hoskins (who apparently has a nude scene) and Christopher Guest as the Easily Offended Rich White Guy.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A side effect of shooting for an Oscar is a crowded marketplace. $9mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That's the idea. This will be a good test of whether or not the new Weinstein entity can pan for Oscar gold the way Miramax used to, which is to say, shamelessly. Look for Best Actress and Actor, at least.

------------------------------------

THE WORLD'S FASTEST INDIAN

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Anthony Hopkins plays the man who set the land speed world record in the 1970's by riding a cheetah. Okay, he was actually on a modified motorcycle.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good. Looks like writer/director Roger Donaldson is building on the potential he showed with "Thirteen Days" (and didn't so much with "The Recruit").

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's not that Anthony Hopkins can't open a picture anymore (he can't) or that the title is problematic (it is) but even without all of that, Magnolia doesn't have the marketing muscle of the Weinsteins, Focus, or Sony. $4mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
That's the whole point of this limited December run. The real release will happen in January.

------------------------------------
DECEMBER 16
------------------------------------

KING KONG

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Big-ass ape goes berserk in New York.

WILL IT SUCK?
With the same writing/directing team as the "LOTR" trilogy, not bloody likely. Add to that Jack Black, Adrian Brody, Naomi Watts, and shoulda-got-the-Oscar-for-Gollum Andy Serkis as that big, crazy gorilla and I'm there opening night or sooner.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got a two-day head start on "The Family Stone." Like it needs it. $375mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Look for "LOTR"-style non-acting nods: Picture, Director, Adapted Screenplay, plus a crapload of technical awards. A Serkis nod for Best Actor would be cool, but it ain't gonna happen.

------------------------------------

THE FAMILY STONE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
No apes? Then who cares?

WILL IT SUCK?
When your meet-my-wacky-family flick is being compared favorably with "You Can't Take It with You," you're on good turf. Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Clare Danes, Diane Keaton, Dermot Mulroney, Craig T. Nelson, and Sarah Jessica Parker round out what looks to be a solid cast. Are we looking at a tolerable holiday comedy?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I give it credit for opening against "King Kong," although the tougher thing would be to open against "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" the following week. $42mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
We'll have to see how the acting categories shake out, but comedy's a tough sell.

------------------------------------

THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tommy Lee Jones (in his directorial debut) takes on a corrupt border patrolman in an effort to return a corpse to Mexico.

WILL IT SUCK?
From the writer of "Amores Perros" and "21 Grams," so expect it to be harsh. Early buzz is oustanding, and the flick won Best Actor (Tommy Lee Jones) and Screenplay at Cannes (along with a Palme D'Or nod for Jones). Also with Barry Pepper and Dwight Yoakam.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Any other time of year, this would be the 500lb gorilla (excuse the reference). $2mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Maybe a Best Actor nod for Jones. And they tend to like their actors-turned-director. Still, I don't see this being on their radar.

------------------------------------

MASTER OF THE CRIMSON ARMOR (a.k.a. THE PROMISE)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Fairly fakey-looking Wuxia epic from the director of "Farewell My Concubine."

WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of the cheesy-looking fx, this is China's submission for Best Foreign Language Film, so at least they have confidence in it. It's also the most expensive Chinese film to date, which make those fx even more boggling.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If they could pick a title, it might do better. $600,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm not seeing the Weinstein Co. Oscar Engine revving up the way it usually does, so I'm not so sure.

------------------------------------

THE PRODUCERS

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember that movie "The Producers" which became a musical? Now it's a movie again.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is pretty good, which is not surprising given the smart choices. One, hiring Susan Stroman, who won 5 Tony Awards (two for directing and choreographing this on Broadway) to direct. Two, having Mel Brooks do the screenplay with Thomas Meehan who collaborated with him on "To Be or Not to Be" and "Spaceballs" (and who's been tapped to write the next movie-t0-musical-back-to-movie transfer "Hairspray"). Three, getting Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick back on board after their succesful Broadway run as the leads in this. Four, adding Will Ferrell to the mix as Franz Liebkind, the wacky Nazi.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't really know why they're releasing this limited. Sure, Kong is an issue, but this is really a different demo. Regardless, it should do well. $87mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I think that might be the reason we're looking at a limited release. They may want to go wide in January, when there's less competition. Anyway, look for Screenplay (Adapted this time, when it won in '68 it was Original), and some acting nods.

