Nice one Henry. If this is what’s called “aging with dignity” I’d rather be dead tomorrow. This is worth a watch just to hear Rollins accuse someone else of having a massive ego. (Note: yep, that’s Todd P sitting next to Meredith.)

Memo to the single gentlemen and samesexual curious ladies of Ye Olde Williamsburg: Erica Sackin‘s outlined the definitive steps to picking up a hipster girl over at The Awl today. These things aren’t usually published on the interent for public eyeballs to peruse without your ponying up $19.99 for the limited edition DVD (w/ laser lighter special gift if you order now!). We suggest you go give it a read and get back to us if she, a now self-admitted hipster girl, has left off any glaring ommissons!

I’m not sure why you’d actually want to know how to pick up a young hipster woman. We’re all too-skinny obnoxious know-it-alls who sneer at you for listening to last year’s Billboard Charts topper (unless it’s Lady Gaga, of course). Maybe you like the masochism, I don’t know. Maybe you have a tattoo fetish. Maybe going to rock shows and eating all-organic locally sourced beef and/or vegan meals found in dumpsters is cheaper than that new Ferrari you’d otherwise get in your quarter or mid-life crisis. Maybe you’ve been reading the collected works of Mystery the Pickup Artist and want to expand your repertoire (in which case, stop; there’s a strong chance you shouldn’t be dating any girls, anywhere, ever). Maybe you’re a slightly nerdy boy in a low-fi surf rock band who loves to bake his own pies but is too desperately shy to work up the nerve to talk to the gorgeous brunette with half her head shaved and a tattoo of some Joy Division lyrics on her thigh (in which case, you’re adorable, email me). Whatever your reason, it’s obvious you’re going to need some help. Because I’ve seen you doing it wrong.

Go read the whole thing.

Quick Cliff’s Notes for ya:

Step One: Come to us.
Step Two: Yes, just talk to us.
Step Three: Don’t be creepy.
Step Four: Bone up on pop culture.
Step Five: It’s not called flakiness, it’s called letting your plans evolve.

Gizmodo’s Joel Johnson looks in the mirror and reflects on his two inner selves — the geek, and the hipster.

Geeks are—by most definitions—obsessive. Sure, there are garden-variety geeks who are interested in computers, videogames, and science fiction, but we’ve generally come to accept that people can geek out on just about anything: sewing machines; exobiology; turnip farming. To geek is to love.

Hipsters are—by most defintions—dismissive. They sort through the detritus of pop culture, appropriate what they find appealing in its quirkiness, cultivating an aesthetic that considers all but allows surprisingly little. To be hipster is to hate.

Gizmodo

Allison Silverman, Emmy-winning writer from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, offers up an amusing editorial to The New Yorker examining Williamsburg dinner parties, dinosaurs as stars of the Old Testament and the horror of a conventional college degree.

Et Tu, Brooklyn?

Here’s a portion of a casting call looking for extras in a new show called I Just Want My Pants Bank. Well done, MTV.

If you are not sure if you can portray a hipster, answer these questions:

Do you own skinny jeans, old school chucks, cabbie hat, the 70′s vest, an ironic t shirt or hat, a fitted sweater, flannel shirt, or chunky lens-less glasses? Do you drink PBR, have an ironic mustache, have a blog that allows you to post pictures you took with your digital camera? Been called a hipster? Deny being a hipster, but own various wardrobe and sport an asymetrical hair style that is considered Non-Mainstream? Smoke Parliaments? Got any cool tattoos? Perhaps one of a star, maybe on your wrist or elbow? Own a vintage dress or have an awesome beard?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could be starring in the pilot which shoots next week. Again, the name of that show is I Just Want My Pants Back. Really!?

[Chart by Ryan Brown, h/t Village Voice]

Conor Oberst

Flavorwire has a cute and funny collection of indie stars before they were famous. This is my favorite (left) Conor Oberst, before his was emo. They also have a cute Nickelodeon video starring Alexis Krauss of Sleigh Bells when she was a tween and a hilarious shot of the Animal Collective crew. Check them all out at Flavorwire.

If you’ve got more, add them in comments. We’d love to see some shots of local artists and musicians. Ninjasonic anyone?

From Reddit’s “IAmA Hipster. Ask me anything. Also, answer the question “Why do you hate hipsters?”. Don’t hate.” AMA:

1. Isn’t culture defined by an evolution of memes?
2. How do you feel about Reddit hating hipsters while at the same time being willing to remove 1-3 testicles for so much as a wink and/or smile from Zooey Deschanel?
3. Do you have a lot of fellow hipster friends that you have fun hipster parties with?
4. What do you smoke?
5. Can fat people become hipsters?
6. How are you financially supported?
7. How many Apple devices (computers included) do you own?
8. Do you ride a fixed geared bicycle?
9. Do people hate hipsters because they like being called hipsters?
10. Why the tight pants? That can’t be comfortable

Also, while Tumblr is the hipster of the internet, “Metafilter is the awkward-cute geek in his late thirties with sexy glasses and a week-old beard. Reddit is his early twenties engineering buddy, and Facebook is their nemesis. Or something like that.”

The first thing you should know about pick-up artists is they have their own set of acronyms and words. They keep track of statistics, like, the number of “sets opened,” or conversations attempted.

A “number close” is when a pick-up artist (PUA) gets your digits. A “kiss close” is when you successfully achieve lip contact. “IOD” is “Indicator of Interest.” Usually that means being a prick. “F close,” is, you guessed it.

Now, meet Justice.

He’s an Asian PUA at work here in the city who recently “number closed” a “lesbian/bi girl” on the way back into Manhattan. It’s a feat worth blogging about, and here’s his step-by-step analysis.

It all came down to his IOD when she told him she was bi, and the fact she maybe thought he was gay. “Yeah right!,” says our Justice. It all made him realize “how lucky a girl would be to have me as a boyfriend.”

That’s how you get it done, Missed Encounters Nation. Confidence, insults, and text messages. The love potion of our generation.