Ha ha ha. We love this:

From their website.

Ever wonder how Brooklyn’s hipsters fit into their 29-inch waisted skinny jeans? Prepare to wonder even more…because after this two hour tour of Williamsburg’s trendiest artisanal eateries, your own pants may become an inch too small. From wood-fired pizza and down home country barbecue to Brooklyn-made wine and walnut brittle, prepare for the hippest food tasting tour on the East Coast! (American Spirits and PBR not included!)

If you ask a hipster what a hipster actually is, they’d probably say something like,”Hipsters can’t be defined because then they’d fit into a category, and thus be too mainstream.” Our definition is hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20′s and 30′s with a certain bohemian life situation and lifestyle. Hipsters reject “mainstream” culture but embrace and contribute to independent culture that values independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter! Our tour embodies these qualities and embraces the artisanal renaissance currently in bloom in tragically hip Williamsburg!

If you want to go (aka have no shame) there’s even a groupon. (via Brokelyn)

The Reddit comments are great:

Doc–Hopper: That’s so hip.

laughingsutra: Saw some hipster girl walking through Bushwick last night with a hunting bow and arrows over her shoulder.

OiScout: I occasionally see this couple, they’ve gotta be 40+, on the L eating breakfast. Fucking cup of noodles and they crush up whatever potato chips they have and put it in there. Sometimes they dunk it.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen on the L? This guy still takes the cake for us. [via]

I’m all for a good brunch joke, but the current originality of Brooklyn/hipster/brunch humor is beating a dead horse while wearing an American Apparel onesie. Today’s example is a song by Cooking Channel’s ‘Chef-Comedienne’ Nadia G. She takes an awful melody and fills in the blanks Mad Libs style with “Ray-Bans”, ‘L-Train”, “Instagram”, “Irony”, “Loft” and for some reason “Crumpets.” Thanks or no thanks to Max Silvestri for sharing the link to this. Watch (more…)

Evidently there’s a meet-up group in Greenpoint that encourages “elimination communication” – aka letting your kid go diaperless and shit on the sidewalk, the subway, a Tupperware container, or in a restaurant. Clearly this needs to end now:

Pardis Partow decided to give her year-old son, Parker, some diaper-free time at home — much to the consternation of her Yorkshire terrier.
Because of Parker’s terrible diaper rash, the Bedford-Stuyvesant lawyer-turned-Reiki healer became interested in “elimination communication” — or EC, as it’s called— responding to her son’s cues for when to go to the bathroom instead of having to rely on a diaper.

The hope is for the parent to “catch” pees and poops — whether atop open-cloth diapers, toilets, sinks or behind the multitude of parked cars on city streets.
But as Partow learned, often there are “misses.”

Partow shared her experience with a group of nearly a dozen moms sitting with their babies last month at an EC meet-up at Greenpoint’s Caribou Baby.

The boutique, which recently began hosting the meet-up regularly on the second Tuesday afternoon of each month, advised participants to come prepared. “Please bring your own potty (if you’d like) and a towel or blanket to catch any spills. There will also be access to a restroom.” [...]

“The other day we accidentally left the house without putting her in a diaper before going to a restaurant,” Longwell-Stevens said. “We peed her on the sidewalk, but she wouldn’t go. Then we tucked a pre-fold [cloth diaper] under her [at the restaurant table]. We were in a place where we didn’t want her to go and we didn’t want people talking about it.” [...]

“Sometimes the thrill of being able to go outside and pee is just what [babies] need,” Longwell-Stevens said. “In the suburbs people set up potties in the trunk of their cars. That made me jealous. But in New York no one cares what you are doing. You can hold your baby to pee pretty much anywhere. Especially since few people would have any idea what you are doing.” [...]

Mikolajczak, who recently moved to Connecticut from Astoria and has a Brooklyn factory making her EC goods, did elimination communication everywhere she went with her son, now 6.

“We would get off the subway, I would take him into the toilet,” she said. “Sometimes there were times it was hard to find a public bathroom in New York. Asking to use bathrooms helped me get over shyness.” At parks and playgrounds, “finding a little area of grass or some bushes was good. I’ve not owned a dog in the city, but I can relate.

