The March 2008 Movie Preview

by Dave Thomas

Nick Stahl and Charlize Theron in Sleepwalking
After last March gave us 300 and Zodiac, this year’s take on the month feels like kind of a let-down.
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March 7
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CJ7
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Stephen Chow’s E.T.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. I think people were expecting more from the writer/director/star of Kung Fu Hustle.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Needs more aggressive marketing. I loved Kung Fu Hustle and I had no idea this was coming out. $3mil.
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COLLEGE ROAD TRIP
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Martin Lawrence Vehicle
WILL IT SUCK?
Didn’t we just get over a Martin Lawrence film? From the director of Cruel Intentions (the cream of his crop) and writers behind Bubble Boy and Santa Clause 2. Looks to be this year’s RV.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably no better or worse than that last Lawrence outing. $31mil.
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10,000 B.C.
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remember that movie Caveman with Ringo Starr? Okay, what if we were asked to take that seriously?

WILL IT SUCK?
Roland Emmerich movies never really suck (well, except for Godzilla, holy fuck did that blow) but they’re never really all that good, either. So expect meh. And, hey, Cliff Curtis and Steven Strait (Warren Peace! No, I don’t really expect you to get that one.)
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Horton scrapes the demo next week, but this is a pretty big deal. $104mil.
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THE BANK JOB
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Based on a true story. Jason Statham gets caught up in a robbery that’s more than it appears to be.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Decent writers (The Commitments, Flushed Away). Decent director (World’s Fastest Indian, Thirteen Days). Oh, and keep an eye out for David Suchet (Poirot).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
It’ll come down to how much of a draw Statham can be when most of his demo is watching mammoths. $23mil.
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MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Failed governess (Frances McDormand) goes to work for starlet (Amy Adams). Living for a finite measure of time ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
You had me at Frances McDormand and Amy Adams (even before you threw in Ciaran Hinds and Lee Pace).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Dealing with a very crowded weekend in indieville, but has the cast to take them on. $9mil.
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SNOW ANGELS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
David Gordon Green does the ensemble drama thing again.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. And while I’m not the world’s biggest Green fan (I respect his work more than I actually enjoy it) I have to say I’m intrigued by the casting of Nicky Katt, Amy Sedaris and Sam Rockwell.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably not much better than most Green films. $1mil.
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MARRIED LIFE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy (Chris Cooper) decides to murder his wife (Patricia Clarkson) because he wants to get with a younger model (Rachel McAdams).
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. Also stars Pierce Brosnan as the debonair best friend.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
On a less crowded weekend, better. $2mil.
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GIRLS ROCK!
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Rock School: Girlie Edition
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Extra points for using Le Tigre in the trailer.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even the co-ed version of this film couldn’t make it with less competition. $250,000.
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PARANOID PARK
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Gus Van Sant’s latest deals with…wait for it…teens on the fringe.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz from critics is kind of tepid, but IMDBer’s have this one as his best since Good Will Hunting.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Indie Gus Van Sant doesn’t make as much money as Finding Forrester Gus Van Sant. $500,000.
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March 14
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DOOMSDAY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
28 Days Later meets Road Warrior meets Resident Evil meets Escape From New York. Yeah, that about covers it.
WILL IT SUCK?
After seeing The Descent, I was all psyched for writer/director Neil Marshall’s next film. Then I saw the trailer for Doomsday and I was all, “Um, really? Mohawks? A virus that wipes out London? Send a bad-ass woman to check out the area 25 years later? Really? That’s what we’re doing? Okay.” I loved The Descent, but I’m starting to get a Kurt Wimmer following up Equilibrium with Ultraviolet vibe here.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I think more people will know that 10,000 B.C. is still in theaters than will know that this just came out. $19mil.
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DR. SUESS’ HORTON HEARS A WHO!
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Jim Carrey, Steve Carrel and a whole mess of CG animation bring the classic tale to life.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, it’s from the guys who wrote Bubble Boy and The Santa Clause 2 (yup, same guys as College Road Trip) so, yes.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition, but are audiences willing to give Suess adaptations another shot after Cat in the Hat? Probably. $101mil.
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NEVER BACK DOWN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The Mixed Martial Arts Kid
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of Cry_Wolf and the writer of Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco, and somewhere in there, the early buzz is good. Djimon Hounsou plays the Mr. Miyagi role. I have to admit, the trailer gets me kind of psyched.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A bit of competition from Drillbit Taylor next week and the second frame of 10,000 B.C. this week, but this could be a breakout on the level of Step Up (or at least Step Up 2 the Streets). $29mil.
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FUNNY GAMES
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Home invasion, indie film staple style (Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Naomi Watts)
WILL IT SUCK?
