Dispatch #3
I'm So Anal...

The idea of anal sex begins with an instinctive "eeewww gross" - the natural reaction to potty training that taught me poop is dirty and I had to labor to clean the place from where it exited my body. The next entrée into anal sex is usually "accidental" - an over-eager teenage boyfriend dives into the wrong opening and there is tearing and pain and spot of red on the bed. Of course, the incident is never repeated and makes my butt a no-fly zone.

And then I read Tristan Taormino's musings on the joys of anal sex - the idea that nature made elimination enjoyable for humans by putting a large gathering of nerve endings around the anus. It got me thinking - nerve endings - the sense of satisfaction after a good dump - hmmm….

Still, the gross-out factor loomed - would there be some sort of reaction, meaning uncontrollable elimination that would embarrass both my lover and I? Would it be fun for one of us but not a mutually enjoyable experience? Would I feel degraded, exploited, unsexy, and dirty? I knew I had to wait for the right person to fully try out the backdoor - a person who believe in the equality of giving and receiving.

Tristan's book, "Pucker Up", and her website, http://www.puckerup.com, take a unique look at anal sex, from a lesbian point of view. Initially, it may seem odd that a lesbian would be into anal sex or even penetration, but Tristan lays it all out for her readers - the hows, whys and why the hell nots of sexuality, both straight and gay. Her "Anal Advisor" pages really go over every kind of question and situation one might find themselves in anal sex. She writes eloquently about expectations, myths and realities and general fears relating to anal sex. Her honesty and candor is refreshing, and it really made me open my mind and my butt to the possibilities. With headings like "Enemas", "Hygiene & Cleanliness", "Male Anal Pleasure & Strap-on Sex", and "Discomfort & Pain", she really gets down to the nitty-gritty of the subject.

Okay, so I was ready. I met a boy, a perfectly wonderfully perverted boy. He mentioned the deed during courting, in an email the both thrilled and terrified me at the same time. Here was someone who had and who liked anal sex. He could give and receive. He wasn't gay, he was adventurous. He was gentle, patient and incredibly sexy. How could I say no? I didn't.

My honest appraisal of the first few times is this - it hurt going in - the first time the most, but once I relaxed and focused on the pleasure of the motion rather then the stretching of the walls, the pain drifted off into faint memory. And there was the safe sex issue, knowing there might be blood involved. A condom was required, as was lubricant. I learned that despite the pleasure it gave me, anal sex could not be too rough because it caused damage and bleeding. An experience with me sitting in the bathroom for an hour, thinking the whole thing was a bad idea, while I bled too much for comfort, clued me in on the delicate nature of my rectum.

The cleanliness issue - surprisingly, there has been very few times where anything has shown up on the completion of the act. I guess I had been under the impression that I was so full of shit it would be lingering around my butt hole just waiting for my next trip to the can. But not so - it seems the colon holds your poop back until you are ready to go and then through a peristalsis type motion, pushes it down and out the final few feet. There have been some minor remnants of past meals, but if you and your lover agree to engage in the act, the possible results should not shock or throw either of you into a germaphobe tizzy - especially if you use condoms and finger cots. The one thing I have noticed is the sudden need to go to the bathroom afterwards, often with no results. I suppose the action of continued pumping creates the illusion of a need to go.

What must absolutely occur first is foreplay - without a bit of prepping, shall we say, most orifices are far from ready, let alone your anus. Massaging the area gently while stimulating other erogenous zones is a good start, but only if you both agree that you are going to venture into the dark side together BEFORE the canoodling starts. Insertion of a finger and eventually a slender butt plug will help to increase the acceptance of later penetration. Finger insertion during oral sex for either gender creates a new level of sensation. Be sure to use lots of lubrication, applying it liberally to the area.

Anal sex isn't as daunting as I had originally expected. It adds a dimension to my sex life and I have to admit being one of the few women who actually enjoy it. I suppose it has to do with my attitude to sex in general and my willingness to be open-minded. According to the Sex In America site, 26% of straight men and 20% of straight women have had anal sex. Surprisingly, the Sexual Health InfoCenter states that 35% of heterosexuals and 50% of the gay community actively participate in anal sex.

Positions for anal sex often begin and end with the very popular doggie style - it creates a wider opening, stabilizes the motion and allows for maximum penetration. The missionary style is not as comfortable, but spooning next to your lover, so you can kiss and attempt to look at them during the act is complicated but worth the effort.

Giving can be as hard as receiving - for the man who enjoys a little rear entry, women need to understand that as rough and hardy as your man is, nothing requires more gentility than his butt. I have found varied success with a strap-on, and often manipulating a dildo by hand is easier to control and offers more pleasure. The ever-popular butt plug allows for hands-free enjoyment all around. The goal of giving your man the high hard one is to massage his prostate - and you don't need to go too far in to find it. Everyone who has seen "Road Trip" can relate. One finger or two?

Don't expect the kind of sex you might see in porn - the hardcore ramming just isn't feasible for most people. Remember, just like on MTV's "Jackass", those are professionals - do not attempt the same feats at home on your loved ones. Anal sex can be fun, intimate, hot and orgasm inducing. Just keep the Wet Naps handy.

By Melissa Ulto
© multo.com 2002