Ms. Anonymous writes in to warn us of a “well-known douche” who’s been stalking Asian girls around town.
Hi, I’d appreciate it if you could keep me anonymous, but there’s a well-known douche named [redacted] wandering Wburg stalking Asian gals, and I’d love it if you could expose him so the innocents can avoid.
Her experience with him began late last year at Union Pool, where she was drinking with some friends when a very strange man approached. He wanted some action, maybe a number, but Ms. Anon politely declined interest. She moved outside with her friends to escape the situation, but the man followed.
She moved again, and again he followed, until eventually he was chasing her around Union Pool and almost fighting her friends who told the guy to chill out. Later, she stopped by Macri Park, where another Asian girl commiserated about her experience with “The Douche.” Girl #2 has been collecting the guy’s “ridiculously stupid [business] cards” for some time.
Ms. Anonymous took to Facebook, where she put up a post and saw 6-7 fellow Williamsburg Asians respond with similar stories. So who is this guy? The girls have pieced together an identity.
He describes himself sometimes as an astronaut, others, a wizard. He lives here in Brooklyn in an iconic artists loft, but of course, he’s from “Planet Xenon,” in space. His mackery involves walking up to Asian girls in McCarren Park, or at bars, and saying, no matter how many times he’s met them, “Hey, I’ve never met you before.”
“That’s your opening line???,” our anonymous tipster metaphorically asks, “And we’ve met three times.”
“Get this freak help,” she concludes, “so he stops chasing Asian girls down alleys yelling, ‘But I’ve never met you before!!’.”
So tell us, Asian girls of Williamsburg, have you met Xenon the Stalker Prince? Is he as strange as Ms. Anonymous makes him seen? Do let us know. Xenon, are you out there? Or have you fulfilled your Asian appetite and returned home to your space palace? Want to write in to defend your ways? If anybody has a photo of these cards, do send them on in. Together, we can fight to keep Williamsburg free of space princes who stalk and sexually devour our Asian citizens.
UPDATE 7/16 10:19am: Xenon Responds:
Greetings from Planet Xenon,
This is really messed up. I’m not a stalker or a creep, and calling me a douche is a matter of opinion. I will admit that sometimes people don’t “get me” and think I’m strange. But maybe they are too caught up in their own isolation bubble of uber urban coolness to make a new friend or think outside of the box. I just like talking/ meeting people in general, not just asian girls. I try to meet and talk too as many people as i can everyday… bums, mta workers, cabbies, and people of every race and background. That’s why I’m in New York, to experience life and meet interesting people and trade stories etc. When you are outgoing and put yourself out there like I do, there are always going to be a few people that don’t like you for whatever reason. I’ve only said that planet xenon thing a couple of times as a joke. And the girl that said I followed her into another room failed to mention that was where the bar was, and I went there to buy myself a drink. I even offered to buy her a drink to make up for not remembering her. I was just trying to be a nice guy! I’m always polite to the people I meet and if someone says they are in a conversation or not interested I simply walk away. The article is totally misleading and skewed. Now you have people calling me a stalker, creeper, molester, and all of this other stuff. I am really upset that you portrayed me in such a light. It’s complete hipster, bullshit, journalism! I thought being awkward and misunderstood was a badge of honor in williamsburg with all of the weird hair styles, fashions, and black framed nerd glasses that are so ever apparent. It’s really sad how people jump on the band wagon to anonymously say horrible things about someone or someone’s work online. Unfortunately, most people don’t go out of their way to be kind.
Signed,
Friendly Misunderstood Alien
As of this Friday morning, we’ve turned off comments. Sorry guys, but everyone was tryin’ to name names and it’s best we keep Xenon anonymous! I must say though, a lot of you came out of the woodwork to say you’ve met the prince too.
The Atlantic Wire just reported on OWS’s newest offshoot, Occupy Williamsburg, putting Williamsburg in the line of fire for many jokes to come. Where was the first meeting held? Where do you think. Union Pool…shit let the hipster jokes commence. As reported, the group seemed to be an organized and legitimately concerned group of protesters, well aware of the jabs and stereotypes that Occupy Williamsburg will undoubtedly face. As Adam Clark Estes commented, “The group doesn’t plan to meet in Union Pool again, but it’s apparent that Occupy Williamsburg will spend a decent amount of time wrestling hipsterdom out of the picture.” In fact the meeting began with an acknowledgment to the (hipsters) elephant in the room, saying “I think hipsterdom is dead. I think Occupy marks the end of it.” Should this movement show that Williamsburg is still more than new condos and people who brunch, that is never a bad thing, even if it means dealing with an onslaught of hipster jokes. Read the full article here.
