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The Comix Corner
X-Men #158
Marvel Comics
(w) Chuck Austen
(a) Salvador Larroca & Danny Miki
FC, 32pgs w/ ads $3.25 CAN / $2.25 US
There's good news and bad news on the X-Men front this
week. The good news is that it looks like Chuck Austen will
be leaving the title with issue #170. High fives all around!
Unfortunately, the bad news is that he still has 13 issues
to go, and this is one of them.
Last issue, the X-Men discovered an unconscious Xorn, who
until recently was nothing more than a false identity assumed
by Magneto. Now that Magneto's dead, who could this imposter
possibly be? I couldn't care less, because of all of Grant
Morrison's creations, this is a character Austen never should
have touched. Anyhow, the X-Men argue and whine at each
other until they figure out that Xorn's star-for-a-brain
has destroyed everything for miles around. First and foremost
among these casualties was originality, evidenced by the
arrival of the Chinese version of the X-Men, who spout dialogue
along the lines of, "Fool! You are in China, and you
are not Chinese!" Cue the big "misunderstanding"
superhero team brawl, as I weep for Marvel's editorial standards.
I say it every month, but this title is bland, unoriginal
and insulting. This used to be one of my favorite comics,
and now it's nothing but clichés and bad dialogue.
Also, I hate every single character in this book and wish
they would die. So join us next month, as…ah, who cares.
Final Grade: D+
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 The
Amazing Spider-Man #508
Marvel Comics
(w) J. Michael Straczynski
(a) John Romita Jr.
FC, 32pgs w/ ads $3.25 CAN / $2.25 US
It's over! After three long years of repetitive mystical
storylines and "unstoppable" cosmic villains,
J. Michael Straczynski's supernatural Spider-man story is
finally over! And the final issue - the one where everything
comes together - is completely underwhelming! And it features
a completely unrelated 9/11 cover! Oh, boy!
For all his cryptic advice and mysterious warnings, the
enigmatic Ezekiel turns out to be nothing more than a selfish
asshole. It seems he made a bargain for his spider powers
back in the day, and now that it's time to pay the piper,
he wants Spider-man to take the fall. You are such a dick,
Ezekiel. This forces Spidey to summon all of his strength
and overcome all odds - you know, like he's done in the
past half-dozen storylines. Except this time, he loses.
Only when Ezekiel realizes that with great power comes great
responsibility ™ does he grow a sack and take Spider-man's
place, sacrificing his life to the dark forces that don't
want him sticking to walls anymore.
That's it? A lot of you out there disagree with me about
the path this title has taken ever since JMS came on board,
but I remain convinced that there's nothing in the last
3 years that couldn't have been summed up in a 6-issue story
arc. And after all the build-up, things end with a whimper.
The events behind Spider-man's revamped origin are wisely
left vague, but still, I'm glad this ordeal is finally behind
us. Next month, it's a new story arc, featuring…the
return of Gwen Stacy? Oy.
Final Grade: B-
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Spider-Man #3
Marvel Knights
(w) Mark Millar
(a) Terry Dodson
FC, 32pgs w/ ads $3.25 CAN / $2.25 US
Mark Millar's new Spider-man title isn't exactly breaking
any new ground. It's a 12-issue mini-series that pits our
hero against an unseen criminal mastermind with a personal
vendetta against the wall-crawler. While trying to solve
a mystery that affects his loved ones, Spider-man is forced
to go round after round against his entire rogues gallery
in an all-out super-powered slug-fest. In other words, it's
exactly like Hush, last year's semi-disappointing Batman
mega-event.
Originality issues aside, this is still an entertaining
read. Spidey's still on the trail of his Aunt May's kidnapper,
and after going up against the Green Goblin and The Avengers,
this issue's villain du jour is Electro. There are some
red herrings and a little plot advancement thrown in, but
mostly it's just a solid brawl. Millar amps up Electro's
powers a bit, and gives his readers a good sense of the
villain's shady desperation. Marvel has over-hyped this
book in its usual fashion, claiming it's a bolder, more
mature take on Spider-man. It's not. It's light-hearted
super-hero fare as long as you don't take it too seriously,
and there's nothing wrong with that. Next issue, it's the
Vulture's turn to kick the crap out of Spider-man, so we
should see more of the same. I plan on following this series
to its conclusion, but I have to wonder if seeing Spider-man
take a beating after each obligatory fight will lose its
luster in the long run.
Final Grade: B+
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The Incredible Hulk #73
Marvel Comics
(w) Bruce Jones
(a) Mike Deodato Jr.
FC, 32pgs w/ ads $3.25 CAN / $2.25 US
The verdict is in: this book is retarded.
In the last two issues of The Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner
and Tony Stark have joined forces to create an Iron Man
suit that can withstand gamma radiation (the same force
that gave birth to The Hulk). Then there was something about
Stark's colleague and lover who recently commit suicide,
and a would-be assassin who turned out to be her brother.
I might mention that their relationship was never explained
in the actual story - it was brought up nonchalantly in
the summary chapter of issue #72, which is just sloppy.
