Cheap Shot of the Month

As everyone is well aware, a year has passed since the tragic events of 9/11. I've decided to mark the anniversary the best way I know how: in rhyme. In trying to convey deep and complex emotions, I've found that it's often a poem that does the best job. Poetry by its very nature - abstract, symbolic, far-reaching - is the perfect vessel to express both the personal and the universal, the minute and the infinite.

Note: The following poem in no way is meant to deride those of the gay persuasion. I have nothing against gay people, and have many gay friends. My father is gay. If being gay or "queer" comes across in a negative light, I profusely apologize. I am only using it in this way because the central figure of the poem (as well as those who share his beliefs) will no doubt take great offense by the comparison, thereby shedding light on his own prejudices. I aim to offend HIM, not you good people, gay or straight.

Here's an example to illustrate my point. If a southerner is referred to as a "Yankee," while most people won't see what the big deal is, chances are that the person in question will be greatly offended. This is because in southern-speak, the term "Yankee" is considered a bad word, equivalent to the likes of "asswipe," "dildo," "dorkwad," "buttplug" and "cocktaster." So you see, everything is relative. Please keep this in my mind when you read the poem.

So, without further ado, I present to you an original work, written expressly to commemorate the anniversary of our nation's most horrific tragedy. Enjoy it, ponder over it, take it all in. Let it wash over you, touch you, and, hopefully, move you. Above all, let it help you cope with your pain. I know it's made me feel a lot better. Thanks for reading, and God bless America.

OSAMA BIN LADEN, COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
We all know that you're gay
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
You've got Playgirls lining your cave
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
Everybody knows you're queer
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
You've got cum stains on your beard

You've got big, red lips
Ooh ooh ooh
And a lispy voice
Yeah yeah yeah
Just in case you're wondering
That goat you're screwing is a boy

Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
We all know you're a fag
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
Your butthole's the size of Fort Bragg
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
Everybody knows you pack fudge
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
The Taliban were merely your studs

You've got big, brown eyes
Ooh ooh ooh
And a girlie walk
Yeah yeah yeah
Why not stop your jihad
And fill your face with cock?

Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
We all know that you're gay
Osama Bin Laden, come out of the closet
And bring that bitch Hussein

--Russ Josephs

E-mail: Filthstar@aol.com