DeFarra Gaymon probably thought he was dreaming. It was late at night in a park known for men cruising for sex when one dressed as a cop ran by and dropped his handcuffs. “I’ll play along,” Gaymon probably thought, as he began masturbating waiting for the guy dressed like a cop to return. What happened next is what happens when a major misunderstanding gets real.

“The plainclothes officer was bending down to retrieve his handcuffs,” Mr. Laurino said, “when he was approached by Mr. Gaymon, who was engaged in a sexual act at the time.” Words were exchanged that the prosecutor said “would lead one to believe that” Mr. Gaymon was propositioning the officer.

“The officer pulled out his badge, identified himself as a police officer and informed Mr. Gaymon that he was under arrest,” Mr. Laurino said. Then, he said, Mr. Gaymon shoved the officer to the ground and ran, ignored the officer’s demands to stop, and repeatedly threatened to kill the officer if he approached. The officer cornered Mr. Gaymon beside a pond and tried to handcuff him, Mr. Laurino said, but again Mr. Gaymon resisted.

“Mr. Gaymon reached into his pocket and lunged at the officer in an attempt to disarm the officer,” Mr. Laurino said. The officer, “fearing for his life,” the prosecutor said, shot Mr. Gaymon once, and he died at the hospital three hours later.

Gaymon was a married CEO with four children, so naturally, people are asking questions. The prosecutor in Essex County, which includes Newark, NJ, is claiming the officer acted in self-defense. Self-defense from a guy with his dick in his hands. It’s a weird world out there kids, stay classy.

[h/t Gawker]

According to the NY Post, a Federal judge ruled last week that masturbating in a federal park is fine, as long as no one’s watching:

“Magistrate Judge Ramon Reyes Jr. found that an ex-cop who exposed himself to an undercover ranger in a remote section of a federal park off the Belt Parkway was not guilty of public lewdness because his naughty bits were obscured by waist-high vegetation.

The defendant in the case, retired Detective Joseph Tesoriere, was arrested last August after he allegedly beckoned an undercover Parks Service ranger into a remote area at Plum Beach — a tiny sliver of Gateway National Park known for horseshoe crabs and gay hookups — and fondled himself.”

While this ruling won’t affect Williamsburg residents directly in the neighborhood — there are no national parks here — it should certainly make you think twice the next time you find yourself surrounded by waist-high vegetation.