Palin Holds Press Conference to Explain Last Press Conference
I just posted a piece on Palin’s insane resignation speech over at the Huffington Post. Here a taste
Responding to criticism that many were confused by her resignation speech on Friday, Governor Palin issued another press conference today to explain her reasons in “plain English” and without the use of sports and/or fish metaphors.
“When I last spoke about the issues at hand here on Friday,” stated Palin, “I was addressing hardworking, average Americans who understand what it means to be a leader. Average Americans also understand sports metaphors and the direction a dead fish will move when in a particular body of water that has a current.” [...]
Critics say that today’s press conference was even more confusing than the one held on Friday, further muddling the governor’s reasons for departure. Still, Palin did manage to shed some light on her ability to make an eight-minute speech without taking a breath.
“They don’t call me the Barracuda just because I’m tough,” she told reporters referring to her uncanny ability to forgo breathing.
“Sometimes, I prefer making speeches without breathing at all. I’m an avid runner and depriving my brain of oxygen sorta feels like having a runner’s high. Plus, I know the First Dude will catch me should I get too dizzy. He’s a deacon at our family’s Pentecostal church and has lots of practice catching fainters who have had demons exorcised.”
Most scientists say that when the brain is deprived of oxygen it can no longer function properly, and that this could explain the governor’s inability to communicate clearly. But fervent Palin supporter, Dick Kristal, contends that the brain can operate just fine without oxygen.
“Excess carbon emissions cause global warming, too little oxygen can cause decreased brain activity, blah blah blah blah blah,” said a visibly agitated Kristal. “These are clearly just theories, pseudo science promoted by liberals.”
You can read it all on The Huffington Post.
