Recently the weather has been stunning- bright, cool and autumnal- and I've noticed that it makes for good ice cream and popsicle eating. I recently got a box of Dole Popsicles that tasted great and in the cool air they didn't melt all over your hands so you could just sit back and casually take your time. Since then I got a whole bunch of those flav-o-ice popsicles. Like most sweets, they make me feel a little sick but I can't stop eating them. On the weekends I like to eat them and leave their plastic wrappers lying around like long, skinny, stiff condoms. My bodega has started selling these revoltingly large ones. The grape ones look like horse cocks. Its too bad that these artificially sweet phallic symbols are so addicting. I've been eating two a day for an embarrassing number of weeks.

Another thing I've noticed around the 'burg, is all the apartment/roommate wanted flyers that are being strewn on every pole and wall. When did these people drop out of charm school? One person who I presumed to be a woman, is looking for a female only, who "preferably has a min. 2 years of college." I bet she has tons of friends.

I also love how people brag that they're musicians or artists. I should pretend that I'm renting out a room.

Me: So, are you cool?
Artist: Oh yeah, real cool.
Me: Really?! Oh that's great.
Me: Hey, I really like your Atari T-shirt.
Artist: Oh yeah, its pretty sweet.
Me: Do you like Modest Maria?
Artist: What?
Me: What about Rainer Mouse? Do you like Rainer Mouse? They're from Kansas, do you like them?
Artist: I don't think you-
Me: I like your sunglasses.
Artist: Oh cool, yeah, thanks.
Me: Its 10PM, did you just get back from the eye doctor?

Does that make me a hater? I hope not.

I just read another flyer. It was from a jerk who declared himself to be "nice" and had a apartment budget of no more than $500. I don't think its very "nice" to be completely out of touch when it comes to money. In fact, I think its annoying. In my experience, it takes $550 just to get you the middle, windowless room in a 3-bedroom railroad in Greenpoint.

That being said, I've been loving Williamsburg recently. I went to a concert at North 6th recently and the venue is just perfect. One thing that's great about it is half way through a show you can take a little walk down to the waterfront at Metropolitan.

As a reminder for next year, make sure you have a costume if you plan on attending any Halloween parties. I went to one on the Friday before Halloween and it was a total nightmare. From the second I walked in I could sense people hating me for not dressing up. I went to the party with a friend of mine who also didn't dress up and I quickly found myself hating him for not dressing up either.

Anyway, since I was too embarrassed to be seen standing around talking to him, I decided to hit the dance floor when I heard that Dead or Alive song everyone likes. I worked my way into the middle of the crowd and was feeling good for about half a minute until I was simultaneously boxed out by 4 girls. I tried to keep smiling and dancing but I was a broken man. Their choreographed turning of backs left me speechless and moveless so I limped to my lamely un-costumed friend and told him that I was leaving.

Oh yes, someone finally answered the gambling statistics question that I posed two months ago. Matthew Vincenz is the genius who calculated that:

odds of doubling = 1/6*5/6*5/6 * 3 = 75/216
odds of tripling = 1/6*1/6*5/6 * 3 = 15/216
odds of quadrupling = 1/6 ^ 3 = 1/216
odds of losing all = 125/216

statistical gain:
Play 1 square: -1+2*75/216+3*15/216+4*1/216 = -7.9%
per round
Play 2 square: (-2+2*24/27+3*18/27+4*1/27)/2 = -15%
Play 3 square: -21%

Well done!

   
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mail@freewilliamsburg.com | November 2001 | Issue 20
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