Disembodied Undersider Sex
Bisexual Part Two - Loud, Proud and No, I am not looking
When I reveal my sexuality to people, whether its called
ambisexuality, omnisexuality or bisexuality, sometimes they
get a little tense. Women especially. Am I scoping them
out for a possible sexual encounter? When they ask me if
they look fat, should they be reacting to me as a sexual
being or another woman talking to a friend?
Men immediately bite their tongues and I KNOW what they
are thinking - can you and one of your girlfriends come
over for a ménage a trios? Most men have the tact
not to say it, but the question is literally being written
in their eyes like a Times Square digital ticker - will
Sometimes I laugh; sometimes I really want to slug them.
So let me put some of my friends and acquaintances at ease
- 99.9% of you are not my type. Yes, you may be cute, friendly,
smart, loose, whatever, but you are someone I know, not
someone I am secretly lusting after, biting my pillow over
night after night. The only person I would EVER do that
for is Sophie B. Hawkins
damn, I wish
know the rest.
Seriously, I don't live in a sexually predatory state,
thinking anything with a slimy hole is fodder for fucking.
I am also not a nymphomaniac, sexual addict, promiscuous,
easy and the local juice bar, if you get my meaning. It
takes a complex combination of visuals, sounds, smells,
words, shared laughter, long conversations and food compatibilities
to unlock the key that is my attraction. I must be wooed
body, soul AND mind, by a person, not a dick, a pussy or
a bodacious set of ta-tas.
Think how hard it is for you to become truly attracted
to someone and to sustain that attraction, with respect
for the person in tact. It's all about the situation, the
timing, the moonlight, dammit! Pheromones, symmetry and
other kinds of biological science only last so long - chemistry
fades, if there is nothing more than a sweet candy coating.
To my girlfriends, women at the gym and other random females
I know - sweetie, you'll make someone a good catch someday.
Just not me. I'm no prize either, but no, when I am in the
gym, I am not sneaking a peek at your butt. That is the
UNSEXIEST place for women, where most of the time we're
grumpy, tired and eager just to cover up. And when we go
clothes shopping, lingerie included, no, I am not going
to jump you in the change room. And yes, when I say your
butt is too big for those jeans, I am being straight up
100% a girlfriend. Would you want me to lie?
To my boys, my buddies, let me clear - I am not going to
hook you up with one of my friends so you can watch us get
it on - that is what porn is for. I will not shop for babes
with you, because that widow shopping activity is really
degrading, period, and a catcall is still rude, coming from
either of our mouths. And no, I do not want to do anything
more than hang like we always do - dirty jokes, computer
lingo and film talk. And no, you STILL cannot call me your
That being said, as an artist, I cannot help but notice
the comely features of any human being's facial features
and body structure. A fine physique is a fine physique,
and should be appreciated. I don't gawk or fawn - I find
everybody interesting to some degree. Perhaps that's why
I am bisexual - because I can appreciate beauty in all its
I have to say my gay and lesbian friends are the most understanding
about this. Since they have to deal with the straight community's
fears on a regular basis, they totally get the deal - not
everything is up for grabs.
For the few divine individuals out there I may be attracted
to, trust me, I will let you know. Oh, Ms. Hawkins
By Melissa Ulto
© multo.com 2002