The term “genre-deconstructing” comes up a lot when people talk about this film. Writer/director Michael Haneke remakes his own Austrian film and the early buzz sez that while it’s not as good as the original, it’s actually better than his last big critical hit, the Oscar-nominated Cache.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
One of this month’s major indie players. $16mil.
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SLEEPWALKING
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Uncle (Nick Stahl) and niece (AnnaSophia Robb) go looking for the girl’s father (Dennis Hopper) after mom (Charlize Theron) bails.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Scripted by the writer behind the so-so Chumbscrubber.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Facing pretty stiff competition. $1mil.
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March 21
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DRILLBIT TAYLOR
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Judd Apatow Presents: My Bodyguard
WILL IT SUCK?
I want to be psyched for this. The Apatow Machine has produced some quality product so far. But the director is responsible for Little Nicky and Without a Paddle. I don’t think having Seth Rogen co-write the screenplay can compete with that.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
None of the other films have an Owen Wilson, but he’s not a Wedding Crashers-level draw right now. $66mil.
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TYLER PERRY’S MEET THE BROWNS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Single mom (Angela Basset) gets to know the family she never knew she had. And Tyler Perry puts on a new, different funny costume.
WILL IT SUCK?
You know what? At this point, you either like Tyler Perry or you don’t. A lot of people don’t.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
But enough people do that you do NOT bet against him. $56mil.
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SHUTTER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
White Noise, but with photographs.
WILL IT SUCK?
This is the first time I’ve seen a J-Horror style movie that isn’t actually a J-Horror remake. It’s an original screenplay. For that reason alone, I want to like it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
In a year when even Jessica Alba can’t open a horror flick, don’t have high hopes for Joshua Jackson. $24mil.
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UNDER THE SAME MOON
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Mexican kid crosses the border to find his mum in L.A. NOW will you build a fence, Congress?
WILL IT SUCK?
Some detractors, but mostly good reviews. Much better notices than Under the Cherry Moon.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unless Fox Searchlight and Weinstein Co. really play up the illegal alien angle, I don’t think anyone will notice. $2mil.
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PLANET B-BOY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Doc about a worldwide breakdancing competition.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. I love me some breakdancing, so I’m already sold.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nobody’s heard of this. $500,000.
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March 28
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21
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Shortened version of 24. No? Okay, how about an MIT professor trains his students how to count cards? True story.
WILL IT SUCK?
You’re gonna have to do better than the writer from Be Cool and the director of Win a Date With Tad Hamilton and Monster-in-Law before I get psyched, much as I love seeing Kevin Spacey and Laurence Fishburne get their movie on.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Spacey’s as much of a draw as he used to be. $51mil.
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RUN, FAT BOY, RUN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Simon Pegg tries to run a marathon.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed, but even those who like it seem to admit it’s formulaic. Interested, though, to see what Simon Pegg co-writing with Michael Ian Black produces.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
I’d like to think this was going to be some sort of breakout hit, but I think it’ll fall somewhere in between. $24mil.
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STOP-LOSS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Okay, everybody who’s done with their military service please step forward. Not so fast, Ryan Phillipe!
WILL IT SUCK?
After Boys Don’t Cry, I’m not really going to question Kimberly Pierce’s ability to write and direct a film. Plus, you’ve got Joe Gordon Levitt and Timothy Olyphant joining the (imho underrated) Phillipe in the cast.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
We pretty much have to accept that, at this point, Iraq movies are going to have to be labors of love, not profit. $12mil.
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SUPERHERO MOVIE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Do I really have to explain the Genre Movie series anymore?
WILL IT SUCK?
You’ve probably figured that out, too.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This, sadly, is also a foregone conclusion. $37mil.
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FLAWLESS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Janitor (Michael Caine) gets executive (Demi Moore) to re-enact the eponymous 1999 Joel Schumacher film with Philip Seymour Hoffman as a drag queen who teaches Robert De Niro how to love. And by that I mean, he asks her to help him rob the bank that employs them.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. The return of Il Postino director Michael Radford (actually, he’s made plenty of films since then, you just haven’t heard of most of them).
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Name cast gives it about as much of a chance as anything else opening this weekend. $2mil.
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PRICELESS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy (Gad Elmaleh) tries to win the affection of a golddigger (Audrey Tautou) by becoming one himself.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. From the writer/director of a bunch of other French comedies we’ve never heard of.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Do you really want to open your film, Priceless, the same weekend as another film with much bigger stars called Flawless? $1mil.
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REPRISE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Two writers who are friends, um, live life.
WILL IT SUCK?
Really high marks for this latest entry from Norwegian cinema. And, no, I can’t name any others.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Gonna need more than “Hey, it’s Norse!” to catch people’s eyes. $500,000.
Next Month: Jackie Chan and Jet Li are finally in a movie together…and nobody cares!

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