Dear Readers,

Because we know how much you love funny cat videos, we present you with this gem. Enjoy!

Two tattoo’d NYC bike messengers went before Judge Judy to argue over a lost (or stolen & sold) bicycle. This clip has all the important markings — flannels, tattoos, fire, a “friend’s band,” the internet, custom bikes, and fashionable hair. It truly is the biggest thing to hit our judicial system.
The Plaintiff, Christopher Villanella, believes his former roommate John Foraker sold his custom bicycle for money. The bike was built by Velo Brooklyn (1342 Dekalb Avenue), and he paid almost $2,000 for it.
The banter between Judge Judy and her Bailiff Petri Hawkins-Byrd about bicycle prices is a particular highlight. Watch the whole clip after the jump.

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“Don’t Feed The Hipsters” – Trustocorp’s newest, spotted in McCarren Park.

We can judge the sender of this message all we want, but I will admit… I have had thoughts like this before. I dated a guy once who admittedly said that he had never read a book– so let’s take that into consideration in the comments as we bash the ‘hipster scumbag’ responsible for this kind of insensitivity.
But still, a text message!? Ouch.
[Thanks to @VoiceStreet]

This is the funniest thing we’ve heard on the local news since Ernie Anastos told the Fox 5 weatherman to “keep fucking that chicken.” Rosanna Scotto is our new hero.

Other local news highlights after the jump:

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I’m not sure there was a big demand for this, but here it is: (Kinda NSFW) [via]

This Next Sunday, from 5:30 – 7:30 PM, Grand Ferry Park will be home to Comedy in the Park, the first of at least three free stand-up comedy shows on the Williamsburg waterfront this summer.
Host Paul Marino hopes the combination of a beautiful location, funny & diverse line-up, proximity to Bedford, and the fact that it’s a free show, will lead to an awesome new outdoor comedy series. We hope it works out!
The Parks Department granted permits for the first three shows and are awaiting to see how things go before making a decision on continuing the series. If these three go well, we might have a summer-long stand-up series right there on the waterfront. Curious how things would work out with the Jelly Pool Parties, but we could imagine some kind of merging of the two at some point down the line.
All Marino needs now, he writes, “is a big crowd to cheer when I ask, ‘Now how many of you want Comedy in the Park to do a comedy show like this every week?’”
This week’s show is headlined by Dan St. Germain, and will feature Jeffrey Joseph, Freddy Sheffield, Jay Welsh, Mike Recine, Heather Fink, Stephen Mark, Edward Dominguez, and a possible appearance by Joel Runnels. Music’s by DJ Sureshot.
Update: Marino writes to say the event has been canceled to due rain. It’ll be on next sunday however, so save le date.

I’ve got a new piece on a bizarro fetish over at The Awl:

In case you’re not familiar, pedal pumping is a car/foot fetish for men who enjoy watching women pump the gas, generally in vintage cars, until they strand themselves by flooding the engine or draining the battery. Um, what? Countless variations on this scenario exist‚Äîgirls getting cars stuck in mud, Asians revving mopeds in the desert, stranded pedal pumpers with ‚”stinky work shoes.” According to The Daily Beast, Michelle McGee even confesses to making a few pedal pump videos. So evidently there’s a market for painted hags who look like Skeletor pumping the gas with swastikas on their toes too. Most of the videos make up for their poor production values with sophisticated dialogue like ‚”start, godammit,” ‚”no, I don’t wanna be stuck here,” and ‚”fuck this Mustang.”
A search for the fetish yields over 200,000 Google returns and thousands of YouTube videos. There are hundreds of websites that cater to the fetish including pedaltube.com, asianpedalpumpers.com, pedalteens.com and carstuckgirls.com. [All sort of/not really/but kind of Not Safe For Work?]

Videos and the rest of the article here.

Hipsters got a Tip of Stephen Colbert’s hat last night, “because as a demographic they are consistently not filling out Obama’s census.” Yep, he heard about it on NPR. As you know by now, it’s not neccessarily the Hipsters fault. Still, well played by Sir Colbert, who noted the low return rates are part of a grand hipster scheme to get less representation, and therefore less neighborhood resources, which in turn will lead to a neighborhood in disrepair, lower rent, and a return to the gritty neighborhood of the 90′s.
But yes, good old Nate Stark, he of Academy Records on North 6th and source in NPR’s article saw his $5 quote replayed on Colbert, saying, “I guess it’s laziness and like, what’s the point? When it comes down to it, nobody wants to fill out like another form that’s just like getting sent to your house that really relatively has nothing to do with your life. I mean people would do if they got like five bucks.”