------------------------------------
DECEMBER 21-28
------------------------------------

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2: THE CHEAPERING (12/21)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
The family goes on vacation and competes with Eugene Levy's family, which is really a metaphor for Steve Martin and Levy competing for who's selling out more lately.

WILL IT SUCK?
In an evil genius masterstroke, they've replaced the original director with the guy who did "The Pacifier" and "Bringing Down the House." They've kept the same screenwriter who, it pains me to remind you, also did "Just Married." Remember that?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This has Big Holiday Hit writ large. $139mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but I wouldn't mind seeing Martin co-host with Chris Rock, just to be different.

------------------------------------

FUN WITH DICK AND JANE (12/21)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remake of the 1977 comedy in which a married couple turns to a life of crime to make ends meet.

WILL IT SUCK?
I'm a big Jim Carrey fan (well, post "Ace Ventura 2," anyway), so I have slightly high hopes for this already which are raised by the pairing of two interesting comedy schools. One comes in the form of the director, who also worked on "Monk" and "Galaxy Quest." We'll call that the Tony Shalhoub School of Gentle Irony. A couple of the writers, including Judd Apatow, have their feet in "Freaks and Geeks," "The 40-Year Old Virgin," and "Strangers with Candy." We'll call that the Twisted School of Subversive Absurdism. Both schools seem at home with the material. And, finally, to lower our hopes slightly is a writer from "Stealing Harvard."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Don't know that audiences are still feeling the Carrey love and after "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" they may feel that this is more of a re-tread than it actually is. $56mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
As a rule, remakes don't make waves. Especially if their predecessors didn't. ("The Producers" notwithstanding).

------------------------------------

THE RINGER (12/23)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded in order to fix the Special Olympics. Of course he does.

WILL IT SUCK?
Cartman was able to make this funny for, like, 20 minutes on "South Park." I'm not sure Johnny Knoxville can pull it off for 90 minutes, Brian Cox or no. Still, I give the writer credit for working on a lot of "Family Guy's" and note the executive producer-ship of the Farrelly bros. as a potentially benefitial influence.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
More dumb-ass comedy from "Grandma's Boy" the following week, but this should be able to carve out a small niche in the meantime. $12mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm thinking if "Daltry Calhoun" can't make it, this won't either.

------------------------------------

HOODWINKED (12/23)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Little Red Riding Hood" gets the "Rashomon" treatment in this animated tale.

WILL IT SUCK?
Not much is known about the writer/directors (all three of them), but the premise is intriguing. The Weinsteins thought enough of it to pick it up at Cannes and release it at the end of the year with, apparently, every other film in their arsenal. Good voice talent, including Anne Hathaway, revisiting the fairy tale spoof genre after "Ella Enchanted," Patrick Warburton, Andy Dick, Glenn Close, Xzibit, & Chazz Palminteri.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
If the Weinstein Co. can get the advertising up, this could do quite well. I'm not convinced that'll happen. $39mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's eligible for a nod, but it remains to be seen if the Weinsteins can get it on the radar in time.

------------------------------------

RUMOR HAS IT (12/25)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Jennifer Aniston discovers that she might be the progeny of the characters who inspired "The Graduate." In a metaphysical, socio-political sense, I suppose that could be true.

WILL IT SUCK?
The firing of director Ted Griffin early on and his replacement by Rob "I Haven't Made a Good Movie in Ten Years" Reiner was a little disheartening. But the screenplay is still Griffin's (and really, that's his strength - "Matchstick Men, Ocean's 11") and as for the rest, well, I guess it 's a clever idea, even if it started as a joke in "The Player."

