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Email From: Steve Kilian
To: Matthew Casper, Dan Kilian

Roy Rogers' wife. Co-wrote "Happy Trails". Dead yesterday at 88, heart failure. Currently writhing in eternal flame.

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Reply: Steve Kilian
To: Matthew Casper, Daniel Kilian

So Dale Whatshername is in Hell, and Satan says, "Happy Trails, Bitch," and stabs her repeatedly with a flaming pitchfork. She writhes in agony and screams and knows that this will be her eternity.

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Reply: Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel Kilian

So Dale Whatshername is at the pearly gates, and St. Peter has got the register out.

"Name, please."

"Dale."

"'Dale' what?"

"I don't know."

And St. Peter says, "Well, you're gonna have to do better than that, because I don't know who the fuck you are. I'm guessing you died recently and it made it into the papers, but without a last name or even a fucking job description, I have no options but to send you to hell."

So Dale Whatshername is in Hell, and Satan says, "Happy Trails, Bitch," and stabs her repeatedly with a flaming pitchfork. She writhes in agony and screams and knows that this will be her eternity.

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Reply: Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel Kilian

I heard cause of death was "mainlining horsey-sauce from the fixins bar"

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Reply: Dan Kilian
To: Steve Kilian, Matt Casper

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Dale

Dale who?

Dale Whatsmyname

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Reply: Matt Casper
To: Steve Kilian, Daniel Kilian

Why did Dale cross the road?

To get to the "other side," the other side of life...what lies beyond? Why, it's Dale, who now suffers endless agonies at the hands, claws, and razor-finned sex organs of Satan's orgiastic hordes. Her greatest horror when she briefly recalls the happiness she knew on Earth, hosting a TV show, and that memory is devoured by blood and flame as all her holes are filled with a demons thorny spine, a cock in each eye socket, mouth bursting with black blood, she crawls along hell's floor, her withered breasts scraping the scalding surface and dissolving into acidic welts, an eternity of horrific suffering, screaming "NNOOOOO!! NNOOOOO!!!" her only memory now...

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Reply: Steve Kilian
To: Matt Casper

Now you've got the spirit!

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