I Want To Give You a Hand Job With My Mouth

My my my. This story is so goddamn juicy I don’t know what to do with it. Here are the basic facts, after that, I highly suggest you go find this Kari Ferrell and turn her in to the Salt Lake City Police Department (wanted poster here). It’s full of sex, con artists, drugs and more sex, and most of it takes place right here in sunny Williamsburg. Here’s a summary, but you really need to carve out fifteen minutes and read it at the Observer. Gawker also has a quick run-down.

1. 22-year old Utah con artist with “a cute pixie haircut” lies her way into a job at Vice.
2. After coming on to a co-worker there, he googled her, and she popped up on the Salt Lake City Police Department’s Most Wanted list. Fired!
3. She banged a dude after a Girl Talk show and then stole his cell phone.
4. She lied about having cancer, being pregnant and so forth. She smoked pot.
5. She went to the Beadruary event, was photographed next to a ton of beards, then said she was doing a book for Vice.
6. She gave the Union Pool bartender a note that read (t-shirt alert): ‚”I want to give you a hand job with my mouth,” and was signed ‚”Korean Abdul-Jabbar.” Nice!
7. She also passed along a note to someone at Fabiane’s on Bedford that read: “I want you to throw a hot dog down my hall.”
9. And so, so much more.

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