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It's got a better shot than the second frame of "Family Stone." Seriously, though, I don't know how many Jennnifer Aniston fans resonate with "The Graduate," or vice versa. $33mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Depending upon how much of Griffin's original screenplay remains, there could be a nod in there for him somewhere.

------------------------------------

WOLF CREEK (12/25)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another one of those crazy-psycho-tortures-unsuspecting-travelers deals.

WILL IT SUCK?
This has the unusual gorefest cache of a Grand Jury nod at Sundance.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A clever bit of counter-programming. Unfortunately "Bloodrayne" and Eli Roth's "Cabin Fever" follow-up "Hostel" (also about a torture factory) show up the very next week. $4mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
No, but is anyone else freaked out that "torture-fest" is becoming it's own horror sub-genre?

------------------------------------

THE WHITE COUNTESS (12/21)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Ralph Fiennes plays a blind nightclub owner in 1930's Shanghai trying to track down the wizard who defeated him 13 years ago...no, wait, just the blind nightclub owner part.

WILL IT SUCK?
The last (sniff) Merchant (pour some out) and Ivory film. Features the screenwriter behind one of their best-received efforts, "Remains of the Day." Sadly, though, early buzz is not so good.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Merchant/Ivory has not been a money powerhouse for a while. And in this crowded a field, it could have issues. $4mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Outside of sympathy votes on behalf of Merchant, the reviews would need to improve considerably. Otherwise, Fiennes' more likely Actor nod scenario involves "The Constant Gardener."

------------------------------------

MUNICH (12/23)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Eric Bana goes after the Palestinian terrorists who killed hostages at the 1972 Munich Olympics.

WILL IT SUCK?
As if it weren't enough to have Spielberg on board (and, admittedly, for a lot of people it isn't) they went and threw in Tony "Angels in America" Kushner to do the screenplay. Add to that Bana, new 007 Daniel Craig, and Geoffrey Rush and you're talking about a project that doesn't fuck around.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Again, it's strange to see this as a limited release. I can't think of the last time a Spielberg film was let out that way. Still, the dark subject matter will lend to a smaller b.o. than, say, "War of the Worlds." And a lack of stars won't help much, either. I'm thinking this is the sort of film that will get more critical than financial love. Maybe that's why they went limited. $78mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Some Oscar pundits see this as the only surefire nod-magnet. Look for Picture, Director, Actor, Supporting Actor, and Adapted Screenplay. Probably Score and Cinematography while you're at it.

------------------------------------

CASANOVA (12/25)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Heath Ledger plays the legendary lover.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Not surprising given director Lasse Hallstrom's track record (regardless of late mishaps such as "An Unfinished Life" and "The Shipping News").

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The star power of Ledger helps, but there are more high profile indies around. $9mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
It's conceivable, but those misfires of late may have taken Hallstrom off Oscar radar for a while.

------------------------------------

THE NEW WORLD (12/25)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Terence Malick's "Pocahontas."

WILL IT SUCK?
Well, how do you feel about Terence Malick? Me, I think "Badlands" is one of the best movies ever made, whereas "The Thin Red Line" is beautiful, but overrated. (Haven't seen "Days of Heaven." Hang my head in shame.) So I've got mixed feelings about this one. However, if there's one thing Malick does right every time, it's casting: Colin Farrell, Christian Bale, David Thewlis, Roger Rees, and Noah Taylor are all on board.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The two main draws here are Malick and Farrell. With Malick, you're up against Spielberg and Woody Allen, both of whom have bigger followings. But Farrell's a bigger star than anyone in either of those flicks (and post-"Batman" Bale's no slouch, either). This gives "The New World" a fighting chance, especially if nods are forthcoming. $37mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'd say it's fifty/fifty. If they do, it'll be for Direction, Screenplay, Cinematography, and, surpisingly, the most likely Acting nod is rumored to go to a newcomer in this field of well-knowns: Pocahontas herself, Q'Orianka Kilcher.

