Them Scary Gays Turn Dems Red

In a move stunning only to the roughly fourteen remaining New Yorkers that expect competent governance from Albany, Republicans retook control on the State Senate today, as two turncoat Democratic senators (from the city, no less!) joined the opposition and voted to kick their own party out of power. What could cause this dramatic political upset that already has Albany awash in such chaos that the Senate’s own TV station went temporarily black? Why, gay people, of course. You have to ask? The Bronx’s Pedro Espada Jr., seen here threatening to run over your dog, and Queens’ Hiram Monserrate (two of the morally corrupt ignoramuses that tried to bankrupt the MTA earlier this year; the latter was also alleged to have slashed his girlfriend in the face) were filled with God’s holy wrath by now-deposed majority leader Malcom Smith and his attempt to bring the gay marriage bill to a fair vote. So, to save straight marriage, they chose to just go ahead and politically murder him, and burn their own party’s house down while they were at it. Now, not only is there approximately zero chance that New York will catch up with that stalwart bastion of liberalism, Iowa, and allow spouses to visit each other in hospitals (just one of many insidious results of gay marriage) but, as some are already wondering, that last-ditch MTA bailout may also be in danger. And let’s let alone any other potentially important legislation coming down the pike in this still-perilous economic climate. To quote Kent Brockman, ‚”I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.”
Ladies and gentleman, start your angry letter-writin’ hands. Here and here.

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