“I would try not to have him pee on the sidewalk,” she added. “I would try to find a drain pipe… on the corner of streets.”

This Saturday, Red Bull will host a fixie race. On a tiny wooden track. Inside a church in Bushwick. There will be a T-shirt cannon.

Via DNA:

“Right after I signed up, I signed a waiver and then I watched videos of all the crashes… I was nervous at first, but you have to be confident in your biking skills.”
Teyber is facing off against 99 other cyclists in 10 laps around the “mini drome” as part of an event tour that’s already been to cities including Tokyo and London, according to Red Bull’s website.

“I’ve never raced in Bushwick. And, definitely, racing in a church is going to be unique,” said Teyber, who plans to don his “lucky beer socks” with giant beer cans on the back. “There’s something magical about being under stained glass.”

Teyber, a California native who lives on the Upper East Side, said each contestant takes to the track for a mere two minutes. But the music-filled fixed-gear party will last all day and night, organizers said.
“I’ll be launching a T-shirt cannon,” said co-host Tony Blahd, who said he hopes to shoot shirts out of a cannon in the church while Roberta’s Pizza serves up drinks and fresh pies from its mobile pizza oven.

If you want to attend, here’s the information, via Red Bull’s website: (more…)

This was posted in a London bar’s bathroom. It’s an only slightly exaggerated view of Williamsburg:

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Because why should the Meatpacking District and Miami have all the ravey-glo-stick fun?

The next promising arrival is Output, a 452-person-capacity nightclub at 74 Wythe Avenue opening in the next few weeks that looks to give the neighborhood’s discerning electronic dance music contingent a place other than legally dubious warehouses and lofts to check out its favorite deejays.

A source familiar with the project told The Commercial Observer that Output will be one of two venues operating under separate leases at the 11,424-square-foot building (up from 7,324 square feet after the construction of a second floor). The main club (and restaurant) will be joined by a back room and roughly 2,500 square feet of outdoor rooftop space, together accommodating up to 348 people.

As a fully licensed club with a full, legal bar and a sound system not trucked in by a rented U-Haul—the speakers are by the revered Funktion One—Output hopes to revive the city’s desiccated nightlife scene. It’s practically in a league of its own in north Brooklyn. But it should also give the few remaining biggish dance floors in Manhattan—Pacha, District 36, Santos Party House—not squeezed out by soaring rents, police raids or the post-Giuliani regulatory vise a run for their money.

Output has already positioned itself as a grownup home for Brooklyn’s underground techno and house showcases—don’t call them raves—by booking a Bunker party on February 22. Bunker, arguably the city’s premier pop-up home for recondite techno talent—has been a monthly affair held since 2007 at the 4,000-square-foot Public Assembly in Williamsburg. Time will tell if Blkmarket Membership, Mister Saturday night and Resolute—other roving Brooklyn electronic music parties in a similar vein to Bunker—will follow.

[via Gothamist]

Another reason to hate Florida:

Before the holidays, Shad was forced to cut his set short by promoters who found it “too future” for the audience at the bottle service club. Since then, the club apologized and Shadow admitted that he “should have never been booked there in the first place.”

OMG… it’s just so EDGY! Listen at your own risk:

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Zebulon

Joce Soubiran, one of the owners of Zebulon, said he shut down the popular Wythe Avenue club because new residents complained too much about the performance space.

“The people around us don’t want us,” said Soubiran. “Why would you move next to a music place if you don’t want music? The people around here want to tell us how to run our business.”

…as the venue earned praise from music heads, it got bombarded with noise complaints, particularly in the past two years, said Soubiran. On Halloween, authorities issued the bar a total of seven tickets for noise violations and allowing revelers to gather on the street.

Soubiran said it’s not worth the hassle to better soundproof the club or ask bands to keep it down because that would compromise the club’s authenticity. He said he and the other owners might consider opening up in a different neighborhood — maybe Bushwick — at a later time.

“We are very tired and we need a break,” he said.

When asked what he will do when the squares move to Bushwick, Soubiran said he hopes to be retired.

Kinda reminds us of the people who moved next to the chicken slaughterhouse in Greenpoint. If you don’t like being in a festive neighborhood that can be loud at times, then why move there?