------------------------------------

MATCH POINT (12/28)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Woody Allen goes all Hitchcocky in this tale of a man with one woman too many in his life.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz on this has Allen back in form, and not just better-than-"Anything-Else" form. We're talking "Manhattan" and "Annie Hall" here, folks.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
DreamWorks needs to start hyping this now. It's going to be busy enough once awards season is in full swing. If they do, this is positioned to have a shot, even in a crowded field. $4mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER THIS AT OSCAR TIME?
Talk about getting it in under the wire. With four days to spare, DreamWorks releases this with a qualifying run. Look for Screenplay, at least.

Next month: Half the movies you just read about get their actual wide release. And which sequel is less necessary, "Underworld: Evolution" or "Big Momma's House 2"? The answer won't surprise you.

-- Dave Thomas

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)

While Falwell continues his inane "Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign," whoever owns this house has enough Christmas spirit for us all. [Thanks Catch.]

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)

The New York Times just announced their top 10 books of 2005. We're delighted to see our favorite author, Haruki Murakami make the list. Read Robert Lanham's review of the book, which appeared in Nylon, afte the jump. And feel free to add your own selections in comments.

Fiction

KAFKA ON THE SHORE
By Haruki Murakami.
Alfred A. Knopf, $25.95.
This graceful and dreamily cerebral novel, translated from the Japanese by Philip Gabriel, tells two stories - that of a boy fleeing an Oedipal prophecy, and that of a witless old man who can talk to cats - and is the work of a powerfully confident writer.

ON BEAUTY
By Zadie Smith.
Penguin Press, $25.95.
In her vibrant new book, a cultural-politics novel set in a place like Harvard, the author of ''White Teeth'' brings everything to the table: a crisp intellect, a lovely wit and enormous sympathy for the men, women and children who populate her story.

PREP
By Curtis Sittenfeld.
Random House, $21.95. Paper, $13.95.
This calm and memorably incisive first novel, about a scholarship girl who heads east to attend an elite prep school, casts an unshakable spell and has plenty to say about class, sex and character.

SATURDAY
By Ian McEwan.
Nan A. Talese/Doubleday, $26.
As bracing and as carefully constructed as anything McEwan has written, this astringent novel traces a day in the life of an English neurosurgeon who comes face to face with senseless violence.

VERONICA
By Mary Gaitskill.
Pantheon Books, $23.
This mesmerizingly dark novel from the author of ''Bad Behavior'' and ''Two Girls, Fat and Thin'' is narrated by a former Paris model who is now sick and poor; her ruminations on beauty and cruelty have clarity and an uncanny bite.

Nonfiction

THE ASSASSINS' GATE
America in Iraq
By George Packer.
Farrar, Straus & Giroux, $26.
A comprehensive look at the largest foreign policy gamble in a generation, by a New Yorker reporter who traces the full arc of the war, from the pre-invasion debate through the action on the ground.

DE KOONING
An American Master
By Mark Stevens and Annalyn Swan.
Alfred A. Knopf, $35.
A sweeping biography, impressively researched and absorbingly written, of the charismatic immigrant who stood at the vortex of mid-20th-century American art.

THE LOST PAINTING
By Jonathan Harr.
Random House, $24.95.
This gripping narrative, populated by a beguiling cast of scholars, historians, art restorers and aging nobles, records the search for Caravaggio's ''Taking of Christ,'' painted in 1602 and rediscovered in 1990.

POSTWAR
A History of Europe Since 1945
By Tony Judt.
The Penguin Press, $39.95.
Judt's massive, learned, brilliantly detailed account of Europe's recovery from the wreckage of World War II presents a whole continent in panorama even as it sets off detonations of insight on almost every page.

THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING
By Joan Didion.
Alfred A. Knopf, $23.95.
A prose master's harrowing yet exhilarating memoir of a year riven by sudden death (her husband's) and mortal illness (their only child's)

Murakami on the Shore

It's fitting that Kyoto-born author, Haruki Murakami, would have two distinct public identities. After all, the characters inhabiting his genre-bending novels routinely live mysterious parallel existences.

