Hurricane Preparedness

How did you survive Irene? Gorge yourself on canned goods? Swim in a bathtub of Poland Spring? Me? I evacuated, only to lose power in that apartment while my apartment stayed fine.

I’ll spare you from all the “This is nothing compared to where I’m from” triteness our Californian friends put us through during the earthquake. I’ve learned my lesson after talking shit about a little hurricane named Katrina that caused barely more than a drizzle over southwest Florida but subsequently destroyed New Orleans.

Here are the lessons I’ve learned after sitting through—or running from, in the case of Hurricane Andrew—after a dozen or so hurricanes.

1) Electric is going to go down so stock up on food that can stay out. If ConEd doesn’t have their act together, we could be without electric for days after the hurricane. Open up your fridge as rarely as possible because there is little worse than a fridge reeking of rotting foods in the heat. Try eating anything tonight or early tomorrow that would be a shame to let go bad. This also means at the very least that you’re going to need a cooler and ice to keep the beer cold that you will need to steady your nerves and pass the time.

2) Water stops working when the treatment plants go offline. Make sure you are showered and then fill up your bathtub with water. You’ll need this and a bucket to flush your toilet.

3) Towels, lots of them. There is something about hurricanes that bring out the leaks. Also, if you’re on the first floor, you’ll want them for your doorway. We’ve had a lot of rain to soak up already and depending on what quadrant of the hurricane hits us (the upper-right quadrant produces the biggest storm surge, strongest wind and most chance of tornadoes), we might get some serious flooding.

4) Batteries, water, etc. Charge your stuff. Buy Cheetos. You know this drill.

5) We use to tape a big X on windows so that if the glass did break, it would break into bigger pieces. This has been disproved, but I might do it, for old times sake.

6) Those plants on your fire escape? They are now flying projectiles. Bring them in now while you’re thinking about it. Anything outside that can be picked up and tossed around also needs to be secured.

7) Find a Florida friend that isn’t in the evac zone and get an invite to their hurricane party. We are all having them and will be complaining nonstop that we thought we had moved away from all this nonsense. But we will still be the ones with the best board games and the most beer. And the first ones playing outside when its deemed safe(ish).

Image c/o Brooklyn 11211

Not to be hyperbolic or anything, but…WE MIGHT DIE THIS WEEKEND. For reals.

Should [the currently Category 3] Hurricane Irene grace us with her presence, forecasts predict flooding, high winds and your typical apocalyptic havoc along East River neighborhoods. According to Brownstoner and Here’s Williamsburg, those on the Williamsburg Waterfront – a Zone A category – will be at the highest risk of flooding and “extensive” damage. Those of us more inland fall into Zone B, where we need only fear “moderate” damage potential and “winds possibly reaching velocities of up to 110 MPH”. Also note that The Department of Buildings has issued an advisory stating that all construction sites must be secured or face violations and Work Stop Orders.

To determine your degree of devastation, simply type in your address into the Hurricane Evacuation Zone Finder set up by the New York City Office of Emergency Management (OEM).

Then start packing those emergency kits, kids! Supplies should include: a gallon of drinking water per person per day, nonperishable foods, a can opener, a first-aid kit, a flashlight, a battery-operation radio and extra batteries, a whistle, iodine tablets, personal hygiene items, a phone that does not rely on electricity, and child care supplies. For more helpful preparation/survival tips, check out the Ready New York guide.

Good luck!