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Email From:
Steve Kilian
To: Matthew Casper, Dan Kilian
Roy Rogers' wife. Co-wrote "Happy Trails". Dead yesterday
at 88, heart failure. Currently writhing in eternal flame.
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Reply: Steve Kilian
To: Matthew Casper, Daniel Kilian
So Dale Whatshername is in Hell, and Satan says, "Happy Trails,
Bitch," and stabs her repeatedly with a flaming pitchfork. She
writhes in agony and screams and knows that this will be her eternity.
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Reply:
Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel
Kilian
So Dale Whatshername is at the pearly gates, and St. Peter has
got the register out.
"Name, please."
"Dale."
"'Dale' what?"
"I don't know."
And St. Peter says, "Well, you're gonna have to do better
than that, because I don't know who the fuck you are. I'm guessing
you died recently and it made it into the papers, but without
a last name or even a fucking job description, I have no options
but to send you to hell."
So Dale Whatshername is in Hell, and Satan says, "Happy Trails,
Bitch," and stabs her repeatedly with a flaming pitchfork.
She writhes in agony and screams and knows that this will be her
eternity.
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Reply:
Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel
Kilian
I heard cause
of death was "mainlining horsey-sauce from the fixins bar"
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Reply:
Dan Kilian
To: Steve Kilian, Matt Casper
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dale
Dale who?
Dale Whatsmyname
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Reply:
Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel
Kilian
Why did Dale
cross the road?
To get to
the "other side," the other side of life...what lies
beyond? Why, it's Dale, who now suffers endless agonies at the
hands, claws, and razor-finned sex organs of Satan's orgiastic
hordes. Her greatest horror when she briefly recalls the happiness
she knew on Earth, hosting a TV show, and that memory is devoured
by blood and flame as all her holes are filled with a demons thorny
spine, a cock in each eye socket, mouth bursting with black blood,
she crawls along hell's floor, her withered breasts scraping the
scalding surface and dissolving into acidic welts, an eternity
of horrific suffering, screaming "NNOOOOO!! NNOOOOO!!!"
her only memory now...
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Reply:
Steve Kilian
To: Matt Casper
Now you've
got the spirit!
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