Murakami is a best-selling celebrity in Asia. He's also routinely panned by Japanese critics uncomfortable with the success of his metaphysical mysteries, not to mention his protagonists' fascination with Western pop culture.

In America, critics have compared Murakami to Pynchon, Hemingway, and Hammett. Despite meager sales, locating a bookstore where his masterpiece The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle isn't a Staff Pick would be a daunting task. He has what every author dreams of; critical and popular success, only on two separate shores.

His latest, Kafka on the Shore (translated by Philip Gabriel) is Murakami's most heartbreaking novel to date. It’s also his weirdest. Populated by talking cats, Hegel-quoting prostitutes, and a strange dude who calls himself Colonel Sanders, the novel follows parallel plot lines involving a 15-year-old runaway and an elderly man who's one part Forrest Gump, one part Buddha. As I said, it's weird. Thankfully, part of Murakami’s charm is his ability to make the fantastic seem normal. Real.

Structurally, the book is reminiscent of his double-plotted detective spoof, Hard-Boiled Wonderland. Nevertheless, Kafka is more intimately linked to Underground, Murakami's nonfiction examination of evil via the sarin gas attacks on the Tokyo subway.

An ambitious and moving novel, Kafka on the Shore is also deeply flawed, often slipping into head-scratching allegory and failing to tie together disjointed pieces. That said, Murakami (and his fans) seem forgiving, if not inspired by the humanity that resides in imperfections. In a revealing chunk of dialogue about a Schubert sonata, Murakami writes "works that have a certain imperfection to them have an appeal for that very reason -- or at least they appeal to certain types of people."

Exactly.

--Robert Lanham from Nylon

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 09:55 AM | Comments (1)

Check out an advance screening of Jesus is Magic tonight at Galapagos. FREE

L Magazine and Galapagos Art Space present
The Williamsburg Film Series
FREE Sneak Peak 35mm movies!

Find out more here.

Posted by freewilliamsburg at 03:55 PM | Comments (0)

by Dave Thomas

Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic

In a month that begins and ends with polemics about the Gulf, will anyone notice? Can Harry Potter save Hollywood from an oversimplified news story that won't die, I mean, the slump, the horrible, horrible slump? And is there even the slightest chance that "Rent" won't suck? The answers to all that and more, in this month's preview…

(OK, I'll tell you right now, "Rent's" gonna suck.)

NOVEMBER 4

CHICKEN LITTLE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Disney can live without Pixar. Oh, the pitch of the film? Animated chicken declares that the sky is falling...in alien invasion form. Yeah, I know, that's a much more believable pitch.

WILL IT SUCK?
It's from the guys who wrote "Brother Bear," so, yes. And from the director of "The Emporer's New Groove," which wasn't awful, but still. Nice voice talent, though: Zach Braff, Catherine O'Hara, Don Knotts, Joan Cusack, Amy Sedaris, Harry Shearer, Patrick Stewart, Adam West, Fred Willard, and Steve Zahn.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
"Zathura" could be an issue the following week. And after the abysmal returns for "Valiant" and the less-than-stellar performance of "Wallace & Gromit," the kid flick scene seems dicey. $27mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
I'm thinking you're gonna need bigger guns than "Brother Bear" to play at that level.

--------------------------------------

JARHEAD

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Remember the first Iraq war? It's about that.

WILL IT (WELCOME TO THE) SUCK?
From Director Sam Mendes, who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. After "American Beauty" and "Road to Perdition," the man is starting to establish himself as the king of the intimate epic. Not quite a modern day William Wyler, but it could happen. Screenwriter William Broyles Jr, on the other hand, had a hand in the "Planet of the Apes" remake. He also has "Apollo 13" and "Cast Away" to his credit which, while being strong films, don't seem quite on the level of what this is trying to achieve.