Anyway, the assassin is never really given any character
depth, but all of a sudden he's a major player. The same
goes for the Playboy model that brings him food once he's
captured, and unwittingly helps him escape - twice.
If all this sounds vague and stupid, it's because that's
exactly what it is. Nothing in this book makes sense at
all, and it's impossible to understand - much less relate
to - the characters. Things just happen with little or no
explanation or justification; the plotting is an absolute
mess. For example, after bickering through an unsuccessful
experiment, Stark frees the imprisoned Mr. Cummings so they
can have a fist fight, while the bikini-clad Nicole unleashes
her profound insights over a picnic with Dr. Banner. Things
end as quickly as they begin, and then it's on to something
else. The characters are all extremely unlikable, and their
actions are just plain mystifying.
Next issue brings a merciful end to this disaster of a
story arc, and after that, issue #75 promises to answer
all of the questions that no one's been asking for at least
20 issues. That's where I'll be hopping off the Incredible
Hulk conspiracy train, and I formally invite you to join
me.
Final Grade: D
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 B.P.R.D.
- A Plague of Frogs #4
Dark Horse Comics
(W) Mike Mignola
(A) Guy Davis
FC, 32 pgs w/ ads $4.25 CAN / $2.99 US
It's the penultimate chapter of Plague of Frogs, and
Mike Mignola seems to be spinning his wheels a bit. This
Hellboy-related miniseries is still a good read, and I'm
interested to see how the next and final issue ties everything
together, but with that said, this installment feels strangely
unnecessary.
In the first few pages, pyrokinetic Liz Sherman sets everything
on fire because…well…that's what she does. We've
seen it before, and it doesn't break any new ground here.
From there, the story shifts to Abe Sapien, as he hunts
down the man responsible the cult of mindless frog monsters.
It turns out Rasputin - the mad Russian and Hellboy's arch-nemesis
- is involved, and he wants revenge on Abe for his untimely
death ten years ago.
I don't know. I realize that this is supposed to be a sequel
to Seed of Destruction, but does that mean every character
from that miniseries needs to turn up? This story was doing
just fine without Rasputin, and his unexpected return is
somehow disappointing - it makes the Hellboy universe feel
a little too small. Beyond that, we really don't learn anything
new in this issue - every revelation is either something
we've seen before or something we already knew. There's
some nice Lovecraftian imagery of other-worldly rituals,
and these are the characters we know and love, written by
the man who created them, but this issue feels like filler
more than anything else. A step down from the previous issues,
but the final verdict depends on next month's finale.
Final Grade: B
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Ultimate Fantastic Four #6
Marvel Comics
(w) Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar
(a) Adam Kubert
FC, 32 pages w/ads, $2.25 US / $3.25 CAN
In the final chapter of Fantastic, the origin story of
the newer, younger, more "ultimate" Fantastic
Four…nothing really happens. The team is brought together
for the first time in the Mole Man's subterranean caverns,
but since the big superhero fight took place last issue,
the characters are left with little else to do but stand
around and spew Bendis-style stuttered dialogue, making
everyone sound just like Ultimate Spider-man.
It's a lackluster issue, as all of the plot points from
the previous issues are repeated. Dr. Molekevic is crazy,
and he's been spying on everyone. The teenaged quartet has
strange, unexplained powers. And that's about it. After
a brief scuffle between the Fantastic Four and a bunch of
dirt monsters, the Mole Man falls into a hole, and the team
returns to the surface. There are a few witty moments, but
overall there's not much here. For the finale of an introductory
story arc, it's pretty much a letdown, especially considering
the previous five issues. Next issue, however, Bendis and
Millar jump ship, as Warren Ellis takes over writing detail
just in time for the introduction of Ultimate Dr. Doom.
That's got potential written all over it, so I wouldn't
count this title out just yet.
Final Grade: B-
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Fantastic Four #514
Marvel Comics
(w) Mark Waid and Karl Kesel
(a) Juan Vlasco
FC, 32pgs w/ ads $3.25 CAN / $2.25 US
The Fantastic Four are still dealing with the fallout from
their recent actions. Seems their fan base is none too keen
on ill-advised hostile takeovers of other countries. On
top of that, there's some movement on the super-villain
front, as the Wingless Wizard has assembled some second-stringers
- Hydro-man, Trapster and Salamandra - in an effort to reform
the Frightful Four, and take down his arch enemies for good.
His weapon of choice? Internet chat rooms. That's right
- a blind date for The Human Torch could spell doom for
the Fantastic Four. But I have a feeling things are going
to work out just fine.
This title has certainly become silly as of late. Waid
started out with some strong ideas, and the issues leading
up and including the climactic battle with Dr. Doom were
excellent. But since then, the team has gone to Heaven,
met "God" and had a light-hearted team-up with
Spider-man in a water park. It's harmless fluff aimed primarily
at kids, but when I think of everything that fans did to
keep Waid on this title, I can't help what wonder what the
big deal is. In the end, this looks to be one more Marvel
title I'll be crossing off my monthly list.
Final Grade: C
--Dave Brennan
scratchlightning@hotmail.com
 
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