Regardless, the cast is stellar, including Jake Gyllenhaal, Jamie Foxx, Peter Sarsgaard, Chris Cooper, Sam Rockwell, and Dennis Haysbert.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Anticipation for this film is fairly high, and I think it will deliver. $76mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This is practically designed for such a feat. And with distance from the election and record unease with the current war, nobody's gonna be afraid to rain down nods. Look for Foxx, Gyllenhaal, and maybe (keep your fingers crossed) Sarsgaard, to get some love, along with Mendes for Best Director and Broyles for Best Adapted. Best Picture? Let's see what happens with "Syriana."

--------------------------------------

THE MATADOR

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"The Whole Nine Yards," indie-style.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, which is ironic considering the cheesy-as-hell trailer, which really does make it look like "Nine Yards Redux" with Pierce Brosnan in the Bruce Willis role and Greg Kinnear in the Matthew Perry role. Do you suppose those are the indie equivalents?

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is one of the more high-profile indies, but the marketing campaign could be a bust. You can't sell wacky comedy to the art house crowd unless it's, like, French or something.

This is one of the first trailers to bear the new Weinstein Bros. logo (although it also has the Miramax insigna) so it'll get a healthy marketing push, but if they try too hard to make it look suburban-friendly to draw a larger crowd, they'll just end up alienating their hard core following and disappointing their potential recruits. $30mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Way outside shot for Brosnan.

--------------------------------------

I LOVE YOUR WORK

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Giovanni Ribisi plays a movie star who becomes a stalker (while being stalked by Jason Lee). Adam Goldberg directs.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is bad. Also not comforting that it took this long to get distribution (although plenty of good films take time). Decent cast, though: Judy Greer, Vince Vaughan, Christina Ricci, Elvis Costello, and Nicky Katt all join Ribisi and Lee.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The underrated comedian niche will be overtaken by Sarah Silverman the following week. This week, it'll need better reviews. $600,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Adam Goldberg's most Oscar-worthy work was in "Dazed and Confused," and look how that turned out.

--------------------------------------

THE DYING GAUL

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Campbell Scott, Patricia Clarkson, and Peter Saarsgard in a movie about a screenwriter (Saarsgard) who tries to sell a gay-themed script to Campbell, only to have to change certain key elements (guess which ones). Betrayal, adultery, maybe even murder ensue.

WILL IT SUCK?
Directing debut of screenwriter Craig Lucas ("Longtime Companion," "Secret Lives of Dentists"). Nominated for a Grand Jury prize at Sundance, but since has gotten very mixed buzz. Still, the thought of seeing these three indie heavyweights share screen time is tempting.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Strand needs to amp up the marketing on this one. I don't think awareness is where it needs to be. If the arthouse crowd gets a wind of this especially in strong gay markets, it could at least start off well before word of mouth broke or saved it. $2mil.

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NOVEMBER 11
--------------------------------------

ZATHURA

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Jumanji" in space.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is actually pretty good. Like "Jumanji" (same author) the premise is a little cheesy but, like "Jumanji," not terrible and, handled well, could be pretty entertaining.

Here John Favreau ("Elf," "Made") is at the helm and seems capable of delivering the goods, especially with 50% shooter David Koepp ("Spider-man," "Lost World") writing with help from the guy who wrote the Power Rangers movie (which is a good or a bad thing, depending on your point of view).

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There's a little movie called "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" that might drum up some kid business the following week (and a kid's film called "Chicken Little" the week before) but other than that, this should be fine. $61mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
This film eschews CG (for the most part) in favor of old school fx, so don't be surprised if it makes a run for that category.

--------------------------------------

DERAILED

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Blackmailer Vincent Cassel just won't leave that poor adulterous couple (Clive Owen, Jennifer Aniston) alone.

WILL IT SUCK?
Unlikely. In spite of a cheesy trailer, which tries to pull the "Red-Eye" trailer rope-a-dope "aw it's a nice romantic comedy oh, no, he's got a gun!" schtick, this has Mikael Hafstrom (Best Foreign Film nominee "Evil") at the helm and "Collateral" scribe Stuart Beattie penning the screenplay. The combo of Owen and Cassel should almost be as much fun as the combo of Xzibit and RZA.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I don't know that anticipation is gonna be high enough. This is one of the first titles out of the Weinstein Bro. company and it's unclear just how much marketing muscle they'll weild. Plus, there's nothing in the trailer to make this look like anything other than a run of the mill thriller, which might only bring in medium bucks with Owen and Aniston as the draw. $34mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
"Closer" this ain't.

--------------------------------------

GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN'

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"50 Cent Mile"

WILL IT SUCK?
Arguments about 50 Cent himself aside, putting his story in the hands of master director Jim Sheridan is a genius move, right up there with having Curtis Hanson tell Eminem's tale. Although the writer of "8 Mile", or any of Sheridan's previous efforts for that matter, isn't here, a key writer for both "The Sopranos" and "The PJ's" is and, really, isn't this story just a combination of those?

And the cherry on top? Terence Freakin' Howard.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Note to marketers, the poster of 50 Cent with the baby is gonna get you less complaints than the poster of him with a gun. On the other hand, the one with him and a gun is getting you more free press, so what do I know?

Anyway, the 50 Cent following will come out en masse to greet him, even in a drama. Look for a strong opening mitigated by the release of "Harry Potter Cent" the following week. Also, it will be interesting to see who more people come out to watch, 50 Cent or Johnny Cash ("Walk the Line" opens the following week as well). $46mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Sheridan loses nods when he leaves his home turf. All he got for "In America," which many consider to be his best work, was a screenwriting nom. And Curtis couldn't direct Eminem to more than a (rather surprising) Best Song Award. Likely nothing here for Fiddy.

--------------------------------------

BEE SEASON

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Family drama centered on a spelling bee.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, with the Jewish mysticism angle turning a few folks off. Still, if you like Richard Gere and/or the directing duo's previous effort, "The Deep End," you might want to check it out. Or, if you're like me and you barely remember that there was a movie called "The Deep End" (it had Tilda Swinton and Goran Visnjic), you might not care so much.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably the second biggest kid on the indiewood block (after "Pride and Prejudice") this week. $9mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
If the reviews improve dramatically, maybe an Adapted nod or something for Gere, but I doubt it. If they wanna spice up the event, though, I say make every presenter spell a really hard word.

SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Pseudo-sketch comedy/stand-up concert flick from Sarah Silverman.

WILL IT SUCK?
Buzz is overwhemlingly positive for this raunchy (I had to verify my age before I could watch the trailer) flick. Plus, it has Bob Odenkirk, so sign me up.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
After "Bee Season" and "P&P," probably the most anticipated indie release of the week. Also has the support of "The Aristocrats'" success. $6mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
"The Aristocrats" first.

--------------------------------------

PULSE (KAIRO)

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Another J-Horror flick(apparently that's what the kids call the scary Japanese imports these days), this one with the internet as the menace instead of phones and videotapes.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz says no. Apparently this takes the ghost story and adds a little philosophical/technical isolation theme for kicks. Might as well see it now before the American remake with Veronica Mars.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, the remake is when most people will actually hear about this flick. $600,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Considering this came out in 2001, not so much.

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DUANE HOPWOOD

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
"Leaving Atlantic City." With David Schwimmer as Nicolas Cage.

WILL IT SUCK?
Writer/director Matt Mulhern is kind of an x-factor. But he's from Philly so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. A bigger problem is Schwimmer. I don't know that I'm convinced he can pull of the alcoholic dad bit, but I give him props for branching out. Early buzz is fair.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Too small to get a decent release. Though it's nice to see another "Friends" alum go indie. $200,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
An unbelievably good performance from Schwimmer would land him an Independent Spirit nod.

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GOOD MORNING, NIGHT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Dramatization of the real-life kidnapping and assasssination of Italian political leader Aldo Moro.

WILL IT SUCK?
In spite of praise abroad, criticism here is harsh.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Sadly, confusion with "Good Night, and Good Luck" won't help, and neither will the fact that this is an extremely crowded weekend for indies. $400,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Italy's already made its choice for Best Foreign submission, and it ain't this.

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PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Darcy. Some chick. An inheritance, probably. Didn't you read this in school?

WILL IT SUCK?
Actually, it's quite good. It's no BBC version, of which I watched all 5 hours straight, thank you very much. But Donald Sutherland does a better job than expected and Keira Knightley runs away with the lead.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It should do handsomely, at least in indie dollars. $33mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Look for Keira to make a Best Actress run.

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TAKE MY EYES

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Domestic abuse drama from Spain.

WILL IT SUCK?
Unbelievably good press and a shitload of international awards, including a near sweep of the Goyas (Spanish Oscars). Probably doesn't suck.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Without a bigger marketing push or at least a move to a less crowded weekend, I don't see all the good reviews in the world helping much. $300,000.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
2003 release date.

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NOVEMBER 18
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HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Tri-wizard Tournament, Hormones, and Voldemort all make an appearance.

WILL IT SUCK?
Probably not. The big factor here is new director Mike Newell. Ever since Chris Columbus jumped ship, the franchise has been shuffling helmers. So far (with a sample size of one) this has worked. Alfonso Cuaron brought a real visual flair and cohesiveness to installment number three. However, Newell isn't known so much for his visual style as for his sometimes mediocre romantic comedies ("Pushing Tin"). But anyone who can make both "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and "Donnie Brasco" probably has the range to take this on.

On a much more positive note, Steve Kloves is back doing the adaptation again, which is more important than ever as (a) many fans consider this to be the best novel in the series and (b) it's as long as the Bible. On an even more positive note, Kloves has been tapped to adapt "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime."

Cool casting continues, with additions ranging from Brendan Gleeson to the lead singer of Pulp (and some Radiohead members) in a cameo as a band. Oh, and perhaps the most perfect casting in the series yet with Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
All of this movie's potential competition (with the exception of the ballsy "Walk the Line," which isn't really competition anyway) have evacuated this weekend. A lot of talk has been made of the box office slump. As of a month or so ago, Hollywood was about $250 million shy of having its second best year ever. Watch this film single-handedly make that happen. $251mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
The usual slew of music and visual effects nods.

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Walk the Line

WALK THE LINE

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Johnny Cash bio-pic.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is very good. Like, better-than-"Ray" good. I've always thought that Joaquin Phoenix, who plays Cash, was underrated, so this may be his moment to shine. And writer/director James Mangold had me since the underrated "Copland," and this might make up for "Kate and Leopold," as much as anything could.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only movie with the cajones (or perhaps the demographics) to open against "Potter." The following week, a smorgasbord of films could offer a challenge, but the anticipation for this one is actually pretty high. Johnny Cash fans, unite! $75mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Definitely Phoenix. Likely Reese Witherspoon, who plays June Carter. Maybe Mangold (more likely for Adapted Screenplay than Director, though).

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BREAKFAST ON PLUTO

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
In Neil Jordan's latest, a transvestite prostitute named Kitten (Cilian Murphy) goes in search of his mother in turbulent 70's London.

WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz, not so good, in spite of Jordan's track record. This is more of a critic's lament, as audiences tend to put it up in "Crying Game" territory. No one, however, is complaining about Murphy's performance. Good supporting cast: Liam Neeson, Brendan Gleeson, Stephen Rea. There's a freakin' Dalek in the trailer, so I'm sold, but most people need more.

HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Whereas the previous weekend, every single indie film known to man is opening, virtually nothing else but this enters the arthouse circuit this week. $4mil.

WILL ANYBODY REMEMBER IT AT OSCAR TIME?
Without better reviews or box office, Murphy will be forgotten.

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NOVEMBER 23
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RENT

WHAT'S THE PITCH?
Adaptaion of the Tony Award winning musical in which, according to "Team America," "Everybody's got AIDS!!!"